r/datingadviceformen

I’ve noticed something with dating advice:

A lot of guys assume their problem is confidence, but confidence might not actually be the issue.

Sometimes you genuinely don’t know what to do.

Sometimes you know exactly what to do, but hesitate when the moment comes.

And sometimes the bigger problem is that you rarely put yourself in situations where anything can happen.

Those can look like the same problem from the outside, but they’re not.

Curious what other guys here think:

What do you feel is actually holding you back most?

So me and a woman had a second date last night where we were making each other laugh a ton and then we hooked up at her place the end. I think it went well(?) she seemed really enthusiastic during and said she orgasmed twice.

However, I texted her I made it home last night and had a lot of fun and would like to see her again but since saying that last night I haven’t heard anything back.

I know it hasn’t been 24 hours but typically this doesn’t bode well.

I feel like I’m attached now since this is the first time I’ve had sex in about 5 years and I really like her.

Do I just fire off a hail mary text to see how her day is or how she felt about last night? Or is the silence my answer?

She’ll be out of town this weekend so I guess I can text her after she’s back.

TLDR: im doing pretty much everything that women say they like and I still have no dating success, what can I do if the only issue is me being ugly?

Im 29 now, I never really had much success with dating, only had 4 relationships, all of them long distance that i stumbled into accidentally. Now its been about 6 months since my last gf broke up with me because she realised she is gay.

Absolutely 0 success since.

I know I shouldn't generalise and all of the Internet is basically fake but its just so frustrating to see women online say stuff that doesnt apply to reality.

they hate it when guys are conservative, only want sex, dont text back, lack hygiene....

all of these are issues that dont apply to me:

Im a feminist and socialist since i can think, im always texting back as soon as my phone beeps, im lookin for a relationship (put that on my tinder and hinge) and im kinda obsessed with shampoos and perfumes, not like that "shower once a week with a 5 in 1 shampoo" stereotype

The only issue that i have is absolutely no beard growth.... cant really do anything about it

Even me being a bit overweight shouldnt be a problem since everyone online talks about how a "dad bod" is more attractive than a "gym bro"

So just on paper i am the "perfect guy"

In relationships, all of my previous partners have told me how much they love me and how much of a better guy i was than their previous bf.... so i cant really be an asshole either (and even if i was a dick, that would not be noticeable until the first date, i dont even get that far)

I look a lot younger than I am, the only "attention" I get is from girls much younger, like 16-20 but thats nowhere near what im looking for.

Although my ex always called me "my handsome boy" i still think my main issue is looks.

Pretty much every person I know has called me ugly and sometimes even random people walking past me in the city make comments about how ugly i am...

I wouldnt really consider myself ugly but i also know that men always overestimate themselves

If everything goes right im gonna have surgery next week to get rid of my crossed eye thing and then im probably go for a round of tumor removals again. I guess at the end of the day looks is still the only thing that matters.

In the meantime, can you suggest anything i can try?

I’m 23M and she’s 22F.

We went out twice back in December/January. The first date went really well, but the second was more awkward. We were both nervous, and afterward she became distant. I eventually asked if she wasn’t interested, she said yes, and I left it alone.

Over the next several months, she would occasionally like or reply to my stories and eventually added me to her Close Friends. Recently we started talking again, there was some flirting, and we talked about “seeing each other” again after I finish nursing school.

On Monday we went to dinner. I brought her a small potted flower, we caught up, and the conversation felt much more natural than our old dates. We both opened up about our lives and there weren’t really any awkward silences.

At the end she offered to split the check, but I paid. When we got to her car, she slowed down near the passenger side and I wasn’t sure if she was expecting anything. I was nervous and didn’t want to force it, so I just hugged her goodbye instead of kissing her.
Afterward I texted that I enjoyed seeing her and she said she did too. We talked a little after that, but nothing major since.

My problem is that because she rejected me before, I’m hesitant to pursue too hard or misread friendliness as romantic interest. At the same time, she was the one who gradually started interacting with me again and agreed to go out.

If she gave me obvious signs she was interested, I’d absolutely pursue her. I’m just nervous about looking stupid or pushing things again.
So:

Does it sound like she might be interested again?
Should I ask her out again, or let her initiate this time?
Did I mess up by not kissing her?

24M, First of all i am no man of experience like i dated a girl once for 4 months a thats it and ive been single ever since and happy about it until now, i was attending the wedding of my cousin and saw a cute girl that i pretty much liked, after little investigation i found out her name and looked up her instagram account.

In a nutshell i want advice from you guys on how can I approach a girl that dont know me (maybe she saw me once or twice) and i dont follow her instagram yet (ps: her account is private, have 0 posts and no pp) and to make things worse she’s traveling in 5 to 10 days

So am i cooked for good? Helpp

There is this girl (19f) that I'm (19m) head over heels for her, we aren't actually dating, but when we talk it feels like we have been for years. Today, she messaged me what felt like a bullet.

"SharkIte, I know you already know but I just wanted to tell you, this whole health scare has really made me realize that I am not ready for a relationship. I don’t have the time or energy that you deserve and I don’t want to keep you waiting or expecting something when my health is still so up in the air. I’m not saying we can’t still talk I just, I want you to know that I don’t expect you to just keep waiting on me

It’s not fair to you to just wait around until I might be ready. I really do like you but it’s scary to consider starting something when I don’t even know is my heart or lungs are working properly.

I know we’ve talked about this before

But I just wanted to reiterate

Because I will never hold it against you if you decide to just move on. I can’t expect you to wait on something that might not come, you know?"

Id wait forever for her because for the first time ever, I feel what I think is love. Every time we talk i get super happy, any time I see her face I'm in awe of her, any time we call i could get lost in her voice. That may be the wrong definition but I dont know what else to call it, everything seemed fine before, and she has told me about these conditions and I've been with her through them since I found out, I feel like crying but I can't and I'm scared I've lost her. I probably sound weird to everyone because like I said we arent even in a relationship at this point, but I'll say this again, when we talk, I feel like we've been together for years, I feel like she's the one, like those movie tropes where its love at first sight.

Sorry for venting, im just lost and id like some advice if anyone can offer, or criticism, just something

I (32M) am noticing a pattern with dating apps, with 100s of matches there's only a handful that seem to be bought into the idea of a relationship. Of those few I've had really incredible dates with a few woman where we had great chemistry and went on multiple dates leading to good morning texts and engaging conversation as we are in the talking phase.

Mind you I don't have to talk all the time but I do love when someone isn't flat or avoidant or a dry texter.

All that being said I've noticed with 5 women, all of which we had great connections, they went from 100% to 60% to 40% to 20% then 0% as far as investment and reciprocation of being interested in me/they way they are showing up. 3 of them told me full transparency they matched and started talking to other people and they don't have the energy to put into me like they did at first. I notice this happened with all 5 once the good morning texts stopped as far as their energy shifting and engagement.

Is this a dating app issue? Why not explore something good in front of you? I feel like the path to something long term or even marriage is impossible when the grass is always greener and there's the illusion of "infinite" other options on dating apps.

I tend to only talk to one person at a time but I'm starting to feel like maybe that's not the right to do this, but I also feel like that would divide my energy for whoever I'm trying to see.

I don't want to show up inauthentic by playing texting games and playing it cool but I also don't want to invest in something that isn't going to also invest into me.

Whats your advice?

Hi, I'm 25M,

I like a colleague in my office, we mostly sit nearby in the food court but she used to sit with her group so I didn't get a chance to talk with her.

I also sent her request on IG, but she didn't accept it. But i need her in my life so can anyone let me know what I should do to start talking to her?

How do I stop being a pussy/bitch? How do I become psychologically, mentally strong? It's so easy for guys to intimidate me. I get triggered quickly. People can get under my skin and into my head so fucking easily. It's embarrassing. Sometimes when I voice my opinion, even if it's not that offensive, little muscles in my face start jittering uncontrollably because I'm afraid I will get judged. I'm shy, timid, agreeable – not because I want to be, but because I'm internally afraid to upset people. I don't have a backbone. How do I overcome this?

P.S. I grew up without a father and never did anything hard in my life. Maybe I needed more rough play as a child, maybe I needed to join the military but I never did, and this is why I turned out this way. Anyway, what do I need to do now? I'm not a victim, I want to change.

I have been going to the gym, working on myself mentally, lots of self love, and other things. All, I have been getting is rejection, ghosting, and stood up. It happens a lot in person or on dating apps I don't get matches from anyone?

So, how do I build that up without feeling desperate or the guilt of not having a relationship at all?

I'm 31 and all of my friends and family are dating someone's while I'm still single and been single for years. Lots of people tell me I'm a great guy and be a better boyfriend but I just never get the chance because no one gives me a shot?

Last 5/6 days around i noticed she is looking at me but i ignored i thought she just looking nothing else but now 2 days to u realise she interested so what to do can someone explain?

Being ugly has ruined my dating life so badly. A woman literally told me I look discombobulated. I can’t even approach a woman without them being disgusted by my appearance. It really sucks how badly my genetics ruined my dating life.

Hey I am 28 i am single for atleast 4 year now and some how I lacking confidence to approach a girl .

I have noticed this trend in not just what I hear from women online, but also my experiences with multiple women. I keep hearing women online say things like they don't want to be judged by their body, the same way a man does not want to be judged by how much money he makes, as if its the same thing.... Also, whenever I have met women in the past via dating, whenever I mentioned anything sexually flirtatious, they respond with things like asking me for money in return for their sexual favors. It feels like women are using sex as a weapon to get what they want. They think that their sexual value is above what a man can offer sexually (that a man is only good for offering money in return for sex). How many times have women asked me to pay for nude pics in a dating relationship, when I am obligated to give them to her for free, does that sound fair?

There is a contradiction here, which fuels my confusion.

1. On one hand, there are very traditional folks who will say that women are not interested in sex as much as men. statistics do back this up : Statistical research consistently shows that, on average, men report a higher overall interest in sex and a higher desired frequency of sexual activity within relationships than women do. From a common sense standpoint this makes sense, I mean look at how many men have paid for sex in history vs women. I also hear about sex less marriages where the only person complaining about no sex is the man, rarely the women.

2. On another hand, I have heard people like allan rodger currie, claim that women use the possibility of sex to manipulate men. They also claim that women like sex just as much as men but use it as a weapon, because they think men are stupid. So based on this view, a man is equal to a woman in sexual value, but does this practically work in the real world though is a mystery to me because you will often find more women than not asking for money in exchange for sexual favors.

Moving forward with my dating goals, I need to know what the truth is, so I can calibrate my strategies better. For example if my "first explanation" is correct, then I have to improvise to try and make as much money as I can if sex is what is most important to me.

If my "2nd explanation" is correct then, I need to keep trying hard to find a women who is into me sexually without expecting money in return , which in my experience is not easy, if not feels impossible thus far, because a majority of the women I have encountered keep asking me for money. It feels to good to be true that women actually want you sexually without asking for money in return.

I (M 29) recently had two dates with the same girl (31) this past week and they both went very very well. The vibes were great and we were definitely feeling each other. Even talked about planning a third date at dinner. At the end of the second date, I asked her if she liked where things were going and if she was happy. She said yes and everything seemed normal. The next day she hits me with the “let’s take it slow” text. She apparently was set off when I asked her those questions the previous night.

I agreed with her that I wanted to take it slow as well as we both want something serious as far as dating goals. Ever since then, texting has become dry and unfortunately I am beginning to believe she has lost interest. I do know that she is starting her job back up at school and she genuinely could be busy. She also has not specified she wants to end things. It is currently my turn to text her but I have not responded since yesterday as I am in my thoughts on this.

1. Has anyone been in this situation and how did it go?

2. Do you think she is being genuine or should I no longer waste my time?

3. Should I have not asked those questions and is it my fault?