I’m just curious what being ‘fit’ means to men who post in their profile that they are fit and looking for the same. Does it mean active and able, or does it mean not fat, or does it mean a toned body?
I personally am fairly active, I am not overweight, but I have loose skin and a saggy flabby body. Am I fit?
A lady I've known for a long time contacted me when my wife left me. We went out a couple times, but I knew nothing romantic was going to happen, not that I wouldn't, she's lovely.
Last weekend, Sunday, I had gotten up early, had coffee, went to the gym. Around 10 am I was just finishing breakfast, and she sends a message asking if I'd be interested in going kayaking. Her daughter and a friend were going, but a friend of hers who was going backed out because she wasn't feeling well.
Yes, I'll go, otherwise a boring day alone.
Around noon, I contacted her and said to let me know what time to meet.
I had everything ready, bathing suit, life jacket, sunscreen, drinks. By 2, I messaged and asked if she was still going. I kind of knew it wasn't happening
Around 6, she messaged me. Her daughter and friend had bailed. Her friend was feeling better, and wanted only the two of them to go. She said she tried to contact me but it didn't go through.
I know that's an excuse, and I don't believe it for a minute. I figured she knew by noon what was happening, I just don't understand the reason she didn't let me know.
She was apologetic, but I put my day on hold for something that was never happening for me.
I'm not sure how to talk to her if she ever contacts me. I know I was second choice the first time, but second choice became no choice. That shit is hurtful
I (44F) ended relationship with a great guy (51)
He was super attractive, we had great chemistry, similar interests and similar politics, and we always had a fantastic time together!
The issue was that after nearly nine months, it just didnt feel like it was going anywhere. We didnt get to see each much more than once a week, and he didnt make much of an effort to see me beyond that, nor did he seem interested in working towards a deeper connection.
I was genuinely shocked at how sad and surprised he was when i told him
I felt like we needed to end things.
In retrospect, i think i attribute a lot of our issues to his close relationship with his ex-wife.
Let me be clear, i have a great relationship with my ex-husband and his fiancee, and i want to be with someone that has a similar, respectful relationship with his ex.
BUT, it felt like there wasnt much room for me in his life. He celebrates holidays and birthdays with his ex and their teenage children, so there was no room to spend any of that with me. They would have dinners together and he would regularly spend time at her house.
I did not, and so not suspect their relationship was romantic. But it felt like their friendship filled a space in his life that maybe caused him to approach me with less vulnerability or emotional availability
Im curious if anyone else has run into this, and how they have handled it.
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So a friend of mine called me today, and she saw a mutual friend of ours on bumble. I will add that this was a friend from high school.
I no longer live in my hometown, so it was fun to have a good chuckle over this.
Has anyone ever come across people on OLD that they already knew and how did you handle it? For example, seeing a friend of a friend on there, and knowing that it would potentially be a good match, but might be kind of awkward because you already know each other.
I am 65 and lost my husband 6 years ago. We had been together since age 16 and actually met in Kindergarten. He was my best friend. I never really dated in my whole life but would love someone to talk to and do things with that is my own age. I have been using the dating apps and have been experiencing the pitfalls discussed here, but it makes me feel better that it seems to happen to everyone. There are a lot of very wise advice givers here. Any advice is appreciated.
I (52F) get that certainly at our age, many of us have "done the work" and figured out exactly who we are, and what we want (I certainly have) and we feel we're too old to put up with time wasters and getting messed around. But I also have a circle of considerably younger friends (20s and 30s) and I'm seeing what I'm about to mention going on in their generation too, and it concerns me.
Am I the only one who's very concerned about the fact that everyone seems to be out there looking for "red flags" and hold absolutely no space for mistakes? It's like someone says or does something human, makes a mistake, and thats red flag one, and if they make another mistake, even completely unrelated, that's it! Game over! It's like everyone's complaining they cant find anyone, yet they start every encounter with one foot out the door. People literally meeting for coffee, a first date, not looking for "could you be someone special?" but "what's the reason you don't measure up?"
I find it drastically disheartening. Like, not everything is a red flag. Sometimes it literally is just a case of misspeaking, sticking your foot in your mouth, especially when texting and there's no tone and it's been misconstrued. I honestly feel like I don't want to date anymore, because genuinely I'm NOT perfect and I'm never going to measure up to the standards people seem to hold.
What happened to compassion? What happened to forgiveness? How does anyone get to a level of people proving they are worth your time if you bail out before you ever really even know them? Have we all become so fragile that we can't see a storm in a teacup? Or are we all so entitled we honestly believe we deserve nothing less than perfection? I just think 8 billion people are going to end up very lonely because we aren't willing to accept we're all flawed.
Am I the only one?
Ladies in their 50’s. I’ve met a gorgeous man. He lives near me. I want nothing more than to chat to him and know him. I’m always hoping to bump into him in the coffee shop. How would you shoot your shot? To be clear I can’t knock on his door because I don’t know his house number. 😆
II am a 54F. 6 years ago a natural disaster destroyed my home. I lost everything, including my dogs. Shortly before that I had lost my beloved mother. I began having panic attacks because of the back to back losses. I was put on Klonopin.
I gained 50 pounds quickly. I tapered off the medication which wasn’t helping much anyway, and I lost all the weight in just a few months. During that period of time my id badge for work was taken. It looks nothing like me now, but is a door scan badge and serves its purpose.
I matched with a 63M on OLD earlier this week. In preparation for a date tomorrow, we spoke on the phone today and the conversation went well. During our talk I mentioned where I worked. About 20 minutes later he texted asking if my pictures were accurate. I sent the date stamps and offered to do a FaceTime.
I’m pretty sure that old id photo came up in a search and that is what is behind his text. I get that people are concerned about photos, but I’m also hurt and offended this happened. I guess I just needed to vent.
After my first divorce I was late 30s and online dating was pretty good. Lots of dates and follow on dates. Eventually met the woman who would be my second wife.
Now I'm divorced again and back. Its...different. Decent number of quality matches, though not as many as before. Matches dont want to communicate. Good coffee meets go nowhere.
I have a theory, and would like some feedback: post 50 (years old) single people are kind of ok with being single (assuming financially secure). They may want the great things that go with companionship, but they aren't excited about giving up their current freedom to do anything they want, whenever they want, particularly now that most are empty nesters and dont need a second set of hands (and paycheck) to manage life. This is my theory because...if I'm honest, thats where I fall. My excuse is that I won't settle for anything but my perfect match. But I wonder if thats my excuse for being picky, when the reality is I (and the women in my cohort) may unconsciously be thinking they just would prefer to be single. Thoughts?
Good afternoon. I’ve (56 y/o FM) been dating on and off for 7 years. Had a couple of long term (1-2 year) relationships. I’ve experienced that many of the men I’ve dated (1 date up until those I’ve dated 4 months) abuse alcohol. These men have been between 56-66 and I’ve met them on Match or Facebook Dating. Last year I ended a 4 month relationship due to his excessive drinking. Another man I dated for a couple months drunk dialed me on FaceTime naked as the day he was born, and drank a lot when we’d go out. I had a first date yesterday for coffee, then he called me last night on his way home from dinner with a buddy and I could tell he had been drinking. He said he was fine and I said “you’re slurring your words, and driving!” He texted this morning to apologize and said “that’s not who I am.” I responded that I was uncomfortable with last nights phone call and wasn’t interested in dating anymore. Looking for advice on how to weed these men out, or advice and experiences from others. I drink socially and have no problem with those who drink responsibly…but it seems like statistically I find men who don’t. As always, thanks for any advice!
Dating again? Guard your heart.
Widower, late 60s M, 3 and 1/2 years since my late wife passed from leukemia (I was her caregiver for 2 years). Met and connected with a late 50s widow of 9 years.
During 9 months of dating, she'd push me away whenever we got close, then we'd reconcile. Even with that, it felt like to me we were making progress and had a possible future together. Wrong.
She finally crossed the boundary of no return. After traveling together, she caught a cold from me, I felt awful about it and apologized to her. She texted a response: "you seem to have trouble keeping those around you well...and alive".
This hurt me to my core. I had shared with her previously that I struggle with grief because I was not able to save my late wife. I was shocked and told her I don't see how as a widow she would send something like that to me, I told her to leave me alone.
After 3 weeks she texted this:
"I'm sorry for my insensitive statement that initially was meant as a playful banter but unintentionally hurt your feelings."
So I guess it's all my fault.
TBH, I believe she sent the original message on purpose to push me away. Maybe she didn't think it would be permanent, IDK.
I had to end it with her.
I responded to her with this:
"Saying I have trouble keeping people 'alive'—knowing I spent two years caring for my wife before she died of leukemia—was profoundly cruel. It was not 'playful banter,' and minimizing it as a joke is a classic way to avoid accountability while shifting the blame onto my reaction. Your 'darvo' apology shows you still do not grasp the depth of the malice in that statement. Do not contact me again."
After a week she replied with:
"Too much anger in your heart. Too bad. Sorry. I choose to clear my heart of that anger & hate. Life is too short so I choose to remember the love, caring, support & joyful times. Much care, good & happy memories here. Wishing you safety, good health, much love & happiness and only the best for you & all your loved ones!"
It's not hate or anger that I have, it's pain, sorrow and a broken heart all over again 💔
Needless to say, the grief is now compounded. Grief of the original loss of my late wife and now from the loss of this relationship of what I thought it could have been.
Dating when you're older is very difficult.
One day at a time.
I seem to be in the early stages of a relationship with a wonderful woman. We have excellent chemistry, and relate very well with each other.
The other night, she told me how lonely she feels- despite a daughter and two grandchildren living nearby, an awesome career, etc.
While on one hand, I appreciate her emotional honesty. On the other hand, it turns me off- I want a woman to want to be with me to be with me- not because she is lonely.
I don’t know if I am just freaking out a bit because things are getting serious and I’m just looking for problems. But I don’t feel lonely. I don’t have any existential issues. Then again, both my kids still live at home. Also, I don’t want to ‘punish’ her for being honest.
Part of me thinks that any relationship is based on the concept of not being alone- of having someone to share life with. And that might be the same concept as ‘loneliness.’
What are your thoughts? I’m not putting too much weight on this. Maybe my reaction was about not wanting to feel responsible for her ‘loneliness.’
So as a divorced dad (late 50’s) on and off OLD for several months with limited success, I’m finding a recent trend somewhat confusing. FB (the app I’ve had the most success) shows me ladies based on filters I’ve applied - late 40’s to late 50’s - but the majority of likes I receive now are from women many years north of this. This wasn’t the case a few months ago.
Has anyone else experienced this?
I jokingly told my friends I wanted to go on 55 first dates this year because I turned 55.
The more I thought about it, the more I wondered if that might actually be a better goal than obsessing over finding "the one."
For those of you who got back into dating after a long marriage or relationship, did you ever set a goal to simply meet people instead of finding a relationship?
Did it make you more hopeful, more selective, or just completely burned out?
And one bonus question... how many conversations do you usually juggle at once on the apps? I can't decide if talking to multiple people is smart, overwhelming, or just the reality of modern dating.
After more than 25 years out of the dating world, this feels like learning an entirely new culture.
OK, so I've been divorced for a while now, and have had a few somewhat substantial relationships since then, but for the most part I've been realizing that the best thing to do is to make sure I'm in a good place mentally and emotionally before I really push for another meaningful relationship. Most of the women I date (for obvious reasons) are divorced as well. From a woman's perspective, is it more or a red flag for the person you're dating to have a good/solid relationship with their ex, or to have little to no relationship with them? I'm curious about how that's played out over the course of a new relationship.
Recently back in the single zone. I keep hearing what was never the problem before the dating apps or online dating. Love bombing scares the hell out of women. What is love bombing actually? Being a passionate person who’s romantic. Can’t a guy tell a girl how mich he likes her? Why is it being judged as being crazy? 50M, Northern VA
I was married for 30 years (together for 36). We’ve been divorced for a few years now (4), and I’m finally at the point where I’d like to meet someone to spend time with.
Unfortunately, I have no idea how people actually meet anymore. My friends are all married, and so are the people at my church, so there aren’t many opportunities to meet someone naturally.
For those of you who found a relationship later in life, how did you meet? Dating apps? Hobbies? Volunteering? Friends? I’d really appreciate any advice.
I’m afraid of scams on dating apps and my married friends are not hanging out at a singles event. Help!
I shared this as a comment on another post last week but have been reflecting on it and want to try putting it out here for (hopefully polite) conversation.
Here's what I learned as a 51M. Divorced after nearly 25 years together (it wasn't my choice to end things).
I took a year off for myself and it was the best thing I could have done. Focused on mental/physical health, joined social groups (meetups, book clubs) and just practiced conversations and (re)introducing myself to the world.
During my second year, I started dating casually and realized that I was not emotionally ready for a long-term formal girlfriend. I'm too busy building my own life. I don't need someone to complete it, but I'm open to someone (or more than one person) to complement it. Does that make sense?
I'm in therapy and realized that I just don't know what a healthy relationship is "supposed" to look like. My marriage was very toxic and that relationship was nearly half of my life so far. I'm not ready to go all-in again anytime soon. But I am human, I enjoy people, and have reasonable curiosities and needs.
All that to say is that I'm more interested in casual dating to meet and spend time connecting with different personality types. It's hard to convey that because some people think I'm just here to hook up with as many women as possible. But intimacy is so much more than that. I don't want to fall in love but I'm interested in falling in like. I'm interested in exploring different types of people, because different dynamics bring out different parts of my own personality (and I learn more about myself in the process).
Building intimacy includes spending time together, getting to know each other as friends. After getting out of a scary situation, I'm not ready to also include the emotional caretaking part of a more traditional committed relationship. There is a relationship escalator and I just don't want to get on board right now. Understandably, not a lot of women are interested in anything less than long-term/exclusive/monogamous, but they are out there and I've enjoyed both platonic and intimate connections with them, all mutually handled with care and honesty.
Just my personal experience and perspective out there for consideration. Hope it's helpful for anyone reading.
I'm just venting a little, so please forgive me. I'm 50f, and have been single for 8 years. I tried the apps, got into 2 relationships, each only lasting about 3 months. Dated one guy who went absolutely crazy when I ended it and we had only been dating a month. The last guy I went out with revealed to me on our first and only date that he was a pedophile. Oh man.
I work from home, plus I have a 12 year old. So I don't get out much. My time is taken up with full-time work and then time with my daughter. She is actually the one who suggested I get on a group like this. Her dad is not in her life, her choice, as he is very toxic to her mental health. But she has wanted a father figure for so long, and recently she has started commenting when she sees dads in movies and in real life being good to their kids. She says she wishes she had a dad like that.
Those years when I was on the apps, I wanted a partner for myself that would also be a good step-dad for her. I didn't realize she had also wanted that. It breaks my heart that she wants this so badly, and I can't provide it for her.
I've spent years in therapy dealing with the trauma of the circumstances of my two divorces, and more recently, only about 2 months ago, losing my faith. So I'm a very different person in some ways now than when I dated before. I'm more emotionally mature, know more what I want and what I don't want. But again, I'm home most of the time and get very overwhelmed with life. I also help my dad take care of my mom, who is mostly bedridden.
I don't really know the purpose of this post, other than to vent, and maybe not feel so alone. I don't really have friends, but I did reach out to someone recently I used to work with. She is also a single mom a few years younger than me, so I'm hoping to grow that friendship, but that will do nothing to help my daughter.
I feel like whoever might be a match is probably also at home. I'm introverted, think very deeply about many different concepts in life and love to discuss them. I'm also am artist, and trying to become a writer as well. I love nature and have a little garden.
I'm not trying to make this post a dating profile. I'm just expressing that anyone who is similar to me is probably also at home, so there's no chance of meeting them. Plus, who wants to be a step-dad when most people my age have grandchildren?
The situation feels hopeless. And since I no longer have my faith, there is no praying that God will guide me to the right person. And I live in a very conservative area. I'm not on one side or the other, but in the middle.
Anyone else in a similar situation? I'm sure there is. It would be good just to hear from others, and how you deal with it. Thank you in advance for listening.
So I have the free version of Our Time. I’m new to dating on line so I viewed a whole bunch of profiles yesterday but didn’t like any honestly because I was testing the waters and seeing how this app worked. When I opened the app today none of the profiles I viewed yesterday show up. If you’ve clicked “x” on a profile does that mean they will never show up again? And what’s with this list of “you liked” people? just bc I clicked on their profile does that mean I liked them?? I checked out their profile but was not interested so why are they showing up as me liking them. Not impressed.