r/datingadviceformen

I am 21M and single since birth. So in my gym there is a girl which I like and i want to talk to her but i dont have enough confidence to go and speak to her because she is doing workout with her one female friend so I get nervous to talk to her and she also live close to my house.

I have her Instagram id but i didn't follow her. So what I am thinking is should I follow her on Instagram and then directly confess her my feelings.

Because if I only follow her and after that if I see her in gym it would become awkward because I don't talk to her

I’m late 20s and I genuinely thought I was just bad at dating apps for a long time.

I’m not even a bad looking guy irl, but every time i try using dating apps i get the feeling that I’m ugly or i’m shadowbanned. But I know that whenever I take photos of me I looked stiff as hell. Wit a weird smile, an awkward posture. Even when friends tried helping me take “good” pics they somehow made me look worse lol.

Most of my Tinder/Hinge photos were random selfies or group pics and I barely got
matches.

At some point I started paying way more attention to the actual presentation side of profiles. I tried retaking photos, changing prompts, testing different lighting/backgrounds, and even experimented with a few AI photo tools out of curiosity. A lot of them looked super fake honestly, so I stayed away from anything too polished or unrealistic looking.

What ended up helping most was using some photos a friend of mine who is a photographer and an AI photo generator that makes photos that actually looked like me instead of those super polished fake-looking ones. I mixed them with 2 normal real photos I already had (luckly), and weirdly that balance worked way better than my old profile ever did.

I think the biggest difference was that the photos finally captured how I actually look/vibe in person when I’m not pressured to take any photos instead of looking awkward or forced.

Thankfully i got, more matches and it also helped in getting easier conversations. It honestly changed my perspective because before that I was convinced dating apps were just impossible unless you were insanely attractive aka a chad.

I’m actually in a relationship now, but I wanted to post this because I see a lot of guys immediately blaming shadowbans or assuming apps are completely hopeless, or they need to be some sort of chads.

My advice is to just present yourself clearly, do not hide your face, never wear sunglasses or caps. Your profile should answer these questions girls ask unconsciously :
How does he look?
Does he hides something?
How interesting is dating him?

Answering these with your profile photos will increase your matches 100%.

Hi, I'm a dude, and due to reasons, I kinda have to use online dating as atm I can only do long distance relationships. This, however, is a problem for me because I did not get into online dating when I was younger, and I can't seem to get the hang of texting. I don't know how to make the convo interesting and tend to be rather dry. I have tried using icebreakers, tried finding common topics to chat about, but I always feel like I am just a boring texter. I would appreciate it if anyone on here could give me some tips to improve my texting abilities, as any help would be appreciated.

My (avoidant) boyfriend of almost a year broke up with me (anxious) about 3 weeks ago. The breakup came out of nowhere—he told me he loved me the night prior, we got into an argument the next morning that I still believe we could’ve recovered from, and then he told me it wasn’t working out. I was completely blindsided.

When he broke up with me, he immediately unfriended me on all social media. A little bit later he blocked me on Instagram, and just recently blocked me on TikTok. But before blocking me on TikTok, he sent me a random video which I didn’t respond to (read receipts turned off). Also, before blocking me on TikTok, he was reposting videos and commenting about our relationship. He also added a song to our shared playlist—it was a very malicious song.
All while I’ve been completely silent. Truly going no contact. I logged out of Snapchat, Instagram, and TikTok the day we broke up so I wouldn’t be tempted to look at his accounts or interact with him in any way. Only way I knew he blocked me on the two accounts/sent me a video/reposting about our relationship was because I randomly logged into both, looked at my messages because I had some from other people and saw “No User Found”, and I was scrolling through my “For You” page where his reposts appeared. I never visited his profiles. I haven’t even attempted to text or call him.
I’ve been turning all of the attention to myself and my healing. So far, through my healing journey, I’m able to take accountability (not directly to him) for the things that I did that could’ve caused a change in our relationship. I’m continuing my healing journey, focusing on myself, and focused on becoming a better, healthier person.

My question is, why would he be exhibiting that behavior, and then decide to block me out of nowhere when I’ve literally made zero attempts to reach out to him?

So there was a girl that I met in the gym a couple months back and we hit it off pretty good texting back and forth and even following each other on social media until I got too intense/excited with one of my text to her which is usually not me because I was listening to a friend and in turn stopped her from texting me altogether. I was going to wait till I see her in person to apologize but seems like she has been coming in the mornings and not at night anymore to the gym. How do I go about this and regain her interest again if possible. I want to at least apologize to her about it through text.

For some context i M(20) and my girlfriend F(20) have been together for about 10 months, we met at university and had a slow talking stage until i finally got the courage to ask her out.
Anyway to the thing I need help with, at a party my best friend threw for his birthday he invited one of his other best friends from this home town, now this guy is lovely but has a history of being a huge home wrecker and cheating on previous girlfriends. The entire night I noticed him giving her looks and told her I trusted her but to be “careful” with him as I know his past.
Earlier today she called me over to hers as she said she needed to talk, when I got there she cut straight to the point.
a few days after the party he messaged her just in a friendly way and they were apparently talking just for a few days in a friendly sense. But it evolved into more of like a flirty thing, she said she didn’t say anything too bad and it was pretty tame but she defo didnt shut it down (however I dont know how much I rly believe that as, as you can imagine my trust has been shattered).
An example of what was said was him saying he was jealous of when we kissed and she replied with an “oh yeah?”, but it got to the point after like a day or two where he asked her to go down to where he lives and that no one had to know, she ended up saying no, which is good, and that Shes with me and loves me.
So apparently this made her realise what she was doing and how wrong it was and from there, in her words it just “fizzled out”, but a couple nights ago we had a convo after we saw a TikTok of what the least we would break up with each other wojld be, i said cheating and she asked what I classed as cheating and i said flirty convos with other ppl and this again made her realise she should have told me so then today obviously she called me over to tell me and yeh Thats abt it.
Now many thing are bugging me from this some of which being;
- If we didn’t have the conversation the other night would she have told me
- What does she mean by “fizzled out” is that because she shut it down or he lost intreat as he knew nothing more would happen
- I can’t read any of the messages she sent as he has been blocked and the chat feed deleted, so how am I supposed to trust what she said happened, should I ask him?
- would she have kept on going if he wouldn’t have asked and she didn’t say no?

Now I need help, i dont know if I’m overthinking things a lot or the queries I have a valid, Im just very confused and lost.
I also don’t know if I’m over reacting by calling this cheating and would love your opinions.
Ive told her I can probably get over this but I’m not too sure if I can, I love her to bits and I don’t want to end things between us, but really I just want you smart Reddit people to give your opinions on the situation and any potential advice and possible suggestions on what questions I can ask her when I see her next.
I’ve asked for a few days of space which I feel is good, but if i want to mend things is this really the best way to go?

One final disclaimer: in no way I am saying she is a bad person or anything, i don’t dislike her but I just dislike her actions, so please don’t be mean about her.

Thank you, any further questions about the situation I would be happy to answer :)

Been dating this girl for 3-4 weeks now, we've only been on one date which was a bit of a disaster as she self-sabotaged the whole thing presumably out of fear of messing up, as she later said she may have bpd/is worried she will go crazy and didn't want to ruin things.

Both the last two times, she had genuinely been in a mental health spiral and of course dates were put off, however this time around, I had a big live show - I'm a musician and this meant a lot to me, and she knew this, I covered her ticket and she said she would try and see me, she just had to go shopping for a dress for an event beforehand, I know this is true.

Thirty minutes before it starts, I'm first on, I message her and she says she's with her friend - he's this male close friend of hers, who to be honest I don't feel insecure about in a way of 'value' in any regard, it's just their boundaries are weird with him having her phone password for example, anyways, point is she said she was out with him in the city (where I was) and wouldn't be able to bring him (presumably due to extended drama/taboo stuff, it's a whole thing, I know that). The thing is, she was literally a few minutes away and knew beforehand about all of this, and could have easily said anything to just come see me and chose to stay with him.

I told her I was disappointed in her and felt like she chose to stay with him and she apologised for letting me down but I feel like at this point I should just walk away. Is it even worth confronting this anymore? I'm more highly-valued by others who only have interest in me, which is why I just feel so taken back by this, as this is the girl who I'm putting my time and emotions into and whilst her words reciprocate so, her actions do not.

I (M 30) met this girl (F 28) about 6 months ago and I just was vibing nothing to it. Then we started talking everyday. She initiated it. We would talk for hours, inquire about our daily wellbeing etc. EVERY SINGKE DAY FOR THE LAST 6 months. Mainly on FaceTime. I will say that I initially did not develop feelings but overtime I did. Whenever we would hangout she never let me close physically, even playfully taps. I told her my thoughts a few months ago and she shut it down and said we should remain friends.

Honestly, I thought I could do it. No biggie. Then one day we went to an occasion and I saw her with another guy and I lost it. Internally. I drank myself to stupor and had to be taken home by someone else. It was devastating. I remember asking her out on a date a few days after. She agreed and at the very last minute she canceled. I was calling her phone and she didn’t pick up. So I don’t hear from her that night and for the next 2 days. Then she calls 2 days later to apologize saying that she got scared because she doesn’t trust herself with alcohol around me. I was like okay. She enjoys my company and me hers more than friends. She could call and we could talk for hours, come to my place and vice versa, go to places. People even think we’re together.

Now, don’t get me wrong, this girl has been the nicest person I’ve met in a while. We have a very strong emotional connection which is where I think my problems begin. This is the third straight time In the last 4-5 years where I have started talking to a girl and getting to know her and by the time I develop feelings and ask her out, it gets shutdown and obviously the relationship is done from there. I would usually pretend to be okay or try to keep the peace but it literally kills be each time.

So I ended things with her a few days ago. I’m in severe pains and mourning the relationship. I honestly don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I have tried to date casually but it doesn’t do anything for me. I can’t compartmentalize and can only talk to one person at a time. So for example for the last 6 months talking to this girl, I haven’t had any other romantic interests or trysts.

I’m also frustrated that it seems I am always been used as the emotional support animal and then when here’s other guys that they go to have fun with. That’s okay. Nobody owes me anything. I would very much prefer if people called and were emotionally available to those people they have fun with. Because, on my end it seems I am just giving and getting nothing in return unless I too choose to diversify my sexual interests.

I know she wanted a platonic friendship but I felt that it was too close and the investment from me was too much. I would like to start a family and I realize that as adults to w main currency we use to interact with each other is time. I don’t want to invest time I don’t have into something that’s not going anywhere.

This is the third straight time it’s happening so I’m convinced the issue is internal. What can I do to change this? Because I don’t see any evidence that it won’t happen again and I don’t know if I have the will to go through this again. Any feedback would be appreciated.

So I have feelings for my girl best friend. We've talked daily for hours for three years now. Last September, I told her I felt like we could be more than friends in the future, and she said no.

These days, she's told me more than once that I lack the ability to initiate. After asking for more details, she said that I lack the ability to talk to a girl to make a relationship official, meaning, asking her to be in an exclusive relationship. She also said that I'm "husband material" and many girls want to be with me.

I get many mixed signals from her.

So my question is: How do I initiate in general? And how do I initiate with a girl who rejected me nine months ago? Is it a good idea to do it?

After a first date if you tell a girl in person let’s do this again and text her after saying let’s hangout again. Do you think a guy means it ? Or is he just saying it just like that. Just wondering from a guys perspective .

So I like a girl(I'll call her tilla) and I've first texted 3-4 times and sent a couple of reels of the thing I know she would like, she just reacted to it (fair enough) and i complimented her art(she does henna art) and she just reacted to it by liking the text on insta, nothing else, not even a thank you. And my best friend's girlfriend(I'll call her miya) is friends with tilla and tilla and miya talked about me and tilla didn't seem to be much interested in me, and tilla is known for being a shy and nervous girl, she wouldn't first text a guy that she likes cuz she's scared. and after tilla just reacted to my text, i haven't texted her since, my best friend(dumbass) told me not to and I wasn't going to either cuz I had smell that she isn't that interested in me. Now, i wanna talk with her like I don't care about my self-respect(i believe in love, you shouldn't care about your self-respect, you should do whatever it takes to get the person) I'll text her first but I don't want to force her to talk with me. and I wanna get in a relationship with her, but yk, I can't. So what should I do? Should I just hope that she texts me? Or should I just move on? I really want her.

We all know the general complaints. But I’m curious about the patterns men experience that doesn’t get talked about enough.

As women, it’s very easy for us to categorise men or complain about male behaviour but I’m genuinely curious about your side of it. What is it actually like for you?

What do you wish was different?
• What are you actually looking for that feels impossible to find online?
• What’s missing in modern dating that nobody is addressing?

I’m doing research on modern dating and the male experience is genuinely underrepresented in this conversation. If anyone wants to share privately or fill out a short form (just a few questions, completely anonymous) I’d love to hear from you. DM me and I’ll send it over. (If thats even possible, im new to reddit😅)

Every response helps. 🫶🏿

I (F29) work with a guy (M34) and I genuinely can’t tell if there’s a vibe between us or if we just get along really well and I’m reading too much into it.

We’ve worked together for a little while now (9 months) but over the last couple of months or so there’s been a noticeable increase in interaction. He’s somewhat reserved, career-focused, not the type who seems flirty with everyone (though I’ve noticed he can come across a bit flirty with other girls at work when he’s bantering with them).

A few things that have happened:

- he started messaging me outside of work more often (Instagram, Slack etc.)
- he’s suggested checking out random places together during lunch breaks a few times which we’ve done, just us
- we ended up walking home together after work drinks even though he detoured to walk me closer to my place - he also initiated a bit of contact when he asked me to feel how warm he was (before lending me his jacket, though it didn’t FEEL romantic - it still felt a bit shy from both of us)
- he’ll randomly send me links/videos/games and continue conversations after work hours
- recently he brought up a movie multiple times over a few days, then later messaged me asking if I’d want to go to the cinemas with him to watch the film

What confuses me is:
- he can be quite shy/awkward with me sometimes, especially with eye contact
- but I’ve also seen him banter easily with other women at work
- sometimes with me he almost seems more careful/self-conscious than smooth, though other times he’s more comfortable and warm

There have also been moments where I thought the vibe was obvious, then other times where I convince myself I imagined the whole thing and we’re just becoming friends.

For context, neither of us have been overtly flirty and it’s a workplace environment (though a relaxed one) so I think we’re both being cautious.

Does this sound like possible mutual interest / early dating energy to you, or could this realistically still just be friendship and rapport? And if you were me, would you just keep matching his energy and see where it goes, or try to clarify things more directly?

Had a falling out during break up and she blocked me. I noticed I’m not blocked anymore (almost 2 years later).. that’s a green light to message her, right!? 😂😭

j ab a girl being a bad texter in a relationship

So my girlfriend and I have been together for two years now, and for a long time things were going really well. During our first year together, our relationship felt romantic, affectionate, and full of love. We spent quality time together, watched movies and series, cuddled, and genuinely enjoyed each other’s company.

Lately though, I’ve started feeling more alone than ever in the relationship. It feels like I’m always the one trying to connect with her. I’m the one who has to ask if we can cuddle or spend time together without phones, and it feels like she never really seeks out my affection anymore.

She’s also been spending a lot of time out with her friends, which I understand, but I’ve asked if we could spend more daytime together because I usually fall asleep before she gets home. Most of the time, though, she’s either too tired from going out or already has plans with friends again.

When we are together, she spends most of the time on her phone, and whenever I ask if we can do something together, I often get the same response — that she’s tired or needs space. I completely respect needing space, but after a while it’s started to make me feel unwanted and emotionally distant from her.

I love her so incredibly much and I don’t want to lose her, but I’ve been feeling so bad lately

For some reason, body insecurity I guess, since high school I tried to stay away from girls. I wasn’t ugly, in fact I had girls coming up to me but I always got nervous. Fast forward to now, I’m still a virgin and haven’t even kissed a girl yet. I used to be confident growing up and even arrogant at times but as I got older I didn’t feel valuable because of my package size. I had gained weight after HS and just now I started hitting the gym and got some confidence back and dropped 40lbs.

I got on dating apps and got some matches here and there but there’s this one girl that stood out. I never planned to go on a date, I just used it to gauge the type of women I attracted at the stage I was in. Let’s call her Sally. We’ve been talking for two weeks on hinge everyday. That’s how I know this is a little different than the rest of the matches. It’s got to the point where she’s using words like “us” and “we” to describe things. I can tell she likes the idea she has of me but I don’t think I’m that. I can maybe see what she sees in me but I don’t think she’ll like who I really am. I set a date for some reason this weekend and I wasn’t thinking it through, I wouldn’t have set it up because I’m super nervous still. Bottom line is I told myself I’m following through. For some reason though I feel like this is my only chance because she’s the only girl who actually has a real interest in getting to know me. We’ve been sending big paragraphs back in fourth, nothing compared to other matches you know, I mean it’s night and day.

Im just looking for guidance and tips guys please. I want her to have a good time regardless if I get a second date out of it. But I’m also freaking out thinking what if it does go good. I don’t know how to make a move? I don’t know how to kiss her? She doesn’t seem the type to hook up on the first date, not that there’s anything wrong with that, but I mean I’m not even sure how to do that. I know she likes me for whatever reason and I just don’t want to let her down even though I don’t even know her. Anyone have any thoughts?

So I’ve not posted on Reddit for years so this will be fun. I have a small (big) crush on a girl and was just wondering if any of you guys and girls out there could help me.

Disclaimer: never been on a date/had a relationship
Age: 21

So there’s this girl at work who’s the same age as me. We get on great. We pretty much clicked when we met and the conversation has just always flown. I’ve known her for about a year now and would class us as “close friends” at work. We spend I’d say like 60% of our shift together when we can which is hard to do considering we work in a busy place.

Signs:
- Approaches me/invites me to tag along at work
- Doesn’t mind proximity - she stands close enough that our arms like touch or whatever (I let her initiate that obviously considering it’s in a workplace and so I don’t make anyone uncomfortable)
- She also like sometimes casually touches my arm too with her hand
- Said the other day that she “stalked” (her word) my schedule so she can see when we’re on shift together
- Asked for my number for work purposes then that same day added me on Snapchat
- Checks where I am on the daily plan
- Sometimes wanted to take lunch breaks at the same time
- She can get shy when she compliments me
- Talks about things I do or say to her other work friends like: making her laugh etc. (positively lol)
- I made like these random drawings of people while I was bored once and every time I make one she keeps it
- Got a bit disappointed when I told her I was going to be off on certain days

The only thing that sort of sways me that maybe she doesn’t like me is that when her other friends returned to the same shifts as her, she seemed to gravitate slightly less towards me. Like it’s still sort of the same stuff but a bit less.

Also, I know that she’s 100% single as I heard her say it the other day.

Any questions, let me know.
Thank you, people!