r/autism

... is what i'm hearing from professionals in my area.

My child does not socialize, she hiss at people. She runs and jump into people she loves without notice. She only eats off pink plates, only wear unicorn clothing, has meltdown after every single fun activity we do, even two days remote camping.

She takes things literally, will fight you if she think you are laughing about her... and so much more.

But she does well in school and socialize well with adults. Definitely not autistic.

Gifted, ADHD, Hypersensitivity but she '' will grow out of the other traits ''

Edit : she was talking full sentences at 1 and can converse like a 15 years old, shes 6. Her nervous system has not improved for the past 3 years, I don't think it will magically do. I watched a podcast about it and AFAB needs a full bingo card before autism is seen and yet she only has 3-4 diagnostics, will update when she has 15.

I guess you still need a penis to be autistic. Or less smart?

If you managed to get diagnosed as a girl when you were young, did you get any meaningful help or am I fighting for a diagnosis that will lead nowhere?

Have a good day. Feel free to roast me.

EDIT 2 : I do not agree with the title lol, this is a rant about how if you're not perfect for their neat little boxes you can't get help.

He’s 13 and I’m 16 and I guess he’s really into puberty now cause he’s been doing some awkward things lately.

I walked by his room recently and his door was open and he had no clothes on and he was going to town humping one of his stuffed animals. It was weird and I yelled at him that he was gross and told him to stop but he didn’t and he just said “but it makes my p-nis feel good.”

I told my mom and she said we shouldn’t shame him and it’s good he’s in his room we should just remind him to close the door next time. She said he’s just trying to figure out the new sensations in his body and we should give him space to explore himself and just remind him it’s only in private. I guess she’s right but it’s still awkward.

One of my friends came over recently and he was staring at her so she said “what?” And he said “you’re really pretty” and she said thanks.

Then he says “you made my p-nis get hard.” It was so embarrassing. My friend said “you can’t say stuff like that” and he said “oh sorry.” I apologized for him and she said it’s okay she thinks he just meant it as a compliment he’s just a little awkward but I was mortified. I feel like I can’t have friends over.

What can I do about this? He embarrasses me so much and I don’t want to hear about or see his private parts. I’m not trying to be mean to ND people it’s just not easy for me either.

I am autistic, female 32, and diagnosed late in life.

when I was younger, if my friends arranged to meet up like go for dinner or something and just hang out, I never knew why we were there. Like what the purpose of it was. I was always wondering what we would be doing next or what the point of it was in general. There was this real sense of unknowing around the purpose of the social situation. I think this feeling probably lasted into my mid twenties.

I'm older now and know that its how people maintain social connections that are important to them. Has anyone else experienced anything similar. Now I'm comfortable just hanging out, but I definitely need a timeline on when the meeting/hangout is over.

It's so weird getting diagnosed so late in life and realising this feeling is likely a fairly autistic thinking pattern. Honestly, everything about me. Im good with maths, art, misinterpreting social ques constantly, and highly sensitive to noise, monotone voice, etc. And i was only diagnosed last year. It's so weird to recollect experiences constantly and think. Oh yeah, that was autism as a 32 year old woman. Even a year later.

​

I dagens samhälle, där vi ständigt omges av information, har vi alla ett val: att vidga våra perspektiv och faktiskt lära oss om andra.

Trots detta har många människor därute valt att döma oss på grund av okunskap, även fast det idag finns alla möjligheter att ta till sig kunskap om vad det innebär att ha autism.

Det är inte bara en diagnos, utan flera, och man kan inte generalisera eller placera alla med autism i samma kategori. Alla inom spektrumet fungerar olika – därav namnet autismspektrum.

Bara för att vissa mår bättre av att få en diagnos betyder det inte att alla av oss delar den uppfattningen eller har samma upplevelse av att ha fått denna stämpel.

Jag tycker personligen att samhällets syn på detta är minst sagt märklig.

Hur tänker människor som sätter diagnoser på andra samtidigt som man förväntas acceptera den och leva ett liv där man måste välja mellan att vara sann mot sig själv – vilket ofta leder till att andra ser ner på en – eller vara tyst för att slippa bli dömd?

På vilket sätt tror vårdgivare att de hjälper mig genom att säga att jag har en diagnos?

Det gör att jag varje dag blir påmind om att jag anses mindre värd än andra, på grund av hur samhället väljer att behandla diagnosen, trots att jag inte har några fysiska hinder.

Jag förstår inte behovet av att dela in människor på det här sättet och tycker att det är förminskande.

Det är samma föråldrade tankesätt som fortfarande används av myndigheter idag – samma mekanism som historiskt har delat in människor i ett “vi och dom” för att frysa ut dem som inte passar in i majoritetens box och sopa undan dem.

Det räcker att se tillbaka på historien kring Lillhagens sjukhus, som öppnade 1932, för att förstå hur djupt rotad den här föråldrade synen är.

Jag har inte valt min diagnos eller att bli utredd i skolan.

Det beslutet togs av andra.

Jag tycker att valet att gå en NPF-utredning inte borde ligga hos föräldrarna eller skolan utan en själv.

Ibland kan jag personligen känna att det hade varit enklare att inte veta om diagnosen alls, för då hade jag sluppit ångesten och oron över att inte kunna vara mig själv bland folk.

Jag blir faktiskt provocerad av att det ständigt ställs krav på oss från majoritetssamhället att vi ska anpassa oss efter deras förväntningar, istället för att människor försöker förstå oss bättre och inse att även vi har rätt att ställa krav på andra.

Jag vill därför lyfta ett varningens finger.

I slutändan handlar det om att varje person ska må bra i sig själv, oavsett hur majoriteten väljer att se på en och väljer man som majoritetssamhälle att blunda istället för att förstå oss då har man ingen rätt heller att bli förvånad över att vissa av oss når en gräns och när den gränsen väl är nåd då är det inte bara på bekostnad av individen själv utan även på samhället i stort.

Tycker ni verkligen, när ni tagit till er detta, att det är konstigt att vissa människor med diagnoser blir deprimerade eller isolerar sig i den här situationen?

Det gör inte jag i alla fall, och den som säger något annat behöver läsa på betydelsen av ordet empati.

Jag är en människa först och främst. Inte en diagnos,kod,ett offer eller någon som behöver speciella hjälpmedel för att fungera.

Många inom spektrumet har faktiskt en djupare form av empati än många andra tror även om inte vi alltid kan eller vill uttrycka oss i alla sociala sammanhang.

Därför tror jag många fler behöver stanna upp och ställa sig frågan. Hur vill jag leva i detta samhälle?

Och till dem som sannolikt kommer att slänga ur sig projektioner i syfte att förminska min upplevelse vill jag säga att era ord inte biter på mig.

Jag står i min sanning.

Har ni inget vuxet att tillägga kan ni inte förvänta er ett svar från mig.

Avslutningsvis vill jag nämna att det här inte är en attack mot enskilda individers syn, utan en kritik mot samhällets föråldrade perception, en bild som många har tagit till sig och som skapat en felaktig uppfattning om oss som inte överensstämmer med verkligheten.

P.S: Jag kommer endast att svara på kommentarer som är konstruktiva och skrivna i en respektfull ton.

Om ni vill skriva och lära känna mig så är det bara skicka ett meddelande privat.

I know there are A LOT of topics covering autistic burnout in some way, shape or form (which painfully illustrates how big of a problem it is) but I haven’t really found some specific advice yet on how to properly deal with skill regression.

Some context: I think I have been in and out of autistic burnout since 2018, due to various reasons, some of which I have control over and a lot I have no control over.

I already know that the main thing to battle autistic burnout is to basically ‘choose you’: rest, stimming, unmasking whenever possible, engaging in special interest, eating well, maybe some exercise etc.

I know those things and I really try to do it, but as you’ll all know, it’s not always easy. I am self-employed and I don’t have the bandwidth financially to take time off to look after myself, but luckily I have some flexibility since I’m self employed. I also have an almost 2 year old daughter, a partner, a husky, a household and garden etc so mom duty and household duty have to go on obviously.

So my biggest problem right now, apart from absurdly intense fatigue, is skill regression. And I mean pretty severe skill regression.

I have severe memory problems, like some memories are completely gone. Not just not remembering and vaguely knowing when someone mentions it, but some memories being gone-gone.

I also struggle a lot harder than usual with focus. Normally, I can focus really well when I’m on site with one of my clients, but now it’s like my brain just operates on 15%. I even have a hard time explaining, where I’m usually quite good with words and explaining myself (reading this back, it seems like a toddler wrote this 🤣)

On top of that, I just can’t seem to see the bigger picture in like, anything. I don’t even know how to explain it (which, again, is part of the problem). I also get overwhelmed and stressed A LOT faster and more intensely than usual.

Short story long (😜), I am looking for advice on how to battle skill regression specifically. Like brain exercises I can do, certain foods to avoid or consume more of, things like that.

For extra context: I’m AuDHD, have some health issues, work as a freelance marketing manager/graphic designer/general creative consultancy/… I work from home as well as on-site with customers.

Any thoughts or advice? Thanks a bunch!

EDIT: I LOVE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU for taking the time to respond with great advice. It’s actually making me a little emotional tbh ❤️‍🩹

I’ve read it all, but I’m having a particularly exhausting day so my brain doesn’t seem to be processing it all correctly/completely 😅😂 going to rest now, but sure keep the tips coming!

EDIT 2: Daughter is having a sleepover at her grandparents tonight so I can have at least one decent night’s sleep and can sleep in a little tomorrow (I’m working from home tomorrow, but planning on doing the ABSOLUTE bare minimum). I already miss her little face so much, not having her around this evening, but I do know I will be able to be a better mother tomorrow because of it. And she adores her grandparents, so no problem there 🥰

f36. I have been having this struggle lately, I am not sure I love my family. Not even my father or my mother. I don't feel any attachement anymore. I cannot tell if it is the autism, the abuse from my mother when I was a kid, or their values, and the fact that my siblings love to put me down (even in their 30's), or that I havent seen most of mt relatives in 20 years therefore I dont know them as an adult.

I do care for my dad. Is it love, I am not sure. I do feel sometime obligated to text or spend time with him because it is my duty as a daughter and I do not wish to be a bad daughter. But I never miss him. And I feel so bad.

I just... don't feel any attachement anymore. All my life, for three decades all I wanted was to fit in among them. Now that I know their values, I dont want to fit in. I am autistic, I am a writer. I dont have a corporate job like my siblings. I will never fit in and i am finally acceptong it. I am warm, they are cold, distant, not expressive.

I wanted the same love and threatment with my siblings had. I craved warm. I craved physical touch. I needed it. And they do not. I cant tell if is just another collateral damage from my mid life crisis. I will continue to do my best to be a good daughter because even though my dad is not expressive, i know he loves me. He shows it in his own way. He supported financially when my mental health was at it worse. He supports my writing. I am just confused by the lack of attachment. Maybe I outgrew them.

I'm autistic (and recently finding out I'm what's called "Demisexual"), so flirting has never been something that I liked doing, nor have I liked it when girls I don’t know flirt with me.

Plus I literally mentally can't perceive a women as physically beautiful *unless* I already developed chemistry with them so I never really felt the urge to approach and start flirting, and I'm too scared of shaking up or altering the platonic friendship with my female friends to start flirting with them instead.

Sometimes I wish I was neurotypical and heterosexual in the average-joe way without being Demi ontop of that.

I'm an autistic trans woman looking mainly for neurodiverse women to date, but dating apps are trash, I'm treated like a man on them and when I'm lucky enough for a match 90% (literally, statistically speaking) of the time I don't even get a second message and 90% of the second message crowd ghost.

I mainly look for neurodiverse women because they'll understand me better and I'd feel safer with them, the problem is I don't know where I'm meant to go to find them outside of dating apps? I probably won't meet an autistic woman at a bar and I feel like a predator approaching people in person, I just don't know what to do? ​​

I'm out of the loop.

There are quite a few memes and comments blasting Autiam Speaks but I've never read a good explanation of why. What did they do?

I recently got banned in multiple twitch communities and was never told why. I was told just now it is inappropriate to contact mods and try to find out why. Like, I would have been fine with a notice of "You're banned"... I tried to respond to the person who told me it was inappropriate of me, but she must have blocked me.

No one values communication these days.

Im sitting here sobbing after a hard day, trying not to hurt myself in my frustrations.

Like, on one hand I want these people to know they are assholes. If I had been spoken to, I would have done something. But no! So I guess I'm just a bitch when I'm just confused and lonely.

So now I don't know what to do anymore. I used to spend a lot of time in streams enjoying these communities. Obviously they weren't welcoming or kind like they claim. And I just. Hurt.

Do neurotypicals just not feel this way? Why are they so cruel? Why is life so cruel to me?

I had a crush on a dude, but I didnt realize it because I have the emotional bandwidth of a toaster. My friend eventually was like "girl you have a crush on him" and im like "damn youre right", so I then proceeded to ask him out less than 24 hours later. I had spent the whole day with him (and other friends) that day, and I kept trying to work up the courage to ask him out when we were alone, but I couldn't, so during dinner, I asked him out through text lol. He said "sure" (he is also bad with feelings lol), and we went through the rest of dinner like nothing happened.

After dinner, everyone else had assignments to do, so we went out for milkshakes for our first date. Turned out he had had a crush on me for months, and had even cut out the food im allergic to just in case 2 months before I asked him out (I cant get over this jsjdjfkf). I was so nervous that I hyperventilated till I couldnt walk on my own, and he had to help me walk to my dorm lol.

It has now been 5 (almost 6!) months together, and its great!!!!!! I just miss him rn and find our story of getting to the dating part funny. Hope someone else finds it funny too lol.

I cannot handle bras on a consistent basis at all, ill wear one every once in a while when i need to, but other than that i will do anything to avoid wearing a bra. I also hate sports bras because they feel sooo suffocating. Does anyone have any recommendations?

Edit: for context, I’m pretty sure I’m a 28C cup

does anyone else feel like the autism rate is way higher? They say it’s about 3% of people but i have a feeling it’s way higher than that, maybe even above 10%

I feel like there’s so many people I interact with in public that I can tell have autism but they have no idea and haven’t been diagnosed.

Even some of my family won’t accept that they have autism, but it’s clear they do.

I was hired at a pretty big retail chain in the UK, and during my interview, I made sure to let them know I’m autistic. I really struggled with working on the tills; it’s always very busy, and handling so many items of varying textures became too overwhelming.

I asked to be switched to replenishment, which was fine at first, but it’s slowly gotten more and more difficult to work. Customers having zero spatial awareness, on top of being generally overstimulated by the store’s general atmosphere, means I’ve struggled a lot there too. I feel locked into an aisle when working and can’t really shift to another when it gets too crowded. This has lead to me falling into autistic burnout, complete with crying during my shifts for the past month-or-so.

This has lead me to spiral pretty significantly, with me self-harming, and suicidal ideation creeping in, as there are some shifts where I’d rather be dead than clock in. The thing is, I don’t want to quit; I feel like such a failure in my day-to-day life, as I feel like I’m so far behind everyone else, I don’t want to feel like I’ve also failed at this job.

There’s another autistic person who works there, who does odd-jobs around the store and helps to keep the place tidy. Tonight, I asked if I could do something similar, that way I could move around as and when I need to, to avoid the busier aisles. I was told they don’t really like what he does, as it’s “wasted hours that others could use”.

I feel offended by that, as if I were to switch roles, I’d also be a “waste of hours”; a burden. I’ve spoken to Employment Support to see if they can help, but I feel so awful right now.

TL;DR: Management considers autistic people a “waste of hours”.

I think one reason making friends feels so hard is because most people approach socializing like a performance instead of a repetition game. We think every interaction has to be impressive, funny, deep, or instantly meaningful. In reality, most friendships are built from repeated low-pressure interactions over time.

Humans naturally trust familiarity. Psychology calls this the “mere exposure effect.” We tend to like people we see repeatedly, even if the interactions are tiny. Same coffee shop. Same gym class. Same coworker lunches. Same walking route. That’s why consistency matters way more than “being interesting.”

A few mindset shifts that genuinely helped me:

1. Stop trying to be impressive. Focus on making people feel comfortable.
2. Ask more follow-up questions. Harvard research found this is one of the biggest predictors of likability.
3. Repeated exposure matters more than perfect conversations. Most friendships form gradually.
4. Tiny “social anchors” help a LOT. Bringing snacks to work, wearing something recognizable, becoming “the tea person,” etc gives people easy conversation starters.
5. Most people are less focused on you than you think. There’s actually something called the “liking gap,” where we consistently underestimate how much people enjoyed talking to us.

Another thing I learned is that awkward moments usually do not kill social connection nearly as much as avoidance does. Most people bond through repeated imperfect interactions, not flawless charisma.

“Captivate” by Captivate was probably the first book that made social skills feel practical instead of random. Vanessa breaks down things like warmth cues, eye contact, conversation flow, and first impressions in a super actionable way. It stopped me from seeing charisma as some magical personality trait people are born with.

The Good Life completely changed how I think about happiness and relationships. It’s based on Harvard’s 80+ year study on human happiness, and one of the biggest conclusions is that strong relationships predict long-term happiness more than money, status, or career success. That honestly hit me hard.

I used to roll my eyes at How to Win Friends and Influence People because everyone recommends it, but it’s honestly timeless for a reason. Carnegie just understands human nature extremely well. Simple ideas like remembering names, showing genuine curiosity, and talking in terms of the other person’s interests sound obvious, but they genuinely work.

The Huberman Lab episodes on social bonding and loneliness also helped me understand the biology behind connection way better. Learning that our nervous system literally adapts to social exposure made me stop viewing awkwardness as a fixed personality flaw.

Charisma on Command was another huge rabbit hole for me. They break down celebrity interviews, conversations, body language, humor, and confidence in a really practical way. It helped me stop trying to “perform” socially and focus more on making other people feel comfortable. One of my favorite podcast hosts also recommended BeFreed, and honestly it helped me way more than I expected. It’s a personalized social intelligence learning app built by a Columbia team. Instead of throwing random self-improvement content at you, it asks about your actual situation, like social anxiety, awkwardness at work, trouble making friends, overthinking conversations, dating confidence, etc, then builds a learning roadmap around that from psychology books, expert interviews, research, podcasts, and real world examples. I liked that it felt more like a coach than passive content. The lessons are audio first and customizable, so I’d listen while commuting or walking instead of doomscrolling.

I also gave Meetup another shot. I used to think it was for boomers, but low-key hobby groups and recurring meetups genuinely help because they give you repeated exposure without the pressure of “networking.” Same with fitness classes, game nights, local concerts, volunteering, etc. The structure matters more than people think.

I don’t think I magically became “social.” I just stopped treating socializing like a talent test and started treating it like a habit I could build. The more I learned about people, the less afraid of them I became.

I've been in a bit of an increasingly severe depressive episode lately regarding intimacy and affection with my autistic wife.

I just don't think I even know really how to interact with her anymore. If I try to touch her or hug her, even with warning she freezes up.

Sex only happens once in a blue moon when she happens to want it (which at her cadence already being responsive desire and low drive is like once every 3 months when she's in an absolutely perfect mood), otherwise all attempts to intiate are met with non-commital respobses, or obvious masking. We've had intimacy issues our entire 7 year relationship, for years it's never been at a rate of any more than twice a month.

Eventually I stopped initiating, years of trying to touch my wife and being met with flinching or freezing up makes me feel like a creepy goblin. I occassionally get the courage to try every now and then but it ends in the same dissapointment.

Over time too she's become far less sweet, nearly every conversation is her being critical either of me, or what I'm doing. What I think is sometines meant as banter has been making me more and more bitter, and I've grown reluctant to even bring up things I want to talk about or do because it's always met with either critisim or no response. If I bring up that I'm getting sick of the critisim she defaults to "Oh I just won't say anything then." She has to "win" every conversation, and seems compelled to bring up every mistake I make. If I stand my ground she claims I'm not litening to her and thst I'm "brushing her off".

I already have performance anxiety, it affects my day to day, but it's anihilated our sex life as well. ED isn't an issue but other than a handfull of times I've not been able to finish from sex. Despite my best efforts I've not been able to get her there either. So even if we do get around to doing something nobody finishes and we split off to take care of ourselves. Despite this she insists doesn't think i'm bad at sex, orgasm is just difficult for both of us.

I just don't know how tf to be affectionate/intimate to her, I can"'t even touch her, flirting goes over her head, she never makes herself accessible, and I'm reluctant/afraid to even talk to her somtimes because everything I say is either picked apart on an atomic level or met with woe is me.

My autistic sister (25) basically has the mind of a child (mentally probably around 7-8) and does not know the difference between a minor and an adult. Lately (and by lately i mean the past few years) she has been boy crazy, but does not know social cues and reacts to crushes the same way an elementary school girl would. At first she would make profiles on apps like Tinder and Bumble and harass guys into liking her, but that didn't work out and recently we (my mom and i) found out she has been reaching out to local high school boys, my mom took her phone and saw she was searching up the schools football teams instagram pages and finding the boys through there and messaging them, calling them "babe" and other stuff and this is where we draw the line, we are scared she's gonna give out our address to them and angry parents will be knocking on our door. That would absolutely break my sister, she has already threatened to harm herself when none of the guys on tinder wanted her. We told her she can't talk to them because they're minors and she's an adult but she doesn't seem to understand. How do you explain this to an autistic adult?

Yesterday was so hard. I posted in a sub that I was debating between my Ed.D and my Ph.D, but that with either choice, I was going to go online due to my social anxiety and general discomfort in a classroom and around other people.

I was just clinically diagnosed with Autism this year and am still learning a lot, so maybe I just shouldn't be posting.

Omg...I got the worst comments. People saying I need to "get over myself" and just "go to class like a normal person" and that I need to "force myself" to face my anxiety. They also blasted me for doing an online doctorate saying that nobody was going to take me seriously and that it was the weak way to get a degree I won't earn. It was terrible! Whenever I'd respond to anyone trying to explain, I got dozens of downvotes. I have severe rejection sensitivity and felt like I was doing everything wrong. I ended up having a mini meltdown.

I'm not sure how to handle this. Maybe just delete my Reddit altogether?