u/TuneSoft7119

Hey guys, I am a 28 year old guy who has never gone on a date and has no experience with women. Now as a guy, I know and am totally fine with being expected to put in all the effort into dating and getting to know women. But is it normal to have never gotten any interest, or even signs from women at all? Like never?

Even a few of my friends who are also somewhat inexperienced, they have at least had women try to flirt with them, match with them on apps, show interest in them or anything like that. I don't know what that's like.

Now I am not a bad guy, I think I am a really solid catch. I have a job I love, a good head on my shoulders, am in good shape, social with good friends, and cool hobbies. But I guess that's not enough to attract interest.

I have asked my girl friends from time to time if they know anyone who might be interested, had a crush on me at one point, or knew of any girl who though I was cute. And nothing. How normal is that? It seems like most other guys have at least had a girl like them, but I haven't.

What gives? Is this common for guys? What am I lacking or missing that other guys have? This is something that has really been starting to dig at me over the last couple years.

Hey guys, I am a 28 year old guy who has never gone on a date and has no experience with women. Now as a guy, I know and am totally fine with being expected to put in all the effort into dating and getting to know women. But is it normal to have never gotten any interest, or even signs from women at all? Like never?

Even a few of my friends who are also somewhat inexperienced, they have at least had women try to flirt with them, match with them on apps, show interest in them or anything like that. I don't know what that's like.

Now I am not a bad guy, I think I am a really solid catch. I have a job I love, a good head on my shoulders, am in good shape, social with good friends, and cool hobbies. But I guess that's not enough to attract interest.

I have asked my girl friends from time to time if they know anyone who might be interested, had a crush on me at one point, or knew of any girl who though I was cute. And nothing. How normal is that? It seems like most other guys have at least had a girl like them, but I haven't.

What gives? Is this common for guys? What am I lacking or missing that other guys have? This is something that has really been starting to dig at me over the last couple years.

https://preview.redd.it/q0vlvuec5ubh1.png?width=836&format=png&auto=webp&s=4b979dd1af4e9c5c0bb4b24737378eb759f45f87

Going for a lateral role closer to home.

Hey yall, I am a guy in his late 20s and as you can guess, I have a pretty high sex drive. I do my best to ignore it, but I Still have a sex drive. This has been a lifelong unwanted desire that I am stuck with. I do not wish to have a sex drive. I know its supposed to be a good thing and I know that Paul said to get married if you can not ignore it.

However, I do not desire marriage. I have never wanted kids. I have never been able to even imagine myself married. I have tried dating in the past out of social pressure, but doing so has only reaffirmed my stance of staying single. I am far too independent for a partner, I am not what woman want in a guy, I am almost never even attracted to or interested in a girl, and frankly I love the freedom that I have in my life. Sure I get lonely from time to time and that's been getting more and more often as I have gotten older, but I just plug away and do my best to live my best life.

It feels like all my prayers have gone unanswered. I have gone through phases where I ask God to remove it, ask him to give me a wife if its part of his plan, ask him to allow me to desire marriage, ask him to allow me to better serve him if I am meant to be single, and ask him to align my will with his will. But I get nothing, like the prayers go to voicemail.

So if there has been anyone else in my situation, How have you found a way to either turn off, ignore, or otherwise deal with a sex drive?

Thanks, and love y'all.

Hey yall, I am a guy in his late 20s and as you can guess, I have a pretty high sex drive. I do my best to ignore it, but I Still have a sex drive. This has been a lifelong unwanted desire that I am stuck with. I do not wish to have a sex drive. I know its supposed to be a good thing and I know that Paul said to get married if you can not ignore it.

However, I do not desire marriage. I have never wanted kids. I have never been able to even imagine myself married. I have tried dating in the past out of social pressure, but doing so has only reaffirmed my stance of staying single. I am far too independent for a partner, I am not what woman want in a guy, I am almost never even attracted to or interested in a girl, and frankly I love the freedom that I have in my life. Sure I get lonely from time to time and that's been getting more and more often as I have gotten older, but I just plug away and do my best to live my best life.

It feels like all my prayers have gone unanswered. I have gone through phases where I ask God to remove it, ask him to give me a wife if its part of his plan, ask him to allow me to desire marriage, ask him to allow me to better serve him if I am meant to be single, and ask him to align my will with his will. But I get nothing, like the prayers go to voicemail.

So if there has been anyone else in my situation, How have you found a way to either turn off, ignore, or otherwise deal with a sex drive?

Thanks, and love y'all.

Hey guys, I am currently a forester in a mid cost of living area. I'm 28 and have pretty much maxed out my career making 60k. I don't really have any promotion opportunities for another 10 to 15 years which will only net me another 1 dollar an hour raise. While I love what I do, and the benefits are amazing, I am unable to live the life that I want. I will never be able to afford a house or provide a family. (Plus since I live in a small town, I have no dating prospects).

Pretty much, I need a change. I would like to live in an outdoorsy city like Denver, Seattle or salt lake city, but I don't know what jobs are in cities. And those are just ideas. I enjoy my smaller town as well as I have all my hobbies here like skiing, hunting and camping.

I cant afford to go back to college and besides, I failed out of computer science and engineering when I was in college.

What jobs or career path could I pivot into over the next year or so that could allow me to make 75k in 10 to 15 years and allow me to afford and live a modest middle class life?

Some things I like and dislike about my job.

Things I love

-I love being in charge of 50k acres of forest. I plan and solve our management problems. Balancing the need for producing timber with needs of the environment, playing to all the regulation that we have. Its all a big puzzle with many solutions each with their own benefits and drawbacks.

-I love being able to take a lunch break on a rocky outcropping overlooking IMO one of the best views that you can find.

-I get to ride snowmobiles in the winter. Enough said lol.

-I like solving smaller problems like how are we going to get the timber out of a specific area, how do we designs the roads to allow for that.

-Road design. All of it, from paper planning to calculating cut and fill ratios. All for a 80 year old guy in a bulldozer to do it his way anyways.

-Working with contractors. Sure its tough a lot of the time, but I get along with most of them and I like seeing my plans unfold on the landscape.

Things I don't like-

- Writing contracts and environmental impact statements.

-Repetitive field work (there's a lot of it), like I can handle a week or two, but after a month of doing the same thing every day, I get sick of it.

-Unpredictable summers with wildfire firefighting that makes summer trips hard to plan.

Hey yall, for the first time in my life I have been starting to get to know this girl from a bible study. Both late 20s, I have always found her attractive, but never felt good enough to ask her out. We "met" on a dating app". We have been seeing each other 2x a month outside of weekly bible studies or group events with the intention of getting to know each other.

So here is my struggle. I have been hurt a lot in the past from rejection by girls who seemed perfect for me. Because of that, I am super cautious and nervous. Despite us having a lot of alignments, she isnt who I really envisioned spending my life with. She is like 90% there but I am not sure if I am needing that last 10%.

So what is that last 10%? Excitement and "spark". You know those people who are just magnetic when you get to know them? She isnt that for me. But at the same time, I have had nothing but rejection from girls who I have felt that with.

Is this just a side effect of intentionally getting to know each other? Am I missing something?

I am a 28 year old guy who has no experience. I mean none. Its been years since I have had a hug. Never had a date, or a relationship. I have always turned down and so on.

When I ask people for advice, they tend to be confused why I am asking for help, as most people dont understand a life of singleness, or they assume I have no problems. My dating life isnt something I am super open about. Why would I? Its not like I have anything remarkable to share. But when I do ask for help and receive help it usually comes down to these responses:

-Just wait and be patient, the right girl is out there. How long do I have to wait? I have been waiting my whole life. I have been told that I would be the star of homecoming when I was young. Then in later high school I was told that I would be snatched up quick in college. Now I am told to just wait and be patient and that the right girl will tie me down quickly.

-Work on yourself. Not sure what to do really. A lot of this advice makes blanket assumptions about me. I am told to work out, improve my style, make more money, and so on. The thing is, I have done all this. Obviously I can and am doing more, but outward looking, there isn't anything different between me and the next guy who can get dates.

-Put yourself out there. I do. I am pretty social. While I am on the introverted side, I do enjoy hanging out with friends and meeting people. Between social hobbies, religious groups, friends of friends and so on. I just rarely meet a girl who is actually single and who I am attracted to or interested in, and they are never interested in me in return.

-Try dating apps. I have never gotten a match. I have asked countless people for advice, and am constantly tweaking my profile. I don't even get likes. It doesn't matter where I am located, or what boosts/bonuses I pay for, I am simply invisible. And at this point, I have deleted all the apps for good.

-Perhaps you're not noticing the signs that girls are interested. I know that girls are more subtle in showing attraction or interest. There are, however, some obvious signs of attraction. Playing with hair, laughing at bad jokes, wanting to be around you, texting you and so on. I notice these quite often towards other guys, but never to myself.

All this advice is pretty common for me to get when I reach out for help. Between friends, family, people on reddit, and even therapists. I can almost predict what people will tell me. And to be honest, a lot of it makes sense. People generally believe in the just world fallacy so they assume that I am not doing something I should be, and that's why I am single. I can almost predict some of the replies this post will get. Including but not limited to: You're so young still. Many guys are in the same boat as you are. And, you're not alone.

Fair enough, and on a large enough scale, there are others out there like me. But let's be honest, as each year passes by, I am becoming a smaller and smaller minority. Most people have figured it out by this point. Maybe not to a full relationship, but at least to a date now and then. And have even had a girl who was into them. But as far as I am aware, I haven’t. Something hasn’t clicked with me and I don't know what.

And now, I will admit that I am fighting an uphill battle. I am not the most attractive guy out there, but I am not bad looking. It also takes a lot for me to be attracted to a girl (usually a close connection or less commonly, looks. I don't have a type, but there are girls out there who I am attracted to. It seems to be random). I am also religious and most girls in that demographic are married already. And I am super outdoorsy, which doesn’t have too much overlap with religious girls. Plus the concept of flirting goes over my head.

Given the above, I have done what I can to put myself in the best position possible to meet girls. I live in a religious area with a huge outdoor recreation aspect.

So, to prevent this from turning into a mindless ramble, I am tired of my situation and want to make some changes which will lead to results.

I am curious as to what you guys suggest I do.

Thanks.

Hey everyone, I am a guy in my later 20s and am sort of between steps 3b and 7. Like, I have no debt, 4 months of savings, and am putting money into retirement. But I am also trying (heavy emphasis on trying) to save for a house someday. I have 25k saved up so far and its slowly growing. I make 68k a year and looking to by a cheap 350k home, so I would need a 150k to 200k downpayment to make the payments 25%. Been saving 750 a month for a downpayment.

Daves plan states to save for a house you pause retirement while you do so, but if after 2 years you dont have enough, then you can start contributing again. See, this is where I am confused. I already did that from 2021-2023. Should I pause again for 2 years? or should I keep contributing?

I have asked the facebook group and they all say that I need to go back to 3b for a few years before I start contributing again.

So I am a 28 year old guy with a career that I love and living in a MCOL area. I make 68k a year and take home about 3800 a month after retirement and taxes, which I feel is an extremely good income. Starter Homes go for around 300k for a project house, 350k to 400k for something that's move in ready.

I am currently living in a small apartment and I am able to save around 1000 a month. Occasionally I bring in an extra 500 to 1000 a month from overtime, but that's often enough for me to consider reliable. At this point I have an emergency fund, and have started the long process of saving for a down payment. Currently have 20k saved (in a HYSA).

I know I will need a large down payment (at least 75k depending on interest rates). I am just worried that house prices will grow faster than I can save during that time.

I work for a government agency so my income is not expected to grow much over the next 5 to 10 years.

I dont think I am having really high standards for what I want in a house. Just an older 2 bed 1 bath house that needs a little bit of work, a small yard so I can have a dog, and a small shop or garage so I can work on projects.

Is this possible on my income? Should I reevaluate my goals or what I am looking for?

So I am a 28 year old guy with a career that I love and living in a MCOL area. I make 68k a year and take home about 3800 a month after retirement and taxes, which I feel is an extremely good income. Starter Homes go for around 300k for a project house, 400k for something that's move in ready.

I am currently living in a small apartment and I am able to save around 1000 a month. Occasionally I bring in an extra 500 to 1000 from overtime, but that's often enough for me to consider reliable. At this point I have a solid emergency fund, and have started the long process of saving for a down payment. Currently have 20k saved (in a HYSA).

I know I will need a fat down payment (at least 75k depending on interest rates). I am just worried that house prices will grow faster than I can save.

I work for a state government so my income is not expected to grow very much over the next 5 to 10 years.

I am not asking for much. Just an older 2 bed 1 bath house that needs work, a small yard so I can have a dog, and a small shop or garage so I can work on projects.

Is this possible on my income? Should I reevaluate my goals or what I am looking for?