My marriage was more toxic than I realized
Just venting, but comments welcome
I left my wife about a year and a half ago. In the 11 years we were married, she yelled at me regularly. Any time I asked how she thought I felt, she'd shrug and say "I don't know. I'm not a mind reader." We went to couples therapy. The therapist said that my feelings are my business and I have to do a better job of understanding her triggers. She constantly put down my job, hers was more important (I am a college track coach and she is a professor. She didn't finish the PhD until 7 years into our marriage and didn't get a full time job for another 4 years after that).
I switched schools in an effort to be in an area with more schools, hoping she'd find something. A year later, she got a job in another state entirely. I was supposed to quit. My mother had heart surgery: "I don't know what you want me to say." I was living with my parents, paying the mortgage on a house i wasnt living in, and she got a 3 bedroom house for myself. She started to complain when I wanted to take my dog because she'd be alone. This doesn't even get into sex 3 times in 11 years of marriage. Whenever there was a sex scene in a movie, she'd scream "eww, i dont want to see that". Do I need to mention there was no physical contact.
So I got out. And I haven't regretted it for a second. But I miss my dog so much. I'll never see her again. I lived with my parents for another year, and now, at 42 years old, i'm living by myself for the first time. And i'm still afraid about doing things that will get me yelled at. I'm embarrassed about money (because I never made enough), i don't have friends (because hanging out with anyone besides your gf/spouse was stupid), i feel guilty when I jerk off (because ewww, sex is gross). My social life is my parents. I'm broke, because I was never allowed to have a savings account, so I used everything I had paying for my lawyer, and now just rent and utilities (seriously, why the hell is the south so hot?!). Meeting people is so hard when i can't afford to go out. I just feel stuck and like my life is going nowhere. I gave her everything about me and now I don't even know who I am. Its just me in a 1 bedroom apartment watching the Phillies do their level best to collapse another season. I don't even know how this happened. I tried. All I did was try to get someone to love me.
Oh yea, the food is a bacon and egg cheeseburger (do no recommend if you're a bearded man. That was rough) and dill seasoned fries (overcooked).