r/DivorceHelp

Husband thinks I rushed to moving to divorce too fast but I don’t agree. I suspected him of cheating about 5 weeks ago. Didn’t have solid evidence until a month ago and he confirmed when confronted 3 weeks ago that he was paying an escort for sex. I already knew when I suspected that I couldn’t stay with him. Sex with someone else, regardless who it is, is no go for me as we’ve struggled in that department for years, his issues not mine. Once I knew what he was doing for sure I had my mind made up and cannot imagine ever being with him in that sense again.

Over the past 3 weeks of him begging me to think about it and give it time I reached out to an attorney. Had a consultation Friday and signed paperwork yesterday (Tuesday). I’ve told him I want him out and don’t want to look him as all I think about when he’s around is that how could he could betray me like this, 21 years together. He’s had more sex with her in the past 2 months than we have in the past 7 years. I feel like he hasn’t cared or loved me like he claims for years and maybe I was already on the verge of ending it because he’s never around anyway and I’m basically the maid/mom taking care of household duties while he’s out with friends, frequenting strip clubs and having sex with an escort.

For some reason he thinks we can get past this. I feel like it’s a last ditch effort to “fix” what he didn’t want to admit has been broken for a long while. I told him yesterday I’d signed that paperwork and am trying to make it as easy as possible for him. Rather than serve him at work he can do pick up the paperwork and I’m not trying to screw him out of anything I just want him out of this house and away from me.

He came home from work super early today saying I haven’t loved him or I’d try to get past this. I don’t want to get past this. He’s had 21 years to show he loves me and hasn’t. He’s admitted to “thinking” about hiring an escort for years when I’ve always been willing to have sex with him just didn’t know about his kink. He’s never in this time thought about trying to get me involved or just watching what turned him in and being with me.

I feel like he’s never once considered me in any of this and maybe that’s why it’s so easy for me to say it’s over. I honestly feel like the past year I’ve started to fall out of love with him because like I said he’s not around, didn’t feel like he cares about me or sees me as anything other than a servant to do his laundry and make his meals.

I don’t think I’ve rushed this. I just don’t want to have to look at him anymore and since he won’t voluntarily leave that I need to make him leave. The only way I’ve found to do that is by actually filing for divorce. I was even generous imo and have it set that he just has to be out by the 30th which gives him a whole other paycheck to figure things out. I don’t want him here that long but trying to be a reasonable empathetic person.

I love my wife, I do. But it's been 12 years since we've been intimate with each other. No hugs, no kisses, no touching. She went through menopause and that was it, she was done. We've talked about this before, she doesn't see the problem.

We talked again last month, I told her that it had been two years since I even attempted to hug her, she immediately pulled away and locked up. That was the last time I tried. When
I told her that she said I could ask her for a hug, if she wasn't doing anything else she might be okay with it. That was the straw, that was the end for me. I begged for my wife for years to be my wife and not my roommate. I won't beg for simple human contact.

I hate that its come to this, but I can't do another 30 years of this.

She's getting ready for surgery in October.  I'm going to stick around for that, for her to be healed up.  I'll be here for the holidays – Christmas is her favorite and I won't ruin that for her with a divorce.   But come January I'm going to offer couples counseling, not to fix the relationship, but just to prepare her for the end. 

I don't want the house, I don't want anything, I just want to get out, and try to find some happiness with the last 30 years of my life.  I'm really hoping she'll allow it to be uncontested, I already plan to move most of my IRA over to her, we'll sell the house and I'll split it 80/20 with her – I do want to make sure she can stay retired (she's older than I am) and enjoy what time she has left.  Hopefully she'll find someone else, they'll have to be a-sexual, and probably a-romantic, but I do hope she can find someone new to be friends and roommates with.

I'm not sure what help I'm looking for, I've got my plan, I just need to wait before I execute it.  I guess I just wanted to share, I don't know.

so my wife was having an emotional affair with a guy at her work she says nothing physical happened and over a few months. I’ve asked her numerous times to stop, and then I was going to handle it if she did not, and so yesterday I went to the man’s house and told him to stay the hell away from my wife and now she’s filing for divorce.

I want to divorce my husband and move to another state 700+ miles away with our kids. But, I don’t know how custody will work.

I have been married for almost 20 years. We have had a lot of problems throughout our marriage. He is an addict (mostly pain pills) but, has been clean since having our kids (9&10).

About 3 years ago he had surgery on his foot. But, instead of fixing it, they messed it up more. He said he is always in pain and has a hard time getting around. So, he hasn’t worked since. All of the financial responsibility fell to me. Which, I can handle. But, he doesn’t do anything to help. He doesn’t cook, clean, go grocery shopping. Anything. He keeps the kids while I work. I say he keeps them because he doesn’t watch them. He’s just there, if something happens. He, literally, sleeps and plays video games. I can’t tell you the last time he has showered.

I have family in another state. They have a house ready for me. They will help me get back on my feet. But, they only want me and the kids there. They hate that he doesn’t help me with anything. I want to go. I just don’t know how. How would custody work that far apart. He couldn’t see them every other weekend because it’s too far. Does anyone have experience with a situation this?

She F/23 cheated on me M/25 I found out after our immigration interview. She’s still waiting for her green card stuff to come in and it’s been an 8 month wait. It still hurts me to see her or think about her. Me divorcing her could possibly jeopardize her immigration status. What would the repercussions be if any?

I don’t think she deserves my help because it still hurts me and I’ve been helping her with this process for years I just don’t know what to do atp. I don’t hate her I’m not seeking revenge or being petty it just hurts to know that I’m blindly helping her still when she did me so dirty. I was dumb and still had sex and conversations with her after the fact and now that I just want to let go and forget about her idk what to do with this situation. Seeing and thinking about her hurts I have t been able to sleep for a few nights now. Location: Queens, New York

She F/23 cheated I M/25 found out after our immigration interview should I divorce her now or not jeopardize her immigration status even tho thinking about her hurts. Meaning I would wait for her to get what she needs and then continue the divorce process

My wife told me when she left a year ago that we don’t need lawyers to separate things out. Now that I’m looking for a lawyer, she has tied up at least three that I’ve tried to get an appointment with.

I’m going through a separation in British Columbia after a long-term 24 year marriage, and I’m trying to understand what type of legal expertise I should be looking for.
My concern is that there may be money or other assets that I don’t currently know about. During the marriage, my spouse was primarily responsible for the company’s bookkeeping and banking, and I’m concerned that money may have been moved into accounts in her name or otherwise transferred or concealed during the period leading up to the separation.
I’m trying to figure out **what type of family-law experience I should be looking for** when I consult with a lawyer.
For example:
Is there a particular area of family law that deals with tracing potentially hidden assets?
Should I be looking for a family lawyer with experience in financial disclosure and complex property division?
When one spouse controlled the business finances, what kinds of records or disclosure can the other spouse normally request?
If marital money was transferred into an account solely in the other spouse’s name, does that automatically mean the money belongs to that spouse, or can it still be considered family property?
Are there situations where a lawyer can obtain financial records or trace transfers that the other spouse hasn’t voluntarily disclosed?
What should I be documenting or gathering now to help my lawyer determine whether money has been moved or concealed?
I’m not asking anyone here to provide legal advice about my specific case. I’m mainly trying to understand **what kind of legal expertise I should be looking for and what the general process looks like in BC.**
If anyone has gone through something similar in BC, I’d be interested in hearing what you learned about the process.

I don’t even know why I’m writing this.
I think I’m desperately looking for answers because nobody around me can explain what happened.
My husband and I were together for over two years before we got married.
It wasn’t an easy journey because his family never accepted me.
I actually turned him down several times because I knew what his family were like and I didn’t want to spend my life fighting them.
His family made it clear they wanted him to marry within the extended family rather than marry me. They openly opposed our relationship from the very beginning, and I never truly felt accepted by them.
Despite all of that, he fought for me.
He begged me.
He begged my family.
He begged everyone around us to let him marry me.
He constantly told everyone I was the love of his life and that we’d get through anything together.
Before we got married, he left what he described as an abusive and dysfunctional family home. He had nowhere to live and was effectively homeless.
My family took him in without hesitation.
My mum fed him.
Gave him somewhere safe to stay.
Helped him rebuild his life.
Treated him like one of her own.
I stood beside him through one of the hardest periods of his life because I loved him.
We genuinely built everything from nothing together.
That’s why this hurts so much.
I genuinely believed that no matter what happened in life, we’d face it together because that’s exactly what we’d done from the beginning.
Even our wedding should have been a warning.
Guests had been waiting since around midday.
His family didn’t arrive until around 9pm.
The imam actually left because they were so late and had to be chased back.
Nobody from my family complained.
We were just happy everyone had finally arrived.
Then came our walima.
That became another horrible memory.
My father actually left because of how upset everything became.
His family refused to allow my family onto the stage.
An argument started over us having three additional guests.
While I was sitting on the stage as a bride, members of his family were calling me “fat” and “ugly.”
His brother swore at me.
It was humiliating.
Despite all of that, my husband still chose me.
That’s why what happened next feels impossible to understand.
We were only married for ten weeks.
I’m not pretending our marriage was perfect.
Yes, we argued.
But our arguments weren’t about cheating, abuse, money or anything major.
Most of them came back to his family.
They’d say hurtful things about me or disrespect our marriage, and I’d become upset because I felt he didn’t stand up to them enough.
Looking back, I also now realise I was pregnant during that time, although neither of us knew it.
In hindsight, my emotions were probably much higher than normal and neither of us understood why.
Despite the arguments, he never swore at me.
He never called me names.
He never intentionally tried to hurt me.
In so many ways he was an amazing husband.
That’s why what happened next makes absolutely no sense.
The Friday before he left, we had one of the biggest arguments we’d ever had.
At one point he packed a bag and said he was going home.
He didn’t even make it out of the front door.
Instead, we sat down and had the deepest conversation we’d ever had.
He asked me if I even wanted this marriage.
I admitted that during arguments I’d sometimes say “divorce,” but I told him I didn’t actually want one.
The truth is I wanted reassurance that he’d fight for us.
Looking back, I know that wasn’t a healthy way to communicate and I regret it deeply.
He cried his eyes out.
He asked me if I even loved him.
I cried too and told him,
“Of course I love you.”
He then said something I’ll never forget.
He said he was selfish because he didn’t want to lose me.
He said he wanted this marriage to work because he loved me more than anything.
He swore by Allah, by the Qur’an and by the Prophet ﷺ that he wanted this marriage and couldn’t imagine life without me.
We both cried.
We held each other.
We made up in what genuinely felt like an unshakable way.
We were intimate.
We ate together.
We fell asleep in each other’s arms.
If someone had asked me that night whether my husband would leave me the next day, I would’ve laughed.
I genuinely believed we’d got through the worst of it.
The next day I went out with a friend.
When I came home, something didn’t feel right.
My husband works from our utility room, and it’s somewhere I rarely go because it’s full of his work things.
For some reason I had a gut feeling something wasn’t right.
I asked him if everything was okay.
He told me there was nothing wrong and swore there was nothing to worry about, but he was visibly shaking while saying it.
That immediately made me suspicious.
I went into the room.
I saw two bags packed.
I opened one.
His clothes were inside.
The paperwork for our flat was inside too.
I asked him,
“Why have you packed all of this?”
He told me it was from the argument the day before.
But it didn’t look like someone who had angrily thrown things into a bag.
It looked properly packed.
That became our main argument.
He picked up the bags and walked out.
I asked him,
“So what are you going to do? Are you going to divorce me?”
He replied,
“Yes… I will divorce you.”
He actually stuttered saying it.
Throughout our entire relationship he never even used the word “divorce.”
He always called it “the D word” because he believed divorce was so serious in Islam that he didn’t even like saying the word out loud.
That was the first and only time I’d ever heard him actually say it.
I simply asked him whether he would swear by Allah that he meant what he was saying.
He refused.
That gave me hope.
I thought he was emotional and would come home once he’d calmed down.
Instead I saw his location at the train station.
I rang him.
I begged him not to go back.
He kept saying,
“You wanted distance. You wanted this.”
I kept saying,
“No. Please come home.”
He got on the train anyway.
That was the last time I heard his voice.
After that he blocked my number.
Changed his number.
Turned off his location.
Cancelled our tenancy.
Cancelled our household bills.
And never came back.
A few days later I found out I was pregnant.
I managed to tell him.
He never replied.
He never asked if it was true.
He never asked for proof.
He never asked how I was.
He never asked about the baby.
Instead, a few days later I received Islamic divorce papers.
They weren’t from a mosque.
They weren’t through an imam.
They were simply typed up.
He issued three talaqs in one sitting.
He never paid my mahr.
One of the conditions of our marriage was that if we ever reached breaking point, we would involve mediation before divorce.
None of that happened.
There is one thing that haunts me more than anything else.
His email account was briefly still logged into one of my devices before he signed out.
During those few moments I saw that he’d created a folder called \*\*“Harassment from ex wife.”\*\*
Inside were my emails.
My voice notes.
My messages.
Recordings of me crying my eyes out, begging him to speak to me and trying to understand what had happened.
Seeing that absolutely broke me.
I wasn’t trying to harass him.
I was a terrified wife who had gone from sleeping in her husband’s arms one night to watching him disappear the next.
I wasn’t sending those messages out of anger.
I was desperately trying to reach the man I’d loved for over two years.
To see myself labelled as an “ex wife” within days, and for my cries for help to be filed away as “harassment,” is something I don’t think I’ll ever forget.
The hardest part has been his family.
They never wanted this marriage.
When my parents rang asking if he was there, they denied knowing where he was, despite us having reason to believe he’d gone back to them.
When they were told I was pregnant, they ignored it.
I rang his father crying and begged him to help save my marriage.
I even said I’d kiss his feet and my husband’s feet if it meant saving my family.
I was told I wasn’t welcome there and they wanted nothing to do with me.
When I asked whether I should contact the police because I couldn’t find my husband, I was told to wait another day or two.
Then the divorce papers arrived.
Based on everything I’d experienced over more than two years, I genuinely believe his family had a significant influence after he returned to them. They had opposed our marriage from the beginning, and from my perspective everything changed after he went back.
What I cannot understand is this…
How does someone spend over two years fighting everyone to marry you…
Leave the family he described as abusive…
Accept help from your family when he had nowhere to go…
Cry in your arms…
Swear by Allah, the Qur’an and the Prophet ﷺ that he loves you more than anything…
Sleep in your arms…
Tell you he wants to save the marriage…
Then within 48 hours leave, disappear and divorce you?
I keep blaming myself.
Did the arguing finally become too much?
Did I push him too far?
Was Friday his last attempt to save the marriage?
Or had he already made up his mind?
What hurts me most isn’t even just the divorce.
It’s the silence.
Even if he no longer wanted to be married to me…
Didn’t I deserve one final conversation?
Didn’t I deserve an explanation?
Didn’t I deserve enough respect to hear it from my husband rather than receive a piece of paper?
And then I think about the pregnancy.
Even if he had stopped caring about me…
Did he not care about his own child?
Did he think I was lying?
Why didn’t he even ask?
I’ll probably never know.
I loved this man with everything I had.
I stood beside him when he had nobody.
I believed we’d always face hardship together because that’s what we’d always done.
The husband who held me, cried with me and promised me the world on Friday is not the man who abandoned me on Saturday.
I genuinely don’t recognise him anymore.
I don’t know whether I’m looking for advice, answers or simply for someone to tell me I’m not going crazy trying to make sense of all of this. 💔

I don’t even know why I’m writing this.
I think I’m desperately looking for answers because nobody around me can explain what happened.
My husband and I were together for over two years before we got married.
It wasn’t an easy journey because his family never accepted me.
I actually turned him down several times because I knew what his family were like and I didn’t want to spend my life fighting them.
His family made it clear they wanted him to marry within the extended family rather than marry me. They openly opposed our relationship from the very beginning, and I never truly felt accepted by them.
Despite all of that, he fought for me.
He begged me.
He begged my family.
He begged everyone around us to let him marry me.
He constantly told everyone I was the love of his life and that we’d get through anything together.
Before we got married, he left what he described as an abusive and dysfunctional family home. He had nowhere to live and was effectively homeless.
My family took him in without hesitation.
My mum fed him.
Gave him somewhere safe to stay.
Helped him rebuild his life.
Treated him like one of her own.
I stood beside him through one of the hardest periods of his life because I loved him.
We genuinely built everything from nothing together.
That’s why this hurts so much.
I genuinely believed that no matter what happened in life, we’d face it together because that’s exactly what we’d done from the beginning.
Even our wedding should have been a warning.
Guests had been waiting since around midday.
His family didn’t arrive until around 9pm.
The imam actually left because they were so late and had to be chased back.
Nobody from my family complained.
We were just happy everyone had finally arrived.
Then came our walima.
That became another horrible memory.
My father actually left because of how upset everything became.
His family refused to allow my family onto the stage.
An argument started over us having three additional guests.
While I was sitting on the stage as a bride, members of his family were calling me “fat” and “ugly.”
His brother swore at me.
It was humiliating.
Despite all of that, my husband still chose me.
That’s why what happened next feels impossible to understand.
We were only married for ten weeks.
I’m not pretending our marriage was perfect.
Yes, we argued.
But our arguments weren’t about cheating, abuse, money or anything major.
Most of them came back to his family.
They’d say hurtful things about me or disrespect our marriage, and I’d become upset because I felt he didn’t stand up to them enough.
Looking back, I also now realise I was pregnant during that time, although neither of us knew it.
In hindsight, my emotions were probably much higher than normal and neither of us understood why.
Despite the arguments, he never swore at me.
He never called me names.
He never intentionally tried to hurt me.
In so many ways he was an amazing husband.
That’s why what happened next makes absolutely no sense.
The Friday before he left, we had one of the biggest arguments we’d ever had.
At one point he packed a bag and said he was going home.
He didn’t even make it out of the front door.
Instead, we sat down and had the deepest conversation we’d ever had.
He asked me if I even wanted this marriage.
I admitted that during arguments I’d sometimes say “divorce,” but I told him I didn’t actually want one.
The truth is I wanted reassurance that he’d fight for us.
Looking back, I know that wasn’t a healthy way to communicate and I regret it deeply.
He cried his eyes out.
He asked me if I even loved him.
I cried too and told him,
“Of course I love you.”
He then said something I’ll never forget.
He said he was selfish because he didn’t want to lose me.
He said he wanted this marriage to work because he loved me more than anything.
He swore by Allah, by the Qur’an and by the Prophet ﷺ that he wanted this marriage and couldn’t imagine life without me.
We both cried.
We held each other.
We made up in what genuinely felt like an unshakable way.
We were intimate.
We ate together.
We fell asleep in each other’s arms.
If someone had asked me that night whether my husband would leave me the next day, I would’ve laughed.
I genuinely believed we’d got through the worst of it.
The next day I went out with a friend.
When I came home, something didn’t feel right.
My husband works from our utility room, and it’s somewhere I rarely go because it’s full of his work things.
For some reason I had a gut feeling something wasn’t right.
I asked him if everything was okay.
He told me there was nothing wrong and swore there was nothing to worry about, but he was visibly shaking while saying it.
That immediately made me suspicious.
I went into the room.
I saw two bags packed.
I opened one.
His clothes were inside.
The paperwork for our flat was inside too.
I asked him,
“Why have you packed all of this?”
He told me it was from the argument the day before.
But it didn’t look like someone who had angrily thrown things into a bag.
It looked properly packed.
That became our main argument.
He picked up the bags and walked out.
I asked him,
“So what are you going to do? Are you going to divorce me?”
He replied,
“Yes… I will divorce you.”
He actually stuttered saying it.
Throughout our entire relationship he never even used the word “divorce.”
He always called it “the D word” because he believed divorce was so serious in Islam that he didn’t even like saying the word out loud.
That was the first and only time I’d ever heard him actually say it.
I simply asked him whether he would swear by Allah that he meant what he was saying.
He refused.
That gave me hope.
I thought he was emotional and would come home once he’d calmed down.
Instead I saw his location at the train station.
I rang him.
I begged him not to go back.
He kept saying,
“You wanted distance. You wanted this.”
I kept saying,
“No. Please come home.”
He got on the train anyway.
That was the last time I heard his voice.
After that he blocked my number.
Changed his number.
Turned off his location.
Cancelled our tenancy.
Cancelled our household bills.
And never came back.
A few days later I found out I was pregnant.
I managed to tell him.
He never replied.
He never asked if it was true.
He never asked for proof.
He never asked how I was.
He never asked about the baby.
Instead, a few days later I received Islamic divorce papers.
They weren’t from a mosque.
They weren’t through an imam.
They were simply typed up.
He issued three talaqs in one sitting.
He never paid my mahr.
One of the conditions of our marriage was that if we ever reached breaking point, we would involve mediation before divorce.
None of that happened.
There is one thing that haunts me more than anything else.
His email account was briefly still logged into one of my devices before he signed out.
During those few moments I saw that he’d created a folder called **“Harassment from ex wife.”**
Inside were my emails.
My voice notes.
My messages.
Recordings of me crying my eyes out, begging him to speak to me and trying to understand what had happened.
Seeing that absolutely broke me.
I wasn’t trying to harass him.
I was a terrified wife who had gone from sleeping in her husband’s arms one night to watching him disappear the next.
I wasn’t sending those messages out of anger.
I was desperately trying to reach the man I’d loved for over two years.
To see myself labelled as an “ex wife” within days, and for my cries for help to be filed away as “harassment,” is something I don’t think I’ll ever forget.
The hardest part has been his family.
They never wanted this marriage.
When my parents rang asking if he was there, they denied knowing where he was, despite us having reason to believe he’d gone back to them.
When they were told I was pregnant, they ignored it.
I rang his father crying and begged him to help save my marriage.
I even said I’d kiss his feet and my husband’s feet if it meant saving my family.
I was told I wasn’t welcome there and they wanted nothing to do with me.
When I asked whether I should contact the police because I couldn’t find my husband, I was told to wait another day or two.
Then the divorce papers arrived.
Based on everything I’d experienced over more than two years, I genuinely believe his family had a significant influence after he returned to them. They had opposed our marriage from the beginning, and from my perspective everything changed after he went back.
What I cannot understand is this…
How does someone spend over two years fighting everyone to marry you…
Leave the family he described as abusive…
Accept help from your family when he had nowhere to go…
Cry in your arms…
Swear by Allah, the Qur’an and the Prophet ﷺ that he loves you more than anything…
Sleep in your arms…
Tell you he wants to save the marriage…
Then within 48 hours leave, disappear and divorce you?
I keep blaming myself.
Did the arguing finally become too much?
Did I push him too far?
Was Friday his last attempt to save the marriage?
Or had he already made up his mind?
What hurts me most isn’t even just the divorce.
It’s the silence.
Even if he no longer wanted to be married to me…
Didn’t I deserve one final conversation?
Didn’t I deserve an explanation?
Didn’t I deserve enough respect to hear it from my husband rather than receive a piece of paper?
And then I think about the pregnancy.
Even if he had stopped caring about me…
Did he not care about his own child?
Did he think I was lying?
Why didn’t he even ask?
I’ll probably never know.
I loved this man with everything I had.
I stood beside him when he had nobody.
I believed we’d always face hardship together because that’s what we’d always done.
The husband who held me, cried with me and promised me the world on Friday is not the man who abandoned me on Saturday.
I genuinely don’t recognise him anymore.
I don’t know whether I’m looking for advice, answers or simply for someone to tell me I’m not going crazy trying to make sense of all of this. 💔

We have one kid in high school, one going to college and living at home, one going to college 5 hours away.

I’d like to keep the house until youngest graduates high school.

Husband rents an apartment until then? I don’t think the kids would want to move rooms every other week. I guess we could ask? They are teenagers. They barely hang out with us anyway.

Obviously we’ll ask but we aren’t there yet. Just thinking ahead.

ETA: I have a job/career and pay 45% of our bills currently.

Hi everyone, I’m [33F] looking for advice while navigating a divorce from my husband [36M]. We’ve been together for 4 years total (2 years dating, 2 years married, no kids).

I have always been independent. I owned my own house and car before meeting him, and I work a high-earning remote tech job. Over the 4 years we’ve been together, I’ve consistently leveled up. He, on the other hand, struggles with bad credit (he can’t even rent an apartment on his own), has hopped between sales jobs, and was unemployed while I solely funded building our new home after moving cross-country. He recently got a furniture sales job two months ago and uses that as proof that he’s "trying," but I am exhausted from being the sole provider and head of household.

On top of the financial imbalance, trust is completely shattered:

Pornography Addiction: Before we got married, I told him I hated it and made it clear it was a boundary. He promised to stop. He didn’t. He’s watched it since age 8, claims he’s "reduced usage," but hasn’t sought professional help in 4 years.

Impact on Intimacy: It has severely damaged our sex life. He struggles to ejaculate, sex feels forced and performative, and I’m constantly in my head feeling like something is wrong with me. He doesn’t even know how to come onto me and engage in sex with me. He expects me to always initiate and that’s annoying. Sex is always in the bedroom and boring. He constantly expects fallatio because that’s the category of porn he watches. He never focuses on my pleasure. Feels like a prison because I cannot be satisfied except using my toy which I have gotten fond of.

The Lying & Deceit: He claims "other men do worse," but his chronic lying has made me hyper-vigilant. If I stay, I’m constantly on edge, checking his phone like a sergeant. Can I ever trust him?

DMs & The Vegas Trip: Once I filed for divorce, he took it as a green light to DM numerous women to "get over me." I recently found out he was in a hotel room in Vegas with a 21-year-old (though he insists "nothing happened"). Instead of using this time to better his life and fix his finances he resorts to planning future meet ups with previous women he was intimate with, I guess he needs women to validate his confidence.

He says I’m not understanding enough, that marriage requires sacrifices, and wants to do marriage counseling now. He claims being supported by me hurt his confidence, yet he refused when I tried to help him get into the tech field. He thinks buying me my favorite meal or bringing me flowers offsets the lack of ambition, trust, and accountability.
I too have watched porn & overcame it for years now so I understand the damages and refuse to be setback by him. I crave and enjoy sex but my husband would rather jerk off to a screen leaving me starving, so I’d have to rely on a sex toy.

I grew up in a toxic environment with no support system and built my life from scratch, so I don't tolerate excuses. I love him, but I love myself more. I’m terrified that if we have kids, I’ll end up financially responsible for everyone while being lied to.
If he had shown genuine, proactive change earlier, I wouldn't be here. But now I feel like I'm just cutting my losses before things get worse.

Is marriage supposed to be enduring something like this? How do I navigate the guilt of walking away when he claims he’s trying?

Wife created separation agreement DIY. Wants me to sign. It seems one sided but im mentally exhausted. Should I just sign since I think it wont hold up in court and so I can see my kid without problems. I cant afford a lawyer and I need a rest.

I asked my husband for a divorce in April. It is now August and we are still under the same roof. Unfortunately in our state, you have to live at separate addresses for an entire year and one day before you can even finalize the divorce.
I have been to stay at home mom with no reportable income for almost 2 decades. We have been in our house for long enough that the mortgage is cheaper than the rent at any place. He is adamant that I move out because I’m the one that asked for the divorce. I am adamant that he moves out because he makes enough money to be able to do so and also no one would rent to me as I have no reportable income. For context our entire marriage he has been verbally and emotionally abusive, and on occasion physically abusive. There are people in our lives who have said he is a horrible person and I deserve better. I finally realized that and I am taking the steps to get away from him. course is putting on the charm now and manipulating everything trying to get me to change my mind. I am not going to change my mind.
How do I get him out?

I raised 3 amazing men alone. All I heard for 40 yrs is I want to live alone! I did everything for this man. But he was never mine. He was obsessed with his mother. I won’t get in to details but he basically lied to me from day one. I gave my everything to my kids and him never enough ! He is a narcissist I didn’t see til now a year out . I was a stephord wife. So 40 yrs gone. Thankfully left with 3 blessings. My sons are kind good men. Super proud mama. I thought I was going to have a happily ever after. I don’t. I loved being a wife and mom.but he never put me first. I never felt like he was my person. Don’t know how to move on.
I think I have love to give , share a walk by the water at sunset. Maybe there is no happily ever after. Whatever is in store I’ll see. Deep breaths and happy thoughts ……

E queria saber se alguém sabe qual é a coisa menos dolorida de se matar

How do you start over with no money, no family or friends.. literally no one. :( I have 4 cats as well. I just need a little help. Like a car at least and I got nothing to give or to barter with. I just feel so hopeless and I want to just give up. .LIKE IDK WHAT TO DO OT WHERE TO START. IT ALL JUST SEEMS IMPOSSIBLE PLEASE HELP

I have not spoken to my husband in like 2 years and he hasn’t contacted me after i said i wanted a divorce cause I’m scared to actually file for it and ask him to sign.

My husband is a NY resident (I’m in NJ) and has avoided being personally served. The sheriff and a process server each made 3 attempts at his home/workplace, but my case was dismissed by the court because he was never served. I was told I need to complete a “Diligent Search” and contact his relatives/employers, DMV, USPS, and military to find his address before I can request substituted service.

Do I really need to do all of that? I already know his current address and he is simply avoiding service.

He has also been sending me threats, and I’m planning to file for a restraining order as well...

Is this diligent search a formality and I have to do it anyway or there’s a way for me to explain to the judge that it’s unnecessary?

Thanks so much for any advice!

I’m so emotionally exhausted handling it all by myself when I heard I need to contact all those agencies now I felt like just giving up lol

Throwaway account because this is extremely personal.
Sorry this may be a bit long.

I (33F) have been married to my husband (36M) for almost three years. Our third wedding anniversary would have been next month. We have been separated for about four months, and I have now decided to end the marriage. I’ve asked for a divorce, and he has told me to get “my shit” out of the house this weekend.
I’m now trying to find a lawyer to help me with the divorce and financial settlement, but the cost of legal representation is overwhelming. I’m also trying to understand the paperwork myself because I know very little about our financial situation.
The reason I left isn’t because of one argument or one bad day. There has been a gradual deterioration in our relationship, particularly over the last year and a half.
One of the biggest issues is that I was never given any real information about our finances.
We never had a joint bank account because my husband refused to have one. He kept his finances separate from me and wouldn’t properly discuss them.
The situation with our house has been particularly confusing. He would sometimes tell me it was “just a rental.” Other times he would say that he owned the house. Then he would say that the house wasn’t even in his name.
I honestly don’t know what is true.
The only thing I know we have with both of our names on it is our marriage certificate.
I don’t know what accounts he has, what assets he has, what retirement or pension accounts he has, what debts he has, or even exactly what the situation is with the house.
I did contribute to the household in a number of ways.
I worked full-time throughout the marriage. I paid for essentially all of the groceries and all of the utilities. He would rarely give me money for groceries.
He covered the mortgage and rates, but I don’t know how he managed that because he barely worked.
He has back and hip problems and would sometimes work for 3–6 weeks and then be off work for 3–6 months. During those periods, he was home most of the time.
Despite this, I was still working full-time, doing the grocery shopping, cooking and cleaning.
Before we moved into the house, I also painted most of the house myself. I contributed financially toward a new fireplace. When the oven broke, my grandmother gave me $1,000 to help me buy a new one.
I don’t know how any of these contributions would be treated in a financial settlement. I’m not saying they automatically entitle me to anything; I’m just explaining the financial and practical contributions I made because I am now trying to understand our financial position.
My housework was constantly criticised and apparently never good enough, even though he was home most days. He would say he was busy doing things outside in his shed, but I don’t really know what he was doing out there.
My cooking was also constantly criticised. He would tell me that my cooking would “make him sick.”
What makes this particularly confusing for me is that this wasn’t always how he was.
Earlier in our relationship, he would compliment my cooking. I make cultural dishes from my background, and at one point he would even tell me that some of my dishes were better than his own mother’s.
Over the last 1.5 years, his attitude toward me changed drastically.
He became much more critical of me, my cooking, my cleaning, my friends and my family. I increasingly felt like nothing I did was good enough.
His attitude toward the people closest to me also changed.
He used to genuinely enjoy spending time with my parents. He would suggest having dinner with them or doing things together. He seemed to have a good relationship with them.
Now, however, he frequently says negative things about my parents and close friends. When I make decisions about our relationship, he tells me that I’m simply listening to them or being influenced by them.
I’ve tried to explain that my decisions are my own.
I asked for counselling because I wanted us to have a neutral person help us communicate and work through our problems.
I’ve also asked him to take accountability for things he has said and done and to acknowledge how his behaviour has affected me.
His response has essentially been that I’m asking for too much and that what I’m expecting is unrealistic.
That has been one of the biggest reasons I’ve questioned whether the marriage can actually be repaired. I don’t think asking for communication, counselling and accountability is an unreasonable expectation in a marriage that is struggling.
There were also comments that made me question whether he actually respected or trusted me.
When we discussed potentially having children, he told me that if I ever became pregnant, he would request a paternity test.
I wasn’t pregnant, and there was absolutely no reason for him to believe I would cheat on him. That comment was incredibly hurtful because it essentially told me that even if I became pregnant while married to him, he would assume the child might not be his.
There were other comments too, such as telling me, “You could have said no to the marriage,” whenever I raised problems in our relationship.
He refused counselling.
I tried to communicate what I needed and tried to work through things, but I eventually became emotionally exhausted.
After we separated, he sent me a message saying:
“Your parents are what has caused this to happen. Don’t blame me.”
That was particularly upsetting because he had previously enjoyed spending time with my parents and had wanted to have dinner with them and do things with them.
Now he seems to blame them, along with my close friends, for my decision to leave.
One thing that has also really affected me is that he repeatedly tells me that this is a “me problem.”
Whenever I try to explain why I’m hurt or why I think we need to address problems in our relationship, I feel like the responsibility gets turned back onto me. Instead of discussing what I’ve raised, I’m made to feel like I’m the problem for having these concerns in the first place.
It’s made me question myself a lot and wonder whether I’m expecting too much, even though what I’ve been asking for is communication, counselling, accountability, trust and mutual respect.
I’ve now made the decision that I don’t want to continue the marriage.
The practical side of leaving has been incredibly stressful.
I’ve started contacting lawyers, but the costs are extremely high, and I’m trying to find affordable legal assistance while also figuring out what paperwork I need to complete.
The biggest problem is that I don’t know what financial assets actually exist.
I don’t know what is in his accounts, what the house situation actually is, what debts exist, what retirement or pension accounts he has, or what other assets or financial interests he may have.
Because we never had joint accounts and he kept his finances separate from me, I feel like I’m starting from almost nothing in terms of understanding our financial position.
I don’t want revenge. I don’t want to take anything that isn’t mine. I just want a fair financial settlement and to be able to move forward with my life.
But I keep questioning myself.
Was I wrong to leave?
Am I the asshole for deciding that being constantly criticised, not being trusted, being kept in the dark about finances, carrying most of the household responsibilities, being discouraged from seeking counselling, and being told that my expectations of accountability were unrealistic were enough reasons to end my marriage?
And particularly, am I unreasonable for feeling that being told my future children would need a paternity test was a major red flag?
For anyone who has been through a divorce or financial settlement where their spouse kept the finances separate or you didn’t have access to information about the household finances:
How did you find out what assets actually existed? How did you protect yourself financially? And is it possible to navigate the financial settlement process without spending a fortune on lawyers?

Heyy strangers🩷 First time doing a Reddit post I am so desperate I need help. Me and my husband are 4.5 years married (i am 26 he is 27)I moved to his country after 3 months being together and we got married lived w his parents for couple months was okay I did heard like small stuff like the mil mentioning his ex couple time just bcus of some story and she was present or them coming with us in our honeymoon coming w us choosing apartments stuff like that coming to clean my apartment while I was not there or we both traveled I did mention that was not okay and my husband usually did the talk bcus I really loved them and respected them and didn’t wanted conflict I was alone w his dad in his home country helping his elderly mom taking care of her for 2 weeks also while she was in Germany I will do the same still i really loved his family and did it w pleasure even when my husband will say that I do too much I didn’t mind it.We didn’t did wedding or celebration our parents didn’t meet his parents but my husband did came to my home county multiple times and loved it.We did had twin flame love and I still have love him he was my first for everything he was also good husband took care loved me so did I but there is also the dark side ☹️he will call me w@ore while we argue and other names the last argument was that I came from work he was at his parents house for 3hr when he came he was trying to kinda get mad for me not wanting to go to his parents house the next following days for breakfast where I I told him ahh I wanted to shop stuff for(I went much more to their house and never said no in all these years )me for work started also new job is hard moving to a new country had couple jobs learned the language pretty good not perfect but he was telling my also I complain too much about my new work he can’t do the moving to another city it was not smart (after searching together for new app) that was actually not in the plan anymore and so the wedding next year we plan the vacation we plan also he can’t do it bcus of financial issue mind u he was searching hotels and stuff I asked him what change in this short time he started to cry I got also mad came from work from stress to another one (he will mention don’t want to fit in I always complain we live in a German village where everything is limited plus his job is in another city)started to yell at him he went outside I went after him while I was yelling (i shouldn’t have I regret it I couldn’t handle it anymore it was all in one that day)pls just lets go home is not okay what you do he called his mom and say come my wife is yelling on the streets she came end up in their apartment (Is just one street away) tried to talk called my parents so I don’t feel alone had also bruises from my husband he didn’t hit me but holded my hands (this happened couple days before ) while I was yelling also kinda put his teeth on my head he didn’t bite it or anything it it was weird nobody knew about it just me i am alone there already having a bad job and now ending in his parents apartment i did yelled and slammed the balcony door bcus my husband told me i yell like his ex his dad got so mad and yelled at me told me to f@ck muself and get out of the appartment i was schoked started crying my hb did came and pushed him away he was also panicking wenr outside to talk w his dad he complained about having a argument w his mom before and he told his mom to take me and bring us to our apartment i looked at my hb and he was like is okay we will both go came home had panic atack he did talked w my parents puttinf the blame on me telling what i expect when i yell in his parents apartment nexr day went to work heartbroken crying but I was sure I will not leave him he is really pure and nice and I know he really loves me but when I came it was like 21:00 called my mom talked very quiet to her bcus he was laying in the other room door closed sleeping i know he was wake I did dinner for us he stood up and calls me bad names again I begged him to sit and talk w me he left and went to his parents apartment.I left to my family directly who lives 2hr from me almost and saw them 2 years ago no contact w my hb nothing at all came back to my home country after 2 weeks he texted me saying that’s 2 weeks passed he told my mom to get me a ticket or they will get me he wants me to come in my parents home and just relax and think about life i was again the one to blame no accountability not sorry nothing.I do love him and want to go back but I already gave many chances idk if it’s worth it .He said he will go to turkey to his grandma w his family I am okay with it just for couple days anyway but when it was the hardest for me sleeping at a family I am not even close he didn’t even call he is not replying to my younger sister who just asked how are things bcus he is mad at her for something that she said which she didn’t said anything he said he has a screenshot but never found him his mom did text my mom on the day it all happened awful words saying my parents didn’t raised me good bla bla even tho when I said her son is pretty abussive and calling me names they just put it under the rug I do reply to his family when they react to my story he mom did texted after I came to my country repllies directly after he texted me and she left me on read me and my hb we talked very little bit not any closure he says u will come septmeber and try again give another chance he acts like is me who needs to beg for a chance…did cussed me out check my insta dm w my friends bothered that i post selfies blocking unblocking me idk anymore now he also says he needs time he is confused by me he needs to rethink he act cold nothing like missing me or smtng even tho he told me he wants me to come back september…help i am lost