u/dry_wit_wet_twat

Having been a girl who developed early in school, I always have had a high libido and low stigma towards physical exploration.

Yet, even when things got really rough in my marriage and i was mistreated, tortured and deprived of any freedom or identity by my husband and his parents for 4 long years, I did not look outwards or cheat as i respected my efforts towards the marriage.

But in order to keep my libido addressed in a mostly dry marriage, i got hooked to adult films (corn). And not just the average kind. I ended up discovering categories that i wouldn’t believe existed.

Tbh i might never be open to trying them in real life but i find it difficult to get myself off to regular corn now.

But, that’s just the peak of the iceberg, the bigger problem is that even when i got sexual attention on a rare occasion from my husband I couldn’t enjoy or feel anything and instead would wait for him to be done so i could go to the washroom and get off to my twisted corn.

I am not sure if it was also because of the trauma i was facing in the marriage that made me feel so but I’m now scared that i might never have a healthy decent physical equation even if I’m emotionally invested in another person.

Hoping to find people who might have had a similar experience and get some guidance to deal with this!

After 4 long years, Finally, the day has come that I have stepped out of my marital home into an apartment of my own!

It had been difficult to find light at the end of the tunnel as my ex-husband turned from a loving progressive partner to a controlling conservative puppet with his parents being the puppet masters!

I was restricted of all dimensions of my identity for half a decade. Be it meeting my friends, going to the gym, wearing the clothes I wanted, eating the food i liked, so much so that even my calls and messages were frequently monitored sometimes even without my knowledge.

I was manipulated into being told what i could discuss with my own parents and sister or even my best friend. Was guilted into quitting my job to take care of the house.

My dog that i loved so dearly was sent back to my parents house for religious reasons that were beyond me. The list is endless.

And like always there’s two sides of the coin. I am a liberal progressive outgoing woman since i was a highschool kid. Most would label me as non-marriage material. Infact I had made my mind up that I wouldn’t marry ever. But when a guy who has been your friend since school and encouraged you throughout comes knocking at your door despite all flaws, you assume that you’re accepted for who you are. But I fell on my face and learnt my lesson.

Regardless this post is just to get a few things off my chest as I have lost most of my family and friends who i could let it out to, leaving this here in the Reddit universe.

Excited to start a new chapter with my new found house and my recent job.

Life feels less intense and chaining finally.
Kudos!