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u/OppositeSecret7144

r/FIREUK r/datingoverfifty
▲ 7 r/datingoverfifty

Is the mainstreaming of FWB ruining the idea of LTR?

Not trolling here. After a significant absence I've jumped back in the dating world to find that FWB is now a thing that seems to have become more socially acceptable and people are comfortable with identifying as

I know reddit isn't necessarily representative of the entire singleish population though.

For people who want the physical connection without the more mundane day to day aspects of a LTR it sounds ideal but when I hear of people expecting the F part to mean showing up to do chores etc it starts to sound more transactional.

So 2 questions

1 Is the existence of FWB meaning that fewer people are actually interested in trying to find LTRs? ( let's try not to just have tropes like all men only want FWBs)

2 For those looking in FWB how are they managing the transition to LTRs?

For me if someone has a FWB situation, I interpret as they aren't really fully committed to the idea of a LTR. That's fine no judgement. But I don't really want to try to compete to meet all the standards of what the FWB is excused on and the thing(s) that they obviously excel at.

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u/OppositeSecret7144 — 17 hours ago
▲ 14 r/datingoverfifty

Dating doesn't mean the same thing to everyone

This is one of the reasons people talk past each other in this sub all the time. The meaning of dating is highly culturally specific.

Just an illustration for 2 major groups of native English speakers drawn from Gemini but it's a pretty good perspective if not perfect

Dating in the US and the UK differs most significantly around exclusivity, formality, and communication style. [1, 2]

Exclusivity and Relationship Stages

  • US: Dating multiple people at the same time is widely accepted in the early stages. You are "casually dating" until you have an explicit conversation—often called "The Talk"—to become exclusive or "boyfriend/girlfriend". [1, 2]
  • UK: Exclusivity is generally assumed once you start going on regular dates with one person. Juggling multiple people is less common and usually frowned upon. If a British person agrees to go on a second or third date, it typically implies focused romantic interest. [1, 2, 3, 4]

First Dates and Settings

  • US: First dates can feel structured, like a formal interview, and might happen during the daytime (like coffee or lunch). Americans often put high effort into planning activity-based dates. [1, 2]
  • UK: First dates are usually low-key and casual, often meeting at a local pub for drinks. Alcohol plays a much more central role in breaking the ice in British dating culture. [1, 2, 3]

Communication and Vibe

  • US: Communication tends to be direct, enthusiastic, and fast-paced, featuring frequent texting and compliments.
  • UK: Communication relies more on dry humor, irony, self-deprecation, and understatement. Compliments are fewer but meant to be taken sincerely, and people can initially appear more reserved. [1, 2, 3]

Financials

  • US: There is often an underlying social expectation that the person who initiated the date (traditionally the man) will pay, though splitting bills is increasingly common. [1, 2, 3]
  • K/UK: Splitting the bill ("going Dutch") or taking turns buying rounds of drinks is the standard social norm. Flaunting wealth or over-glorifying expensive venues can be viewed negatively. [1, 2]

Now it has always baffled me when Americans talk about dating for extended periods like 6 months- many years. That seems like a relationship to me ( and of course there are many different sorts of relationships)

And the other thing is the ambiguous use of dating to coyly and euphemistically cover sex. Again sometimes it can get confusing in that context when Americans talk about multi-dating. You sometimes make it seem like everyone is hooking up with everyone continuously.

u/OppositeSecret7144 — 3 days ago
▲ 1 r/datingoverfifty

Do you have to play by the OLD "rules"?

M 55

Really quite new to the whole OLD world and finding the so called "rules" particularly those pontificated about on reddit and indeed some of the cynicism about how people behave rather depressing.

Is it such a cesspool that the genuine and intentional are just drowned out and you have to play by the "match everyone you can" then filter out in chat, don't chat for more than a few days without a concrete date etc etc.?

I don't have a "need" for a partner and I am not in a particular rush so is trying to serially date rather than parallel date actually a bad thing?

I understand the numbers game and the always on environment of OLD and thus what would have been seen as being a "player" in the 90s is supposedly the norm now, testdriving multiple prospects in parallel until you mutually go exclusive. Is this helpful though or does it just lead to burnout and dissatisfaction e.g. you have more dates than you would have had in IRL dating but they aren't really people you would have necessarily connected with at all previously?

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u/OppositeSecret7144 — 5 days ago
▲ 0 r/FIREUK

Spending down post FIRE and the spectre of late life care

FIRE communities tend to be very good at the accumulation mindset, optimising lifestyle for spend etc and of course running numbers and models.

However given the focus on the finishing line, there is less about a) the psychology of flipping into a spend mindset and b) the bogeyman on the horizon that is the need for long term care for either physical or mental health decline.

So have people factored the latter into their budgets/models? And separately or combined what tricks have they applied to change spend mindset post FIRE.

My care plan is that I should still have my annual spend budget which should be "moderate - luxurious" by annual survey standards and a house to liquidate. Broadbrush, I suspect that this is the limit of what most people plan but maybe I'm missing something. There is also the probabilistic issues of length of time in care for those that reach it by sex, age of entry etc etc.

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u/OppositeSecret7144 — 18 days ago