u/Bright-Stress8347

My fiancée and I were together for 12 years and have 3 kids. We were supposed to get married September 19th, but about two months ago she left. There wasn’t some huge blowup or one big thing that happened. We had just slowly disconnected. Life got busy, we stopped making time for each other, and I didn’t realize how bad things had gotten until it was too late.
She had told me before that we weren’t in a good place and that something needed to change. Looking back, I wish I would’ve taken that more seriously and said, “Then let’s fix it.” Instead, I let life keep going.
She moved out with the kids, and for the last couple months I’ve been trying to accept that our relationship might really be over. She’s also already talking to someone else, which honestly hurts like hell after 12 years.
But today something changed. She called me and told me we’re going to move the kids back in with me. I’ll be able to see them 3–4 times a week, get them back into their old school/daycare, and actually be a much bigger part of their everyday lives again. As a dad, I’m incredibly grateful for that.
Now I’m trying to figure out what I’m supposed to do from here.
I’m working on myself, going to therapy, staying away from the things that weren’t helping me, and trying to become a better man—not just to get her back, but because I know I needed to change.
But I’d be lying if I said a part of me doesn’t still hope we could eventually find our way back to each other. Twelve years is a long time, and we have three kids together. At the same time, I know I can’t sit around waiting for her or trying to convince her to come back.
So for the people who have actually lived through something similar:
Did anyone separate after 10+ years, have kids together, and eventually reconcile?
If your ex started talking to someone else shortly after the breakup, did that relationship actually last?
And if you were in my position, what would you focus on right now if you wanted to give yourself the best chance of either rebuilding the relationship someday OR becoming completely okay with moving forward without them?
I’m not looking for people to tell me what I want to hear. I’d genuinely appreciate some real advice, especially from people who have been through it.
I’m trying to keep my head up, be the best dad I can be, and let my actions speak for me from here on out.

My fiancée(29f) and I (29m) were together for 12 years and have 3 kids. We were supposed to get married September 19th, but about two months ago she left. There wasn’t some huge blowup or one big thing that happened. We had just slowly disconnected. Life got busy, we stopped making time for each other, and I didn’t realize how bad things had gotten until it was too late.
She had told me before that we weren’t in a good place and that something needed to change. Looking back, I wish I would’ve taken that more seriously and said, “Then let’s fix it.” Instead, I let life keep going.
She moved out with the kids, and for the last couple months I’ve been trying to accept that our relationship might really be over. She’s also already talking to someone else, which honestly hurts like hell after 12 years.
But today something changed. She called me and told me we’re going to move the kids back in with me. I’ll be able to see them 3–4 times a week, get them back into their old school/daycare, and actually be a much bigger part of their everyday lives again. As a dad, I’m incredibly grateful for that.
Now I’m trying to figure out what I’m supposed to do from here.
I’m working on myself, going to therapy, staying away from the things that weren’t helping me, and trying to become a better man—not just to get her back, but because I know I needed to change.
But I’d be lying if I said a part of me doesn’t still hope we could eventually find our way back to each other. Twelve years is a long time, and we have three kids together. At the same time, I know I can’t sit around waiting for her or trying to convince her to come back.
So for the people who have actually lived through something similar:
Did anyone separate after 10+ years, have kids together, and eventually reconcile?
If your ex started talking to someone else shortly after the breakup, did that relationship actually last?
And if you were in my position, what would you focus on right now if you wanted to give yourself the best chance of either rebuilding the relationship someday OR becoming completely okay with moving forward without them?
I’m not looking for people to tell me what I want to hear. I’d genuinely appreciate some real advice, especially from people who have been through it.
I’m trying to keep my head up, be the best dad I can be, and let my actions speak for me from here on out.