u/Normal-Painting-6273

Just sharing a rant since know others of you can relate...

Been cohabitating with the wife (she ended it) for just over a year and waiting for her to stop dragging her feet on the final separation agreement. Anyhow just I removed her from my Costco, BJs Wholesale, Amazon, Youtube TV, and youtube premium memberships. I don’t know how long it will take for her to realize it but it felt so good just a week after she had an outburst and said “I don’t need you for anything” (total lie since she needs me financially but of course doesn’t count that). Thought to myself, “good luck out there independent woman”. The funny thing is she can’t really mention it to me without seeming like she is being needy. I’m just done pretending we are married and want to be free. I’m getting 50/50 custody and the house but this final cohabitation agreement is rough. Hoping it doesn’t drag out too much longer. I had mentally prepared for end of June but now that we are in July, this is rough.

Had the Amex Hilton Surpass since 12/2023 but switched hotel loyalty so called to ask if any retention offers existed. They checked and none were available but said to call back when the new AF posts (not till Dec).

I didn't want to keep the card without a retention offer since legitimately on the fence so asked if could get the AF partially refunded. Here is the interesting part. If I canceled the card, they would not give any partial AF since it was over 30 days since old AF posted. If however I product changed to the Hilton Honors (no AF) card, they would issue a partial refund. Sure enough $91.64 was posted to my account.

Keeping this no AF card for Amex offers and to play the upgrade offer game later on. I really wanted to use the credits with the Surpass to justify the AF but recently every time I've stayed at a Hilton property it's been bad luck. Don't laugh but all my Choice stays have been outstanding and they actually care about your status there.

Hey guys. First off thanks for the venting and knowing I’m not alone in going through all this. Hearing other stories makes me feel much better and I truly did not know how many good dads were out there in terrible marriages trying to make it work for the family while their wife gave up and asked for a divorce. I seriously would have stayed in my sexless and unhappy marriage for so much longer because I value my family so much but looking back realize if this would have continued things would have been much worse years down the road.

Anyhow I’m in the final stretch since been co-habitating in the same house (allowed in our state) the past 11 months for the kids but I’m very hopeful she will move out by the end of next month. I’ve found an inner peace within myself and simply do not engage any sort of hostility or negatively she throws. I used to classify it as she wasn’t supportive or I was overly sensitive but now realize she just didn’t respect me (or really anyone) and she was just raising her voice to get a rise out of me. Now that I’m not giving her that power it feels so freeing since I don’t let anything bother me anymore. I ordered a dishwasher today that is being installed in a week and was so nice to be able to make a simple decision without her adding negativity or hostility for now reason.

Even though I wasn’t the one who started this divorce, I’m very much looking forward to it being over and being able to move on. I cannot control how she acts with the kids but at least when they are with me they will realize that life isn’t this awful place to live. I seriously don’t understand the logic of someone always focusing on the bad things in life, I mean come on.

Anyhow if you have any stories or advice on the “Final Countdown” please share. I’m trying my best to keep the peace especially since we are still going back and forth with lawyers and it’s mostly figured out but the signed separation + custody agreement hasn’t been officially signed yet.

Just sharing the DP that I just successfully obtained my fifth Citi Custom Cash card. It's very easy to do since after you have held a Citi Card (ie. Double Cash, Strata) for at least one year, you can simply go to the Citi Chat help and say "I'd like to product change my Double Cash card ending 1234 to Citi Custom Cash". I had no trouble even though held other active Custom Cash cards.

Just sharing the new DP since have heard others talk about how Citi limits this and in my experience have found that not to be the case. It's true you do have to hold the previous card for at least one full year, they will not convert the Citi Costco card, and you cannot apply for a new Citi Custom Cash card if you already hold one, however this product change trick still works and as far as I see no limit atm.

Seeking advice for those who have gone through it before...

Regarding coming to terms with a separation agreement what would you suggest and advice do you have to give me to? Here is the background:

Wife and I were married 5.5 years and have two children (4yo + another almost 2yo). About two months away from the year required to file for divorce in my state (Virginia) so ideally need to come to terms on a separation agreement prior to that.

Wife was the one who gave up on our marriage and asked for the divorce but since giving me this news has taken very little steps since didn’t want to make any of the hard decisions. She has finally got a lawyer which is actually good since has started to show signs of making decisions.

My main question is do you have any strategies as far as what I should agree on for separation agreement and child support. I’m pushing hard for 50/50 custody which my lawyer says I almost certainly will get and wife shows no sign of trying to fight that. The snag was given I knew I make substantially more than she does (the child support formula has it as a 30%/70% split), I offered to pay for 100% of full-time daycare costs ($3,100/month), 100% medical/dental insurance premiums, and 100% of out-of-pocket medical/dental expenses (that part my lawyer advised against), in exchange for no child support or spousal support. This is an extremely generous offer but I really do want was is best for my kids.

Prior to her getting a lawyer when she first saw this draft from my lawyer, her instant reaction was “why don’t I have any spousal support?!?!”. This makes me so mad because my initial offer was way more than the state requires and I was trying to be nice. My lawyer is positive if we went to court she would get zero spousal support since it’s “need based” and she wouldn’t qualify given she has a good career assuming she decides to work full-time. Also as the formula is she would owe ME child support which I said I’d waive.

Nothing is finalized yet and we are still going back and forth on what the right offer will be. Her lawyer focused only on other stuff so willing to bet she had a “uh that’s an excellent deal so take it” talk. What I’m worried about is am I setting a bad precedent that’s going to bite me later. I mean I’m totally fine paying for daycare till the kids get older but can see her expecting more child/spousal support once the daycare costs drop off (in 1 year then again in 3 years). It’s crazy to me that you can have a system that there is 50/50 custody and both have good jobs but since one makes more they have to pay more in perpetuity. I have a friend whose kids are older and out of daycare and he is paying 100% for her nanny even though they have 60/40 custody and they both have good paying jobs. That’s insane! Jaded too since the payout I’m giving her for retirement is way more than she will ever need to retire on and we were married less than 6 years!

Especially for those who have gone through it, what do you suggest?