u/Dependent_Army_8120

f36. I have been having this struggle lately, I am not sure I love my family. Not even my father or my mother. I don't feel any attachement anymore. I cannot tell if it is the autism, the abuse from my mother when I was a kid, or their values, and the fact that my siblings love to put me down (even in their 30's), or that I havent seen most of mt relatives in 20 years therefore I dont know them as an adult.

I do care for my dad. Is it love, I am not sure. I do feel sometime obligated to text or spend time with him because it is my duty as a daughter and I do not wish to be a bad daughter. But I never miss him. And I feel so bad.

I just... don't feel any attachement anymore. All my life, for three decades all I wanted was to fit in among them. Now that I know their values, I dont want to fit in. I am autistic, I am a writer. I dont have a corporate job like my siblings. I will never fit in and i am finally acceptong it. I am warm, they are cold, distant, not expressive.

I wanted the same love and threatment with my siblings had. I craved warm. I craved physical touch. I needed it. And they do not. I cant tell if is just another collateral damage from my mid life crisis. I will continue to do my best to be a good daughter because even though my dad is not expressive, i know he loves me. He shows it in his own way. He supported financially when my mental health was at it worse. He supports my writing. I am just confused by the lack of attachment. Maybe I outgrew them.

So I met this woman back in 2018. She was so beautiful, she seems so sweet and we had a lot in common. I thought this woman was everything I was looking for in a woman.

We started chatting. Quickly I had a crush. A little while after we started talking, she told me she had a crush on me. I was over the moon. She was always so incredibly sweet, blunt I didnt have to guess anything, and we were chatting practically every day.
She served me the bullshit, "I am scared of relationship, please be patient with me, we will get there." And I believed her. She just had rough few years and she was trying to get her life in order (or so I thought).

Right in the beginning, I noticed lies. Little ones. About insignificant things. It did bother me a bit, because I didnt understand why she was lying about such small things but I gave her the benefits of the doubt. I wish I hadn't.

She started to lash out on me. Accusing me stealing of her interests after gifting her a video game that we both liked... I think it was Harvest Moon. She posted a tweet about it right after I gifted her the game. So I confronted and she said it wasn't about me. I let it go. She lashed out on me, not often but enough for it to start to bother me. Since she was always appologizing after, saying she had a bad day or something, again I let it slide. I was soooo blindly love with her, that I was ready to do anything to make it work and get her to finally be my girlfriend. I didnt realize I was in a situationship...

I started to notice more and more lies. About everything and nothing. It was getting really annoying. When ask about men I suslected she was seen, she would say "oh I definitely dont have a man". But I was getting suspicious.

She was lying about everything. Her location. Saying she was staying at some hotel in Miami, when I knew this hotel was in Tampa. She was lying about having random diseases. She injured her wrist somehow, and first she said she fell off her skateboard, then it was because her ex closed the door on her hand then it was because she slammed her fist on the counter. Always lies. One time I say wow i really love your quasimoto tattoo on your back. And she was like "i dont have a quasimoto tattoo" Girl what??? Its literally on your pictures what are talking about????

She became distant. Breadcrumbing me. Then when she needed something, suddenly I was attractive all over again and she was in love. (i didnt see that shit st the time) Then she would become distant again.

Over the years I got along with her friends. Her assistant befriended me. Her besties who have an art company hired me as their assistant. She was so happy for me. A year after becoming their assistant, she accused me of stealing her friends. I was not having a friendship with her bestfriends, our relationship was strickly professional as I was their assistant. I told her, that they came to me about the assistant position and that if it was a problem, she should have told me back then, instead of saying it was soo amazing. I found it so weird to be accused of stealing her friends. She did again accusing of stealing another friend (her assistant which she was pleased a year prior that we were getting along). I was really upsetting me because it was always sooo random. All along, she knew I was friend with them and was pleased and suddenly it was no longer okay. And its not like I was talking to them all the time. I didnt feel like I was in the wrong.

The random accusation continued. Either I was accused of stealing her interests or her friends. I started to lose interest slowly... the lies, the suspicion that she was sleeping with other people while telling me she loved and wanted a relationship with me, the accusations... Until one day she accused me again of stealing her bestfriends because she was having a bad day. I was done. Romantically. I had lost interest.

we stayed friends another year. Then she snapped at me saying that be friend with her assistant was crossing a boundary. I did not understand since she was pleased back then that I was friend with her assistant. I told her I did not want to be friend with her anymore. That I was tired of the lies, the accusations... I was done. I asked her to delete an instagram picture of me she posted without my consent to promote her brand. She said she hated me. She called me a weirdo, a stalker. She said I didnt have a personality, since I loved her interests. I told her to "go suck a fuck". She said "wow how original you are stealing my phrase!" girl thats not even your phrase that from a movie!!!

I realized that all those years when she accused people of cheating on her, stealing her... she was lying. That everytime, someome was doing something that bother her, she would turn on them. All her exes were crazy cheated on her... people were stealing from her... and back then I didnt see anything, I was always defending her! Those people were always like "i dont understand i did not do anything". Even with clients and customers, as soon as they were calling her for not fulfilling an order she would call them stalkers.

She had boyfriends all along. At least 5. And she was cheating on them with other people. Then accused them of cheating.

She accused her assistant, her sister in law, a colleague of stealing without a proof. Her assistant who was also her neighbor was so scared of her. She forced her former assistant to move, because she was accused of stalking her simply for walking her dog in the neighborhood. She even lied about trademarking her business name. She still claims it is trademarked.

That woman is dangerous. I am so glad I am free of her. I regret wasting years on her. I ignored the red flags and it costed me my mental health. She literally could destroy someone's life and reputation. Thats also on me. I did see the red flags... and ignored them. Because I was in love and I didnt think she was capable to be so... evil.