u/Bluesfan618

I’m going to preface this with I have zero real life friends to talk to about this so I apologize if this gets a little long.

My wife and I have been married for over 20 years, and she recently told me she wants to get a lawyer and pursue a legal separation. I don’t want this at all. I love her more than I can explain, and the thought of losing her is absolutely destroying me.
At the same time, I need to be honest: I’m not a victim here. Over the years, I’ve repeatedly damaged her trust through lying, secrecy, and defensiveness. We’d go through a major issue, I’d feel remorse, apologize, and believe I had changed, but eventually I’d fall back into similar patterns in new ways.
I had my first therapy session today with someone who specializes in complex childhood trauma. She suggested that some of my patterns,especially secrecy and lying, are often seen in people with trauma histories. I’m not using my childhood as an excuse. I take full responsibility for my actions.
Through therapy, I’m hoping to figure out why I repeat these patterns, what happens internally before I make these choices, and how to permanently break the cycle.
Right now, my wife and I are still living together, but emotionally we are very distant. I want to reach out to her, but I’m also trying to respect her need for space. I wrote her a letter taking accountability and acknowledging things I now understand differently, but I’m not pressuring her to respond.
I’m also trying not to turn therapy into “how do I convince my wife to stay.”
I want reconciliation, but I know real change can’t be driven only by fear of loss. It has to be permanent.

If you’ve made it this far, thank you! For those of you who have been through a separation, and especially those who were able to reconcile, I have a few questions.
First, what the hell am I supposed to be doing right now? I feel so lost and defeated.
How do I show her real change without pressuring her to change her mind? I know this step is going to take a long time, but I hope to be able to genuinely show her that things can be different.
If you were in her shoes, what actually helped to make you feel safe that your partner wouldn’t hurt you again?
And most importantly, if you are the person who caused the pain, how did you break the cycle and actually change instead of just feeling remorse.

I’m scared I’ve finally understood too late. But I want to handle this in a way that respects her, gives her space, and helps me become someone who never repeats this pattern again.

Remember, you get fired for being even 2 minutes late…

Hmmmm where have we heard this before??

So her latest bullshit being spewed is that she was locked out of her hotel room, they wouldn’t renew her keys until she paid, but her dog was allowed to stay in the room?

Make that make sense…

Yikes! I guess the lighting really was better the other day

I’m firmly in the Jordan is NOT working camp so I figured I’d offer my counter-argument as to why I believe she is NOT working.

First, we’ve simply seen this play before. This is not her first rodeo into pretending to have a job, the script is simply different this time. But ignoring that and only looking at this current job, here is what I’ve come up with. Please feel free to add if I miss anything.

1. I also know where Jordan supposedly works and a drug test is required. There is no way Jordan is ever passing a drug test.

2. You can not miss ANY training, but missed hours to go to court. Okay, I could maybe see where she got this okayed somehow, but then that leads me to…

3. She came on live “after work” but the problem was, she didn’t track her time properly and was on live a full hour before she even got off work.

4. She said on live that she had switched to this new job a full month before she supposedly started and then gaslighted everyone who mentioned that the start date she told everyone was wrong. She doubled down saying that she had been telling everyone all along when she would be starting even though there is plenty of video evidence to the contrary.

5. She was “sent home” because of “system outages” conveniently on a day that she was VERY short of the money she was begging for. Again, I know where she supposedly works and this did not happen. Not only that, if you are in training, there is always something to learn whether that be scripts, rebuttals, etc.

6. Speaking of training, she has stated this is a hybrid job. I speak from a lot of experience when I say that she would have already have had to do an internet speed test from where she will be working from home PRIOR to being hired. There is no hotel wifi anywhere that would pass the required speed test. Aside from that, the company she supposedly works for requires the internet to he hard wired into the computer.

7. She was photographed on a random Friday afternoon walking back to her hotel from the gas station when she was supposed to be at work. Again, people are getting fired for being a few minutes late.

8. Can’t forget about the lunchtime and break time begs that were at odd times. I know for a fact that the place she supposedly works keep to be a pretty tight schedule and lunch and breaks are scheduled for specific times. Not to mention, it sounded exactly like when she was “stuck outside”

This is just off the top of my head. Feel free to add to the list. I’m glad she’s off TikTok but she is 100% being supported somehow and she will use this when she needs to and the next season of Jordan’s grift will be starting soon

Since I know you like to pop your goofy head in here on a regular basis, I just wanted to remind you that you’re still not a mod

🤮