u/extranoodlesboi

https://www.reddit.com/r/Separation/s/5cYYTYISLo

Update: Moving into my own place has been harder than I expected
I linked my previous post for context, but I wanted to give an update on where I am now.
I just moved into my new place yesterday. I haven’t really started living there yet because I still have a lot to unpack and get organized, but I may actually start staying there tonight. I’ve been staying with my mom for a while, which helped me a lot emotionally, but I know I have to start getting back into my own life now.
And honestly, I’m really overwhelmed by it.
On Monday, my ex asked me to come to my son’s meet the teacher event. I went because I wanted to be there for him, but she didn’t talk to me or even look at me the entire time. She also didn’t put any of my information down on his paperwork. I remember leaving and thinking, why was I even asked to come if I was going to be treated like I wasn’t even there?
Then I saw them again yesterday while we were finishing up the move and she was getting rid of everything. She was extremely cold toward me, and the whole experience was just surreal.
I went through everything she had put aside for junk removal, as well as the rest of the apartment, and made a separate pile of things I thought she should reconsider keeping. It wasn’t just things from our shared life that were being discarded. She had gotten rid of a huge amount of my son’s room too, probably half of his books, toys, and other things.
I found his birth box, which had letters, cards, and gifts from when he was born, along with some letters I had written over the years. I also found his video games and some toys and other things I thought he should keep. I’m glad I was at least able to pull the important things aside and that he got to have some of his things back.
She was also getting rid of things from her own life, all her crochet and pottery supplies, hobbies she had spent years doing, along with the Christmas tree and holiday things.
It was incredibly strange watching so many pieces of a life disappear at once. Things that represented years of memories, interests, childhood, and experiences were just being removed like literal garbage.
And honestly, what hurts the most is seeing how my son seems to be affected by everything.
He doesn’t talk to me or look at me the same way anymore. When we were outside playing yesterday, he seemed a little more comfortable, but even then it felt like he could barely look me in the eyes. This is a child who used to want to be as close to me as possible all the time. He would put his face against mine, hug me, tell me he loved me, and constantly want to be around me.
Seeing that change is heartbreaking.
And now I’m standing at the beginning of having my own place again.
I haven’t even really lived there yet, but just knowing that I’m about to start coming home to an empty apartment is already weighing heavily on me. After almost seven years of sharing my life and home with someone, I know the adjustment is going to be difficult.
I’m already struggling with eating and sleeping again, and the sadness and anxiety have been overwhelming. Staying with my mom gave me some comfort and helped me get through the worst parts, but now I have to start getting on with my life and learning how to be on my own again.
I have boxes everywhere, things to unpack, and a whole apartment to turn into a home. I’m trying to see that as something positive, but emotionally I’m just overwhelmed. It feels like I’m surrounded by reminders of everything I lost while simultaneously being expected to start building something new.
I know I need to keep moving forward, and I am trying. I just don’t know how to adjust to this yet.
For anyone who has gone through a long-term separation and suddenly had to start living alone again, how did you get through this part? How did you make your new place feel like home? How did you cope with the loneliness and grief when you’re still dealing with the people and memories from the life you lost?
I could really use some support right now. I’m struggling more than I expected to.

It’s been a little over six weeks since my relationship of almost seven years ended, and I’m still struggling to process what happened.

My ex and I genuinely had an amazing relationship. Everything seemed perfect, we loved each other deeply, laughed constantly, traveled, made memories, supported each other, and built a life together that I was incredibly proud of. Our families had become very close. Honestly, this past year was one of the happiest years of my life. We talked about our future, we were looking at homes, talking about finally getting married, possibly having another child and I truly believed I was going to spend the rest of my life with her.

I also raised her son. Technically, he’s my stepson, but that word doesn’t come close to describing what he means to me. I’ve been his dad since he was a baby. He calls me dad, and I was there for all the ordinary things that become your life as a parent. Picking him up from school every day, tucking him in at bedtime, making his favorite meals, teaching him things, comforting him, playing with him, watching him grow. He doesn’t even know I’m not his real father. Being his dad has been one of the greatest privileges of my life. I became the father I never had. Taking care of my family gave me a sense of purpose and responsibility I had never felt before. That’s what makes the breakup so hard to understand.

A few days before Father’s Day, I came home from work and she told me she had checked out and was done. She said she didn’t love me anymore, didn’t want to get married to me or have kids with me. From my perspective, this came almost completely out of nowhere. I was still fully invested in our relationship and our future while she had apparently been processing the end of it on her own. From that point on she completely turned her back on me, while I spiraled and crashed she never once checked on me even though we continued to live with each other and even sleep in the same bed. She became cold, uncaring and detached from everything we had. All the memories, the life we built. I brought a bag of old notes and letters, paintings and drawings she did for me over the years and she looked at them like old homework.

I tried getting an answer. What happened? Did I do something, was I not doing enough? Is it my looks, did she find somone else? She told me it was nothing like that. She just… felt this way and had for a year? Maybe longer? We had just taken my son to the zoo for the first time, spent weeks in Korea making very intimate memories, took these incredibly romantic and thoughtful trips for our birthdays. And then… she broke up and turned into a shell of a person. She began to look and speak to me like a complete stranger.

I continued to provide for her and my son, I cherished every tuck in at night, taught him how to swim this summer. I did anything he wanted, spent as much time as I could with him. He’s almost 9 so we ended up having a lot of deep discussion about how we felt. We love each other a lot and share a close bond. We wanted to stay in each others lives. And at first his mother said I could keep playing a part in it. But that seems to change on the last day I saw them, she said she wasn’t sure about that and didn’t know how it would work out.

Now she has moved out. We’re pretty much no contact, and I’ve been able to get very little out of my son through text. I went from seeing him every day and being part of his life to barely knowing when I’ll hear from him again. I’m grieving much more than a relationship. I’m grieving my family, my home, my future, and the role that meant the most to me, being a dad.

I miss the little things more than anything. Family dinners. Bedtime. The laughter in the house. The hugs. Just knowing there were people waiting for me at home. For years, I would come home and think, “How could I possibly be unhappy? I have this incredible family.” Now I’m trying to figure out who I am without them. I’m in therapy, taking medication, journaling, exercising, and doing everything I can to take care of myself. I lost almost 20 pounds, struggled to eat and sleep, and spent weeks trapped in an anxiety loop.

I don’t regret those seven years. I don’t regret loving her, and I don’t regret being his dad. For almost seven years, I had the family I always wanted, and I was genuinely happy. I’m just trying to figure out how to build a life again when the life I wanted was taken away from me so suddenly.

I posted in ask men recently, but I’m still looking for advice and perspective from other men, especially fathers or anyone who has gone through something similar.
I never saw myself being a father. Going into my relationship, I wasn’t even sure if I could be enough for my ex or for her son. But being a father was the greatest thing to ever happen to me.
When I met my son, he couldn’t even walk. I changed his diapers, potty trained him, fed him, clothed him, and watched him grow. He’s almost 9 years old now, and I spent seven years being there for him through every stage of his life. My phone is filled with hundreds of photos from those seven years, the crazy moments, the sweet ones, and everything in between.
I was there when he started talking. I was there to comfort him, play with him, and be someone he could count on. I watched him grow into the little boy who called me dad.
I got to show him places that meant the most to me like my mother’s house and my grandparents ranch, and the things I grew up with. I got to take him to places like the zoo for the first time, share new experiences with him, and even teach him how to swim this summer. I got to watch him discover the world.
He would come to me for comfort, hold me at night, ask me to pick him up, carry him, and be there for him. He is the kindest, sweetest little boy with so much love in his heart. Every day I felt lucky to be his father.
Picking him up from school, cooking his favorite meals, building Minecraft worlds together, and sharing our inside jokes, those moments meant everything to me.
That is my boy. He’s my baby. I never knew I could love someone this much. The fact that he isn’t my blood has never mattered. He is my son in every way that matters. Being a father was the greatest thing that has ever happened to me.
When I cry, mostly it isn’t because my ex left me. She wakes up every day and chooses not to be with me, and I have to accept that. I cry because I lost my son.
When she blindsided me with this break up before Father’s Day, my ex originally told me I could still be in his life. She told me I could still spend time with him, continue being involved, and keep doing the things that mattered to him. I believed that. I thought even if our relationship ended, I could still be his dad.
But that changed, before she moved to her new apartment she wasn’t sure anymore. The communication stopped. This is now the longest we have ever been apart in seven years, and I haven’t even gotten a message from him. I sent one a week ago and was left on read for the first time.
I don’t know if I should be the one reaching out, if I should keep trying, or if I need to accept that I may have to let go.
What has made this even harder is seeing how differently we’ve handled this. After the breakup, I struggled badly. I haven’t been sleeping, I wasn’t eating, I lost a significant amount of weight, my anxiety became overwhelming, and I had to start medication and therapy to try to get through it.
Meanwhile, my ex seemed to move forward quickly. She was going out, staying up late, spending time with friends, and from what I’ve heard, doing well. Someone close to me mentioned she has been going to the climbing gym climbing and is very adamant about going, even though when we were together she never wanted to come climb with me and her sisters and their significant others, she hated it. I climbed with them every week. It has been difficult seeing her move forward while my son and I have been struggling with this separation.
I still miss them both every day. I think about them constantly. I miss my family. I miss the life we built.
So I’m asking other men for advice. What do you do when you lose a child who isn’t biologically yours but is your son in every way that matters? How do you cope with the lack of communication? Do you keep reaching out, or do you step back? At what point do you accept that fighting for a relationship might only hurt you more?
I don’t want to give up on my son. But I also don’t know what the right thing to do is anymore.

I’ve been going through the hardest period of my life after a sudden blindsided breakup with my avoidant partner of almost 7 years. I helped raise her 8 year old son since he was a baby, he doesn’t even know I’m not his real dad. Overnight I lost both of them. It wasn’t just losing a relationship, it felt like losing my family and the future I thought I had. It was the best seven years of my life, I became the father I never had. We were planning a future, I never saw this coming.
The anxiety has been absolutely overwhelming. I’ve had nonstop panic, constant adrenaline, chest tightness, a racing heart, shaking, pacing for hours every day, crying, nausea, gagging, almost no appetite, trouble sleeping, intrusive thoughts, and a constant feeling of dread. It honestly feels like my nervous system has been stuck in fight or flight 24/7. I’ve lost over 15 pounds because of everything.
I’ve been on 50 mg Pristiq for about 5–6 weeks. I couldn’t really tell if it helped, I still feel incredibly anxious and depressed. I was also prescribed propranolol to take as needed, which has helped with some of the physical anxiety symptoms.
Today I switched from Pristiq to Zoloft, and now I’m anxious about the medication change itself. I’m worried about withdrawal, side effects, whether it was the right decision, and whether I’ll ever feel like myself again.
I’ve also been to therapy twice so far and plan to keep going.
I’m really looking for input from people who’ve been through something similar. Has anyone had anxiety this severe after losing a relationship and a child they helped raise? Did Zoloft end up helping? How long did it take before things started feeling manageable? Any advice or encouragement would mean a lot. Where I’m at now, it feels like I’ll never know happiness again. I still love them both so much, I can’t imagine a life without them.

I’m going through a really difficult life transition and I’m realizing I probably shouldn’t try to get through it alone.
A little over six weeks ago, my long term relationship ended. We built a life together, and I helped raise my stepson, who I’ve been a father figure to for all of his life. Losing that relationship and the everyday role I had in his life has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever experienced.
I’m looking for recommendations for anything that can help me build a community and connect with good people. It could be men’s groups, support groups, grief groups, fatherhood groups, sports leagues, climbing, hiking, volunteering, board games, art groups, classes, or really anything where people are welcoming.
I’m in my early 30s and trying to rebuild my routine, and find healthy things to be a part of. Free or low cost would be ideal.
If anyone has recommendations in Austin, especially north Austin, I’d really appreciate it. Thank you.

I’m looking for advice and support from other men who have been through something similar.
It’s been a little over six weeks since my relationship of almost seven years ended, and I’m still struggling to process what happened.
My ex and I built a life together. We raised my son together. Technically, he is my stepson, but that word doesn’t come close to describing what he means to me. I have been his dad since he was a baby. He calls me dad, and he doesn’t even know I’m not his biological father. To him, I am the person who was there every day.
I picked him up from school, tucked him in every night, ran around the house laughing with him until bedtime, taught him things, comforted him, and watched him grow. I got to be part of his childhood and watch him become his own person. I watched him love me, trust me, and look to me as his dad.
Being his father figure has been one of the greatest privileges of my life. I became the father I never had. Providing for him, protecting him, and taking care of my family gave me a sense of pride, responsibility, and purpose that I had never felt before. Coming home to them every day was what made everything else in life feel worth it.
What makes this so confusing is that our relationship didn’t feel like it was falling apart. This past year was honestly one of the best years we ever had. We were happy, we traveled, we made memories, we talked about the future, and we made plans for the life we wanted to build together. Then, a few days before Father’s Day, she told me she had checked out and was done. It felt like she had been carrying those feelings alone while I was still fully invested in us and the family we built.
She’s moving out today, and I’ll be moving into my own place in a few weeks. I’m grieving more than just losing a relationship. I’m grieving the loss of my family, my home, and the role that meant the most to me: being a dad.
I miss the little things more than anything. Walking through the door and hearing his voice. Family dinners. Bedtime routines. The laughter in the house. The hugs. Being the person he came to when he needed comfort. Those moments were my life.
We had an incredible relationship. Every day I felt like the luckiest man alive. No matter what stress or struggles I had, I always thought, “How can I be unhappy? I have this incredible family waiting for me at home.”
I’m doing everything I can to get through this. I’m in therapy, taking medication, journaling, and trying to take care of myself. But this has been the hardest thing I have ever experienced. I lost almost 20 pounds, struggled to eat and sleep, and spent weeks trapped in an anxiety loop.
I’m hoping to hear from other men who have experienced losing not only a partner, but a family they built. Especially men who have lost a child they raised and loved as their own. How did you cope? How did you find your identity and purpose again when the role that meant the most to you was suddenly taken away?

I don’t really know where else to turn. I’m hoping someone who has experienced a life altering breakup can understand what I’m going through.

Six weeks ago, my partner of almost 7 years ended our relationship. Before that, I genuinely felt so lucky like I had built the life I always wanted. I had become the father I never had. We had a home, routines, traditions, and a family. I came home every day to the people I loved most. I was so proud of what I had.

I helped raise her son since he was a baby. He wasn’t biologically mine, but I loved him like my own. He calls me dad and doesn’t even know I’m not his real father, all he’s ever known is me. I was there for the everyday things that don’t seem important until they’re gone, the jokes after work, playing together, helping him, and tucking him into bed every night. Losing that has been one of the most painful parts because it feels like I lost a child I helped raise.

The breakup felt incredibly sudden and shocking. She’s an avoidant, she had emotionally detached long before I realized it and did a classic avoidant break up. She has always been someone who avoids difficult emotional conversations and shuts down when things become overwhelming. It felt like she processed the end of our relationship privately, while I was still living inside the relationship believing we were okay.

When she ended things, it felt like my entire world collapsed overnight. I watched someone I loved deeply become distant while I was completely falling apart. I struggle to eat. I cant sleep. I have panic attacks, constant anxiety, and spent days feeling like I couldn’t calm my own body down.

The moment that broke me was coming home today and seeing that she had packed up her things, along with my stepson’s room. It felt like my life had literally been packed into boxes. It wasn’t just losing a partner, it was losing my home, my family, my routine, and the future I thought I was building.

She is moving out this week, and I’m terrified of being alone. I’m moving into my own apartment soon, and I know I’m taking steps forward, but the thought of walking into an empty place after years of having a family there feels overwhelming.

I have been trying to do everything I can to survive this. I started therapy. I started medication for anxiety. I’ve leaned heavily on friends and family. I’m trying to take care of myself, even on the days when getting through the day feels like all I can manage.

The hardest part is feeling like I should be better by now. I feel guilty that I’m still struggling. I feel like a burden sometimes because I keep needing support. But I’m grieving more than a relationship, I’m grieving an entire life.

For anyone who has been through a devastating breakup, losing a family structure, or losing a child you helped raise. How did you get through the first months? How did you learn to live with a reality you never wanted?

I seem to feel better by the end of the day. I don’t know what it is about the mornings or being at work that makes everything feel so much heavier. Even though I’m busy, that’s when I feel the saddest.

But when I get home, the sadness turns more into anger? and that weirdly gives me more confidence. Like, yeah, this sucks. If she doesn’t love me, that’s on her, I guess. But during the day I feel trapped and upset. Why do you think that is?

For context: My girlfriend of almost seven years ended our relationship pretty suddenly right before Father’s Day. We were raising a child together, and I’ve gone from seeing him every day to preparing to move out and lose that part of my life too. We’ve still been living together while figuring out the next steps, so it’s been a really hard adjustment

About a month ago, a few days before Father’s Day my girlfriend of almost seven years told me, “I don’t love you anymore.” It was one of the most painful things I’ve ever experienced, especially because I truly believed we were in the best place we had ever been.

We had what felt like a perfect year together. We traveled, made memories, supported each other, and built a life that I thought was going to be my future. I felt like I had finally found my family and the stability I had always wanted.

The hardest part is that this wasn’t just losing a relationship. I’m also facing the possibility of losing the family we built. I’ve been a father figure to her son since he was a baby. He has only ever known me as his dad, and I have loved and cared for him as my own. Not knowing what my relationship with him will look like moving forward has been one of the most painful parts of this entire experience.

We still live together right now, but lease is ending soon. Which has made everything even harder. I’m trying to grieve someone I love while still seeing them every day. Having to pack up an entire apartment full of memories. Watching the person I knew become distant and feeling our life together change has been heartbreaking.

After the breakup, my mental health completely crashed. I had intense anxiety and panic attacks. I struggled to breathe, eat, and sleep normally. I lost over 10 pounds because my body felt like it was constantly stuck in survival mode.

Eventually, I realized I couldn’t handle this alone. I just had a consultation with a therapist and began medication. I’m taking Pristiq for anxiety/depression and propranolol to help as needed. I was scared to start medication, but I was struggling badly.

I’m still hurting, and I still don’t know what the future looks like. I still miss her, I still miss our family, and I’m still grieving the life I thought I was going to have.

I’m trying to rebuild myself, learn how to take care of my mental health, and accept that even though I lost something incredibly important to me, I still have a life ahead of me. But most days I just can’t imagine a life away from what we had and I’m terrified of being alone.

For anyone who has gone through a sudden breakup, losing a family structure, or experienced anxiety so intense it took over your life. What helped you start finding yourself again? Does it ever get better…

My partner of almost 7 years ended our relationship suddenly, and I feel completely blindsided.

What makes this so painful is that we both agreed how lucky we were and how amazing our relationship was. We spoke at length about the greatness we saw in each other. She told me I was the most incredible person she had ever met, and we had one of the best years of our relationship. We traveled, made memories, grew closer, and I truly believed we were building the life we always talked about. Getting married, moving into a new home, and possibly having another child together.

Then one day I came home from work, and she told me she didn’t love me anymore. She wanted to be alone, couldn’t see herself being with me anymore and there was nothing we could do to change it. I didn’t do anything wrong, she said I couldn’t have given her more. She just felt this way.

I’m struggling because I didn’t just lose my partner. I lost the family we built. I helped raise her son since he was a baby. I loved and supported him, I have become so proud of our relationship over the years. We share a close bond, and losing that has been one of the most painful parts of this. Our families were intertwined, and it feels like I lost an entire life.

Since the breakup, I’ve struggled to function. I’ve had severe anxiety and panic attacks, trouble eating and sleeping, lost a lot of weight, started medication, and began therapy. The hardest part has been feeling like the person I loved for 7 years became distant and cold when I needed support the most. She immediately withdrew, avoided me. But we’re still living together for the next month or so. She never once asked how I was doing. She just watched as I lost a grip on everything around me, never once tried to help or even ask how I am doing.

I know she may have her own reasons, her own past, and her own pain. But I can’t stop asking why. Why did this happen when things felt so good? How can someone you planned your future with suddenly become someone you feel so far away from?

Right now, I’m struggling to believe this will ever get better. I’m afraid of being alone again. I can’t stop thinking about the memories, everything we built, and the future I thought we were going to have. I dread every day and the thought of having to pack those memories and move our separate ways soon.

Has anyone been through something similar? Am I alone? Losing not just a partner, but a family and a future you imagined. How did you get through the darkest days? I’m truly at the lowest point of my entire life, will this pain ever go away? Will I ever recover?

I just took the AZ-900 exam and honestly feel pretty blindsided by it.
I was consistently scoring 85–90%+ on Microsoft Learn practice exams and other practice tests. Because of that, I felt pretty confident and ended up scheduling the real exam after being prompted by the platform.
But the actual exam felt completely different from the practice material. The questions were much more scenario based and focused on real Azure usage/application. It wasn’t just concept recall like the practice tests, it felt like I needed hands on familiarity with Azure services and the portal itself, which I didn’t really get from my study resources.
I ended up scoring 667 (passing is 700), so I was very close, but it still felt like I walked into a different style of exam than I prepared for.
For people who passed AZ-900:
What resources did you actually use?

Did you use Azure hands-on labs or sandbox environments?

Any practice exams that more closely matched the real test style?

I’m trying to understand what I missed in my preparation because the gap between practice and exam felt huge.