u/Versicherungsbetrug

I got to preface this that this is not my problem, but I'm helping some people right now with "overcoming" their social anxieties.

So what I noticed is that oftentimes they are really anxious about how their behavior makes them unpopular in a group of people, but the aspects of their behavior that they worry mostly about are so irrelevant and neutral while socializing. Meanwhile they confidently make huge mistakes in social settings that make them really unpopular.

So for example they worry that people will start to hate them for not having watched (and not knowing about) the latest Netflix series. Or they worry about not knowing the answer to a question in class. They will fear being an outcast if something like this happened. But then again they will happily say hurtful things to their friends or be a general nuisance towards the group, which will eventually make them end up unpopular and alone.

I really wonder about how this cognitive dissonance comes to be. Worrying and ruminating so much about completely irrelevant social aspects, but then again alienating themselves by absolutely inadequate behavior. Has anyone of you observed something similar? What is the reason for this? And what can I do to help them better?

I was told I need some more hobbies in my life. So far I lift weights 5-6 times per week, I'm into music production, I like to go clubbing (if this is a hobby at all), I learn Spanish (duo) and I love to learn random scientific things. But I get it, I'm not really putting myself out there. I'm not like at the skate park or volunteering. While I'm fairly extroverted I don't really get to know new people and this turns out to be a huge problem in my life right now. I mean I'm happy with the number of friends I have, but while I get to know approximately 30-50 new men per year, it's about 2 or 3 women. Probably due to having pretty male-dominated and lonely hobbies.

So I was looking into hobbies that are typically done in groups and I didn't find a single one I like. Then I looked on the page of my city and looked through every volunteering position and I didn't find anything I actually wanted to do either. I don't know if it's my autism, but I feel so uncomfortable imagining myself doing these things.

Why are there no groups to learn about some science topics together? Why is there not a single volunteering position for anything LGBTQ related? I would love to do such things together with other people, but all there is is something like pottery and caring for the elderly. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy that people can do such things and find fulfillment.

It's just that I feel so off from society when my interests don't overlap a bit with any of these groups. I would love so much to be excited about crocheting like so many people apparently are, but I'm just not. I hated it when we had to do it back in school.

I don't know who needs to hear this, but life is not worth it without feeling your emotions.

After some trauma I stopped feeling altogether and the only thing I did was thinking and working. I didn't enjoy anything, I didn't loath anything, I just existed and functioned.

Recently due to some life circumstances changing I was so overwhelmed and didn't know how to cope. This time though I was in the privileged situation that I'm allowed to not function for some time. So I let it go.

It was such a sweet relief to cry. I think for the first time in ten years I actually processed an event. Crazy, right?!

Also it made me feel alive, it made me care, it kind of showed me what's important to me.

So if anyone of you doesn't feel at all and can possibly change that: Try it! ❤️