r/BoyDinnerDiaries

Last night, I went to my friend's place 2 hours from home for 4th of July. I've been part of this friend group since 2nd grade, now we are all at the end of college. It started out bad since I was the last to receive an invite, and I triple checked with the host when he said to show up at dinnertime. Sure enough, everyone else had been there since noon. If I wasn't so far from home I would've gone back there and then. 

Later in the night, I make myself a mixed drink using the same type of cup 2 other girls were using. I also go to smoke 2 bowls. One was weed I brought, from a dispensary, the other was a friends who insisted that it was clean and also from a dispensary. 

30 minutes after I smoke, as I'm drinking my drink, I start to very quickly feel horrible. It feels worse than any high I've ever had, and I've greened out before. I throw up (thankfully in the toilet), but instead of feeling relief, I only feel worse. I very quickly realized either I was drugged or the weed was laced. For my own safety, I dragged myself to my car barefoot through mud, and slept in the back. I woke up with a searing headache. I quietly packed up and left to go to a diner to figure things out.

I'm leaning towards my drink being spiked instead of the weed being laced because whatever entered my system felt entirely bad, and I've heard fent at least makes you feel good for a bit. I'm pretty sure I know who the intended target was, but I can't figure out who would spike her drink. Either way, with the mix of not inviting me at the same time as everyone else and being drugged, safe to say I won't be hanging out with them again.

Food is from a local diner

food was made a while ago but i just need a win, so please say nice things about it!

- ratatouille from scratch with a sorrel and basil pistou
- leftovers, made into a pasta with hot honey and pistou drizzle. also added some leftover grilled chicken that was done with an espresso/brown sugar/tarragon dry rub

now for the less fun part. 26 years old. ace score of 8, never experienced a romantic or platonic relationship that didn’t end up being mistreatment or straight up abuse. experienced all major categories of abuse in some way for decades without reprieve. tried adopting a cat but the shelter didn’t tell me about some pretty big behavioral issues and i had to surrender him. ended a 3 year relationship a few months ago after realizing that no matter how much effort i put in, i was dating her anxiety and not her. she never believed i cared about her, nor that i was a kind person, despite covering all of the finances while we lived together and she went to school. i am in complete isolation - no friends, no family.

silver lining of all of this is i am extremely competent on paper. i worked for 6 years to build a career and save money, then mover 1500 miles away without telling anyone. i live in my dream city with a great job, a nice apartment, and the safety of my abusers not being able to find me anymore. i do my best to do a wide variety of hobbies i enjoy, and can handle crises better than most people i know. i am down over 80 pounds through diet and exercise, and work with a therapist to turn my extensive understanding of psych from a wall/defense mechanism for survival into a background function.

the only problem is that now that i am safe, my previously repressed memories are coming back. and holy shit was it bad. i can feel myself becoming a shell of the person i have been the last few years while survival mode and dissociation kept me running on empty. i am terrified of connection now because i think one more betrayal of my trust and safety might actually kill me. not to mention, i am incredibly stunted emotionally due to the lack of healthy connection at any point in my life. i’ve kinda given up hope on ever being able to have people in my life. as a result, and continuing the 26 years prior, i grieve all of my losses and celebrate all of my successes completely alone. but hey, i’m safe now. and i am proud as fuck of that.

ETA: thank you all so, so much for all of the kindness! kinda overwhelming but i will do my best to reply if and when i have capacity. one day at a time :)

Been together since I was 19 and he was 18. Getting divorced at 35. We had "the talk" that set it all off on 4/19. We've been living together still but going through our stuff and starting to pack and prep to move out and move on. I still love him so insanely much, but we just do not communicate well with each other and have hurt each other a lot too. I think it's the most compassionate thing in the long run, but it's so difficult to imagine what my future is going to look like without him. He's been here my entire adult life and we've known each other for five years longer than that, too.

I found the notebook I wrote my wedding speech and vows in today and threw it out. I debated keeping it, but it just felt like a reminder of the promises I couldn't keep and not something I wanted to have around.

I don't really feel like I exist right now. This entire experience is so surreal. Some days I wish I could just wake up and it was all a bad dream, but it keeps continuing.

On a more positive note. I started going to the gym and started taking martial arts classes. I've been working on my eating habits and I've already lost 17lbs in the last month or so. I've almost entirely kicked a 20 year long soda habit.

Ive lived alone for 7 years. In that time I've gotten a career, two cats, halfway restored a ranchero, got a motorcycle, got in shape, picked up guitar, and got in tune with myself, just to name a few.

Ive been single for 4 of that with no intimacy in over 2.5. I dont have contact with my family because of how the majority of them treated me. I know being alone isnt a bad thing, but at a certain point am I just too busted to be desired?

Things like a drivetrain swap, painting my car, and learning a new song on guitar all feel hollow with no partner to share them with. They feel good because Im aware they aren't easy tasks, but when i spend 6 hours figuring out why my motor isnt working, I would kill to have a partner to go "I did it! Check this out, this is what I did!"

I dont have the best luck with dating. I tend to admit that I like the person and for whatever reason thats not what people like to hear. My last relationship cheated on me with her ex, the one prior used me to move to a different state, and I haven't had the best luck since then. I miss getting to know another person without a catch. The last woman I talked to said she cared about me, then the next day ghosted me for another man. I found out by seeing them in person holding hands. She still hasn't apologized and I dont expect her to. Ive since blocked her.

I've done everything a man "is supposed to do" shy of buying a house, and while i dont feel lost, I'm exhausted.

People say "28 isn't that old, you have plenty of time to meet someone!" But I'm not sure i feel that's true anymore. I'm grateful ive remained sober in all of this, having not drank or smoked anything in 1y 7m, but man is it tempting due to the accessibility.

That said, I enjoy my space. The solace of silence is hard to overlook. Its been mine and mine alone for a long time and I haven't had a roommate since I was 19. I got to decorate my space as I wanted, and I think I could have done worse.

Gnocchi Alfredo with Walnuts.

It doesn't feel like she actually supports me or my interests. There are no 'thank you's for little things like making her a snack, or doing her little favors like turning a light switch off so she doesn't have to get up, or running to the store for some item she wants.

Whenever I have fun stuff to look forward to, or even find silver linings in stressful life events, she only laments how hard things are on her. She rarely asks about things I do by myself. She never actively supports me pursuing my hobbies. There are no 'have fun's or 'how was it's.

The most unselfish thing she does is not complain about her life and her woes when I'm stressed, which immediately falls away once I engage with her.

She also can't handle critique well, immediately shutting down whenever I try to bring things up. She seems to only be able to conceptualize any struggles I have in relation to herself.

I hate myself for not knowing how to deal with this. It is starting to affect my feelings for her. We are about to move in together. I now regret taking this step.

Dated a girl for 4 years, I’ve never felt more comfortable with a person. We use to do everything together until recently she started going on multiple trips to different places with friends and never invited me or showed interest in going to other places together. I really don’t think anything was going on behind my back, I think she just genuinely doesn’t love me anymore. This happened a month ago and I have since moved into a new place, but god almighty is it hard. She was the one to end things and gave the “it’s not you it’s me” argument, saying she just kinda checked out of the relationship. I spent the month convincing myself it was for the best and pretending to be ok, but just this weekend it all really hit me and I’d honestly do anything to have her back. Problem is I think she just genuinely doesn’t want to be with me anymore, for whatever reason. Y’all can give advice but I’m really just venting.

So we’re a group of six guy friends. We hang out all the time, go to school together, etc. We have this one friend who didn’t really start puberty until about 2 years ago (for context we’re all 18). So he wasn’t really used to having great hygiene. That’s normal since before hitting puberty you don’t stink as much, therefore you don’t shower as much. No biggie. Our friend however started to really smell like sweat, but old sweat. We tried to give him subtle hints so he would find out on his own, but it didn’t work. When I once asked him if he wanted to take a shower after he’d slept over, he told me that I shouldn’t worry, he told me he had showered the other day. I realized then that we would have to do something.
Then the other day something happened which made us decide it was time. All six of us were in a room together at recess when other people joined us and as they entered all of them remarked how bad the smell was.
We decided we couldn’t not tell him because that would be really dishonest, we didn’t want other people to make fun of him behind his back. So we told him, when no other people where present of course, that he smells of sweat.
He didn’t take it to well. He didn’t join our last hangout and I have a feeling it’s because we told him. We of course don’t want him to feel terrible about himself, but how should we have told him? He wouldn’t take the subtle hints, so we took the candid approach. We all still feel kind of bad but also like he’s gonna be grateful in the future.

We've been having some really hard times financially and my mother gave me carte blanche at the grocery store earlier this week. To the point where when i hesitated on grabbing something she would take it out of my hands and put it in the cart.

So, after weeks of kraft dinner and hotdogs, cup noodles, and hamburger helper, my wife and i got to cook a real meal together and it was fantastic. Pan seared lamb loin chops, cajun roasted potatoes, and asparagus with a balsamic glaze. I did the lamb, she did the asparagus and mushroom toppings, potatoes did their thing in the oven for 40 min.

I just want to put a big thank you out into the internet for all loving partners, parents, siblings, and friends. Truly, no one could be here without them!

Edit: grammar/spelling

Met a girl off Hinge and we really hit it off. Spent 2 weeks chatting every day before our first date, at which we spent 6 hours in a park just talking. Second date another 5 or so hours just enjoying each others company. Third date similar. Amazing communication, super into each other, sexual tension was insane.

Last Sunday we "broke up" (were never really "official" in the first place I suppose). Tuesday we spent hours on the phone making up. Wednesday was okay. Thursday she asked what we are, as she had another potential date on Hinge, and we talked it out and decided we both wanted to be exclusive. We were both really happy. Friday I left on a business trip for two weeks (unavoidable unfortunately), and we spent hours video calling when I got to the hotel. All seemed good. Saturday she says she's been thinking really hard the past few days and has decided to end it.

It's been an emotional roller coaster this week, but man I really liked her. How do you go from texting and calling someone daily for over a month to just cutting them off completely. I know it's worse for others after years, I myself had an almost 8 year relationship end a few years back. I somehow fumbled this and I just feel so bad about it.

This is dumb, but I miss you Kaylin. I hope you find the perfect guy for you.

I need some outside perspective on one of my best friends because I’m trying to figure out where the line is between “being a supportive lifelong friend” and “becoming a court-appointed financial guardian.”
For context, we’ve known each other literally our entire lives. We grew up next door to each other, spent every birthday together, and our parents have first-day-of-school photos of us standing side by side from kindergarten through college. He’s basically family.
The confusing part is that he’s one of the smartest, most creative, and genuinely kind people I’ve ever met. He’s the type of guy who can walk into a room full of strangers and leave with six new friends, an invitation to a cookout, and somehow end up helping someone move a couch next weekend.

And yet, when it comes to money and life decisions, it’s like watching a NASA engineer attempt to assemble IKEA furniture without the instructions. He’s told me how much he’s spending on the wedding and the bachelor party all while the math isn’t working out. Credit card debt and rent payments aren’t helping.

He consistently works jobs that consume every waking hour of his life. Right now, he’s working nonstop to pay for a wedding next year because his fiancée has a very specific vision for what their special day should look like. And as we all know, “you only do it once,” which I believe is also the official slogan of the wedding industry.

When he does get free time, he usually spends it drinking with friends who, with all due respect, appear to be conducting a long-term social experiment on the effects of poor financial decision-making.
Now, I’m trying very hard not to project my own beliefs onto him. Personally, I’ve always subscribed to the radical philosophy of “don’t spend money you don’t have,” largely because I enjoy sleeping through the night and not having my banking app induce cardiac symptoms.

The thing is, I genuinely care about this guy. He’s one of a kind. I want to support him in the way he needs support, not the way I think he should need support.
So, where is my role here as a friend? Do I say something? Do I just listen? Do I quietly stand by with a calculator, a therapist’s business card, and a fire extinguisher?

Anyway, while reading your responses, I’ll be enjoying some Whole Foods salmon nuggets paired with a gluten-free yellow mustard because apparently I’ve become the type of adult who says things like “these pair surprisingly well together” while worrying about another grown man’s financial future.

Appreciate any thoughts.

Met this really nice girl on a dating app and we've been talking for a month before we could finally arrange a meet. It was spontaneous (she offered to grab a coffee after work) and I couldn't even expect it to go as well as it did. She flirted, was nagging me about me being a bit moody (in a friendly manner), touched me (pretended she saw a bug on my clothes or to press out my neck because I complained about it being strained after gym). We were both so happy with how things went that we agreed then and there upon a second date.

It happened today. We went for a drive around town, took a walk at the riverside and talked almost non-stop. When I gave her a drive home, we leaned in for a kiss, but she playfully stopped me and said she's still treating her sore throat and didn't want me to catch anything, but promised to make up for it. I drove back home and started processing things, still am.

In my entire life I've never felt so wanted by another person. I cannot believe that a girl could simply see me for what I am without asking me to become something I am not. I can't fathom the concept of being accepted. It feels so good, but at the same time my brain is trying to cling to anything even barely resembling ulterior motives. I've read multiple stories about people running away from healthy affection and I'm not going to fall into this.

Pasta Bolognese

As the title suggests I’m concerned for my friend.

We’ve known each other for about 7 years, and have gotten close over those years. We met at work and clicked immediately. He transferred to another location, which I think was good for him but I think he’s isolated down there - away from his support network who have been here for him and is now in a house alone with his cat.

He’s been posting things on his social media stories. He said something along the lines of “Gœbbels and I are similar because he also liked model trains.” And now he replied to a selfie of mine wearing my work uniform saying “it’s giving Hitler youth”

Having spoken to mutual friends we are a bit confused because he has never been this way. I don’t know if it’s confusion, if it’s a rabbit hole, or if it’s because he’s being a bit of an edge lord. Or maybe it’s just he’s lonely and is susceptible to extreme loneliness reaching out for something through social media.

How do I go about grabbing my friend and stopping him from just absolutely destroying himself, his career and all the people around him?

Long-time lurker and first time poster.

Started dating a beautiful lady in April - we really hit it off on our first date, decided to keep seeing each other, and made things exclusive in May. It was so wonderful; we share many hobbies and interests, she’s brilliant, beautiful, so driven, we have very compatible senses of humor, and amazing chemistry.

As it turns out, I accidentally got her pregnant not long after we started dating - and I do mean accidentally, like the ultimate freak accident. Broken condom, failed plan B, and a false negative pregnancy test. So she decides to get an abortion, and I fully devoted myself to supporting her through it. Made myself available on demand to her, helped take care of her and her apartment, did all the grocery shopping and cooking, etc. For weeks taking care of her was practically my whole life.

She recovered from the process in early June, and since then, she’s done a complete 180. She barely talks to me. Barely asks me questions about myself or my day. The few recent times we’ve hung out, she’s either had other plans that interfered, has slept through it, or has been cold, distant, and frankly mean. We haven’t had sex, been on a proper date, or even had a full conversation for this entire time.

The past month has felt so lonely. She’s owned up to being “off-putting” and apologized for it, but since then, it’s only gotten worse. I’m at the point that I’m mirroring her low-effort behavior and the relationship feels totally moribund. It’s so challenging. Feels like I’m in limbo waiting for the breakup or the point at which I’ll have no choice but to initiate it myself. I understand that she’s busy, that she has stuff outside the relationship, and that she’s recovering from the whole ordeal; and I’ve tried to be supportive… but I feel totally invisible to her. I don’t want to make it about myself but I feel totally shut out.

It’s donut Sunday at my job, and my boss brought me a donut. Enjoying it with an iced americano and some weird chips my coworker brought back from Taiwan. Surprisingly they aren’t that bad.

I’m 29 and after spending most of my life dating women, this has been my first year really dating men. I thought it would finally feel like I was being authentic, and in a lot of ways it has. But emotionally… I don’t think I’ve ever felt this exhausted.

The first guy completely swept me off my feet. The chemistry was unlike anything I’d ever experienced. For the first time, I felt like I understood what people meant when they talked about really falling for someone. He completely took over my life mentally. I thought about him from the moment I woke up until I went to bed. I genuinely thought there was a future there.

Then, almost overnight, he became distant. Every text felt different. I spent weeks trying to figure out what changed and wondering what I had done wrong. When it finally ended, I was devastated. I’d known him for such a short amount of time, yet I thought about him every single day for months afterward. It was honestly one of the deepest heartbreaks I’ve experienced and I wasn’t prepared for how much it would affect me.

A few months later, I met someone else. We had an incredible date, spent the night together, and I walked away thinking, “Maybe this is my second chance.” We had another great date after that, and I started letting myself get excited again. Then a few days later he told me he wasn’t looking for anything serious and just wanted something casual. I respected his honesty but it crushed me because I realized we wanted completely different things. It felt like I had barely gotten back on my feet before I was knocked down again.

Now I’m seeing someone new who I genuinely like, and instead of just enjoying it, I feel like I’m bracing for impact. Every time he takes longer than usual to text back, my brain immediately assumes history is repeating itself. I hate that these experiences have made me expect disappointment instead of feeling excited.

What’s weird is… dating women honestly felt easier. Communication felt more straightforward. I rarely questioned where I stood and I didn’t feel like I was constantly analyzing every text message. Maybe that’s just my experience, but dating men has felt so much more emotionally unpredictable. I don’t know if it’s because these are my first relationships with men, because the dating culture is different, or because I’ve just had bad luck.

I know there are amazing gay relationships out there. I see them all the time, and that’s exactly what I want. I want someone who’s excited to text me. Someone who wants to build a life together. Someone who chooses me as much as I choose them. But after the past several months, I’m tired. Part of me wants to delete the apps, stop trying, and protect myself from another heartbreak. Another part of me knows that if I give up now, I’ll never find what I’m looking for.

I don’t really know what I’m asking for by posting this. Maybe I just needed to know if anyone else’s first experiences dating men were this emotionally overwhelming. Or maybe I am just tired lol.

Today is my first anniversary with my wife! It’s been a great year with lots of change (she recently quit her job to pivot to a different industry). We were high school sweethearts and we have came so far, I can’t believe I get to spend the rest of my life with her!

We got to spend all day playing our favorite video games, playing with our dog, and we will finish our night with the new Naked Gun with popcorn, candies, and cake! Couldn’t have asked for a more fun day! Can’t wait to have more fun next year!

Dinner is reverse-seared ribeye served over mashed potatoes, topped with caramelized onions and a wine reduction. Side of pan roasted brussel sprouts with a maple bourbon balsamic. Drink of an apple juice + wine slushy ( something my friend made over our wedding weekend that we HAD to recreate).

NY strip steak, green beans.

This is the second time i’ve ever grilled. I did pretty damn good. I dry brined it in salt and pepper for a day and a half

Also, yall, i just want to say, to the guys who are reading this, you are loved. You should be proud of yourself for how far you’ve gotten in life without giving up. I am proud of you, dudes. Much love.

Is there any hope? Can we get some wins in here?

Even if you gotta reach back and remember some kind of fucking happiness, can we get some fucking light in here?

Once I was invited out to LA to stay with this girl who liked what I was about on IG.

This was platonic for all I know but she was like come kick it for like 5 days. Met her friends, talked philosophical shit with her, had a blast.

At the time I’d been DMing this other girl in LA on more of a flirty vibe. Hit her up and said I would be in her city and we should get ice cream.

She was down, so down she came and picked me up and paid for the ice cream. I offered to of course, she said nah, and I’m always going to accept a blessing. She makes a lot of money so I just let her treat me.

Then, I planned my flight route back through Chicago to see this other girl with the same name as the LA ice cream one who I’d been like heavily flirting with in the DMs. And she was down. All about it.

Mind you I didnt fuck any of them. Could I have? The 3rd one definitely. At that point in my life just knowing I could was good enough and I didnt want the emotional connection with someone I wasn’t going to see often.

Anyway, I hope some cool shit that makes you think you are awesome happens to you, because that shit definitely made me feel like I was winning 😂

Sardines because nutrients 💪

24M and decided to completely just give up on trying to get a GF for the last 4 years. It's hasn't been too bad since then and have been able to move on for the most part but I'll occasionally get these "episodes" where I'll get sad about never having a relationship and today is one of those days. I'm able to have good friendships with people but when it comes to romance I'm a nobody. Women just don't like me. No one has had a crush and expressed interest.

Which I attribute to the mental illnesses/disabilities I struggled with growing up. Nobody wants to date someone whose mentally defective and has to to to therapy. Unless that someone is really good looking which I am not unfortunately. I'm not ugly but not good looking enough. So I decided to just leave them alone and not engage with women anymore. I don't believe someone could ever love me so it was for the best to just stop.

My girlfriend was here for university, we met about a year and half ago both of us fully intending it just to be a one night thing, that developed into a more casual thing which developed into a relationship.

She was very upfront about going back to her home country once she graduated so we both knew this was happening the whole time but neither of us really processed it I think, it’s been less than a week since I left her at the airport and those first few days were awful with a few emotional breakdowns.

We’re technically not together anymore, she’s done long distance before and knows she can’t make it work and I know I’d never want that anyway. It’s just a wild feeling knowing that person I spent most of my time with is now at the other end of the world and somehow a year and a half felt like it went by in the blink of an eye.

I feel a bit better after letting my feelings out but it’s a strange not seeing her or hearing her, we both want to stay friends but I don’t know how that will work considering I was a secret boyfriend and the fact she barely has time to speak since she lives with her family and there’s 7 of them in the house.

I dunno I’ll guess just take it day by day and focus a bit more on my own well being.

Dinner was for burgers from the butcher with a smoked cheddar and chilis cheese thing.

My mom uses me when it's convenient, especially for vacations.

My older brother used me more than anyone else. I gave up so much of my own life to help him, putting my own goals and plans on hold because I believed in being there for family. Then he left. After everything I sacrificed, I was the one left behind to pick up the pieces.

My baby brother told me he was getting a job here, but then he left too, leaving me to handle everything on my own.

My friend CYP comes to me for emotional support, but only when it's convenient for her.

My sister relies on me to take care of the pets.

At work, I'm always willing to help my coworkers. I cover for people, step in when they need me, and do my best to be dependable. Yet after I nearly suffered a heat stroke, no one could be bothered to cover a single shift for me. That hurt more than I can explain. To make matters worse, I've watched coworkers take credit for things I've done, receive recognition for my work, and act like my contributions never mattered. I don't need constant praise, but it's frustrating to watch people benefit from my efforts while I'm overlooked.

Sometimes it feels like everyone in my life wants something from me, but very few people ask what I need. After a while, you start wondering if anyone actually cares about you beyond what you can do for them.

There are days when I want to disappear not because I want to stop living, but because I want a chance to breathe. I think about buying a Greyhound ticket, blocking everyone, deleting my TikTok and Instagram, finding another job in the same field, and starting over somewhere far away from all of this. Maybe New York. Maybe California. Maybe somewhere even farther away, like Asia or Europe. Somewhere I can build a life that isn't weighed down by the same pain, the same disappointments, and the same people who made me feel like I only mattered when they needed something from me.

I know I could do it. I've started over once before, and I have no doubt I could do it again without my family's support. Maybe leaving would be the fresh start I need. Maybe it wouldn't. I don't know yet. What I do know is that I'm tired of feeling like the person everyone depends on but no one truly sees. I'm tired of always being the one who gives while everyone else seems content to take. Maybe I'll leave. Maybe I'll stay. Time will tell.