r/OffMyChestIndia

24M — I spent years trying to escape my dysfunctional family. After my father's death, I'm back in the middle of it

24M from Maharashtra, living in Delhi — my father passed away and I don't know how to deal with everything that happened before it

Hi, I’m 24M from Maharashtra and have been living in Delhi for the last few years for my education.

A few months ago, I got a call from home saying that my father had suffered a heart attack. I left Delhi immediately, but a few days later, he passed away.

I was obviously heartbroken, but after the initial shock, I realised that his death had left me with a much bigger problem. To explain it properly, I need to give a lot of context, so please bear with me because this is going to be a very long post.

My mother comes from a poor background. Growing up, I don't remember many days when there wasn't some kind of fight at home. A lot of the time, the fights became serious. I was also never allowed by my mother to talk to or meet my father's side of the family. She was a housewife for most of my childhood, while my father had almost nothing when he married her. Over the years, he built his business and made a considerable amount of money. He invested a lot of it in property, and many of those properties were jointly registered in both their names, partly because that was the practical thing to do and partly because of the usual Indian mindset around family property.

As my father's wealth grew, my mother's behaviour also started changing. She began making investments and financial decisions without my father knowing. Then, at some point, she decided that she wanted to make a movie. My father refused because it required a huge amount of money, but she kept pressuring him. Eventually, she took a massive mortgage to finance the movie. She started working on it and essentially moved away from being a housewife, but at the same time, her behaviour towards my father changed drastically. She started disrespecting and harassing him constantly, even over things that seemed completely unnecessary.

Then came the part that completely changed my life.

During the making of the movie, my mother started having an affair with a man from the same industry. He was also involved in criminal activities. He influenced her to drink, go on expensive trips and stay in five-star hotels, with him paying for many of these things. I was the first person in the family to find out. I was in school at the time, around 9th or 10th standard.

I confronted my mother, but she denied everything. Later that same night, I received a call from this man asking me to meet him in his car. I went. My mother was already there, and they were drinking. They eventually admitted to me that they were having an affair. Then he broke a bottle and held the broken glass against my chest and told me, "You can't tell your father about this."

I was terrified. I didn't tell my father. I was a child and had absolutely no idea what I was supposed to do with something like that.

Later, I found out that the money needed for the movie was not as straightforward as I had initially thought. A lot of money had gone into the project, and this man was also benefiting from it. Eventually, the money started running out, and he began demanding more from my mother and blackmailing her. She started ignoring him. One day, he died by suicide and left a post on the internet mentioning my mother. Somehow, my mother managed to keep the situation under control, but the damage was already done. That entire episode was one of the biggest traumas of my childhood and had a huge impact on my mental health.

Not long after that, she started seeing another man. He was a clerk in a government office and started coming to our house almost every weekend and staying with the family. Whenever we questioned her, she said he was "just an assistant." The movie was obviously a financial disaster, and the loans taken for it started piling up. Around the same time, my father's business also started struggling, so he had to sell some of the properties. Since many of them were jointly owned, my mother demanded half of the money from the sale. She got it, and from what I witnessed, a significant amount of that money was spent with this new man, in a way very similar to what had happened before.

My younger brother also ended up getting dragged into this. When he was around 13–14, my mother took him to South India with this man. At the hotel, he found them in what he understood to be an intimate situation, and he was beaten and threatened to keep his mouth shut. There have been many incidents like this over the years. My father was emotionally destroyed, my brother was traumatised, and I was carrying my own trauma from everything I had witnessed and experienced. The biggest problem was that my mother always seemed to have control through manipulation and fear, which made it incredibly difficult for any of us to do anything about it.

At around the same time, I was dealing with a lot in my own personal life. My mental health was getting worse, COVID happened, and I was struggling even with small everyday things. On top of that, my mother constantly pressured and nagged me. I genuinely felt like there was no way out of this dysfunctional family. Eventually, I attempted suicide by jumping from a building. I survived, but I broke my leg, spine and hand.

That was probably the lowest point of my life, but somehow I started working hard to rebuild myself. I eventually got admission into a college in Delhi, which gave me the opportunity to get away from home. I spent the next few years working on my mental health, socialising, making friends and, for the first time in a long time, just living normally. I slowly started healing and genuinely thought I had finally managed to get myself out of that environment.

But things at home continued getting worse.

While I was in Delhi, my mother filed for divorce and also filed an FIR against my father. The legal and financial pressure became enormous. My father was already dealing with a lot of stress, and over time his health deteriorated further. Eventually, he suffered heart failure and passed away.

And that's where I am today.

I'm 24, I've lost my father, and I'm left trying to deal with everything that happened in our family for years — the property, the financial situation, the legal issues, my relationship with my mother, and, honestly, my own mental state after everything I've been through.

There is a lot more to this story, especially everything that happened after my father's death and the current legal/property situation. But this post is already extremely long, so I'll write another post for the continuation.

I'm not really posting this for sympathy. I genuinely don't know what I'm supposed to do from here, and I would really appreciate some perspective from people who have dealt with complicated family, property or legal situations.

If you made it this far, thank you for reading.

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u/Not_a_average_indian — 20 hours ago
▲ 10 r/OffMyChestIndia+1 crossposts

Reality of parenthood?

Two days ago I’m tested positive for unplanned pregnancy (I’m married). The thing is, we never exclusively thought about kids. We are a carefree couple and my husband is very sweet and takes care of me very well. We have been the happiest. I never imagined or think about kids, but gradually when I see people having really hard time after having kids I started getting scared and my husband is on same page as me.

Now, suddenly we are clueless and had to cancel the trip we planned for next to next week since it’s positive. While we both are having mixed feelings, we realised from now on our lives are gonna revolve around the kid and started feeling anxious. Like I’ve been constantly crying and shivering in fear even in hospital that doctor asked if I’m married and fine with it. They scanned and it’s a very early pregnancy and it’s gonna take another a couple of weeks for scanning.

My husband and I started listing down the upcoming things like baby shower, our last trip as a couple, maternity photo shoot, then my sister’s wedding, and then delivery and then another trip before baby turns 6 months and honestly it’s been beyond overwhelming when I was listing out the things to buy to prepare for pregnancy and postpartum. I mean, the list is endless.

Sometimes I’m bursting out like am I gonna feel myself ever again? I’m so scared of labour pains and the whole procedure as I’m scared of even an injection. My husband is very supportive and he said whatever I say is the final call. I’m honestly felt nothing when I saw positive like how my cousin said she cried in tears for her test. Do I lack maternal instincts? I’m literally feeling nothing but sometimes just anxious. Is it normal? I’m clueless like is it only gonna get worse if I plan to have one.

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u/Technical_Dirt_6126 — 18 hours ago

I seriously need anyone's career advice at this point of life i feel like i can never be successful from now

22 age no degree spent years on neet prep pcb background

Bsc : don't wanna do teaching research

Nursing/ paramedical allied health science. Bpt: not allowed

Govt exams : niklega nhi i also have migraine issue so can't handle competitive stress

Neet : nikla nhi

I think now career is ended i try to not get jealoused by others but how to just accept the fate

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u/Ill_Worker_1806 — 19 hours ago

How do you accept that some things aren’t meant for you?

I don’t know how to process this, but I need advice from people who have been in a similar situation and managed to come out of it.

Over the years, I’ve met people and tried dating. The primary reason I wanted to date someone was to fulfill my desire for companionship, to have someone to share my life with. To a large extent, I also believe this came from growing up in a dysfunctional family. I never really felt loved, and the constant clashes between my parents put me into survival mode. The only time I felt truly relaxed was when someone I liked was around.

However, I’ve come to realize that maybe this just isn’t meant for me and I understand that not everything is meant for us. I can accept that intellectually, but my yearning to find someone is eating me alive.

Some people might say that I shouldn’t give up and should keep trying, but at this point, the trade-off doesn’t seem worth it for me. I’m tired of constantly having to heal myself whenever things don’t work out, and I don’t want to become needy or dependent on someone for my sense of peace. The trade-off feels too painful, and I want to stop wanting this altogether.

I’m trying to tame these desires, but I can’t seem to. I’ve joined activities, kept myself busy, and tried to build a life around other things. But eventually, there comes a point when a sudden wave of loneliness hits, and it just eats me away. I don’t want to keep feeling this way. I want to stop whatever is coming because I don’t know how much longer I can keep going through the same cycle.

For people on Reddit who have gone through something similar, how did you control or let go of the desire to be loved? How did you learn to live your life without companionship and still feel fulfilled? What helped you when those sudden waves of loneliness hit?

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Separated F30 - Toxic marriage got me hooked to messed up adult films (corn)!

Having been a girl who developed early in school, I always have had a high libido and low stigma towards physical exploration.

Yet, even when things got really rough in my marriage and i was mistreated, tortured and deprived of any freedom or identity by my husband and his parents for 4 long years, I did not look outwards or cheat as i respected my efforts towards the marriage.

But in order to keep my libido addressed in a mostly dry marriage, i got hooked to adult films (corn). And not just the average kind. I ended up discovering categories that i wouldn’t believe existed.

Tbh i might never be open to trying them in real life but i find it difficult to get myself off to regular corn now.

But, that’s just the peak of the iceberg, the bigger problem is that even when i got sexual attention on a rare occasion from my husband I couldn’t enjoy or feel anything and instead would wait for him to be done so i could go to the washroom and get off to my twisted corn.

I am not sure if it was also because of the trauma i was facing in the marriage that made me feel so but I’m now scared that i might never have a healthy decent physical equation even if I’m emotionally invested in another person.

Hoping to find people who might have had a similar experience and get some guidance to deal with this!

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u/dry_wit_wet_twat — 2 days ago

I keep feeling like I have nothing going on in my life, even though I’m actually doing things.

I've been thinking about this for a while.

Most days, I walk and make sure I hit my steps. I stream. I work on YouTube content. I've recently started writing again and restarted my Substack.

Objectively, I'm doing stuff.

But there's this weird feeling that none of it is really going anywhere.

A few months ago, I was constantly stressed about money, work and what I was supposed to do next. Weirdly, I don't feel that same panic anymore.

I can't figure out whether that's a good thing.

Maybe I've accepted that I can't control everything.

Maybe I've stopped fighting reality.

Or maybe I'm just getting comfortable with being uncertain.

I've also started questioning whether I've been looking at everything through the lens of productivity.

Walking has an obvious benefit. It keeps me healthy.

But does writing need to become a business?

Does streaming need to become a career?

Does every hobby or interest need to eventually turn into money, a skill, a portfolio piece or some kind of "asset"?

I'm starting to think the answer might be no.

The uncomfortable part is that I don't know if I'll still be doing any of these things six months from now.

Maybe I'll stop streaming. Maybe I'll stop writing. Maybe YouTube will go nowhere.

And for once, I'm trying not to turn that uncertainty into an emergency.

I'm curious if anyone else has gone through a similar phase where you're doing things, but you have absolutely no idea what they're adding up to.

I ended up writing about this more honestly on my Substack

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u/DeadlockMain98 — 1 day ago

I grew up seeing things about sex and nudity that I probably wasn't ready for

I grew up seeing things about sex and nudity that I probably wasn't ready for

I grew up in a crowded home with almost no privacy. When I was around 12–13, I accidentally witnessed adult family members having sex several times because we all slept in the same shared space. They never knew I had seen them, and I never told anyone. I also occasionally happened to see family members changing clothes because of the lack of privacy at home.

At the time, I didn't fully understand sex. The first time I saw it, I was frightened and confused, but also curious about what was happening. Nobody ever talked to me about sex or anatomy, so I eventually tried to understand it on my own and later learned about sex largely through pornography.

Now I'm 28 and finally have my own room. I genuinely enjoy sleeping naked when I'm alone because it feels comfortable and freeing. But I've also become stuck in a cycle of watching porn in my room. I particularly enjoy looking at women's bodies and breasts, and I find myself wanting to be naked while watching. I sometimes wonder whether this is simply normal sexual behavior or whether my childhood experiences and years of porn use have influenced it.

Is this normal? If not, how can I break this cycle and develop a healthier relationship with nudity and sexuality?

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▲ 48 r/OffMyChestIndia+1 crossposts

F30 embracing her self amidst a dying marriage!

After 4 long years, Finally, the day has come that I have stepped out of my marital home into an apartment of my own!

It had been difficult to find light at the end of the tunnel as my ex-husband turned from a loving progressive partner to a controlling conservative puppet with his parents being the puppet masters!

I was restricted of all dimensions of my identity for half a decade. Be it meeting my friends, going to the gym, wearing the clothes I wanted, eating the food i liked, so much so that even my calls and messages were frequently monitored sometimes even without my knowledge.

I was manipulated into being told what i could discuss with my own parents and sister or even my best friend. Was guilted into quitting my job to take care of the house.

My dog that i loved so dearly was sent back to my parents house for religious reasons that were beyond me. The list is endless.

And like always there’s two sides of the coin. I am a liberal progressive outgoing woman since i was a highschool kid. Most would label me as non-marriage material. Infact I had made my mind up that I wouldn’t marry ever. But when a guy who has been your friend since school and encouraged you throughout comes knocking at your door despite all flaws, you assume that you’re accepted for who you are. But I fell on my face and learnt my lesson.

Regardless this post is just to get a few things off my chest as I have lost most of my family and friends who i could let it out to, leaving this here in the Reddit universe.

Excited to start a new chapter with my new found house and my recent job.

Life feels less intense and chaining finally.
Kudos!

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u/dry_wit_wet_twat — 2 days ago

Ultra jealous of a friend plzz help

Don’t know if this is the right sub for this but… my friend posted a picture today.
We became friends during undergrad.
She completed her masters in London last year (very random course) and got high pay job there.
She has all that I’ve ever wanted. Proud parents, a home & a car, friends she parties and travels with, luxury stuff, a very happening life!
And I’m here sitting and cursing my life because I have none of this. Don’t want to question her hard work, but seems like she has got great luck too.
Now everyone here would ask me to focus on myself and my growth, but I am jealous and I can’t help it!
Life turned out way better for her being an average student.
Her street smartness took her places, and I feel like a loser here. At nights it makes me so anxious thinking how our mutuals would think she killed it in life and I didn’t.
I feel like I’m left behind.

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Laptop got stolen, job got lost and clueless inife

m 24. came to delhi from my hometown in April 2024 for a corporate law job, which did not turn out well, and eventually I got laid off. they didn't give me any notice and I was laid off the first.monday of August. they told me after i reached office and had worked for an hour. a month ago there was a theft at my flat where I lost my laptop and the office laptop as well. they probably didn't like it too.

now I have a flat which has a lock in period of two more months. I have to purchase a laptop because I don't have any. and idk what to do because I don't have the bank balance for all this. career is also hanging off a ladder with no clarity. i wish existing wasn't this hard.

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u/Unique-Sun-7545 — 1 day ago

Gone Case

Today is my birthday and today is also another important day for me.

I got to know that my family is not normal at all. The more I try to think that everything will get fine, the more it gets fcked up.

I wish this all to end man.

Hope so I'll find peace soon if it's written in my destiny. Maybe in next life.

Love and peace out to anyone reading this post. Hope u guys stay safe and happy with ur loving families 🫠.

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u/oldassmoney — 1 day ago

I can't stop getting emotionally involved in other students' struggles

I don't really know how to put this into words, so I just rambled to ChatGPT and asked it to help me write this post.

For almost a month now, I've been struggling to focus on my own studies and career. My Reddit feed is filled with students — NEET aspirants who couldn't clear the cutoff, people preparing for government exams who missed by a few marks, students who don't know what to do next, etc.

I'll see someone struggling and reach out to them. Then I'll come across another person who needs help, so I reach out to them too. And then another person. It just keeps going on.

A lot of these students are 17–18, and I'm around 21, so I somehow start feeling responsible for them. I know logically that they aren't my responsibility and that I can't help everyone, but I can't seem to emotionally detach.

Some days I feel like I've finally moved on and can focus on myself. Then the next day I see another post and I'm back in the same cycle.

I've basically ignored my own studies and career for a significant part of this month because of this.

I haven't even figured out my own career yet. I'm still trying to understand what I want to do with my life, and I know I should be focusing on myself right now. But I can't seem to stop thinking about other people's problems.

Has anyone experienced something like this? Because whenever I tell someone about my situation they all just ignore it or say it is not making any sense or you are making a big deal out of nothing.

How do you learn to care about people without feeling responsible for helping everyone you come across?

I genuinely want to get out of this cycle.

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u/Kind-Hearing2556 — 2 days ago
▲ 23 r/OffMyChestIndia+2 crossposts

A life with no compass

So i just turned 30 this year and this is killing me! I’ve always been the goody good guy, obedient, studious, ethical, etc. And i got squat! Nobody to count on, no friends, just me and my thoughts! Porn and food are always at my rescue but deep down i know they have sucked my youth away! Fat af so can’t look myself in the mirror, there goes self-esteem for a toss! When i feel people talk to me and want to be friendly with me i feel there comes a silence and emptiness that shoo them away! I read a lot of self-help but still end up asking for advice from people younger or dumber than me, which makes me even more dumb! Can’t bottle my emotions so always tend to be real rather than diplomatic! Cant just cant ben consistent with anything for over 3 days! Is there light at the end of the tunnel?

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u/Logical_Art875 — 2 days ago

2:15 AM and I don’t really know what I’m doing with my life

It’s 2:15 at night and I’m just sitting here after getting my mum admitted in the hospital again.. thinking about my life and how, honestly, everything feels like it’s falling apart in some way.

People probably think I’m a resilient person. And maybe I am. I’ve somehow kept going through things that I didn’t think I could. But I have my moments too. And sometimes it just fucking sucks.

I had thought my career would look very different. A lot of things have turned out differently from what I had chosen for myself. I’m still working on it. I’m still trying. But there’s so much fear and confusion around it that I don’t even know what I’m supposed to feel anymore.

And then there’s my mom’s terminal illness. That scares me in a way I don’t even know how to explain. What scares me almost as much is seeing how directly it affects my father. I’ve seen him be so fragile, and it’s terrifying. You realise that your parents are just people too, and sometimes there is absolutely nothing you can do to protect them from what’s happening.

And then there’s this loneliness.

That fucking loneliness that grips you no matter how strong you keep trying to be.

Yeah, I’ve monkey-branched. I’ve made questionable choices. I’ve looked for people in the wrong places and knocked on the wrong doors. I was looking for my person, I guess. But somewhere along the way, I lost myself instead.

I lost parts of my own conscience. My sense of reality. I kept looking for something in other people that I probably needed to find in myself.

And especially during illness, when someone just… left. I don’t even know what to say about that anymore.

People can say all the comforting things they want. “You’re strong.” “You’ll get through this.” “Everything happens for a reason.” “I understand.”

Sometimes none of it means anything.

People say, “I never knew it could feel that way,” and honestly, that’s the truth. You can say whatever words you want, but some kinds of pain cannot be explained to another person. And sometimes all those words just bounce off you because they cannot possibly reach where you are.

But if I’m close to someone, and they just hug me, or hold my hand, or sit with me for a while…

Somehow, for a brief moment, the pain goes away.

Not because anything has changed.

My mother is still ill. My father is still hurting. My career is still uncertain. I’m still confused about my own life.

Nothing has magically become okay.

But sometimes, for a few minutes, I can breathe. And right now, I think I’ll take those few minutes for what they are.

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u/SoftlyScandalous17 — 2 days ago

Mirror is my only best friend because when icry it never laughs

I am 23 and lately i have realized how lonely i have become. I literally don't have many people i can genuinely talk to so sometimes i end up talking to my own reflection. It sounds pathetic when i say it out loud but the mirror never interrupts me judges my appearance or makes me feel like i am too much or a burden.

When i cry it doesn't laugh.

When i talk about the things that hurt me it doesn't tell me i am being dramatic, immature and clingy

When i sit there feeling unwanted it doesn't make me feel even more invisible.

I have spent so much time feeling like i am the person people overlook. I am extremely sensitive, I overthink almost everything, and i crave genuine connection more than i probably know how to explain but at the same time getting close to people scares me cuz i have experienced enough goodbyes to start expecting them before they happen.

So i have learned to keep a lot inside.

Sometimes i wonder what it would feel like to have one person who genuinely wanted to hear everything I have to say not cuz they felt obligated but cuz they actually cared.

Until then i guess my reflection will keep listening.

It's strange how a piece of glass can sometimes feel safer than people

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u/ChubbyNUgly22 — 2 days ago

So fucking embarrassed

Idk why this is happening with me suddenly but i 19f started to drool a lot nowadays ( didn't have this habit before) today as i was coming back from college i slept in the bus and drooled so much my dress got wet 🥲🤤😭😭 the girl who sat beside me moved to a different seat i think she felt disgusted

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u/Queasy-Jeweler-9372 — 3 days ago

I'm so sick and tired of myself

I don't even know where to even begin atp. I don't know when and how but I've developed exam anxiety. I do have anxiety in general as well. I'm so done with this. Every time I'm so stressed that I can't study, can't sleep, can't eat and my brain keeps spiralling. I'm so tired of this. My anxiety has reached the point that my body starts getting sick. Every time there's a difficult exam and I'm stressed about it I throw up. This has happened so many times that I've lost count. At once it got so worse that i was admitted because my blood pressure was very low. It was the worst time of my life. I'm still in college and I've missed a few of my mid sems and end sems. I haven't talked about my anxiety with my college friends coz I don't think they'll get it. My parents keep wondering why do i always throw up when my exams are going on and keep telling me not to worry so much etc etc. I feel so much of guilt and shame about not being able to go to college and give a fucking exam because I'm too scared. I know that it won't be the end of the world but somehow the cycle keeps repeating and i genuinely hate it. The same thing happened yesterday morning when I was getting ready to go to college. I threw up. I still went to college and gave the exam and it went well. Then last night when I was studying for today's exam i started spiralling once again. I keep feeling like I'm such a huge failure. Last night it actually got worse. I threw up once and then 30-40mins later I threw up again. I couldn't sleep because my body was not having it. I couldn't lie down, my stomach kept feeling weird and i couldn't go to the doctor because it was 2am. I don't know how tf i survived the night. My mother is very worried about me and said don't go for the exam today and so here I am. I've missed calls from my friends and i don't know how I'm going to face them. I feel ashamed and guilty and what not. Like this is so fucking stupid and I'm genuinely done with this. My stomach feels weird after throwing up so much. I just want to disappear or maybe just stop the time. I feel like I'm such a failure and disappointment. I'm genuinely just trying my best to live somehow but it keeps getting hard. I want to run away from everything and everyone.

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u/Moodynoodlecat — 2 days ago

How dating a suicidal guy completely destroyed my mental health

When we first started dating, he was extremely loving and caring. He made me feel special, protected, and genuinely loved, and I never imagined that the same relationship would eventually become one of the most traumatic experiences of my life. He was suicidal and struggling deeply with his mental health, and I genuinely understood that a lot of his behavior came from a place of severe emotional pain. I tried to be patient and supportive because I knew he wasn't okay.

But slowly, he started taking me for granted, becoming increasingly aggressive and unpredictable, and I found myself constantly walking on eggshells. He would call me hundreds of times when I was busy, sometimes around 200 times nonstop, and if I didn't answer, he'd become angry and then guilt-trip me. He sent me videos of blood and videos of him hurting himself, and because I knew he was suicidal, I was constantly terrified that ignoring him or leaving him might result in something terrible happening. That guilt made me feel trapped. I couldn't bring myself to leave because I genuinely feared for his life and felt responsible for keeping him okay. Eventually, every notification on my phone became terrifying. I started having severe anxiety attacks, struggling to breathe, shaking, crying, and feeling like something horrible was about to happen. I couldn't concentrate in class, sleep properly, or enjoy normal things anymore because my mind was constantly waiting for the next crisis. Then things escalated beyond his suicidal behavior and started affecting my own safety. So when I was trying to break up with him and block him , he started blackmailing me, tried to reach my house, and would stalk me from my class toward my home. I started looking behind me while walking and feeling unsafe in places where I had previously felt completely normal. What made it so complicated was that I knew he was suicidal, and I knew he was suffering, so a part of me kept feeling guilty for being afraid of him. I kept thinking, He's hurting, he's not okay, maybe I should understand him, while simultaneously becoming more and more traumatized myself. I don't want to erase the fact that he was genuinely struggling or pretend that his suicidal thoughts weren't real. I believe they were, and that is part of why I stayed for so long. But his suffering doesn't erase what his actions did to me. The relationship left me with severe anxiety, fear, hypervigilance, and a complete loss of trust in my own sense of safety.

Even after it ended, I became scared to date again. Getting close to another guy started feeling frightening because I was constantly thinking, What if he changes? What if I can't leave? What if caring about someone means losing myself again? I cared about him deeply, and I still don't think being suicidal makes someone a bad person. But I have also learned that someone's mental illness can explain their behavior without making me responsible for enduring it. I could empathize with his pain and still acknowledge my own trauma. I was trying to keep him alive while slowly losing myself, and I don't think anyone should have to sacrifice their own mental health and safety to prove that they love someone.

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u/billuluvrr — 4 days ago

I let someone see the most vulnerable parts of me, and now I feel like they regret it

I let someone see the most vulnerable parts of me, and now I feel like they regret it

I don't really have anyone I can talk to about this right now, so I'm posting here.

I'm currently feeling completely shattered. My hands are shaking, I can barely speak, and I feel like I'm having an anxiety attack. I haven't felt this intensely since I was much younger.

There was someone in my life who made me feel really special. I actually warned them in the beginning that I didn't want to get too involved because I know myself. I don't get attached easily, but when I do, I get attached very deeply.

And eventually, I let my guard down with them.

They saw the vulnerable parts of me that I normally don't show people. My insecurities, my emotional side, my baggage, all the things I've spent years protecting. At first, they were incredibly kind and made me feel safe enough to actually open up.

But now they seem like a completely different person.

They don't seem to care when I'm upset. Small things turn into arguments. I don't feel understood or comforted anymore. It feels like they have put their own walls back up after seeing what's behind mine.

And the worst part is that I'm still trying to reach out, even though I know they probably don't want me to.

I've reached a point where I feel like I'm compromising my own self-respect just to maintain some connection with this person. I know I shouldn't be doing it, but emotionally I can't seem to stop.

And my mind keeps telling me that maybe they saw the real me and didn't like it.

Maybe I'm too emotional. Maybe my baggage is too much. Maybe I'm just not the kind of person someone would want once they actually get to know me.

And then I start thinking that maybe I'm simply not attractive enough for them anymore.

I know that's probably not a rational conclusion. But when someone withdraws after you've allowed yourself to be vulnerable with them, it's incredibly easy to interpret it as rejection of you rather than simply a change in their feelings or circumstances.

I don't want to keep begging someone to care about me.

I don't want to keep sacrificing my self-respect because I'm terrified of losing someone.

But right now, I'm hurting so badly that I don't know how to detach.

How do you stop yourself from chasing someone who has already started pulling away, especially when they were the person who made you feel safe enough to lower your guard in the first place?

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u/No-Representative436 — 3 days ago