u/Longjumping-Bus-8761

How do I stop being a pussy/bitch? How do I become psychologically, mentally strong? It's so easy for guys to intimidate me. I get triggered quickly. People can get under my skin and into my head so fucking easily. It's embarrassing. Sometimes when I voice my opinion, even if it's not that offensive, little muscles in my face start jittering uncontrollably because I'm afraid I will get judged. I'm shy, timid, agreeable – not because I want to be, but because I'm internally afraid to upset people. I don't have a backbone. How do I overcome this?

P.S. I grew up without a father and never did anything hard in my life. Maybe I needed more rough play as a child, maybe I needed to join the military but I never did, and this is why I turned out this way. Anyway, what do I need to do now? I'm not a victim, I want to change.

I'm 1.75 m, which on a worldwide scale is roughly average. Nonetheless, besides big guys, I feel like a manlet. When I see taller guys, I can't help but wish my body was on par with theirs in terms of height. I wish I was a 6ft+ tall stud of a man. Instead, I'm stuck in this body of mine. I don't hate myself, but sometimes I wish I was bigger/taller. If stuff like limb-lengthening surgeries were less risky and less associated with long-term problems, I would probably do it. Just wondering how one learns to accept and love oneself.

PS. I think my insecurity about height does not come from height difference alone, but also from the experiences I've had. I got bullied in school by two guys that were taller than me for quite some time. I think I have a sort of learned helplessness, where I feel powerless against guys bigger than me and like I'm at their whim. Maybe if I learned self-defense and could reasonably take on bigger guys, I would feel more comfortable around them. Your thoughts on this?