I now understand why a good 80% of us are unemployed (tw: self harm/suicidal ideation
I was hired at a pretty big retail chain in the UK, and during my interview, I made sure to let them know I’m autistic. I really struggled with working on the tills; it’s always very busy, and handling so many items of varying textures became too overwhelming.
I asked to be switched to replenishment, which was fine at first, but it’s slowly gotten more and more difficult to work. Customers having zero spatial awareness, on top of being generally overstimulated by the store’s general atmosphere, means I’ve struggled a lot there too. I feel locked into an aisle when working and can’t really shift to another when it gets too crowded. This has lead to me falling into autistic burnout, complete with crying during my shifts for the past month-or-so.
This has lead me to spiral pretty significantly, with me self-harming, and suicidal ideation creeping in, as there are some shifts where I’d rather be dead than clock in. The thing is, I don’t want to quit; I feel like such a failure in my day-to-day life, as I feel like I’m so far behind everyone else, I don’t want to feel like I’ve also failed at this job.
There’s another autistic person who works there, who does odd-jobs around the store and helps to keep the place tidy. Tonight, I asked if I could do something similar, that way I could move around as and when I need to, to avoid the busier aisles. I was told they don’t really like what he does, as it’s “wasted hours that others could use”.
I feel offended by that, as if I were to switch roles, I’d also be a “waste of hours”; a burden. I’ve spoken to Employment Support to see if they can help, but I feel so awful right now.
TL;DR: Management considers autistic people a “waste of hours”.