r/Separation

So a couple of years ago my employer closed the office I worked at and my new work location was some 100kilometers away (by Dutch standards, that is quite te distance). As a result I left home early and got home late due to rush hour.
So we decided to relocate and found a town closer to work but not all the way so the family was within distance (80km).

Two months in, my gf says this was a mistake, she misses her family and we have to move back. Disappointed I pushed back and 5 years with many arguments, 2 births, Corona, a burnout and work termination later we finally found a house back in the old region. I wasn’t thrilled but sticking together as a family outweighed where I was going to live.

Our oldest (5y/o) at the time, had a hard time fitting in at the new school so after a month, gf again says this was a mistake, what have I done ripping her from her familiar surroundings, we should move back yet again. So we went to see houses but over a couple of months, our oldest started to fit in and the town grew on my gf, so she started backpedaling. But we continued looking for homes and we finally found it: free standing home with a big garden, something we could not afford in our youth region.

We placed a bid, it got rejected. Before we placed the second bid I asked her if she still wanted to move ahead. She was reluctant and maybe I wanted her to want it a little too much, idk. Second bid got accepted and then you have a few days where you can back out of the deal (by law), and she wanted out. I wasn’t thrilled gutted, and my sadness, disbelief, frustration, helplessness all turned into anger, so I gave her the stink eye for a couple of days. I totally broke down in front of her and she agreed because she didn’t want me to be unhappy. After all, she initiated the move back.

So we closed on the house, bought a new kitchen, new floors, have new stucco, broke down internal walls, tens of thousands of euros invested. And now she says she wants to move back *yet again* because this isn’t her place anymore. The old school was better, the old town was better.

She even said she’d move back alone and leave me and our kids behind so we could be happy, but she can’t bear to stay here. And, she confided to our oldest, who now thinks she has to choose a side.

I am torn between keeping my family together and go live in an area I really don’t like vs staying in an area that makes me genuinely happy but breaking up with my love of 15 years, the mother of my kids, and a potentially nasty issue with where the kids are going to live. If she moves out and gets the kids, the alimony will mean I have to sell the house anyway. I am the provider of our only income, she stopped working some years before we had kids and I was fine with it then.

I know this is my choice to make, maybe I just need to vent. I’m at a loss. I am working every night and weekend to make the house into a home, and the feeling it may all be for nothing is not helping me keep motivated, yet there are deadlines in our construction planning…

What would you do?

This was the best news ever for me, so a call to some realtors started our search for a new house

Good evening,

I am currently in the process of separation. According to my wife there is no chance on reconciliation. I am trying to set up financial separation so that things are cleaner down the line.

My main concern is how to split joint expenses due to our salary disparity. She currently works 4 days a week, entirely by her own choice, she could have been working 5 days but wanted a day with our children. Due to this I am earning just under 60% of our household income.

I am happy to split all expenses 60/40 as if I didn't then she would have no money left over and that is not fair.

Main concerns for me to make this fair:

1. Should I be compensating her for that day she has off at nursery rates? I don't know quite how that should work.
2. I am a teacher so obviously I do and will continue to do childcare during school holidays. It feels weird for me to ask that compensation for that even enters the equation as they are my kids and I am not sacrificing potential salary during those weeks.
3. I still absolutely love her and am still in the deluded position that this separation may be recoverable. I feel this is cloudng my. normally, solid reasoning in this.

Any advice is welcome. She hates even taking about finances and has just always let me take care of it but I don't want to, even inadvertently, take advantage of her.

Thank you in advance.

Edit: despite seeing multiple replies here I can only see two of them. I also can't see my replies to those. Not really sure what's going on but thank you to anyone advising. I will hopefully be able to respond to you all eventually.

My wife and I of 27 years are separated. About three weeks ago she told me that she has not been happy for a long time and that she needed space for her to figure out what she wants. I did not react well at first. Crying and sobbing which, I now realize probably pushed her away further. After clearing my head, I went to my moms to give the space that she wanted. I realized that we drifted apart, life got in the way and we lost each other. I want to work on the marriage because, we have a good base, never any abuse or infidelity and we still love and care for each other. We are not "no contact", we text almost everyday. I am working on myself during this time apart. I found out a lot about myself and am working on fixing the broken parts. Her, I don't know. I think maybe she wants divorce but, is afraid to tell me or, she does not know what she wants at all. I mean one second I feel like she wants to end it but, the next second she may talk about getting a home equity loan to renovate our house. Why would I do that if I may be getting divorced and why would you ask that if you knew you may get divorced. Very confusing to say the least.

I love my husband and we want to make things work. But I can’t get over that I just don’t feel the desire to be intimate. I know it’s not fair to him but we have a child together and I would love to have another child with him at some point if we can make our marriage work. I’m horny so I know that it’s specifically the lack of intimacy and passion within my marriage. Is there anyone who has moved past this? Some things are physical which he may be able to change but much of it is just years of resentment and feeling emotionally unsafe. How would I go about making sure life is stable for our child if the right the right thing to do is divorce?

Going into this process, I honestly assumed that if both people already agreed on everything, the legal side would be fairly simple to handle.

My ex and I don’t have major disagreements about finances, there’s no custody conflict, and overall things have stayed pretty civil. Because of that, I expected the process to feel mostly procedural.

Instead, I’ve spent an absurd amount of time trying to understand how the Illinois filing process actually works.

I keep reading court instructions that seem straightforward at first, but then I start applying them to our specific situation and suddenly I’m questioning whether I downloaded the right forms, misunderstood a step, or missed something important entirely.

For anyone in Illinois who handled an uncontested divorce on your own:

What part of the process caused the most frustration?

Did the paperwork eventually start making more sense?

Was staying organized the hardest part, or was it dealing with court procedures themselves?

So, my wife and i separated a couple weeks ago and plan to be separated for 90 days. She initiated the separation. We are actively in counseling and are working to restore the relationship. She came over last night to talk and we ended up having sex. Real, passionate, connecting sex.

The sex was great and we really connected in ways we haven't been recently. So, went to see our counselor this morning and she recommended no sex...at least for a while.

Anybody have any experience with this situation? Thoughts?

Selfishly, i would like to continue to have sex with my wife when/if she is up for it for obvious reasons, but also as it seemed to soften both of us up a little when we met for counseling this morning. In other words, the connection last night, contributed to a more calm and collaborative counseling session. On the other hand, if sex is going to delay our progress in some way, i would give it up for a period of time for that progress to happen.

My wife and I have been separated since the start of the year. We had been married for just under two years when this took place. We’ve both tossed around the D word, and while I can’t speak for her, I know that I definitely do NOT want that to be the outcome despite what friends and others say needs to happen.

I just have a hard time understanding “why”. I’ve been working hard on myself since we have been apart, and although she has pulled away, hope still remains in my heart. I don’t know why we shouldn’t be able to work on our marriage and come back together stronger than we ever were. Everything was easy with her; we never argued, never had fights. We could talk through anything and come to a level headed conclusion. She’s the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, and a situation like this seems unfathomable to me still. She’s “my person” and I just can’t help but feel like her and I are meant to be. I know that I would do anything to make things right between us, and I just wish that she felt the same way.

Some back story: everything seemed fine until this time last year. We had just bought a house, and I then lost my job. Thankfully it was only three weeks before I found a new one, but the stress levels were still pegged. Prior to this, I had been so stressed and burnt out at work that it had rolled over into my home life. Severe weight gain, a substance relapse that I didn’t hide from her, and unfortunately adopting a shitty outlook and attitude. I wasn’t aware that my mental health had degraded so much. Throughout all of this, I know that there are some stupid things that I said and did, but I know in my heart that I still cared for her and tried to love her as much as a broken man possibly could.

Late September 2025, she told me that she was unhappy. It seemed so out of left field to me, although looking back it makes perfect sense. She cited things like my drug use, and my weight gain. She told me that I would never change. I really tried making her feel seen, and understood. I tried to make it a point to get better at the things she said I was lacking in. I told her than I wanted to spend more meaningful time with her, and get us back to regular dates, and trying to just enjoy “us”. This all started to intersect with her becoming very emotionally attached to another man. As the year went on, the closer they got, and the more she was out with friends than wanting to spend time at home. (It didn’t help that she had a really hellish work commute to deal with daily, so I absolutely feel for her in that regard). The fact of the matter is, the more I tried to make things right, the harder she pulled away.

I blame myself. I understand that there are outside factors at play here, but ultimately, I blame myself. If this really is the end, it’s a guilt that I will have to live with for the rest of my life. It makes me really sad just thinking about her and I being apart, since she really is the person who I thought I would spend forever with. Not experiencing that forever with her terrifies me. But at the end of the day, I know that I have to be accepting of her wishes, whatever that may end up being.

My friends tell me that I’m being to soft. That I’m being pathetic in the way I’m acting. People tell me that I should hate her, that I shouldn’t talk to her, or associate with her at all. Through all of this, I cannot shake the fact that my heart tells me that she’s the one. It’s a really tough thing to live with day in and day out, the feeling that the person you love the most doesn’t feel the same way about you.

And yet, I still love her to death.

After 7 years of being separated, finally filed the divorce. Ive spent so long feeling stuck waiting, i dont feel any closure yet. Maybe in 6 months when its finalized. A small part of me still hopes to be with her again but its also been so long of me being stuck that if she said something about trying to mend things I would feel angry. I know that little hope I have left will leave the day of the finalization. There is no going back for me after that, this isn't some grand romantic story of us finding each other later and making it work. We live 2 hours apart, dont have any overlapping circle of friends or careers. And the day its finalized I'm cutting all ties and erase her as much as I can because after 7 years of waiting its time for me to move on and try to find some semblance of the happiness I found from being with her.

After 14 years of being together we decided to separate. It sucks.. I hurt but I know this is for the best.. but at least things are civil so far. It's going to be hard on my kids.. idk what I'm trying to say but this is a big change for the family. I'm not sure how to act or feel. I just feel numb.. I love this man so much and care for him but our relationship was just dwindling away.. I just want us happy even if that means being separated

I (35F) am in the process of breaking up with my boyfriend (35M) of several years. This breakup was very sudden and his decision ("it's not you it's me" type situation). I was really blown away. Now, he is expecting me to move out basically immediately (I think he thought I would leave the first night). I am obviously very sad and traumatized to have my life change so suddenly, but am really struggling with feeling like I am being kicked out. Although things are sort of amicable (we both have lots of care for each other) he thinks I’m being unreasonable for wanting to stay in our home, and I think he’s unreasonable for expecting me to vacate immediately. My friends/family agree with my side, his agree with him (yay I guess we both have supportive friends). But I need an unbiased opinion.  

We rented this apartment together 3 years ago, furnished it together, it has plenty of space for two people to sleep separately, and he is expecting me to move out ASAP and leave the place to him (and he would take over full rent). 

His reasoning: this house is close to his work, he has a very very busy job with extremely long hours, he has a particularly busy stretch coming up this summer, and prior to the busy stretch he has a vacation week during which he wants to spend time at home relaxing. I, on the other hand, work completely remotely and my parents live semi-locally (1h away) and have a spare room. He doesn't have any family members nearby that are appropriate to stay with. Since I have a free place to stay, it seems clear to him that I should leave. I am deeply sympathetic to these reasons, he works very hard and I understand that uprooting him will disrupt his life very much.

My reasons: I feel I am being kicked out of my home, adding insult to the pain of this breakup. My life will also be disrupted by the move, even if my work life is unaffected- my few supports are close to here, my gym, my routine. My parents and I have a solid but complicated/tense relationship, so I don't feel that moving in with them is good for my mental health particularly while going through a very challenging breakup. I also don’t think at my age it’s right to just come crashing home to mom and dad- they don’t support me emotionally in the way they did when I was a kid. 

Financially, we agree that finding a new spot will be basically equally burdensome for each of us. Am I being unreasonable? Should I be moving out immediately solely because I technically have a free place to go? He has friends with spare rooms, but I understand that is a huge imposition. I am NOT asking to stay here forever. I am asking for a few weeks (3-4?) grace where we find a way to amicably share the space OR he finds somewhere to stay, since he was the one who blindsided me with a breakup and wants out. But I'm truly not sure if I'm being difficult. Maybe (probably?) my judgement is being clouded by how hurt I am. But I’m not trying to be mean, I just want to take care of myself. 

TLDR; in a breakup, do I have to leave our shared home immediately because my parents have a spare room 

Married for 11 years. Two kids, one with additional needs (more than likely autism, but we’re getting ready to go through testing). We’ve definitely had our ups and downs, including infidelity. We’ve worked through things for the sake of our kids and I’ve always held out hope that we could be really happy together.

Husband came to me saying he wasn’t sure if he wanted to be married anymore about 6wks ago and we’re finally to the point where we want to consider a trial separation. I’m getting ready to transition back to working part time (have been working full time for almost 2 years) to help take care of our special needs child.

Does anyone have experience with an at-home separation, especially with staying home or just working part time? We wouldn’t separate finances.

Does anyone have a marriage where you agree together that you’re simply together for the kids and live platonically? We overall don’t hate each other and overall have a lot of similar beliefs and values.

I could definitely get alimony as well as child support, but a divorce would be particularly devastating financially and my husband understands that and thankfully doesn’t want to put me or our kids in a bad spot. Also, having a child with additional needs does make this more complicated as he does need support taking him to and from appointments and he’s currently getting ready to go into a prek class. My husband minimally manages his care and I do most of the heavy lifting with that.

Anybody else feel like they are stuck waiting on an adultier adult to come save them from all the pain? I find myself feeling stuck bc I don’t think I have the necessary coping skills to manage all the loss. I cook the same meals over and over bc it is all the energy I have.

The signs started to show these last 90 days. Her not picking up the phone when i would call from work. Large time gaps and always the next morning of her telling me she went straight to bed and thats why she didn’t call me at work when she got home. Yea night shift work can suck on a relationship. She detached from the kids and let me know by randomly telling me that my kids hated their step mom. I took a woman who loved with an innocent pure love and turned into the cold not caring at all woman I faced that last day of our marriage. 

I regret every wrong thing I did. I miss her more than I can put words too. It seems every time I turn around I want to tell her about a new thing that has happened in my day only to come seconds later to the harsh reality that she doesn’t want to and never will want to hear about my day again. I don’t think anyone could regret as much as I regret now. I see everything I let slip past me and go unchecked as if somehow or someway a broken marriage was going to fix itself. 

I should have put the extra time and work into us. I should have showed her that she made the right choice when she let me take her hand in marriage. God knows to this day I would take her back and show her just how sorry I am for all the mistakes and broken promises. My heart breaks knowing I had the power to incorporate change and make our union whole and I alone am the reason I am now living out of my truck. I love her so much and this is the hardest most hurtful thing i have ever had to endure. When she said the words “ I don’t love you anymore.” my entire universe faded to black. What makes this absolute agony is she is my best friend in the entire world and I alone let her down, I let my family down and I let god down because I didn’t do my part as a man and protect her heart.

I’ll never stop loving her, and I would take her back in a heartbeat and show her how I’ve learned these hard facts. Guys this is the lowest point a person can be. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I can’t function as a human how in the world do I go on from this? how in the world can i come back from the number 1 most regretful thing I have happened in my life. I miss her she was my rock, my partner, and the very best thing that ever happened to a loser guy like me.  I know this wont be everyone’s cup of tea but please save the criticism I don’t need more negativity. I needed to get this out into the universe cause bottling this poison up inside is killing me.

Hey r/Separation, I could really use some outside perspective on my current situation. I’ll try to stick strictly to the facts and own up to my side of things.

The Background:
To be upfront, my drug use contributed heavily to the breakdown of the marriage. It wasn't an all-the-time thing, but periodic. I was using phenibut and/or butanediol, and while it wasn't illegal, there were times I would use and fall asleep standing up or sitting down. I was also drinking a lot, though that was never brought up as a concern.

Things came to a head in January. I was under the influence and asleep on the couch. She called, and I didn't make any sense. Because she wasn't home and had seen me like this before, she called 911. Honestly, I would have been fine if I had just been allowed to sleep, but I digress. I ended up spending a night in the ER and a week in detox.

I completely understand that what I did hurt her deeply. I also lied to her about throwing my stuff out. I understand that, I own it, and honestly, I don't blame her for wanting to leave.

The Separation (April):
At the start of April, she told me she wanted to separate. I said okay, mainly because I didn't know what else to say. We continued living in the same house (and still do). That was the absolute hardest month of my life. Trying to navigate the separation while being there for our two small kids was indescribable. During this time, she started coming home later and later, but still at somewhat reasonable hours.

The Confession (May):
At the start of May, she came to me late one night having a massive panic attack, begging me not to abandon her because she needed me.

For context, we had two major dealbreakers when we first got together: No drugs/alcohol (hers) and no cheating (mine). I obviously broke mine, and eventually, she started drinking/using too, though not to the same extent.

During her panic attack, she brought up my feelings on cheating and talked about her past shame regarding "risky" behaviors. She confessed that her panic attack was from job stress and from going through a breakup after sleeping with another guy. She told me he went back to his family (who apparently had an open relationship), though later she claimed she broke up with him.

I didn't abandon her. I expressed my frustrations but didn't react dismissively to what she told me. I honestly felt I handled it well. The very next day, we were hugging, saying "I love you," went to church together, and had a great Sunday.

I processed a lot of anger that Sunday and Monday. However, I wanted her and our marriage bad enough that I wanted to figure out how to move forward. To be completely honest, I also felt like I finally had some type of power back in the whole situation.

The Mixed Signals:
A few days later, the whiplash hit. I asked her about our status, and she said she still thinks we're separated. I was fine with that, as I was just hoping reconciliation was possible.

I later asked her point-blank if she considered what she did cheating. She said no, because we were "separated"—even though we were still living in the exact same house and the terms of our separation were never previously discussed. About a week later, I asked if being separated meant we were seeing other people. Her response: "I don't know how to answer that without hurting you."

Where I'm At Now:
I have always been about owning my mistakes and trying to grow and repair from them. I'm sure she has a different perspective, but I honestly feel that I was there for the kids and for her, always doing anything I could for the family (except for those times when I was being selfish and using). Aside from those moments under the influence, I was never checked out or unavailable.

It's also worth noting that she would threaten to leave almost every month due to PMDD. At one point, we were at the doctor's together and she explicitly told them, "I need some type of help so I don't try and leave my husband every month."

What makes it worse is the neglect. While she was in this other "relationship," she wouldn't spend any time with our kids except maybe one weekend day. She would come home, eat, sit on the couch playing on her phone, and go to bed by 8:15 PM.

Meanwhile, I handle almost everything. I clean, I bathe the kids, I spend time with them, and I listen and talk to them with my full attention—not staring at a screen. I make sure they have clean clothes and what they need for school. I try (though don't always succeed) to get them to brush their teeth. I even still occasionally do her laundry (which she hasn't had to do for at least a year, except for the month of April). I mostly enjoy putting the kids to sleep by myself, but it's hard being pulled in two directions by two little ones at once.

I'm sure she will say these are "new behaviors" on my part, but it might just look like that to her because someone had to step up to fill her role when she checked out. And when I say I clean, I mean that if it wasn't for her mom doing our dishes, everything would be on me. Her mom actually lives with us (which is a whole other story)—my wife can do no wrong in her eyes, so she gets absolutely no real feedback or parenting from her mom, just pure enabling. There has been a rare time or two where my wife will contribute to some cleaning, but to give you an idea of where she's at: there are currently moldy dishes sitting on her dresser, and there was an animal carcass (brought in by a cat) left on the floor of "her bedroom" for about a week.

The Hypocrisy and Breaking Point:
Here is a real jewel. She had actually found an apartment, put down a deposit, and was officially going to move out on June 1st. For an entire month, I had no idea where I was going to live or what I was going to do. The uncertainty, especially with two small kids, was the absolute worst feeling in the world. I spent that time busting my ass trying to figure out how to afford this house by myself so the kids wouldn't be displaced, and I mostly have it figured out.

Then, she suddenly cancels the apartment, comes back home, decides to stay, and has now told me on two separate occasions: "You are destroying and upending everyone's lives because you can't decide if you want to stay or go."

How does that make any sense at all? She cancels her move, decides to stay, and then has the nerve to make statements like that to me?

We still eat and have family time together sometimes, but I rarely talk to her, and honestly, I can't f*cking stand her. I used to think I'd sacrifice anything for the kids, even staying in this marriage. But now, I just want it all to end. I want her out, but finances make that next to impossible right now. I just want to keep the house for the kids.

My questions for Reddit:
What is your opinion on her sleeping with someone while living in the same house, right after declaring a separation where no ground rules were set? Does Reddit think this counts as cheating? How do I navigate this insane hypocrisy while stuck under the same roof?

TL;DR: My drug use and lying led to a detox stint in Jan. I own my mistakes and don't blame her for wanting to leave. She asked for an in-house separation in April (though historically she threatened to leave monthly due to PMDD). Within 30 days, she had a brief affair, got dumped/broke it off, and confessed to me during a panic attack. She claims it isn't cheating because we were separated, despite setting no rules and still living together. She canceled an apartment she was supposed to move into, decided to stay, and is now gaslighting me by saying I'm upending our lives because I can't decide to stay or go. She neglects the kids and leaves messes in her room while I do all the parenting and cleaning (enabled by her live-in MIL). I can't stand her, I want her out so I can keep the house for the kids, but finances make it impossible. Looking for perspective.

My ex and I are actually on relatively good terms and both agreed we don’t want the divorce process to become a huge conflict.

There’s no major fight over property, no custody issues, and overall things have been pretty calm between us. Because of that, I originally assumed handling an uncontested divorce in Michigan would be fairly straightforward if we stayed organized.

Instead, the paperwork side has felt way more overwhelming than I expected.

I keep going back through court websites trying to make sure I understand which forms are required, what order things need to be filed in, and whether I’m missing something important. Every time I think I finally figured it out, I end up finding another detail that makes me second-guess everything again.

At some point I realized I was spending hours reading filing instructions, Reddit threads, and random forum discussions just trying to piece together a clear process.

For anyone in Michigan who handled an uncontested divorce without attorney:

Did the process eventually start making more sense?

Were the forms as confusing as they initially seemed?

Any advice for staying organized through the administrative side of it?

At this point, the paperwork honestly feels more mentally exhausting than the actual divorce itself.

My husband and I have been separated for a few months after 7 years together and the last couple of days have honestly changed something in me emotionally.

Throughout the separation there were a lot of mixed messages. At times he told me he loved me, missed me and gave me hope. Other times he told me there was no future for us, that the love was gone and that things were permanent. I kept holding onto the hopeful moments and trying to fight for the marriage.

Recently things escalated badly emotionally between us. I kept trying to understand if there was any possibility of rebuilding in the future and he became increasingly overwhelmed and angry with me. There was also a serious mental health crisis involved recently which affected both of us deeply and added even more emotional intensity to everything (he tried to end his life by overdosing a couple days ago).

Last night we had a long conversation where I suggested multiple ways we could try to repair things — marriage counselling, rebuilding slowly, structured separation, compromises etc. He basically told me none of it was good enough and that everything was always on my terms. We ended up arguing more and he told me I had pushed him too far and that “it’s going to get nasty now.”

Then suddenly the conversation shifted into practical things. He told me he wants out completely and wants me to move back into the house to take care of it, the animals and his mum, who I was very close to during our marriage and who isn’t well. He also told the housemate the same thing, so it wasn’t just said privately to me in anger.

As strange as this sounds, after months of panic, chasing answers and trying to fix everything, I woke up today feeling lighter. Still heartbroken, but clearer. For the first time I think I genuinely accepted that I cannot carry a marriage alone and I cannot help someone who does not want help from me specifically.

I still love him deeply, but I’ve reached the point where I know I need to stop trying to save the relationship on my own and start focusing on rebuilding my own life and stability instead.

Has anyone else experienced that weird mix of grief and relief once acceptance finally starts setting in during separation?

Part of me does still hope one day it'll be different however I feel like he is definitely struggling a lot and needs serious help that I cannot help with or provide.

Together 18 years, since we were 18 year olds. We have a deep bond and love each other so much.
The last 6 months have been horrible, after our first baby all behavioural issues blew up, we grew apart and reached a point where we said we need to fix it or divorce.

My husband was emotionally burnout though, along with therapy fog he just couldn’t see clearly if he wanted this or not and asked for a temp separation. We took 2 months, both in therapy at the same time.

These 2 months were a huge growth journey for me, I reached a point where I would be okay if things ended. On his part he seemed to be doing better, more self confidence, less sadness. We went on a couple dates, had sex and made the decision to come back home.

2 weeks in he started withdrawing again. I talked to him about it. He said he feels like shit because he knows his ambivalence is hurting me. He said he loves me more than anyone, he missed me, my company and our family. But he admitted that desire has died at some level and it doesn’t feel as intense as he’d like it to feel…. He’s trying but he’s also super numb. And I keep thinking these numbness must also be from all the stress and guilt he’s been carrying for months now. Both are nervous systems are on guard constantly, you can’t rebuild desire with this mental state!

Now I’m wondering - after 18 years together I find it normal for desire to be a little dwindled, it’s not all sparks. But I still want him, still get lost in his eyes, still feel butterflies when he flirts with me. I imagine he doesn’t…. But then he says I’m his favourite person. My point is can desire come back if numbness from all this turmoil calms down? Or should I just accept that it’s just done for him and stop trying to force what’s not there anymore? I Even though I want to feel desired and flirted with etc, I can accept that some times mental health affects what the other person can give you. He supported me through rounds of depression over the years too.

We’re just so good together, he’s a wonderful person, great husband and father, I don’t want to end things without being sure we tried everything…

I feel like an absolute failure. I can’t keep up with everything anymore. I don’t want to be responsible for my husband anymore.

I just want to take my kids and crash alone with them. I don’t want to constantly be worrying about every little mess. I don’t want to feel undesired anymore.

I don’t want a divorce insult don’t want to do everything for him anymore.

ETA: yesterday I spent 2 hours deep cleaning the car, shampooed poop out the carpet twice because he was to busy playing games and ignored the dogs whine while I was in the back cleaning my toddlers bed (they had accidents). I spent the whole evening deep cleaning two bedrooms, the kids bathroom and the hallway but I was too tired to clean up the kitchen and take out the trash and he’s pissed over it. If things aren’t perfectly clean at all times he’s upset but he won’t do anything himself. He won’t help with the kids unless I beg him. When he finally does something I get the cold shoulder for days. I want to kms.

Starting a thread about strange things your ex did that you still don't understand.

Don't let it turn nasty guys, but curious to see what you no longer have to mentally deal with now you're separated 🤣

So mine always took his t-shirt off so he was topless when on the toilet. Weird.

Go!

Do people ever reconcile after separation? my spouse has mentioned wanting separation several times and I am devastated. We are starting couples therapy today at my insistence and I am broken. she was supposed to be my soul mate and my shelter, my rock.

is there hope?