r/Divorce_Women

My husband (M52) has been in a 10 months relationship with an escort (F31) as well as a married woman he just started dating few weeks ago (F35). He doesn’t want to stop those relationships and want me (F46) to stay as his wife and principal partner and he wants us to « work on our relationship » (…)

I’ve got a 6 yo daughter, the financial aspect post divorce won’t be an issue at all and i don’t look like my age, more like 35-40.

I’m very sad for my daughter. If it wasn’t for her I would have run. It feels very wrong that my husband choose to pursue both relationships over our family. He says he has feelings even for the escort, which sounds so lame.

I asked my husband to move out already so I don’t have to deal with seeing him / speaking to him.

Should I get out of this hell with a divorce ? Please let me know why this would be the best decision for me and my little girl.

Husband and I have been living together but ‘separated’ for a long time now and we have a young child. We have each found apartments and just accepted an offer on our house.

I don’t know if I was ever attracted to him. I know that I loved him very much (still do as a person). I know that for a long time I liked sex and, because we were together, he was the person I had sex with. I often would fantasize during sex. The last few years since having our child I feel like I’ve lost all interest in him. I was young when we got together and I worry that I married the first stable person I’d met. I’ve gone through periods in the last couple years of thinking maybe I was gay, but I think it may have just been an attempt to find a reason I didn’t want to sleep with him. When it was time to really make a decision, I realized the idea of trying to make it work together gave me a sense of dread.

On the flip side, he’s amazing. A great person, husband, dad. I will miss his companionship so much. I will miss my child half the time. Is it worth it? Just for sex? Just for being able to live and experience life alone? It feels so…stupid, to not be able to identify ‘yes THIS is what was wrong!’ and still blow my life, his life, my kids life, up.

For context, my husband and I have been in couples therapy for the third time in our marriage, this latest stint was 10 months or so. I finally felt like I was at the point where I had enough and couldn't keep working on things (our dynamic was emotionally very toxic and I could tell there would likely not be any change). I started losing attraction to him and had to take a break from sex for a few weeks. Finally, he started getting really angry with me about not being physically intimate and I kept explaining to him that I really needed some time to process everything, figure myself out, and try to find my way back to him after the very hard year-18 months we had. Well, we had landed on separating, had a conversation about it, and it was a sad scene for sure. That said, we hadn't officially made any plans or definitively decided to actually divorce. The next night I get a weird text and come to find out, he said that same evening he sent explicit photos to someone on a local reddit thread and was being extorted for it. He tells me he had seen these subreddits before, but never acted on anything and this was while we were still very much in couples therapy and having sex. For some reason, I am even MORE confused about getting a divorce now and am so afraid of losing him and being single. I am 40 and feel like I'll never find real love again and am scared to be a single mom to two small kids. Is this normal to feel this way after a shocking revelation and when you are about to actually separate from someone? I can't tell if I actually want to try again or if I am just dealing with grief and complex emotions from this situation. He seems to be fully checked out and acknowledges he has completely destroyed my trust in him, so he is ready to leave too. I am devastated and feel rejected, alone, old and discarded but wonder if I shouldn't have taken my physical break from him and brought this upon myself.

He moved out. We’re still in the process of getting divorced. Kids are with me for now (they are teens). The ring account is in my name, but he pays for the monthly service. I took him off the ring when he moved out so he can no longer see the camera. He’s angry about it. Everything I read tho is that I have a right to privacy even tho the house is in both our names. If he wants to contact his lawyer about it he can, but I’m not going to pay my lawyer to verify it’s ok. If he goes to his and they say I have to add him back I will. I mean it’s not like I can see his coming and going from His new place. I’m holding firm on this. He expected me to just cave to what he wanted and in the past I would have said ok. I’m learning my worth tho and I think that makes him
Angry.

I was following the Lindsay Clancy case and it brought back so many painful memories of my avoidant husband which back in the day I forgave.

1. Three months into dating, I got pregnant. It was not even a discussion, it was evident I had to get it terminated. I wanted the same, but it’s just the way he handled it. He didn’t come with me to the hospital, I stayed up all night crying and vomiting , and he said he is suffering too because of lack of sleep. The next few days I had to eat good food and didn’t have the strength to cook. So I ordered in meals, he said I should do what I think is right. I was severely depressed, got a severe infection, and had suicidal thoughts.

2. A year after we got married, I was going through a toxic workplace situation. We had just moved countries because I got a job and he was on dependent visa. I didn’t get my period for six months and started losing all my hair and the cold weather and darkness in the new place severely got me depressed. He, was avoidant, again and said he was giving me space.

3. A month before I finally separated, I told him I needed support because his parents were pushing me to quit my job and have a baby. His answer was that it was my burden to handle because I chose to have a relationship with his parents initially. He said the golden words, “You married the wrong person if you were looking for emotional support “.

4. Four to five years into the marriage, after trying and giving several chances, I had nothing else to give to that relationship, I was exhausted, had a little spirit left with me and left so I don’t lose that as well. I asked him why we never went on dates or why he never bought me a birthday gift, or flowers when I asked for all that, he said “I thought we were better than that”

What did I do with my life!

I told him I want a divorce 8 months ago. Tried to get him to mediate and collaborate since then. He refuses so now I am going to file. I told him and he has gone no contact while living in the same house, parenting 2 kids. I heard from his mom that he's lawyered up and I know he has no assets and he just quit his job. So I'm spiraling imaging a six figure legal battle, him with nothing to lose and just making my life a living hell, draining my bank accounts, and hurting the kids. I'm so exhausted from so many years of being the primary breadwinner, working high stress jobs with no family support, and being the stable parent. I just want to be free of this dead weight,

I can’t trust my ex. He lost my trust, he is lazy af (and he is proud of it), and I am struggling.

Where do I draw the line with co-parenting
(ex: reminders and check-ins)?

My current dilemma:
He is having his mom do pick ups for him once a week and I am struggling to check in to make sure she is doing pickup, know the new gate codes, where his new classroom is, and everything else that is important. And I really want to check in with my ex to remind him that he has to pick our son up from his mom’s house on the way home and to not carpool to work with his gf.

I have also asked him to do things that are not getting done. Such as; finding a co-parenting app (because he didn’t use any of the ones I used), getting cloths for our son at his place, sending me updates on our son when he get hurt.

What boundaries do I hold around co-parenting when I can’t trust him?

In need of some advice and can’t ask family about it yet. I also don’t have any divorced friends to ask.

My husband and I have been together for 10 years, married for 2. We have a 5 & 3 year old. Both work full time - I earn a good wage but he earns double / is the bread winner. I’m 29 and he is 35.

We have had problems for a long time. He is what I would call verbally abusive - belittles me, has called me every name under the sun, makes comments at everything, nothing is ever good enough (i do something and he makes comment, I don’t do it and he still comments). We have a cycle where he will say something / make comments, I will react, we get into an argument, I shutdown and we don’t talk and then when one of us approaches the subject we talk, he says he will get better and he does for a little bit but then we go back to the start. Pretty much every month.

Although he is crappy in the emotional field, he is a provider and is a good dad. Shares the household duties equally - if not he does more around the house. We also parent well most of the time. I also came from a divorced family, and it was not a nice divorce and something I never thought I’d have to put my children through.

We are very different people, like different things, very independent etc. and always have been. We have done couples therapy which did nothing to help. I see and individual psych and he was too but only did 2 sessions.

We are just about to start building our dream home, in our dream suburb, where our kids can go to an amazing school. I’m much more financially stable, staying in the marriage although if we were to divorce I would get a good split - even at 50/50 of everything (I bought in a lot of inheritance too and have always worked full time apart from being off while having the kids).

I also developed a condition called vestibular migraines 18 months ago which has caused a lot of health anxiety. When I developed them I was on the brink of asking for a divorce and partly think the stress of that years / years before with our marriage were what triggered the migraines in the first place.

I hold a lot of resentment towards my husband for the things he has called me / how he has treated me / and the constant “I’ll work on it, but still hasn’t changed”. I also resent myself more for staying and getting into the position I am today.

My question is - have any of you left a “dream” life because you were unhappy? Did any of you leave while dealing with chronic illness or anxiety? How did you go? Were you happier / know you made the right choice once you got through it? How did your kids cope? Any advice would be welcomed.

Thank you!

I don’t even know why I’m writing this.
I think I’m desperately looking for answers because nobody around me can explain what happened.
My husband and I were together for over two years before we got married.
It wasn’t an easy journey because his family never accepted me.
I actually turned him down several times because I knew what his family were like and I didn’t want to spend my life fighting them.
His family made it clear they wanted him to marry within the extended family rather than marry me. They openly opposed our relationship from the very beginning, and I never truly felt accepted by them.
Despite all of that, he fought for me.
He begged me.
He begged my family.
He begged everyone around us to let him marry me.
He constantly told everyone I was the love of his life and that we’d get through anything together.
Before we got married, he left what he described as an abusive and dysfunctional family home. He had nowhere to live and was effectively homeless.
My family took him in without hesitation.
My mum fed him.
Gave him somewhere safe to stay.
Helped him rebuild his life.
Treated him like one of her own.
I stood beside him through one of the hardest periods of his life because I loved him.
We genuinely built everything from nothing together.
That’s why this hurts so much.
I genuinely believed that no matter what happened in life, we’d face it together because that’s exactly what we’d done from the beginning.
Even our wedding should have been a warning.
Guests had been waiting since around midday.
His family didn’t arrive until around 9pm.
The imam actually left because they were so late and had to be chased back.
Nobody from my family complained.
We were just happy everyone had finally arrived.
Then came our walima.
That became another horrible memory.
My father actually left because of how upset everything became.
His family refused to allow my family onto the stage.
An argument started over us having three additional guests.
While I was sitting on the stage as a bride, members of his family were calling me “fat” and “ugly.”
His brother swore at me.
It was humiliating.
Despite all of that, my husband still chose me.
That’s why what happened next feels impossible to understand.
We were only married for ten weeks.
I’m not pretending our marriage was perfect.
Yes, we argued.
But our arguments weren’t about cheating, abuse, money or anything major.
Most of them came back to his family.
They’d say hurtful things about me or disrespect our marriage, and I’d become upset because I felt he didn’t stand up to them enough.
Looking back, I also now realise I was pregnant during that time, although neither of us knew it.
In hindsight, my emotions were probably much higher than normal and neither of us understood why.
Despite the arguments, he never swore at me.
He never called me names.
He never intentionally tried to hurt me.
In so many ways he was an amazing husband.
That’s why what happened next makes absolutely no sense.
The Friday before he left, we had one of the biggest arguments we’d ever had.
At one point he packed a bag and said he was going home.
He didn’t even make it out of the front door.
Instead, we sat down and had the deepest conversation we’d ever had.
He asked me if I even wanted this marriage.
I admitted that during arguments I’d sometimes say “divorce,” but I told him I didn’t actually want one.
The truth is I wanted reassurance that he’d fight for us.
Looking back, I know that wasn’t a healthy way to communicate and I regret it deeply.
He cried his eyes out.
He asked me if I even loved him.
I cried too and told him,
“Of course I love you.”
He then said something I’ll never forget.
He said he was selfish because he didn’t want to lose me.
He said he wanted this marriage to work because he loved me more than anything.
He swore by Allah, by the Qur’an and by the Prophet ﷺ that he wanted this marriage and couldn’t imagine life without me.
We both cried.
We held each other.
We made up in what genuinely felt like an unshakable way.
We were intimate.
We ate together.
We fell asleep in each other’s arms.
If someone had asked me that night whether my husband would leave me the next day, I would’ve laughed.
I genuinely believed we’d got through the worst of it.
The next day I went out with a friend.
When I came home, something didn’t feel right.
My husband works from our utility room, and it’s somewhere I rarely go because it’s full of his work things.
For some reason I had a gut feeling something wasn’t right.
I asked him if everything was okay.
He told me there was nothing wrong and swore there was nothing to worry about, but he was visibly shaking while saying it.
That immediately made me suspicious.
I went into the room.
I saw two bags packed.
I opened one.
His clothes were inside.
The paperwork for our flat was inside too.
I asked him,
“Why have you packed all of this?”
He told me it was from the argument the day before.
But it didn’t look like someone who had angrily thrown things into a bag.
It looked properly packed.
That became our main argument.
He picked up the bags and walked out.
I asked him,
“So what are you going to do? Are you going to divorce me?”
He replied,
“Yes… I will divorce you.”
He actually stuttered saying it.
Throughout our entire relationship he never even used the word “divorce.”
He always called it “the D word” because he believed divorce was so serious in Islam that he didn’t even like saying the word out loud.
That was the first and only time I’d ever heard him actually say it.
I simply asked him whether he would swear by Allah that he meant what he was saying.
He refused.
That gave me hope.
I thought he was emotional and would come home once he’d calmed down.
Instead I saw his location at the train station.
I rang him.
I begged him not to go back.
He kept saying,
“You wanted distance. You wanted this.”
I kept saying,
“No. Please come home.”
He got on the train anyway.
That was the last time I heard his voice.
After that he blocked my number.
Changed his number.
Turned off his location.
Cancelled our tenancy.
Cancelled our household bills.
And never came back.
A few days later I found out I was pregnant.
I managed to tell him.
He never replied.
He never asked if it was true.
He never asked for proof.
He never asked how I was.
He never asked about the baby.
Instead, a few days later I received Islamic divorce papers.
They weren’t from a mosque.
They weren’t through an imam.
They were simply typed up.
He issued three talaqs in one sitting.
He never paid my mahr.
One of the conditions of our marriage was that if we ever reached breaking point, we would involve mediation before divorce.
None of that happened.
There is one thing that haunts me more than anything else.
His email account was briefly still logged into one of my devices before he signed out.
During those few moments I saw that he’d created a folder called \*\*“Harassment from ex wife.”\*\*
Inside were my emails.
My voice notes.
My messages.
Recordings of me crying my eyes out, begging him to speak to me and trying to understand what had happened.
Seeing that absolutely broke me.
I wasn’t trying to harass him.
I was a terrified wife who had gone from sleeping in her husband’s arms one night to watching him disappear the next.
I wasn’t sending those messages out of anger.
I was desperately trying to reach the man I’d loved for over two years.
To see myself labelled as an “ex wife” within days, and for my cries for help to be filed away as “harassment,” is something I don’t think I’ll ever forget.
The hardest part has been his family.
They never wanted this marriage.
When my parents rang asking if he was there, they denied knowing where he was, despite us having reason to believe he’d gone back to them.
When they were told I was pregnant, they ignored it.
I rang his father crying and begged him to help save my marriage.
I even said I’d kiss his feet and my husband’s feet if it meant saving my family.
I was told I wasn’t welcome there and they wanted nothing to do with me.
When I asked whether I should contact the police because I couldn’t find my husband, I was told to wait another day or two.
Then the divorce papers arrived.
Based on everything I’d experienced over more than two years, I genuinely believe his family had a significant influence after he returned to them. They had opposed our marriage from the beginning, and from my perspective everything changed after he went back.
What I cannot understand is this…
How does someone spend over two years fighting everyone to marry you…
Leave the family he described as abusive…
Accept help from your family when he had nowhere to go…
Cry in your arms…
Swear by Allah, the Qur’an and the Prophet ﷺ that he loves you more than anything…
Sleep in your arms…
Tell you he wants to save the marriage…
Then within 48 hours leave, disappear and divorce you?
I keep blaming myself.
Did the arguing finally become too much?
Did I push him too far?
Was Friday his last attempt to save the marriage?
Or had he already made up his mind?
What hurts me most isn’t even just the divorce.
It’s the silence.
Even if he no longer wanted to be married to me…
Didn’t I deserve one final conversation?
Didn’t I deserve an explanation?
Didn’t I deserve enough respect to hear it from my husband rather than receive a piece of paper?
And then I think about the pregnancy.
Even if he had stopped caring about me…
Did he not care about his own child?
Did he think I was lying?
Why didn’t he even ask?
I’ll probably never know.
I loved this man with everything I had.
I stood beside him when he had nobody.
I believed we’d always face hardship together because that’s what we’d always done.
The husband who held me, cried with me and promised me the world on Friday is not the man who abandoned me on Saturday.
I genuinely don’t recognise him anymore.
I don’t know whether I’m looking for advice, answers or simply for someone to tell me I’m not going crazy trying to make sense of all of this. 💔

Looking for anyone who has been in similar situation... starting the divorce process. So far we have only communicated on the process through Google sheets, nothing in person.. in fact we don't speak much at all but still reside together and have 2 kids under 12. Married 14 years, both working and own a home together however he has been the higher earner and I was more the primary parent. He has paid more on the mortgage but we split bills and groceries.. I did all the cooking, shopping, home care. We have always maintained separate accounts except a shared account for tax refunds and selling previous house we have around 30K. I know he is very good saver and has a solid 401 k and savings accounts well he also earned more. We live in an equitable distribution state... well he sent me his work in progress separation agreement and it states we will split the proceeds of house sale 50/50, and any accounts as far as investment, savings, checking and 401K are to be kept with the sole owner, meaning he is not willing to share. We had agreed on uncontested and he said he had a lawyer but if he did wouldn't he know that by law you have to disclose your accounts and the courts decide on any division. Wouldn't a lawyer tell him any of this if he had one? When he finds out that he will have to part with some I am pretty sure he will start to contest but the law is on my side. I guess I just want to know if anyone is in a similar situation and what the outcome has been

I’m 32F, married for 8 years and together for 9. We started out long-distance.
Ever since we got married, I’ve felt that we’re fundamentally incompatible. On paper, my husband looks like a happy, fun, easygoing person. But he’s a very different person behind closed doors - he angers easy, have punched a wall and some boxes (separate incidents), doesn’t like to travel or enjoy anything like going for walks, sitting in the backyard, doing gardening or yard maintenance. If he could help it, all he’d focus on would be going to job/making money. Previously, i thought it’s because we have been struggling financially but 8 years later, things have not improved on any front.

Major life changes seem to stress him out immensely. His pattern is usually: he shuts down and doesn’t communicate → resentment builds → anger, condescension, and sometimes gaslighting. I’ve called him out on the gaslighting, and he acknowledges it when we talk about it, but the pattern is still incredibly exhausting.

Ex: Our finances after marriage
When we got married, his mother was overseeing the finances on his side because he was living abroad. She mismanaged things, and we ended up in severe financial turmoil almost immediately.
Instead of telling me what was happening, he went completely silent. We’d get invited to dinners or trips, and he would become incredibly stressed but wouldn’t explain why. Instead, I was made to feel like I wasn’t being understanding enough.
It was a major turn-off for me, but I grew up with very controlling/oppressive parents, so it took me years to peel back those layers and realize that I actually was behaving like a reasonable newlywed. I was expecting communication, not asking for something unreasonable.

Another major issue is Travel, gifts and communication
In eight years of marriage, we’ve probably taken four overnight trips together.
I come from a family that loves travelling. He’s the complete opposite. It’s almost always “finances,” and while I understand that money can be tight, I also see people with far fewer resources finding ways to travel or create experiences together. We went for an overnight trip last week and on our way back, we discussed the possibility of coming back for a longer trip during September long weekend. The next day, i started the conversation after work and he immediately shut down. That night, we had a fight (he was being very angry, so I told him i’ll do the bedtime with our daughter and so he got mad at me).
We didn’t talk much for a few days afterwards (because I thought he owes me an apology for his behaviour). Finally we had a conversation about it on the weekend and the reasons he cited for being mad at me just blew my mind. He was mad at me for bringing up travelling when we had JUST come back from another trip. I clarified that I only brought it up since that was what we had discussed and I wanted to book the hotels on time because of a long weekend. At that point, he said I SHOULD KNOW that we have expenses coming up - daughter’s birthday, a potential international trip at the end of the year. I totally agree but my only thing is - you can just say that. Why is there a mixup of communication and then accusations that i’m not being understanding?? Need i say it again - 4 overnight trips in 8 years …..

The same thing happened with gifts. Eventually, I stopped expecting them. I also stopped giving them because it felt pointless when there was no mutual expectation or effort.

What hurts most is that whenever we fight about finances, he eventually tells me that he doesn’t communicate with me because “he doesn’t know how I’ll react.”
That is incredibly heartbreaking and demoralizing to hear after being together for nine years. I try very hard to communicate openly. I would much rather know what’s going on than be left guessing.
And then, ironically, he expects me to just know things.
His go-to response is often, “Don’t you know how things are?”
Yes, I know things are difficult. I know finances are stressful. I know life isn’t always predictable. But there’s a limit to how much I can worry or put my life on hold because I’m supposed to intuitively understand what he isn’t communicating.
I’m self-employed and working hard. Things haven’t been in my favour financially, but I’m trying.

There are so many more examples, but I think they all come back to the same thing: we seem fundamentally incompatible, particularly in how we handle stress, money, communication, and life in general.
We’ve also constantly found ourselves in financial trouble.
We had good incomes when we bought our home. Six months later, I had our daughter and went on maternity leave. During my leave, I was laid off, and I haven’t been able to find stable employment since.
Now we have a daughter, and that makes everything infinitely more complicated.
I also know that culturally, separating or divorcing will not be easy for me. My own family would probably make my life extremely difficult if I left. That’s a huge part of why I’ve continued trying to make this work.
But at this point, I’ve accepted that I may never feel loved in the way I want to be loved. Our sex life is basically nonexistent. And lately, it feels like even respect is disappearing. After our fight over the weekend, i’ve checked out mentally and so he is mad and escalating with me now because I’m not responding to him properly..

I don’t want to spend the rest of my life pretending that this is a marriage I’m happy in just because it looks okay from the outside. The way he becomes when he’s angry is extremely scary as well as heartbreaking..

At this point, I almost just want us to have independent lives and some peace. I want the possibility of happiness, even if that means admitting that this relationship isn’t what I hoped it would be.
But then I look at my daughter and wonder whether I’m being selfish..

Should I stick it out for my daughter and because of family/societal pressure?
Has anyone here divorced when there wasn’t one huge, obvious reason but rather years of incompatibility, resentment, poor communication, financial stress and feeling emotionally disconnected?
If you chose to leave in a situation like that, how did it actually work out for you and your children?

I’m not necessarily looking for people to tell me “leave” or “stay.” I’d really like to hear if people have experienced something similar or just some big-sister/mom advice because I know i’ll never get it from my own..

TL;DR:
32F married 8 years, feeling deep long-term incompatibility with husband (poor communication, financial stress, emotional shutdown, lack of affection/intimacy). Despite trying, patterns haven’t changed. Feeling stuck between staying for daughter and societal/family pressure vs. leaving to seek peace and happiness. Unsure if divorce is justified and asking how others handled similar situations and how it affected their children.

ADVICE? HELP?! IDEK?!

I’m finally ready to leave my “husband” after 10 years and 3 children oldest being 8 youngest being almost 2. I am tired of being with a narcissist and being with an emotional/financial abuser. I have no money to my name besides the cleanings from my own business (thank god I have that) but I have no savings. I live cleaning to cleaning. My childcare consists of family bc I can’t afford a daycare. Even if my “husband” Is home I still have to call someone bc he can’t be bothered to stay with his own offspring or makes every excuse as to why he can’t (work or exercise… mind you we are broke and barely paying our bills because he is not working the way he should. Also, I don’t mind him exercising or going to work out three days a week on his own time BUT when I want me time, it is impossible with this man)

Full of debt from my marriage over the last decade due to other circumstances that makes things a bit more complicated. I don’t even know who I am. I cry all the time. My role in this home is diminished all the time because of my husband. He calls me names and belittles me. I beg him to stop bc it hurts my feelings and he continues to do it. I cook, clean, take care of the kids and work and he comes home and lays around. He’s not present for his kids. I’ve begged for years. Years. I’ve been medicated. I’ve been on antidepressants and anti anxiety meds. Both were horrible for me so I weaned off per medical advice (thank god I self
Advocated!) I couldn’t feel like a zombie and be depressed at the same time. That was after our 2nd child. Things got better until I got pregnant with my third who was a massive shock and surprise. I am now realizing that I struggled with prenatal depression and postnatal depression in my 3rd pregnancy both very early in my pregnancy and my postpartum up to today… Nine days away from being two years PP. I realize now it was never me. It was him.

I guess my question is… how do I begin this process and protect my mental health? I know my husband is also struggling with depression but the way he was brought up… they brush off mental health issues like it just needs a bandaid. My husband has refused therapy for years cause “I’m the problem”.

My parents/family see through him like glass. They are fully supporting me and just want me to tell them when so they can start the process to help me. My own mother said “I will put myself into whatever debt I need to help you out of this”. I feel so horrible having to put this on my family but they’ve seen my struggling for years. I know this man will make my life a living hell the moment I present to him I’m leaving. I love him so much but I’ve built up so much resentment it hurts. I’ve been so anxious and depressed for so long I wake up to my body literally buzzing. I feel physically sick when I wake up every morning and I’m dry heaving or vomiting. I’m not well. It’s rubbing off on my kids and we deserve better. Where do I start?

\- a single married mom who wants and deserves better for her and her children.

Husband is really sick, and with that comes his short tempted. I told him in the past that I’m thinking of leaving, and that made his sickness worse due to stress. Two days ago we were arguing he told me he needed to know what the status of our marriage was, we both got super mad and started yelling. He then poured some soda on my face, I started screaming. I started to pack my stuff, he kept asking ne to stay and I would yell No No No. He then started pushing me to sit on the bed every time I tried to get up. Neighbors heard the yelling called the landlord then my family. I left to stay with a friend, he is begging me to come back. Says he will go to therapy, fix our situation and go everything needed he doesn’t mind we stay separated for 6 months to a year. What should I do?

I asked my husband for a divorce in April. It is now August and we are still under the same roof. Unfortunately in our state, you have to live at separate addresses for an entire year and one day before you can even finalize the divorce.
I have been to stay at home mom with no reportable income for almost 2 decades. We have been in our house for long enough that the mortgage is cheaper than the rent at any place. He is adamant that I move out because I’m the one that asked for the divorce. I am adamant that he moves out because he makes enough money to be able to do so and also no one would rent to me as I have no reportable income. For context our entire marriage he has been verbally and emotionally abusive, and on occasion physically abusive. There are people in our lives who have said he is a horrible person and I deserve better. I finally realized that and I am taking the steps to get away from him. course is putting on the charm now and manipulating everything trying to get me to change my mind. I am not going to change my mind.
How do I get him out?

Here is my issue. I have been married 20 years. I was waiting until my last kiddo graduated but I can't live like this another year! My husband is very abusive which is why I have not left yet BUT now that my kids are grown, I feel like I can. I have to file for divorce BUT don't want to spend thousands if I can file online for $400 and call it a day.

My husband has been able to benefit himself financially throughout our marriage and I was too scared to say anything. I am educated and employed BUT I still feel that I deserve some kind of settlement given all the financial hardships I have faced the last 20 years do to his financial control. I can't afford to spend the ONLY money I have stashed away on a divorce if it will only put me in debt. He makes so much money but he is self employed and hides most of it. For instance, he has 70k cash sitting where I can't touch it and I am struggling to pay my portion of the bills. I have had to take out loans to pay the bills and he is out jetsetting buying whatever he wants. I have NO access to his personal and business accounts and never have. I have my own acct. finally and that came when he would give me an allowance out of my own hard earned money that was deposited into his personal acct. There is not enough space on this page or time in a day to express the situation I am in but now I think resent him so much that I have zero left for him. I don't even feel sorry for him anymore I just want out BUT not sure how. I am sure a lot of you can relate.

Last time I tried to file for divorce, he was monitoring my calls and I didn't know it and he transferred his business into someone else's name and then called the bank and switched all of his accounts and told me I will "never have access to his money"

So my question is, in situations like this when maintenance, support, etc is not guaranteed and a forensic acct. is typically hired, wouldn't I spend more than it would be worth?? I raised our children. He is an always has been an addict.

I 69f am seriously considering divorcing my husband 72m of 46 years. He is hostile towards me and is gone most evenings at club meetings, etc. I haven't loved him for years. Leaving I could do by moving in with my brother or oldest son but that doesn't really move me toward a solution. Money is all tied up in retirement funds and the house. I want him to sit down with me and work out a financial solution but he absolutely refuses to. Did you folks work out some of the money issues first or did on of you just pack up and leave? At my age, this is scary but I am so damned miserable here.

Like my title says, where do i begin?
I 40f have been married to my husband 42m for 11 years, together for 13. We have one daughter together 11F and i have a son 17m from a previous relationship. I have been struggling with our marriage since 2020. In late 2020 i discovered him inappropriately texting a childhood “friend” whom i had never even heard of. Obviously i blew up and confronted him. We went to couples counseling for a little while. I don’t know about everyone here but i cannot do the virtual sessions. We ended up stopping because my husband felt the counselor was a man hater. We laid out boundaries during these sessions that i thought were working. I thought that the year after this we were doing so great. But then the same pattern popped up again. My intuition was screaming something is not right! He would omit that a female coworker was picking him up from the airport and dropping him at his hotel. He only referred to this coworker by her job title never her name. Phone records show conversations happening at 10-11pm while he is in her area for work. Phone records also showed that he was calling me from her town, not the town his hotel was in. It was always communicated to me that this coworker doesn’t work past 5pm, doesn’t have a laptop at home. So why the calls at night? After he rushed me off the phone after 7 minutes because he’s exhausted and is going to bed an hour before her call? Lies after lies.
Anytime we have a conflict there is never repair. Never an apology. Never a how do we move forward? It’s all oh well you need to get over it.
I cannot bring up hurtful things he has said or done. If i do it gets flipped around on how i am failing. Never addresses my hurt or my anything. He is always defensive. Always. I’m terrified to bring anything up ever because it turns into a fight and then yup you’ve guessed it, no repair after said fight. I’m never right y’all. Never. Not my opinions. Not my emotions. But he loves me and thinks I’m amazing right?
The past 2 years i have been asking to sit down and put together what our finances look like. What bills is he paying vs what bills he’s paying. Where can we save. Where can we splurge etc. I’ve been told yeah sure but when it comes down to it, he doesn’t want to. He went though his side and shared oh i found this i could cut out. But still never addressed what i am actually asking for. Well i sat my happy self down and wrote it out. My paycheck covers 95% of the bills. His covers that other 5%. When i brought this to his attention he flipped out on me. Accused me of being angry and coming in and being so mad i couldn’t talk. I wasn’t angry. I was anxious because i KNEW it was going to be a fight. And because i didn’t choose my words carefully he blew it up into another universe. Because i stated MY money is paying for all of the bills and i don’t have anything extra for myself. He took that as me being the worst partner and im not on the same page. I view it as my money and his money And this is what the problem is. The problem was not me saying MY money. But that’s what he made the problem out to be.
Do i trust him? With my heart and my emotional safety, no. With our daughter, yes.
I have suggested marriage counseling but it always comes back to me finding them and scheduling them. No effort on his end. And honestly, it’s difficult to get a call back and it’s difficult to find someone who you feel like will have the life experience to help and not shove their religious beliefs down our throats.
I don’t know what i need here. Someone who can listen and tell me I’m not a horrible person? I don’t know if i want to continue to work on this or leave.

My husband has now had multiple incidents of abuse toward our children. CPS was involved. I am seeking a divorce, but he doesn’t want one. He says he’s better and can be safe, but I disagree.

I’m looking for experiences from others who may have been in a similar situation. Ideally I want full custody, with him having supervised visitation. If this plays out, I’m taking on 100% of childcare (2 young children) and all of the associated labor.

I’d like an equitable financial arrangement that acknowledges this! I didn’t ask to be in this situation, but im doing what I need to do to protect my kids.

We make about equal money, and have kept finances largely separate. Only married 5 years.

Anyone have experience to share about how things played out?

What did you all do at the first nights in your place to make it feel like your safe space? I moved out yesterday and I need to help ease the intense emotional rollercoaster. I want to lean into the possibility and excitement of an unknown future, rather than mourning past love and the future I was so invested in for so long. (40F no children just me and 2 cats now.)