Hello I'm 36m. As the title suggests I really need someone to talk to. I feel like everything is broken and I don't know what to do. I'm probably freaking out over nothing but it feels real and I just want to scream. Anyone out there want to chat?
Hello people, I have never posted here before but today I'm feeling adventurous with my words so thought I'd try expressing myself.
Let's start with being happy, I am a happy person, I love to be happy, surrounded by happy things and happy people.
My preferred state of being is happy because it feels nice. I don't want to be sad or angry or moody.
This leads people to thinking I'm pretending to be happy or that they take this as my default and then question everything when I have a moment that I'm not happy.
I don't expect everyone to be happy all the time but I also don't understand why anyone would choose to not be happy, I have asked this before and was told that they just want to feel their feelings and they shouldn't have to pretend to be happy to make me happy. I completely agree, they should be happy to make themselves happy.
If I can't fix a situation I feel like it is my fault, I am a fixer of things. If something is broken I want to fix it, this is true for almost all things. Toys, technology, systems and protocols, situations and also people. This leads me to always trying to make things work when I probably shouldn't.
I try my hardest to minimise the needs I have to not burden anyone else, I see my needs as things I should fulfill myself and to expect anyone else to change for me is foolish, I realise as saying this how painful it actually is and hurts me immensely. I wouldn't expect someone in a wheelchair to deal with the stairs because it's their disability.
I want to be able to drop my mask, to stop performing for everyone and just be myself, this upsets people and the mask comes back to help them, not make them more comfortable. I've been training myself my entire life to appease others, to apologise for myself and to conform to everyone else's rules.
I love rules, I love a set of instructions to follow, I wish I understood the rules and instructions of the world. I'd be the best player, I'd win every time, I would win legitimately and know exactly how to repeat it.
I don't understand the game though, I can't read the rules. I find myself shying away from even trying because it's too daunting to even find the start. Is it a race, a strategy, multiplayer, single player, a coop? What type of game is it? What are the parameters and the rules, I used to think it was laws, then I realised that laws aren't the rules they are just the suggestions of direction to keep everyone's game playing the same way.
What if my winning the game doesn't look like it does to everyone else? What if my contentment is my win condition? What if my unapologetic happiness is the final achievement.
Why then should I change anything about myself for anyone?
Shouldn't I instead be focusing on the way my happiness best flourishes?
Should I even try to accommodate those that don't contribute to my happiness?
I am not religious, I wish I was, I do believe in love being a binding force and that honesty and selflessness are genuinely brilliant but I'm also not so foolish to believe that these things wouldn't be taken advantage of by everyone, even if they didn't realise they were doing it.
How do I exist in this world? How do I keep going?
How do I let go of the things I love but also hurt me?
What do I need to do to meet the basics requirements?
Hello people, I have never posted here before but today I'm feeling adventurous with my words so thought I'd try expressing myself.
Let's start with being happy, I am a happy person, I love to be happy, surrounded by happy things and happy people.
My preferred state of being is happy because it feels nice. I don't want to be sad or angry or moody.
This leads people to thinking I'm pretending to be happy or that they take this as my default and then question everything when I have a moment that I'm not happy.
I don't expect everyone to be happy all the time but I also don't understand why anyone would choose to not be happy, I have asked this before and was told that they just want to feel their feelings and they shouldn't have to pretend to be happy to make me happy. I completely agree, they should be happy to make themselves happy.
If I can't fix a situation I feel like it is my fault, I am a fixer of things. If something is broken I want to fix it, this is true for almost all things. Toys, technology, systems and protocols, situations and also people. This leads me to always trying to make things work when I probably shouldn't.
I try my hardest to minimise the needs I have to not burden anyone else, I see my needs as things I should fulfill myself and to expect anyone else to change for me is foolish, I realise as saying this how painful it actually is and hurts me immensely. I wouldn't expect someone in a wheelchair to deal with the stairs because it's their disability.
I want to be able to drop my mask, to stop performing for everyone and just be myself, this upsets people and the mask comes back to help them, not make them more comfortable. I've been training myself my entire life to appease others, to apologise for myself and to conform to everyone else's rules.
I love rules, I love a set of instructions to follow, I wish I understood the rules and instructions of the world. I'd be the best player, I'd win every time, I would win legitimately and know exactly how to repeat it.
I don't understand the game though, I can't read the rules. I find myself shying away from even trying because it's too daunting to even find the start. Is it a race, a strategy, multiplayer, single player, a coop? What type of game is it? What are the parameters and the rules, I used to think it was laws, then I realised that laws aren't the rules they are just the suggestions of direction to keep everyone's game playing the same way.
What if my winning the game doesn't look like it does to everyone else? What if my contentment is my win condition? What if my unapologetic happiness is the final achievement.
Why then should I change anything about myself for anyone?
Shouldn't I instead be focusing on the way my happiness best flourishes?
Should I even try to accommodate those that don't contribute to my happiness?
I am not religious, I wish I was, I do believe in love being a binding force and that honesty and selflessness are genuinely brilliant but I'm also not so foolish to believe that these things wouldn't be taken advantage of by everyone, even if they didn't realise they were doing it.
How do I exist in this world? How do I keep going?
How do I let go of the things I love but also hurt me?
What do I need to do to meet the basics requirements?
Hey, I'm Andrew I'm 36m from the UK.
I would like to talk to people, I am a very happy person and like to be happy, I don't see the point sitting around being sad when you can smile and have fun. I would like to meet a few nice people.
My name is Andrew.
I'm lonely and want to talk to someone.
If you send me some of your favourite things, say 5 and your name, I'll write you a personalised poem 😊