u/wilakegirl

I have certain names that are an immediate “Nope”. Sorry to the Gary’s, Brett’s, and Brent’s of the world it is a no go!

I (55f) just feel like I have so much loss and I am tired. I don’t even know what makes me happy anymore. 3 years ago my dad passed away, 2 years ago my ex husband passed away (we were still close friends), this spring my stepdad died, and In the last month have had 2 cousins die. 6 weeks ago my boyfriend of 3.5 years broke up. I feel so lost these days. I am just going through the motions of work, and life. Getting up the energy to do more than just the basics is hard. I just want to be happy again and I can’t figure out how to get there.

Maybe it is a regionally played game but everyone I have known has known how to play and just recently I met many who don’t.

I (55f) cannot understand some of these men’s profiles. I am sure some of the female ones are just as bad. Bad, blurry pictures. Definitely some unflattering pics. Don’t take a pic from the bottom up! I don’t need to see inside your nostrils! Answer some questions/prompts. When you match then have a conversation. Give more than two word answers. Conversations are a 2 way street!

I just am frustrated with what I see and experience.

It has been a month. I feel like I should be doing so much better. I just hurt. I cry everyday. We were together for 3.5 years. I am not even too sure what happened. We lived together for the last 6 months and things started getting off. I knew something was coming and I was scared to have the conversation. He pushes his feelings down so I overcompensated. I tried to make more connections. I couldn’t love him enough for both of us.
One weekend morning, I said “what do you want to do today”? . He said “I want to break up “. No discussion just done. We were still in bed. I packed up and left.
We have talked and seen each other briefly since then. ( you can’t pack up that much life and not leave things behind). When we do, it is great! The laughter is easy, the discussions are good. I miss him, I don’t think he miss me though. Sometimes, I wonder if I really miss him or miss the memory of us. The loss of the future I saw. All I know is right now I am crying, again.
I just want to feel better. I am so tired of feeling empty, of feeling abandoned, of not having joy. I am older(mid 50s f), maybe this has just brought back so much trauma of my past.