All my life women have told me I’m not good enough
Whether it be from the hundreds of rejections, being a virgin my whole life, trying so hard to improve myself in every way and nothing changing, seeing how they treat other guys vs me, never being loved or genuinely desired by a girl, or trying as hard as I can to connect with someone and getting shunned away every time. The entire world has told me no matter what J do I’m not good enough and never will be, as a man and human being. i’m never the guy anybody wanted to show off. And it completely destroyed the tiny amount of self esteem I used to have. Now I hate myself more than anything and have desires of changing everything about myself. But of course I do. Every single person in my life since I was a pre teen has reinforced my self loathing by showing me I’m not good enough for them. In my opinion all because of some stupid bullshit that I have no control over, like my height and face. I’ve changed everything else and still gotten nowhere. People say dumb shit that doesn’t even make any sense, be confident, love yourself, be funny, the right one will come. Like this type of advice can only come from a person who’s never been through years and years of endless rejection like I have, despite trying everything you can to be a better man. How can you be confident in anything that you haven’t had previous success with? That’s the literal definition of it, knowing you can do something and do it well. No sane person will be confident at anything they’ve failed over and over for years at. If every time you came around dogs, one of them bit you, would you he confident around dogs or scared of them? Anybody who goes through that and is perfectly fine around dogs is mentally insane or delusional. Literally every experience I’ve had with women has been negative with them rejecting me or telling me I’m not good enough. I’ve never been positively validated by one in my entire life. So how am I supposed to feel? Anybody in my position would be just as bitter, angry, and resentful and hopeless around other groups of people who constantly shun them away. It’s the chicken before the egg not the egg before the chicken. It’s a natural reaction as a human being. But the part that pisses me off is I know so many guys who have never had to do any of this stupid shit, and they still have had sex hundreds of times and had multiple girlfriends. There’s nothing more humiliating than seeing that guy and then being on the other end of the spectrum. It’s like I was put on this earth as a joke, to be a lonely loser who’s a try hard failure, who has to witness everyone around me surpass me despite doing nothing I’ve done. There’s nothing that makes me angrier than when I realize that, and it indirectly causes my situation to be worse because now I hate myself and hate everybody else and have extreme resentment and anger because of my experiences. And I get more and more frustrated and distant from people as time passes. But I can’t control other people so I just have to sit back and accept it. Just a giant negative feedback loop of constantly feeling worthless, and I’m trapped in a cycle now because I keep trying to improve and get better even though it’s worthless and it makes me feel like shit because I havent gotten anywhere, and yet I cant stop because I know if I do I’ll feel even worse. I’m a failure of a human being, nobody but me could try this hard to be desirable and still be a virgin at 22. I would’ve cut my life short out of pure spite a while ago and I think about it all the time, but I at least want my family to be financially free before I’m gone. Get rich then give it all away and die. That’s the only reason I’m still on the planet. Fuck this stupid world