u/Ok_Lobster_5799

I was following the Lindsay Clancy case and it brought back so many painful memories of my avoidant husband which back in the day I forgave.

1. Three months into dating, I got pregnant. It was not even a discussion, it was evident I had to get it terminated. I wanted the same, but it’s just the way he handled it. He didn’t come with me to the hospital, I stayed up all night crying and vomiting , and he said he is suffering too because of lack of sleep. The next few days I had to eat good food and didn’t have the strength to cook. So I ordered in meals, he said I should do what I think is right. I was severely depressed, got a severe infection, and had suicidal thoughts.

2. A year after we got married, I was going through a toxic workplace situation. We had just moved countries because I got a job and he was on dependent visa. I didn’t get my period for six months and started losing all my hair and the cold weather and darkness in the new place severely got me depressed. He, was avoidant, again and said he was giving me space.

3. A month before I finally separated, I told him I needed support because his parents were pushing me to quit my job and have a baby. His answer was that it was my burden to handle because I chose to have a relationship with his parents initially. He said the golden words, “You married the wrong person if you were looking for emotional support “.

4. Four to five years into the marriage, after trying and giving several chances, I had nothing else to give to that relationship, I was exhausted, had a little spirit left with me and left so I don’t lose that as well. I asked him why we never went on dates or why he never bought me a birthday gift, or flowers when I asked for all that, he said “I thought we were better than that”

What did I do with my life!

Been separated for five months now and I can’t help but feel super guilty of hurting him.

I’m 33 F married to my 35 year old husband for 5 years. In the beginning, I was very happy that someone finally chose me fully after growing up in a broken and violent family, and after being dumped by fboys. I thought I had finally met my dream person. But the truth is he only decided to get married after I got a job in Europe and we needed a marriage certificate so he could come along. From then, it has been me carrying all the responsibilities- keeping the job/visa, finding houses, making friends, planning trips and activities, his birthday parties/cooking food, and the most painful thing is that this followed in bed as well: he would just lie down putting his hand on his head. I blow, then get on top and do all the work, every single time for five years. I brought this up over and over again and he was offended. I sent him stuff to read, he ignored.

The last straw was when his parents started harassing me to quit my job and become a mother, he did nothing to protect me from them. This was very painful because he knew how much I suffered through my childhood with all forms of abuse and how much feeling safe meant everything to me.

We have been living in separate countries for two years because of our jobs now and I finally bought my own house. Slowly I’ve been gaining the confidence that I can do this on my own. He is not a bad guy, never starts a fight and is always peaceful. But I never got a birthday present, a flower, or a sweet gesture when I was depressed or sick.

I finally told him I want out and he was so shocked because he thinks he is an amazing husband. He said he participates in household chores (because he had cleaning ocd). I am so heartbroken, for the both of us.

Been separated for five months now.

I’m 33 F married to my 35 year old husband for 5 years. In the beginning, I was very happy that someone finally chose me fully after growing up in a broken and violent family, and after being dumped by fboys. I thought I had finally met my dream person. But the truth is he only decided to get married after I got a job in Europe and we needed a marriage certificate so he could come along. From then, it has been me carrying all the responsibilities- keeping the job/visa, finding houses, making friends, planning trips and activities, his birthday parties/cooking food, and the most painful thing is that this followed in bed as well: he would just lie down putting his hand on his head. I blow, then get on top and do all the work, every single time for five years. I brought this up over and over again and he was offended. I sent him stuff to read, he ignored.

The last straw was when his parents started harassing me to quit my job and become a mother, he did nothing to protect me from them. This was very painful because he knew how much I suffered through my childhood with all forms of abuse and how much feeling safe meant everything to me.

We have been living in separate countries for two years because of our jobs now and I finally bought my own house. Slowly I’ve been gaining the confidence that I can do this on my own. He is not a bad guy, never starts a fight and is always peaceful. But I never got a birthday present, a flower, or a sweet gesture when I was depressed or sick.

I finally told him I want out and he was so shocked because he thinks he is an amazing husband. He said he participates in household chores (because he had cleaning ocd). I am so heartbroken, for the both of us.