u/Versicherungsbetrug

Let's say a friend of mine always had a childhood dream of owning a certain sports car. But as he grew up he realized he won't ever make enough money for that. Over the years he accepted it and lost emotional attachment to the car.

Fast forward to today he actually can afford it, but will it still be worth it buying it? He kind of lost interest in it after he accepted that he can never ever have it (which was wrong in retrospect). Maybe if he never accepted that and kept dreaming it would be so much more worth to him.

Would he be able to un-accept and reattach emotionally to his dream? Or is it over as soon as he accepted never owning it?

I've just been to my first urologist appointment. The doctor told me to have sex more often and additionally masturbate to help against my issues with anorgasmia. That way I would get used to the feeling and have an easier time to ejaculate.

He even said this is a common issue and he has countless young patients, who need to just have more sexual activity to be able to climax during sex.

Honestly I always thought it was the other way around, that ED and anorgasmia occur from too much past sexual activity.

I was actually able to finish during sex once, but it only worked after six weeks of no sexual activity and no single ejaculation in that time.

Did you ever hear about that method?

People keep saying this and it's a huge realization for so many people, but isn't it obvious that you are a person and not thoughts? I feel like I'm thinking too literally about this, but I don't find a way that it would make sense figuratively either.

So what is the problem that get solved by this realization?

For whatever reason my mind decided that this is going to be my year and I received an enormous motivation boost. It lead me to work even harder than before (and I was working my ass of already). Sometimes when I reached a new goal I was rewarded with a full body experience of ecstasy that sometimes lead to tears of joy. Afterwards I would crash again, but I knew I want to work even harder to feel like that again.

Now I'm kind of depressed and deep down I know that one day it's gonna be over, so I really need to find my motivation again and work harder once again - to turn it all around. I just need some more weeks, before I can safely crash hard. But I don't really feel it right now. It's as if I've just gotten too complacent with my now privileged life situation. And this complacency drives my current depression.

What can I do to reactivate this feeling that makes me feel so good during hard work?

I used to get Testogel from my psychiatrist because she said my T was absolutely zero when she had done blood work for depression. She never let me see the results, so I can't tell the actual numbers. I took the gel for over a year. We never did a follow-up blood work (now I know we should have). My psychiatrist was sketchy af...

I stopped taking it, because I noticed increased hair loss and also I'm seeing someone right now and I don't want to transfer testosterone to her by skin contact. What I absolutely struggle with right now is anorgasmia. I've lost track on how many weeks have gone by since I last came. I thought sex would make it easier (I wasn't really interested in masturbation in the past few years), but no chance. Also no wet dreams.

Soon I'll have an appointment with an urologist to find out the reason for my anorgasmia. Until then, do you think my anorgasmia (and generally low libido) are caused by low T?

Right now I'm in the midst of finding out that my sexual development has been really weird and disadvantageous. I wonder if this might be related to autism. Did you develop normally when it comes to sexual matters?

Since this year I consume adderall and coke from time to time, but always for partying and never alone. I believe so far I took adderall and coke four times each (+-1). Alcohol is always involved.

I don't think I'm at a stage of addiction yet, but I noticed a concerning pattern. During the night I feel great and in the morning I get the terrible comedown with intense depression. And every time I say to myself that I never want to do uppers (or even drugs in general) again, but give it some weeks and I'm doing it again anyways.

I'm not even sure if I enjoy uppers that much. At least I'd say the effect is not worth the comedown depression afterwards.

Anyways I think this is quite a good moment to put an end to it before it escalates further. Do you have any tips on how to overcome this cognitive dissonance? I know uppers are not good for me in general and still I take them as if it's all fun and games.

Call me Einstein for this pretty late realization, but I actually thought what you fantasize about during masturbation or even search on porn sites would be the same thing you actually want to experience during sex. But those are two different worlds that kind of don't even overlap necessarily.

I mean I didn't watch porn in years and I rarely masturbated in the last few months, but it's both kind of ruined for me, now that I know how unappealing my past fantasy desires actually are in reality.

But I also learned what I really like in reality (and it's way better than anything I ever thought about). Still this would never turn me on in fantasy.

This is probably not exclusively a neurodivergent issue, but what do supervisors think will happen if they give instructions that contradict themselves? I actually had to ask for a clear instruction on multiple topics - using simple words and talking clearly and slowly - until I finally got an unambiguous answer. How hard can it be? I thought I'm the one with autism, shouldn't I have poor communication skills instead?

The last couple of women I've been intimate with were kind of shocked that I masturbate relatively rarely. I do it as soon as I can't bare the feeling anymore and need relief asap, which is about once in three weeks. In general I don't like simulations (like movies, games and such) and masturbation and sexual fantasizing kind of falls under that for me. It has nothing to do with shame or something, it's just that masturbation seems so "fake" to me and I don't like the artificiality of that.

Now the problem I have is that I can neither stay hard long enough, nor climax during actual sex. My sex partners said that I need to masturbate more so that I'm more into sexual activity itself.

Right now I love the physical and emotional aspect of sex and it does make me high. But what I'm just lacking is the horny aspect in all of this. My current sex partner is absolutely beautiful and I love her body so much. But for some reason I only get a little bit aroused when we make out. So I would say my issue is just a lack of horniness. And I'm not sure, if I've ever been really horny ever to be honest. Does masturbating more help with that?

In the past few weeks a lot of amazing things happened that acutely made me soo happy that I'm completely overwhelmed with happiness and adrenaline from time to time. I absolutely love it and I feel it in my whole body.

But it comes with a downside, because often enough I crash after some hours of happiness and then I will feel quite depressed and doom-y.

It feels like I just use up all of my happiness hormones and am depleted afterwards. Is this usual with autistic joy?

There is this pattern in my life that I noticed: I work hard to reach some goal and eventually I'm almost there, but then I don't feel good about reaching it anymore. Mostly because the feelings are too intense for me (for example overstimulation - I have level 1 autism). Then I try to stop the progress so I eventually don't reach the goal. And then I'll feel depressed, because I realize I actually needed the progress to be happy some day.

I wonder if this is actual self sabotage or if it's rather valid behavior. I'm curious what you say.

A friend and I try to meet new people. She is new in town, so she has to find a whole new circle of people. I burn through friends relatively fast and also I'm trying to find people to date.

We go to clubs on the weekend, we go to local courses (sports, arts and the like), we visit local music events and so on. Wherever we go there are little to no other young people. Also when I just go for a walk through my city I noticed that about 10% or even less of the people I pass are younger than 30. Most people I see are 60+ and the rest between 30 and 60.

The few other young people I know aren't really the most social people and I wonder if this might apply in general. Do you have any more ideas, where we could find some more people?

Despite being a white cis male in a first world country I was dealt quite the bad hand in life. At 12 I started having depression, which was officially diagnosed at 16. It was probably because of my relationship with my parents, which was awful. I got into drugs at the same time and had a traumatic experience at 18 because of that. Luckily I was able to finish school before it happened, because afterwards I just didn't function at all anymore and slipped through the system. It took me ten years to recover socially. I have a career now and my own apartment and it was such an insane battle for me to get to where I am today.

Side note: Also I am an Autist, which was only found out and diagnosed now at 29. That probably also has to do with my depression, because I was forced to live like a neurotypical person and I had to mask so hard all the time. My parents hated that was so different from what they wanted me to be.

Now that I kind of normalized my social situation I wonder how far I can go with this. I have learned to plan out strategies on how to reach goals that seem impossible and how to follow through with these plans despite all the bullshit that kept happening. I wonder if I can utilize the skills that I have learned to turn this average life into a life that's sooo worth living.

In theory many of the past hurdles are gone now, for example I won't struggle financially anymore. Also my depression isn't steadily fed by the hateful words of my parents as I pretty much don't see them anymore. But do you think the constant pull of the never ending downward spiral (depression, autism, trauma, drugs) is stronger or do you think my attitude towards goals will actually help me live a successful, exciting and pleasant life?

We did drugs together for quite some time now and while I'm mostly sober nowadays living a functioning and healthy life, he seems to fall down quite badly right now.

Yesterday we drank and did some coke and today we're both extremely depressed of course because of the comedown. I now decided that it just doesn't work out for me, it just doesn't fit into my life anymore. My friend also says he doesn't want to do it anymore, but I know he will be doing lines again as soon as tomorrow.

I would want to help him, but he feels like he just can't live a better life (like I do now). He doesn't see a reason to try, because he "knows" he will fuck up again. At the same time I have my own problems that I have to fix right now and I'm immensely stressed out about all the things I have to control to keep my life together and keep growing as a person. I'm afraid I just can't help him right now, but seeing him slip away more and more is disturbing.

What can I do? I feel quite powerless tbh.

I got to preface this that this is not my problem, but I'm helping some people right now with "overcoming" their social anxieties.

So what I noticed is that oftentimes they are really anxious about how their behavior makes them unpopular in a group of people, but the aspects of their behavior that they worry mostly about are so irrelevant and neutral while socializing. Meanwhile they confidently make huge mistakes in social settings that make them really unpopular.

So for example they worry that people will start to hate them for not having watched (and not knowing about) the latest Netflix series. Or they worry about not knowing the answer to a question in class. They will fear being an outcast if something like this happened. But then again they will happily say hurtful things to their friends or be a general nuisance towards the group, which will eventually make them end up unpopular and alone.

I really wonder about how this cognitive dissonance comes to be. Worrying and ruminating so much about completely irrelevant social aspects, but then again alienating themselves by absolutely inadequate behavior. Has anyone of you observed something similar? What is the reason for this? And what can I do to help them better?

I was told I need some more hobbies in my life. So far I lift weights 5-6 times per week, I'm into music production, I like to go clubbing (if this is a hobby at all), I learn Spanish (duo) and I love to learn random scientific things. But I get it, I'm not really putting myself out there. I'm not like at the skate park or volunteering. While I'm fairly extroverted I don't really get to know new people and this turns out to be a huge problem in my life right now. I mean I'm happy with the number of friends I have, but while I get to know approximately 30-50 new men per year, it's about 2 or 3 women. Probably due to having pretty male-dominated and lonely hobbies.

So I was looking into hobbies that are typically done in groups and I didn't find a single one I like. Then I looked on the page of my city and looked through every volunteering position and I didn't find anything I actually wanted to do either. I don't know if it's my autism, but I feel so uncomfortable imagining myself doing these things.

Why are there no groups to learn about some science topics together? Why is there not a single volunteering position for anything LGBTQ related? I would love to do such things together with other people, but all there is is something like pottery and caring for the elderly. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy that people can do such things and find fulfillment.

It's just that I feel so off from society when my interests don't overlap a bit with any of these groups. I would love so much to be excited about crocheting like so many people apparently are, but I'm just not. I hated it when we had to do it back in school.

I don't know who needs to hear this, but life is not worth it without feeling your emotions.

After some trauma I stopped feeling altogether and the only thing I did was thinking and working. I didn't enjoy anything, I didn't loath anything, I just existed and functioned.

Recently due to some life circumstances changing I was so overwhelmed and didn't know how to cope. This time though I was in the privileged situation that I'm allowed to not function for some time. So I let it go.

It was such a sweet relief to cry. I think for the first time in ten years I actually processed an event. Crazy, right?!

Also it made me feel alive, it made me care, it kind of showed me what's important to me.

So if anyone of you doesn't feel at all and can possibly change that: Try it! ❤️