I've posted on here and quite frankly I'm sick of hearing it myself. I don't know what else to do though. I'm consumed by the thoughts about her day and night. It's been 18 months since we broke up. I mean come on. Get over it man.

But I can't. I think about the past we had (28 years) and the future we won't have. I go crazy when I think about her with another man.

She told me she wasn't attracted to me anymore. I guess I was good looking when I was younger based on others reaction to me and the female attention I'd get. Ive always thought of myself as unattractive, even ugly. My ex wife's words confirmed it. Even though I miss her, I've been on the dating apps and I do not get responses from the good looking women, only ones that are unattractive or grossly overweight. I must be too ugly to attract the attractive ones. I've been texting with a pretty lady (based on her pics) but I'm afraid to meet in person because she won't be attracted by my ugly ass. The pics I had up there were a year old and I've gained about 20 lbs. since.

My ex wife still consumes me though. I miss her being there. I miss having sex with her even though we hadn't had sex in a year besides doing it twice a month before she left. I was unable to "get her there", which made me feel even more inadequate. God damn I miss her and regret all the mistakes I made . I just wish I would die. Then all of this pain, loneliness, rejection, and inadequacy would come to an end.
Oh yeah, I'm a shitty teacher too who has been doing it for 24 years and has lost all passion for it. I've lost half my pension as well so I'll never be able to retire.

I just posted about my ex dating a black guy. It bothers me to no end and I feel terrible for having those feelings. The bigger issue that this caused was realizing I can't go on without her. We were together 28 years and my whole identity was tied to being married. Coming home to her was the only thing that kept me sane in a life dominated by depression and drug use. I'm a teacher, I used to have passion for my subject area, now I could care less. I don't know if I can ever retire, I lost half my pension and can't picture it without her. She told me she wasn't attracted to me anymore, so I'm too ugly to find someone as pretty as her. I think it might be time to give up altogether.

I found out my ex wife that I still love dated a black guy. I'm supposedly Mr. Progressive that doesn't see race. Turns out I must be a little racist because this bothers me to no end. The thought of her moving on is bad enough but her with someone who is black is too much to take. I also feel bad for my appointment hipocracy on race.