Wife left, but she's still here everyday
My wife told me about a week ago, that she felt we both weren't happy anymore, and that she thinks we should split up. Im gonna be honest I know the spark maybe wasn't there for awhile, so I maybe knew in the back of my mind this might be coming. However I was not ready for it.
We have 2 kids 9 and 3, and since the split they have both been staying in the family home with me, the first few nights were really hard. My 3 year old doesnt really understand what's happening, and my 9 year old understands and is taking it very hard, I try to explain to him that mommy and daddy still love him from the bottom of our hearts, and that everything's going to be OK.
I've told him if he wanted too he could go spend the night with his mom whenever he wants, he can video call her if he needs or wants too, he has his own cell phone just recently got it for him.
After telling me she wanted to split she left, and stayed at her parents house, thats fine, I told her she didn't have to leave the house but I understand if she wanted too and that it was completly her choice.
I still love my wife from the bottom of my heart, if she wanted to come back I would not stop her, however im currently extremely confused.
She has texted me everyday from morning until night, it has felt like nothings changed, the only messages we don't say or text to each other anymore is "goodnight, I love you".
She has insisted on coming over and having and even cooking supper with me even if the kids are not home or gone with friends, this was immensely helpful for the first day or so.
Now im starting to realize im more confused then I've ever been about what a split actually means, she stayed away for 6 nights, staying at her parents but during the day it seems like its no different she will come over after she gets off work, and just generally hang out until 8 or 9 pm when she leaves for the night.
I asked her if she just wanted to stay here, and i never got a response, after sitting there awkwardly for a few minutes i told her that if shes not ready to talk about it its ok and i left it, its hard for me right now I do want her back, but if she's made up her mind and doesnt want to be with me, its extremely hard for me to even think about moving on.
Today is day 7, she decided to stay at one of her friends houses 2 nights ago instead of her mom's im not sure why, its not really my buisness anyway. Her parents have always been extremely supportive, and even after the split they still are. However after staying there she spent all of the following day texting me about how hard it was staying there, again she's only gone during the nights, and I've told her can stay here until we find other solutions out if needed, I mentioned this again, and I also told her I would sleep in a separate bedroom with its own bathroom, away from her and the kids, so im not constantly around.
The kids have been sleeping in the same bed as me every night since she has left, the older child won't sleep anywhere without me right now, and that makes me so sad, I think the younger child doesnt really understand but he sees his brother getting ready to sleep in daddy's room and he will follow, its hard on us all right now so I've been just letting them stay.
Last night she decided she was going to stay here, she had a bath at one point and texted me asking me to bring her towels and conditioner, thats fine we've been married for years I would never say no, she then came into the room I was in too have a conversation and started changing in from of me, she brought the clothes with her.
I won't kick her out of this house, she's more then welcome to stay as long as she wants, but im so conflicted as to weather this means she actually wants to try and fix this? Maybe its just familiar too her and thats what easy right now that too is fine. However I can't get a straight answer, I asked her calmly what this means, and that if there really isnt a chance at fixing this I would rather not be that close or intimate with her during this time so I can try and move on. She gives me the silent treatment and doesnt respond, she doesnt get mad, but she won't give me an answer. I don't want to argue in front of our kids so I just let it go.
I also thought that maybe since this was her first night staying here in awhile she would probably just let the kids stay with her, as thats what I've been doing and she tells me how much she misses them every day, both kids asked if they could sleep with her in the master bedroom last night, I ended putting the younger kid to sleep myself in his room, and the older kid didnt want to sleep in his room by himself, so he stayed in the spare room with me.
What does all this mean, she texted me the day after we separated and said she didn't want too see me struggle, and that she would help if needed. I told her that while this was going to be hard for me, I would get through it and I think I have been doing fairly well.
She changed her name on all social media instantly, she's constantly on her phone when she is here, id like to think she's coming here too be with the kids, but she's always so angry with them, even now after this "split".
I love her from the bottom of my heart, and just want her to be happy, but if that happy isnt with me what is going on, I cant move on, I feel like im trapped all of a sudden, the nights she leaves my heart breaks and when she comes back the next day I get a burst of hope... I don't know if this is how every seperation goes, but its a lot, and I cant seem to get any clear answers from her