The future makes me sick
I (23F) am in the midst of a quarter-life crisis. I have been struggling with depression since I was ten years old, and around fourteen or so, I stopped caring about my future because I thought I wasn't going to live for much longer. As you can see, that never panned out.
Now, I have a bachelors degree in Communication Disorders. Which I liked well enough, but I picked it up because I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life, and it seemed safe enough. I went to my classes and did well enough in them. The problem is that well enough means I can't get into graduate school, which is required for the degree to mean anything. So now I have a useless degree.
I love to draw and write, but I draw with the skills of a middle schooler. So that blocks me out of any creative fields because anyone who sees my portfolio will notice that. And writing doesn't get me anywhere either with the overuse of AI. So the one thing I'm semi-good at, I can't get a job in.
On top of this, I have no social life. I have no friends because people talking to me makes me want to run out of a room and hide. But at the same time, I'm so lonely that I've ended up in full-blown tears over it. And when I do want to talk to someone, it feels like I'm competing for attention from their phone or the other person is just...boring.
Now, whenever I think about my future, I get a pit in my stomach and start to spiral. I wasn't supposed to live this long, but I did, and now I'm paying the price for it. I can't talk to anyone around me about this because I have no friends and my family just doesn't understand. I've tried talking to my therapist about it, but I may have to switch therapists soon because it feels like she also doesn't get it.