u/ZemnS

Hey,

I'm here to ask for advice but first I feel like explaining the situation is pretty important. Not to justify myself but to get my headspace a little more but again not to excuse it.

Our friendship was mostly long distance but recently I went to her and her boyfriends apartment.

I had the time of my life there. I never felt so much love and friendship before, I truly felt so open and finally free. I thought I made the friends for life.

Then the vacation was over and I completely crashed. I've been mostly isolated all my life so going from such a massive peak to such a drop again was quite heavy.

I've been told by her that I can rant or vent in her messages whenever I need it, so I did but at that time I didn't really understand why I was feeling the way that I did so my first instinct was sadly and this is completely my fault and I should've given my emotions more time but I started putting the blame on some new guy that joined the friendgroup (edit: I also have a pretty terrible toxic trait where I always get mad when my close friends get new friends idk how to help it) and she couldn't take it she couldn't talk to me at that moment. I should've respected that but I for some reason couldn't my emotions felt so big that I could only think about myself and didn't care about anyone else's feelings. She even told me "I need some time and space right now" and I couldn't handle it at all I started for the next couple of days texting everyone in our friendgroup about it but no one answered not a single person. So my emotions only started building up and building, I started texting more deleting messages when i calmed down again, but i texted more after, i started sending very self centered voice messages talking about MY feelings and not ever considered hers and her friendgroup but at that moment I felt betrayed that no one could even explain anything to me or update me but I now realize that she already told me what I should do and it's take distance and let her breath.

Her boyfriend completely lashed out on me, other friends blocked me.

She told me that we won't be friends like this probably ever again.

I'm completely heartbroken and I can't believe I let my emotions win over this much. I started throwing up everyday cause of the stress I started taking painkillers to try and numb the anxiety.

I can't imagine the amount of shame she felt about all of this coming from her so called "best friend" I feel so terrible for the damage I've caused and so insanely sad I lost the only people I've ever felt truly close and comfortable with. I completely destroyed the peace she had with her friendgroup and boyfriend. I made all of them uncomfortable with my spamming and oversharing messages.

I was being called controlling which is completely true but wasn't my intention but I realize I still did what I did regardless and should've thought more carefully about what I was doing.

So my main questions is: How can I next time handle a situation like this better? I know what I should've done but I have 0 clue how I can handle the amount of stress my body went through during this situation.

Also I tend to get attached too much to people that I feel REALLY good around. To the point where it gets kind of creepy and too intrusive.

If I sound like an asshole throughout this whole thing please let me know and sorry if my english is slightly sloppy and if my sentences are all over the place my mind is a bit of mess atm.

Thank you for reading and taking the time to respond.