u/EnvironmentalRip9071

Here is my issue. I have been married 20 years. I was waiting until my last kiddo graduated but I can't live like this another year! My husband is very abusive which is why I have not left yet BUT now that my kids are grown, I feel like I can. I have to file for divorce BUT don't want to spend thousands if I can file online for $400 and call it a day.

My husband has been able to benefit himself financially throughout our marriage and I was too scared to say anything. I am educated and employed BUT I still feel that I deserve some kind of settlement given all the financial hardships I have faced the last 20 years do to his financial control. I can't afford to spend the ONLY money I have stashed away on a divorce if it will only put me in debt. He makes so much money but he is self employed and hides most of it. For instance, he has 70k cash sitting where I can't touch it and I am struggling to pay my portion of the bills. I have had to take out loans to pay the bills and he is out jetsetting buying whatever he wants. I have NO access to his personal and business accounts and never have. I have my own acct. finally and that came when he would give me an allowance out of my own hard earned money that was deposited into his personal acct. There is not enough space on this page or time in a day to express the situation I am in but now I think resent him so much that I have zero left for him. I don't even feel sorry for him anymore I just want out BUT not sure how. I am sure a lot of you can relate.

Last time I tried to file for divorce, he was monitoring my calls and I didn't know it and he transferred his business into someone else's name and then called the bank and switched all of his accounts and told me I will "never have access to his money"

So my question is, in situations like this when maintenance, support, etc is not guaranteed and a forensic acct. is typically hired, wouldn't I spend more than it would be worth?? I raised our children. He is an always has been an addict.

Let me first say my happiness and ability to live without enduring the abuse of my marriage mean more to me than money BUT I am also being realistic. I have heard all sorts of comments about maintenance/spousal support/alimony, etc. and I am looking for feedback from those of you who have been through this who may have had similar concerns. My husband has always made at least 2x more than me BUT is a business owner and hides a lot of his revenue. We have one child left at home who is almost an adult so child support is not something I am worried about. Currently my husband pays the majority of the bills. I have NO access to his money and while my money used to go into his personal account, I got smart after realizing that him giving me an allowance from my own hard earned money while he spent carelessly was not okay and I now have my own bank acct. where my employment earnings are deposited. We rent now BUT anytime we have sold our homes in the past, the equity has gone to his account and I have no say. We have no joint savings and any money saved is in his name only or it is cash that is hidden. He has told me many times that if I try to divorce him "I won't get any of that money because on paper he makes 20k a year" but he pays all the bills from his account and it is a lot so that won't make sense to anyone but him. I do have a college degree and I work full time, but again, he makes 2 - 3 times more depending on the time of year and how business is. Any experience with a similar situation? I have also heard that proving financial abuse can help in this situation and I definitely have proof.

I have been married for 25 years and it as been hell on earth. I have tried to leave but due to abuse, trauma bonding, financial control and being forced back home, I have not been successful. My kids are grown, one out of the house and one has a year left of HS and I am trying to decide if filing is even worth it. I have consulted with multiple attorney's and they all tell me it will be a "fight" and that it might cost me more than it is worth due to my spouse's long track record of hiding money. I have no access to his personal/business accounts. There are so many more issues financially going on including fraud. I am not seeking child support. I am not seeking long term alimony. I just feel like after 25 years of this bullshit I should get something? I do work full-time and could support myself on my own if I have to. I guess I am trying to weigh my options. I am also wondering how you left? I have to get out of here. The environment has and continues to make me sick. Do I just say fuck it and just leave and be happy I am gone and file online for $300 and call it a day? I know this is all over the place but I have read some really great advice/posts on here so figured I would give it a shot.