r/AutisticAdults

I F(25) have recently been diagnosed with level 2 autism. My main issues are social skills and growing up many thought I was just extremely shy and I rarely had friends and I never dated in highschool. My family isn’t the the type to ask or pressure me to settle down but my grandma would ask me a couple of times if I am seeing anyone even agreeing with me that it is hard to find a good man.

But one day she was crying to a relative saying she is worried no man has ever wanted me or I will never be loved by one for “the way that I am.”She has also told me once my friend gets married one day I will be very lonely. I never knew how to respond but she probably doesn’t realize her comments sound backhanded. I don’t plan on telling my family about my diagnosis and how it’s the reason why I’m not able to date or even make friends. My hispanic family doesn’t believe in mental health but it really sucks the older I get the more awkward it is being single.

I would like to try dating but it’s so hard for me to talk to guys they seem to back off because I’m too nervous, awkward, and don’t know what to say most of the times. Plus many guys seem to think I’m gullible and want to take advantage of me since they’ve mostly just wanted something not serious. I’ve mainly avoided dating because of that even if I managed to find someone that accepted me it would be uncomfortable if their family or friends would probably make comments about me and he’d eventually get fed up with my issues. It makes me sad sometimes knowing I’ll most likely never experience dating and I will literally have no one since I’d have no friends, no partner, and my relationship with my parents is estranged.

Maybe it’s connected to learned helplessness? Just life has taught you that nothing works out and usually turns out bad and you are powerless to stop it. That feels like your only option. No one will help you and you can’t help yourself.

Its really tough when these times come around.

Growing up autistic, I spent a lot of time watching people and looking for patterns. I tried to figure out what they expected, what made them angry, and what I should do to avoid getting things wrong.
Some of that was trying to understand social situations. Some of it was trying to stay safe. Looking back, those two things were often tangled together for me.
I could notice patterns without understanding why people behaved the way they did. I was watching closely, but I still felt out of step.
Did anyone else experience this? Did watching people help you feel more connected, or did it feel like work you had to do just to get through the day?

Hi friends,

I (31M) have been learning about my own autism and how it has shaped my life over the last several years. I have not “come out” to my parents yet, but looking back on my childhood it feels like it should have been incredibly obvious that I needed extra support due to neurodivergence.

I’m hoping to broach the subject with my father specifically in a fairly subtle manner, as I anticipate some considerable defensiveness and denial if I am direct about it. I feel fairly confident he is also autistic, but he is so deeply masking and steeped in ableist culture that this all will come as quite a shock to him.

I’m hoping to find a book, preferably either fiction or a memoir, that is from an autistic point of view or features an autistic protagonist without directly mentioning autism in the title or, ideally, in the first several chapters or the blurb on the back cover. I’m hoping to build some understanding and relatability with an autistic character before it is made known they are autistic.

Obviously a conversation with my dad directly is going to need to happen eventually, but our relationship is fraught enough that I’m hoping an outside resource will pave the way for a conversation that is actually productive and builds understanding without him putting up his guard or disengaging. Any other advice on strengthening our relationship, getting him into therapy, and unpacking past trauma with him would also be appreciated; I’m working with my therapist on these strategies as well.

I’ve considered The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time, but I have some concerns about the author’s perspective as a neurotypical who hasn’t done a ton of research, plus the tension between the protagonist and his father might get the wrong message across? Please let me know if you’ve read this book and if you think it might be a good fit. I’m also shying away from books about nonverbal and “high needs” folks because the difficulties they face feel less relevant to someone who has passed as neurotypical for a lifetime.

Thanks for any and all advice, and good luck out there besties 💛

I was diagnosed before the implementation of levels but I assume I would be considered level 2. Not "obviously" autistic. I can go out into the world and no one would ever know. But it costs me horribly. I'm constantly burnt out, can't work, have multiple chronic illnesses, a fairly rigid routine that keeps me from losing my mind. My grandest ambition in life is just to someday be able to live independently, maybe with a partner if I'm lucky.

I can communicate well enough to maintain relationships but my rigid routine and limited energy makes it difficult to find someone people who "get" me or who I don't just feel so wildy different from that I feel like I need a 17 point PowerPoint for them to understand me and accept me enough to feel safe being myself.

Don't even get me started on my special interests either. I'm really into Marvel, DC, Star Wars, and the game Destiny 2. I've heard that those are supposed to be relatively common autistic interests, yet somehow I have not been able to find practically anyone I actually click with who likes them.

It just feels like I'm not "normal" enough to fit in with level 1's or neurotypicals, they can't relate to my level of rigidity, my lack of employment, the help I need from my family, or my level of limitations when it comes to my energy but Level 3's can't relate to my understanding of the social game and how I communicate and my ability to mask. The same goes for me though, I can't relate any more to them than they can to me. I can logically understand most types of people and it's not like I can't empathize or anything. It's just different from that embodied sense of having a shared experience of existence with another person.

Hey everyone,

So recently I've been having lots of stress building up and I think I finally reached my breaking point. I can barely function at work (I work on the airport ramp at UPS Worldport so it's very overstimulating and requires constant teamwork and awareness of your surroundings, and struggling to do these things can be dangerous), I'm constantly irritable, everything is much more overstimulating than usual, I have no desire to go out and do things like I usually do, etc. I know it's not depression because I have depression and I can tell that this is different.

I've always been the kind of person who pushes through no matter what the circumstances are because I've had to be independent since I was a teenager. When I first noticed I was struggling, I thought if I just kept trying it would eventually just get better. Obviously, that's not the case.

I'm taking leave off of work for a couple of weeks. That's all I can do while still having just enough in savings to pay my bills. So while I have this time off, I need to find a way to bring myself back to baseline as much as possible. I've been reading other posts on here about it and the advice was mostly just "do as little as possible and try to relax", but is there a "right" way and a "wrong" way to relax? How do I know what will help me specifically? I spend most of my day playing video games and doom scrolling, which clearly isn't enough. I also find it very difficult to relax since I'm in pretty bad debt and I constantly have bills going through.

Hello all. I’m 33M Level 1 Autism. Ever since childhood, I need deep pressure around my upper body, specifically my left chest area where I can feel my pulse the hardest.

I have some coping strategies but I still need help. When I lie down on my hard floor, we have concrete floors with hardwood on top, it feels so nice.

The problem is I can’t just lie down in public or at work when I feel like I need deep pressure. When it used to get bad I would hold a 30lb dumbbell on my left chest area while lying on my back and it would feel amazing.

I need something more practical. The amount of pressure I need to feel baseline is a very large amount. I used to take a beta blocker and it would completely relieve the need for deep pressure, but now I’m off them and severely dysregulated. I would appreciate any help

I’m 24 and never had a friend. i can’t hold a proper conversation. i’ve got no one and i’m really lonely bc of it. i don’t know how much longer i can stand jt but i don’t work. i don’t go out much. there’s no opportunities for me.

​

I tried paying attention to my husband when I was talking about my divergence and stopped when he looked away and started paying attention to something else and he still got mad saying I misread him. Like I was rambling on about my testing and I thought hey maybe he's getting bored so I stopped talking. No anger no sighing nothing just stopped talking. His focus snapped back to me and was like why did you stop talking? I told him because I'm trying to pay attention to when I lose you and stop rambling. He got mad and said if you lost me I'd tell you. Then what the hell am I doing this for? Why notice people's faces if they lie and say they weren't making the face they were clearly making ?

[removed]