No sexual attraction- am I making a mistake?
Husband and I have been living together but ‘separated’ for a long time now and we have a young child. We have each found apartments and just accepted an offer on our house.
I don’t know if I was ever attracted to him. I know that I loved him very much (still do as a person). I know that for a long time I liked sex and, because we were together, he was the person I had sex with. I often would fantasize during sex. The last few years since having our child I feel like I’ve lost all interest in him. I was young when we got together and I worry that I married the first stable person I’d met. I’ve gone through periods in the last couple years of thinking maybe I was gay, but I think it may have just been an attempt to find a reason I didn’t want to sleep with him. When it was time to really make a decision, I realized the idea of trying to make it work together gave me a sense of dread.
On the flip side, he’s amazing. A great person, husband, dad. I will miss his companionship so much. I will miss my child half the time. Is it worth it? Just for sex? Just for being able to live and experience life alone? It feels so…stupid, to not be able to identify ‘yes THIS is what was wrong!’ and still blow my life, his life, my kids life, up.