r/datingoverfifty

When it ends with your current person, there can be a natural instinct to try to reconnect with some of the last people you were talking with. Resist this urge.

If you’ve been with your currently ending person six months or a year, your old contacts have almost certainly moved on.

No one wants you on the rebound.

If it was meant to be with your old connections, it would have happened naturally at that time.

Move forward. Never go backwards. It’s a waste of your time and arguably rude and demeaning to your old contacts.

Just typing my toes in the dating cesspool… many men have Moderate lasted for politics. What does that really mean?

45 M in a dead end job seeking a mentally stable lady for codependency, tepid sex and shouting matches. I have a secret obsession with going out to public places just so I can listen to people gossip. I have middling intelligence but try to appear smarter by memorizing useless statistics and secretly laughing at my own agenda driven jokes. Friends describe me as ‘surprisingly opinionated for someone this uninformed."

You : You are a bitter mess with misplaced sense of entitlement and utopic expectations. Over time you will blame me and grow hostile when I don't fulfill every need you've ever had. Bonus points if you have just finished dating every guy in town and want to take it slow with me. My perfect night would include getting wasted in a crappy bar while you flirt with men with potbellys followed by a loud screening match in the parking lot. I will be open to an unsatisfying fling but would prefer a long term, soul crushing descent into booze and drugs.

Your age is unimportant but I am often condescending to women under 30 and rehash mother issues with anyone over 45. Serious replies only please.

Just feeling frustrated with dating (F, 51). I recently worked with a really nice guy whom we chatted often and had a lot in common with. As I began talking to him more, he told me he had a girlfriend. I respected that but it did stink a little.

I've also been meeting guys through Meetup events and getting the same experience. On the opposite, the single guys I encounter are shown why to be single (rude, awkward, creepy or too rough). I feel sad because it's hard not to think at this age that all the good men are taken. I don't know what to do anyone.

Going on dates is a big deal for me because it takes a lot of social energy. I hate the feeling of being audited or questioned like I am applying for a job. I need a bit of time to get to know someone through text first to see if we even vibe. I moved my search to sequel dating platform because the atmosphere there feels more mature. People seem to enjoy the process of talking instead of just rushing to a meeting. It has made the whole experience feel less like a chore and more like a human connection

My divorce was finalised today. We were married for 33 years.

It’s been pretty hassle free. Our financial settlement should be stamped by the judge on Friday. We’re civil and it’s been a pretty quick process compared to usual divorces here

My friends don’t seem to understand the weirdness I am feeling right now. Swinging between

Happy

Elated

Sad

Disappointed

Excited

Scared

Currently having a glass of champagne with dinner as a quiet mini celebration.

Not sure why I’m posting. I just needed to get it out

I've been on Bumble for almost 6 months. I've met some nice enough guys. One I have a real connection with but who lives far out of state so we've only ever texted and talked on the phone. I met a guy on Facebook dating who I have gone on a few dates with. Hinge seems to be a wasteland. Not paying for Match. I have been out with approximately a dozen guys but nothing that has clicked at all. Any pro tips? Any suggestions for where to meet men, specifically what dating sites?

Hiya! Thinking about potentially trying to date after 2 years - what websites seem to be the best options these days (for rural northern MN)? (and if you have any tips - feel free to share!) (mid 50's female) TIA

First there was computers being used for OLD because it’s tough to meet people IRL. Then it was using AI to create profiles. Then it was using AI to help chat with possible people on OLD and other online sites. Now I keep seeing people posting that they’re using AI to decide what OLD sites to use for their geographical area or likes. Then there are those people who have just given up on real life and use AI mates. I thought the robots were supposed to take over the world with terminators and things like that. Who knew the take over would come from the dating world. Are there any “just human input” people left in the OLD world or real life or can we no longer build relationships with machine assistance?

Let’s see how this goes. Just posted my profile, didn’t swipe or anything. Process just takes some getting use to.

I’ve been dating a man now for close to seven weeks. I’m very into him, and he usually makes me feel he’s very into me as well, but he kind of hurt my feelings last night and I’m not sure if I’m overthinking it.
A few weeks ago we made plans to spend the weekend out of town together, for Memorial Day. I took an extra day off so we’d have more time. He then remembered he had cousins coming to stay about 30 mins from us for two weekends, including Memorial Day, and wanted to spend some time with them, so we canceled the trip. This is fine. I understand he doesn’t see these people much. He asked me last week if I still wanted to take the extra day off, which I thought was a bit odd, but I told him yes.
I met them last weekend and we had plans to spend Friday & Saturday with them. The three of them talked about getting together mid week for dinner as well.
He and I planned to get together on Wednesday evening, but he called me and said he’d heard from his cousins they were coming up to town that night and they were having dinner, so he wouldn’t be able to see me until Thursday. Then he asked AGAIN if I still planned to take Friday off.
I felt hurt. He canceled OUR plans to spend the evening together to spend time with them, and didn’t invite me to join them. I get he wants to see them, and maybe wants alone time. But between that and then asking me again if I’m still planning to take Friday off, after we already discussed this AND had plans to spend that day together with his cousins makes me feel like he doesn’t want me there. Am I wrong to be upset about this? How should I talk to him about it without sounding clingy and needy?

How do I figure out how woman my own age (42) arent as attractive as 50+ woman? Been driving me crazy for years!

1. Your value isn't determined by how big your circle of potential dating prospects you have UNLESS you give it the power to determine your value.

2. Your value is not determined by your looks. I'll say that again. Your value is NOT determined by your looks. IF you give your looks the power to determine your value, then they hold that power.

3. Having a small circle of possible dating partners is not a bad thing. It can actually be a good thing.

4. Your value isn't lowered with your rejected, unless you allow yourself to define your value with that metric.

5. Not every "rejection" is an actual rejection of you for personal reasons. It could be that the person is interested in someone else. It could be that they just flaked out. However, rejection can hurt, but truly we can navigate rejection with a healthy mindset.

I'm coming up on a decade of isolation. I'm fucked.

EDIT - Thanks for the good vibes. I'm just kind of down right now.

The backstory is roughly this:

I’m in my late 50s now. I have no family, no parents, no siblings, no relatives, no kids, no close friends, and no love.  I've earned my engineering degrees with no family support.  I bought a home in Silicon Valley and I'm an active musician.  I’m around people all of the time - both from work and music performance. They are all acquaintances though. There’s never anyone around for my birthday or any other milestone in my life. I live among 7.7 million people - yet, I spend every Christmas alone.  If I were to disappear tomorrow only the bill collectors would notice.

I'm done. I quit. This is adding NOTHING to my life. I'm better off alone. And I don't even say that (that) bitterly. I just had the mother of all "What am I DOING this for?" moments this evening.

Matched with a man. Conversation was better than most. I wasn't carrying the whole thing. He was well spoken and intelligent. Dry humor which is right up my alley. Also in healthcare. HE actually suggested meeting first - I don't do that anymore either. I'm not going out of the gates setting up a dynamic where I plan everything and drag someone through a relationship they're not participating in.

He suggested a quick sandwich or coffee. I said let's make it a coffee, I can go straight to work after (I'm a night shifter). That also gave me a deadline if it went badly.

I just didn't know how badly it was going to go.

I got there a little before him although he was not late. He sees me, smiles, walks over. "You came in scrubs????"

Yes. I told you I was going to work tonight. (It's totally normal here to do that - this city is 80% healthcare. You'll see people in bars, stores, and restaurants all the time in their scrubs).

"Oh. That was definitely a choice."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I would have changed at work."

"Ok that you. This isn't getting off to a great start, is it?"

"I'm sorry. You're right. Probably easier. What would you like?"

We order and our drinks come almost immediately. It's slow because it's late evening.

He's looking at me. STARING. Finally says "I hoped your hair would be longer than in your pictures."

I have a pixie cut. My main picture is ONLY color corrected and I edited out a pimple I had at the time. It's exactly what I look like. It's not filtered or AI enhanced. I don't do that shit. He knew what I looked like well before the date and was hoping for something else?

"Wow that's 2 things wrong with me. In 5 minutes. Is that a record for you? Why would you think I look any other way?"

"Some people use old pictures."

In my mind this is over. Part of me wanted to leave already, part of me wanted to see where he was going with this. At this point it's intellectual curiosity.

He asks me a couple questions about my work. I reach for my cup and he GRABS my wrist and goes "WHAT are these NUBS???? UGH!"

I played cello for almost 20 years. Long nails and cello don't work. Playing for any length of time leaves the average cellist with callused finger tips and shortened nail beds. I have nails and they're well groomed. It's just a side effect of playing strings. I also can't currently have long nails because I AM in healthcare. He should also know this.

Aaaaaand we're done.

I didn't say anything. I just got up and left.

Before I even got to the car he's bombing me with messages and asking me to CashApp him for the coffee and gives me his $. 🤦🏼🤦🏼

I'm not going to lie. It hurt. I know it was his problem. He was rude and probably a horrible, negative person. Even if he was thinking all those things, it wouldn't have hurt him to just be courteous and not go out again.

But WHY AM I DOING THIS?

This was an absolute waste of my time to "gain" nothing but self doubt.

I quit. It's not worth it. The effort is not worth the potential pay off.

These people are out there. He may be a minority but I know he's not the only one.

And now I think I may have a problem.
I met someone.
We went dancing.
He’s younger (3 years only).
It was supposed to be nothing just music, fun, and a good night.

But now I’m catching myself thinking about him, replaying little moments, and wondering if this is excitement… or me forgetting everything Reddit taught me about staying grounded while waiting for the right kind of love.

Maybe the real problem isn’t that he’s younger.

Maybe it’s that I can’t tell if this is genuine connection… or just the thrill of feeling seen again.

I’m 53F and the guy 65M I’m talking to wants to do a video call before meeting. I’m completely ok with that but I’m not a phone talker and want to keep it short. What do we talk about? I’ve only dated around my age. Can a 53F and 65M work?

Something I’ve noticed over the past few years is that many women around my age seem far more comfortable simply being themselves rather than trying to fit an idea of how they’re supposed to behave.

When I was younger, there seemed to be endless expectations about how a woman should dress speak date or carry herself at certain ages. Now in my sixties I find confidence often comes from letting go of that pressure a bit.

I’m curious whether others here have experienced the same shift. Did getting older make you more comfortable in your own personality and style, or do you still feel society expects people our age to behave a certain way. What are your thoughts and experiences?

I still can't get over the sex positivity post, which really seemed to be about pump-and-dump. It had more than 100 upvotes.

I don't want to be just a hole to someone. Sex doesn't work that way for me. Yes, **it's fun**, but that's not all it is. I don't like being branded a prude if I want to at least like the person I go to bed with and know them well enough to not worry about P&D or STDs. That takes time.

It's been several days and I'm still shaken. Turning off the apps. Surely all the men out there can't believe sex is the price of admission to get a second date?

At least the guy said what he really thought, and others clearly agreed. It was an aha moment for me. Maybe I'm done dating.

So I'm back on the OLD... in therapy too. I've said my goodbyes to that one person and accepted the situation. Been swiping the apps like a video game too. A couple of weird matches here and there. Weird in the sense.... way the fuck down in the USA and I'min Canada. My apps keep running out of people. So they extend the distance on the preferences. I could never move to the states. Not now really. My son is too young and needs me. But I have to ask you my fellow 50s people.... how far are you willing to go for a long distance relationship? Or do you do the online relationship thing? Or do you do the fly to fling? Or do you keep swiping on the same people, hoping they'll just give in and give you a date... I've done that one. Same beautiful, successful, professional career women and I'm hoping they'll cuddle this blue-collar Bear. Anyway... what do you do when the pool is empty?