u/PositiveMan6699

im a 34yo male. Ive been trying to get married and start a family. ive been single my whole life and have unlimited freedom and resources at this point. But for some reason i want a family and a child. Its driving me nuts to the point i feel depressed. I just need someone to tell me its a bad idea. I just dont want to feel like this anymore. I want this desire gone. Please divorced men tell me im not missing anything.

Would it work? I recently received a rishta from a sindhi family that wants to send their daughter abroad to the US. What u guys think?

i was recently dealing with tha rishta aunty from Karachi and she mentioned a broker and stated they charge 5 lakh rupees. I think that was quite outrageous especially to just begin and when rishta has not even been finalized. She said they all have a network and everyone gets a share. What do you guys think? I feel like this is an insane amount.

'm a 34-year-old man and for the past couple of years I've been struggling with intense anxiety and obsessive thoughts surrounding marriage, family, and my future.

A few years ago I went through a very painful broken engagement that left me with significant trust issues. Since then I've spent a lot of time actively searching for a spouse, talking to families, reviewing profiles, dealing with matchmakers, posting my profile in community groups, following up on leads, etc. The process has become mentally exhausting.

My biggest problem is the uncertainty.

I constantly find myself obsessing over questions like:

• What if I never get married?
• What if I never have children?
• What if I never have someone to pass my assets/properties on to?
• What if my broken engagement permanently ruined my ability to trust?
• What if I'm being too picky?
• What if I missed my chance?

The thoughts can consume me for hours every day.

What I've noticed is that I get triggered by seemingly normal events:

• Hearing that someone my age got married.
• Seeing couples.
• Family members making comments about marriage.
• Being told someone found a spouse easily.
• Hearing stories about successful marriages.

When those triggers happen, I often spiral into intense anxiety and self-criticism. My mind immediately starts comparing my life to theirs and telling me things like:

• "You're behind."
• "You ruined your chances."
• "You're too picky."
• "Everyone else figured it out except you."
• "You're screwed."

At the same time, I've noticed something interesting:

When I'm deeply engaged in work, hobbies, projects, family activities, or anything mentally demanding, the anxiety often fades into the background. Sometimes I'll even wonder why I was so consumed by these thoughts earlier.

But as soon as I have free time, my mind returns to the same marriage/future uncertainty loop.

Another complication is that I've developed a very specific idea in my head of what I want in a spouse. Nothing else seems exciting to me right now, and many alternatives feel forced. I'm not sure how much of that is genuine preference versus anxiety, burnout, fear of making another mistake, or OCD-style thinking.

The result is that I feel trapped between:

• Continuing a search process that feels exhausting and forced.
• Stopping and worrying that I'm giving up on my future.

I'm wondering if others with OCD, relationship OCD, rumination issues, or severe anxiety around uncertainty have experienced something similar.

How did you learn to stop obsessing over questions that have no immediate answer?

How did you stop comparing your timeline to everyone else's?

How did you reduce the constant need for certainty about the future?

I'm a 34-year-old man and for the past couple of years I've been struggling with intense anxiety and obsessive thoughts surrounding marriage, family, and my future.

A few years ago I went through a very painful broken engagement that left me with significant trust issues. Since then I've spent a lot of time actively searching for a spouse, talking to families, reviewing profiles, dealing with matchmakers, posting my profile in community groups, following up on leads, etc. The process has become mentally exhausting.

My biggest problem is the uncertainty.

I constantly find myself obsessing over questions like:

• What if I never get married?
• What if I never have children?
• What if I never have someone to pass my assets/properties on to?
• What if my broken engagement permanently ruined my ability to trust?
• What if I'm being too picky?
• What if I missed my chance?

The thoughts can consume me for hours every day.

What I've noticed is that I get triggered by seemingly normal events:

• Hearing that someone my age got married.
• Seeing couples.
• Family members making comments about marriage.
• Being told someone found a spouse easily.
• Hearing stories about successful marriages.

When those triggers happen, I often spiral into intense anxiety and self-criticism. My mind immediately starts comparing my life to theirs and telling me things like:

• "You're behind."
• "You ruined your chances."
• "You're too picky."
• "Everyone else figured it out except you."
• "You're screwed."

At the same time, I've noticed something interesting:

When I'm deeply engaged in work, hobbies, projects, family activities, or anything mentally demanding, the anxiety often fades into the background. Sometimes I'll even wonder why I was so consumed by these thoughts earlier.

But as soon as I have free time, my mind returns to the same marriage/future uncertainty loop.

Another complication is that I've developed a very specific idea in my head of what I want in a spouse. Nothing else seems exciting to me right now, and many alternatives feel forced. I'm not sure how much of that is genuine preference versus anxiety, burnout, fear of making another mistake, or OCD-style thinking.

The result is that I feel trapped between:

• Continuing a search process that feels exhausting and forced.
• Stopping and worrying that I'm giving up on my future.

I'm wondering if others with OCD, relationship OCD, rumination issues, or severe anxiety around uncertainty have experienced something similar.

How did you learn to stop obsessing over questions that have no immediate answer?

How did you stop comparing your timeline to everyone else's?

How did you reduce the constant need for certainty about the future?

I'm a 34-year-old man and for the past couple of years I've been struggling with intense anxiety and obsessive thoughts surrounding marriage, family, and my future.

A few years ago I went through a very painful broken engagement that left me with significant trust issues. Since then I've spent a lot of time actively searching for a spouse, talking to families, reviewing profiles, dealing with matchmakers, posting my profile in community groups, following up on leads, etc. The process has become mentally exhausting.

My biggest problem is the uncertainty.

I constantly find myself obsessing over questions like:

• What if I never get married?
• What if I never have children?
• What if I never have someone to pass my assets/properties on to?
• What if my broken engagement permanently ruined my ability to trust?
• What if I'm being too picky?
• What if I missed my chance?

The thoughts can consume me for hours every day.

What I've noticed is that I get triggered by seemingly normal events:

• Hearing that someone my age got married.
• Seeing couples.
• Family members making comments about marriage.
• Being told someone found a spouse easily.
• Hearing stories about successful marriages.

When those triggers happen, I often spiral into intense anxiety and self-criticism. My mind immediately starts comparing my life to theirs and telling me things like:

• "You're behind."
• "You ruined your chances."
• "You're too picky."
• "Everyone else figured it out except you."
• "You're screwed."

At the same time, I've noticed something interesting:

When I'm deeply engaged in work, hobbies, projects, family activities, or anything mentally demanding, the anxiety often fades into the background. Sometimes I'll even wonder why I was so consumed by these thoughts earlier.

But as soon as I have free time, my mind returns to the same marriage/future uncertainty loop.

Another complication is that I've developed a very specific idea in my head of what I want in a spouse. Nothing else seems exciting to me right now, and many alternatives feel forced. I'm not sure how much of that is genuine preference versus anxiety, burnout, fear of making another mistake, or OCD-style thinking.

The result is that I feel trapped between:

• Continuing a search process that feels exhausting and forced.
• Stopping and worrying that I'm giving up on my future.

I'm wondering if others with OCD, relationship OCD, rumination issues, or severe anxiety around uncertainty have experienced something similar.

How did you learn to stop obsessing over questions that have no immediate answer?

How did you stop comparing your timeline to everyone else's?

How did you reduce the constant need for certainty about the future?

I submitted an offer yesterday for a house i want buy as a rental property. The seller has a replacement property contingency. I went ahead and gave him a 45 day escrow to give him time to find a replacement property. They liked my offer but said they wanted the following instead: A 15 day Escrow and then they want to stay in the house for another 15 days after the escrow. They want this because they need to use the funds from the close of the escrow to buy their next property. They are willing to pay me rent for the 15 days. I can give them a seller after close occupancy agreement where i keep a security deposit from the escrow and they have to pay me rental fee every day and then a punitive amount if they exceed the 15 days. But another side of me says this go extremely wrong and id have to deal with the terrible California eviction laws. What do you guys think?

thinking of buying a house and see some good deals in this area. How is the area?

Here are some examples I have of how Allahs timing or plan worked out better than mine. This is 100% true. It simply cant be a coincidence:

1. When to move houses: Back in 2005, my parents put up our house for sale and we even received an offer. But suddenly my mom decided not to go through with the sale. We lived in that house for another 11 years. We moved out right on time once I was done with my university and received my degree and there was nothing else left holding us back. Made perfect sense.

2. Finding a job: I was an accounting major. I was studying for my CPA exams after univeristy and was also searching for a job. I wanted to work for my state agency as I thought it was the best job for me. I would get invited to interviews and they would reject me. They gave me an offer also but at an office that was too far away for me to commute for so I had to reject it. Once I had finished by exams and passed them, i received a call from the same office that rejected me twice and this time they hired me. I was hired at the best office under the best supervisor and had no more stress of the exams anymore. The timing could not be a coincidence.

3. Switching jobs: While working in my then job, I would get interviews and offers from a federal government agency. But the offer would be too low or the location was too far. It was always some reason. However, once it was time, I received an offer higher than my current pay, at a location that was best for me, and my friends decided to also jump with me. My pension at my then current job had also been vested. I was given the best trainer also to help me start in the new position. This was once again perfect timing, it simply cannot be coincidence.

4. The DOGE cuts: When President Trump came back into power, he signed Executive Orders to start mass layoffs. In February of 2025, all the probationary employees in my agency were fired (less than 1 year of service). I lost 50% of my office due to it. The tenured staff were slated next to be laid off. Out of fear, I interviewed with my job but they never got back to me (Not even a rejection, they just went radio silent after the interview). Few months later, the probationary staff were recalled and the layoffs were called off. I'm thankful they didnt offer my old job, because I was never going to get laid off here. Once again, is this a coincidence? I dont think so.

When I think about it, my mind gets blown away. I dont know what to say.

What type of lifestyle could I afford?

For example, after im done doing my RA job for 8 hours, can i then hit the phones and work as a CSR for another 8 hours? I think this is a great idea because it will qualify employees for overtime pay (and tax advantage of OBBB provisions on overtime pay), increase an employees knowledge of the service in multiple domains, and keep the phones going 24 hours so taxpayers can call even in the middle of the night to receive world class service provided by their hard earned tax dollars.

Forget about speaking Memoni, these kids cant even speak Urdu for crying out loud. I just cant process how one can treat their lineage, language and culture with such disregard. "oH wE aRe aLl mUsLiMs, wHo cArEs lolz?" It pisses me off to no end. Where does it say in the Quran or Hadith that you can't care about you culture or lineage? In fact lineage and geanology are big virtues in Islam and Abu Bakr As Siddiq was most praised for knowledge on lineage and geonology. Allah SWT has made us from tribes so that we may recognize one another, not to just throw it away and become white washed fools. When i was around 15, I made the resolve to speak Memoni and prioritize it over Urdu. 17 years later, my Memoni is as fluent has my English at this point. The older people respond with a shocked pikachu face when they see me speak and start to become so much more comfortable. They start the conversation and Urdu and i respond in Memoni and it hits them like a storm. Even rishta aunties start doubting i was born in the USA. It's truly a shame that we have disregarded our language this much. You Sindhi guys did a much better job preserving your language, culture and identity then us. I truly am so sad!!!