My wife was a stay at home mom that didn't cook, clean, or help with the kids. We went years without sex at times. She would be gone during the day at "friends houses" this went on for a decade. I loved her and I think that's why I never considered it.

Through the divorce I bought one of my coworkers got cheated on and she froze up. I kind of got scared of what that meant and moved on.

My wife used to go on vacation for months at a time to her parents' house. Definitely was going to parents. But in the divorce she said I deserved not to see my kids during the summer because I moved too far from home.

Last week I told her I wanted to go see Olivia Rodrigo with my daughter. She told me she just whines and takes no responsibility. I'm now realizing a lot of her songs are about being cheated on and my wife thinks that Olivia's fault.

A couple of these instances it was in a moment she was angry with me. I think she wants me to know to hurt me. However I know she doesn't want to look bad.

This has been building and becoming more and more clear to me she cheated. I've been having a hard time dealing with this lately. I know I should let it go but I want confirmation and I want to tell everyone. How can I deal with this?

im a 34yo male. Ive been trying to get married and start a family. ive been single my whole life and have unlimited freedom and resources at this point. But for some reason i want a family and a child. Its driving me nuts to the point i feel depressed. I just need someone to tell me its a bad idea. I just dont want to feel like this anymore. I want this desire gone. Please divorced men tell me im not missing anything.

It is hard to discuss this with anyone in real life, so I am sharing my conundrum with the community. I did post earlier, but I rewrote it this time to provide more clarity on my thoughts. I understand I come across as a horrible man. I have never cheated on my wife; I don't even talk to other women most of the time. But marriage is hard, and life is complicated. I am just sharing my story, hoping to get some perspective from men who have been on both sides.

I dated my wife for one year, long distance. We are both Korean; she was working in Seoul at the time, and I lived in England. I was deeply in love with her and brought her to England to live with me. She was a dream come true. In my 20s, I failed from one relationship to another; I had low self-esteem and felt no one would love me. My wife is very pretty and looks like a Korean pop star. However, we started to have compatibility issues; her personality does not gel with mine that well. She is a very strong woman and very competitive. She always tries to one-up me in every argument, and we would have insane fights over nothing. It made the relationship hard. We got married and have an 8-year-old boy. She is 100% devoted to me and loves me completely.

Right after I got married, I had lunch with an old lover. We had been friends for a long time and had a brief fling for a bit—nothing really serious. I had this overwhelming feeling and chemistry toward her which I never had before; it felt like she was the one. She was single and I was married, so we could never be together. She is not as good-looking as my wife, but I find her very charming—the woman for me. I didn't think much about her at the time; it was just a crush, a forbidden fruit I could never have. Over the years, she got married and has her own kids now. We stayed friendly.

As of late, I have been having a mid-life crisis. Married life with my dream girl has bored me, and I crave the freedom and romance that I am not having with my wife. I started to think about this old lover more and more. I constantly ran "what-if" loops in my head: she could have been my wife, and we could have built a life together, but she was long gone. I have been stuck in this mental loop for a month and haven't been able to snap out of it. I wrote down what happened to us and how I felt about her in Claude as a storyline, and my wife read the whole thing. She panicked. She knew she could lose me, and she has been working hard to make me happy since. She changed the way she dresses. She knows I like a sexy look (the girl I fantasise about has big boobs), so she almost always wears makeup and a push-up bra around me now. She looks very different to suit my taste, and she compromises on everything to make me happy. She used to dislike me spending too much time playing golf and would nag me about neglecting my responsibilities as a husband and dad. Now, she joins me to play golf and lets me play as much as I want. I told her I found her too bossy and argumentative, and she changed that too, following my lead rather than telling me what to do.

I still can't stop having romantic thoughts about the other woman. Maybe I have developed true love for her, and it is driving me crazy. I realise how bad this made me look but I can't control my feelings.

I have built an amazing life with my wife, and we are living a good life. We retired in our 30s, run a successful YouTube channel, and live off our passive income. We have a beautiful child and don't have to worry about money, free to do whatever we like all day. Maybe this was what started my trouble, I have too much free time and has lost purpose in life.

I am thinking about divorce because I feel she may be the wrong person. Despite her love and devotion to me, I feel there is something lacking deep inside me; maybe I do not have true love for my wife. I know this sounds insane. My wife told me that in her 20s, she had so many men pursuing her. While we were dating, I opened her Tinder, which she used occasionally as a single woman, and she was bombarded with messages from different men. I was lucky she chose me, and she loves me unconditionally. I am her true love, but I don't feel the same way about her.

I am 37 and she is 33; we can both start over again. She had put divorce on the table and told me just do it, if this is what I want.

Am I crazy for wanting to leave my wife and start over?

I've been divorced for 2 years. 49m. This may sound cruel but I'm rarely attracted to women my age. I've gone on some dates with women my age and we get along, they are cute but I don't have strong attraction to them. One of my biggest mistakes in my last marriage was that I was never very attracted to my wife. We were best friends before I proposed and I just assumed the attraction would build. So no I'm looking for a strong attraction which has been hard for me to find. I occasionally get matches on OLD for hot 28 to 35 years olds and I'm having a hard time getting the courage to ask them out. The fact their hot and younger is intimidating to me. I worry I won't have much in common to talk to them about. Anyone on here having luck dating younger women after divorce? Any tips?

I've posted on here and quite frankly I'm sick of hearing it myself. I don't know what else to do though. I'm consumed by the thoughts about her day and night. It's been 18 months since we broke up. I mean come on. Get over it man.

But I can't. I think about the past we had (28 years) and the future we won't have. I go crazy when I think about her with another man.

She told me she wasn't attracted to me anymore. I guess I was good looking when I was younger based on others reaction to me and the female attention I'd get. Ive always thought of myself as unattractive, even ugly. My ex wife's words confirmed it. Even though I miss her, I've been on the dating apps and I do not get responses from the good looking women, only ones that are unattractive or grossly overweight. I must be too ugly to attract the attractive ones. I've been texting with a pretty lady (based on her pics) but I'm afraid to meet in person because she won't be attracted by my ugly ass. The pics I had up there were a year old and I've gained about 20 lbs. since.

My ex wife still consumes me though. I miss her being there. I miss having sex with her even though we hadn't had sex in a year besides doing it twice a month before she left. I was unable to "get her there", which made me feel even more inadequate. God damn I miss her and regret all the mistakes I made . I just wish I would die. Then all of this pain, loneliness, rejection, and inadequacy would come to an end.
Oh yeah, I'm a shitty teacher too who has been doing it for 24 years and has lost all passion for it. I've lost half my pension as well so I'll never be able to retire.

So long story short, me and my wife were having issues I kind of started pushing her away, but eventually, she was the one that gave up and divorced me fast-forward to now two months post divorce and I was not fully healed, but I was definitely coming to the fact that she’s gone and there’s nothing I can do. Well, she invited me to the Fourth of July with her and her kids since I helped to raise them from when they were little, I agreed because I didn’t want to spend the holiday without those kids but then at the end of it, I realized I didn’t want a broken family, especially one where I have no rights to the two kids. well anyways, we got into a fight about it pretty much we were just gonna be done again because she doesn’t want to fix a relationship with me, but obviously she still wants me to be around for the kids. Well today, I invited her over to hang out and she agreed for whatever reason and we hung out for a couple hours. Talked about our relationship, but she still doesn’t want anything to do with us getting back together however she’s being super flirty and deep down, I know she still has feelings for me, but I can’t keep feeling like I’m letting her string me along

Ex just texted me, angry that I had plans on my custody day. She’s going on vacation with my child early the next day, but beyond my approval of her plans tomorrow, she made no follow-up plans with me on the when & where. Remember, fellas: you’re not with them for a reason. Greywall means stick to plans & proof.
I had some early plans, so when she demanded an early pickup, I told her I didn’t see any specifics clarified between us, so we could do a little later one. Lots of insults to me. Greywall response from me: so you didn’t clarify plans on pickup? More insults. Cool, let’s stick to the facts: does 8 pm pickup work for you? More insults. Eventually 6 pm pickup was determined by her & threat to cancel my travel plans she had already approved. Didn’t retaliate with visceral crap—I’m no longer invested in her happiness. Her words have way less consequence than they used to.

Hi,

I am a male and planning for a divorce and currently living in USA. Could you please recommend me any service where I can talk about divorce process and planning?

Any recommendation what to think about while proceeding for divorce?

Thank You

Been gone two months, I endured physical abuse, emotional abuse, mental abuse, financial dishonesty, withholding sex for 6-8 weeks at a time, while she didn’t work, didn’t clean the house, and didn’t cook, told me I was a bad father etc
Since I’ve left she’s did nothing but blast me on social media, I hate her, I wish her suffering, I wish I had never met her. I gave her the most vulnerable and genuine parts of myself because I truly was committed to her, wanted it to work, wanted to choose her and love her, and now I feel like a broken man. I don’t believe in love anymore, definitely not getting married again. People automatically assume I was the bad guy because of her lies and for the simple fact I’m a man, fuck her, fuck society, fuck the world. Fuck all of this bullshit.

what should I do to forgot her?

Good day folks,

The spouse has occasionally utilized sleep deprivation tactics to disrupt my sleep. This especially hurts when I volunteer early at church and at the homeless shelter on weekends. I have evidence that I am there volunteering. I also have evidence of loud noise late at night of up to 95 decibels. Noise cancelling earphones and sleep aids don’t work at that level of disruption. So I have resorted to sleeping at work when I need to volunteer early the next morning. I am also exploring a protection order and am still searching for a lawyer. Just wanted to check if this counts as abandoning the home or if she can spin it against me. I still keep the home clean, functional, and pay majority of bills. Thank you.

I posted here about 8 months ago about my wife asking for a divorce. The divorce was amicable, and after that we had no contact for about 8 months. During that time, I thought I was healing and slowly getting over her.

About a month ago, she reached out and said she still likes me and wants to stay in contact. Since then, we’ve been talking occasionally about random things, and all those emotions came rushing back.

She really was an amazing wife, and I still can’t accept that I lost her. The thought of losing someone like her consumes me every day. Deep down, I still have hope because of these small conversations we’re having, but I don’t know if I’m just being delusional.

I’ve been hooking up with other women and drinking a lot, trying to distract myself, but at the end of the day, I just feel empty.

Any advice is welcome.

42m here. Married for 15 years, together for 21, to my wife, who I think shows a lot of signs of having BPD. 2 kids together, 16 and 13. She got mad at me back in March about something small, and it escalated into her telling me to leave. I complied, so there would be no drama/tension in front of the kids. Sleeping in my car ever since then, picking up kids and going to hang out with them on what seems to be her terms. She wants a 24 hour notice before I come get them. I mean, c’mon. How is this supposed to work? I am so close to my kids, I’ve worked overnight shift for 14 years so I could be there. Get them ready for school in the mornings, take them to school, pick them up after. Everything. Make dinner, do dishes, go get fast food, whatever it may be. I lay in my car and cry myself to sleep thinking about not being around them. I haven’t seen them go to sleep or wake up in almost 4 months. I’m devastated. I feel like my bond is still very strong with them, and it seems like they are normalizing this way of life. She has been a SAHM for almost 17 years. I know what I need to do, but I’m getting cold feet on getting started. The house is in my name, so I guess I would get that. I dream of a day where I have the house, 50/50 custody minimum, and her gone. It’s just the fear of the unknown if I file. I am at my breaking point, I can’t do this anymore. My kids are my life, so not being with them is killing me. I would like some outside perspectives on this. The kids are old enough to choose where to live also maybe? I am in WA state. Thank you Reddit community. You’re the best.

Got news that I need to sign the final divorce paperwork at the lawyers office. Not sure how I feel about it, it feels like a chapter is closing but I don’t see a chapter opening, at least I don’t feel like there is one. I have talked to her off and on since she moved out April 12, 2026 it seems she is moving on quicker than I am. I feel like I’m stuck back at pre separation. Maybe signing the divorce papers will help with that?

Just sharing a rant since know others of you can relate...

Been cohabitating with the wife (she ended it) for just over a year and waiting for her to stop dragging her feet on the final separation agreement. Anyhow just I removed her from my Costco, BJs Wholesale, Amazon, Youtube TV, and youtube premium memberships. I don’t know how long it will take for her to realize it but it felt so good just a week after she had an outburst and said “I don’t need you for anything” (total lie since she needs me financially but of course doesn’t count that). Thought to myself, “good luck out there independent woman”. The funny thing is she can’t really mention it to me without seeming like she is being needy. I’m just done pretending we are married and want to be free. I’m getting 50/50 custody and the house but this final cohabitation agreement is rough. Hoping it doesn’t drag out too much longer. I had mentally prepared for end of June but now that we are in July, this is rough.

I've been separated from my stbx wife for a few months. She up and left the house to go live with who she had been cheating on me with who is also separated from his wife. We have kids together and split our time up 50/50 currently. I'm in the military and our plan was for me to have the kids for their breaks from school during the summer, winter, and spring while she is the primary custodial parent so I can continue my career. I'm really not sure about this though because she had been lying about being in a relationship with this guy for a long time, even while we were separated (she would flip out if I even said anything that hinted towards it). She's talking about relocated to another state and I'm pretty sure after we're divorced she's going to marry him just for all the benefits she had with me. I'm considering giving up my career to stay here and pursue 50/50 and prevent the kids from leaving the state. Last time I brought up 50/50 it turned into a massive argument with her so it makes me very suspicious. I can't tell if I'm being paranoid but I have a really bad feeling about all of this. I really don't want want to give up my career because I enjoy it and it would make sure my kids are taken care of and eventually would pay for their college. It will also definitely hurt a lot financially for me to leave and finding a job is probably going to be difficult. I'm just really worried about being in a different part of the country from my kids and I need some input on this.

What were some of the challenges that you faced whilst being divorced? Did you ultimately find someone more compatible than your ex partner ?

Unfortunately, I think I am going through this divorce stage now. Nervous about how it’s going to be like finding someone again. Age 32

Honestly I just need someone to tell me that this will get better. Everything is do is bad and and attack or not taking accountability yet i destroyed myself as her word was gospel. Worthless, cop out tbh i cant write it out but my son... im not allowed to see him but told I can anytime and im not making effort but blocked or told no.

I honestly just want to end it... give her the house as she demands and just accept that shes right im a fuck up and deserved all I got.

I dont want to be a statistic but I dont see why I should fight. She said shes better off and I lost my family.

She told me this by text yesterday. I replied, “so where and when are you leaving?”

I feel like my brain is burnt out from constantly being vigilant to whatever my soon-to-be-ex is throwing at me through this divorce. I feel like a husk of a human being.

The latest: she's planning to introduce our son to her new partner, then have him move in just a month later. My son is 9 and struggles with new people and new situations even under the best of circumstances. This is not that.

I'm so exhausted from having to protect him from her. I wish he had a mom who didn't put herself ahead of him. I wish I didn't have to constantly deal with her bullshit.

I've been on disability leave because this divorce has put me in a bad mental place. The disability support people I've talked to have pointed out how much of a toll it's taking on me to constantly deal with her behavior. I have to give 150% all of the time. Our son deserves better.

I'm just so fucking tired. Needed to vent.

And if the trolls that come here and defend the narc could just skip over this thread, that would be amazing.