u/Loose_Track2315

Hey everyone. I had an experience recently that's weighing on me. I work as a barista, and a customer came in recently who was outwardly obvious as having autism. She was stimming in the cafe (occasionally hitting herself on the head) and a coworker pointed it out.

This woman ended up coming up and asking if we had a can opener to open some food that she had, and was upset when we didn't. I'm assuming it was her safe food. I felt so bad bc I wanted to help her but I couldn't.

The customer ended up going outside to sit and my coworker started talking about how weird she was. Another customer also commented on it.

At the time I was upset just at the general ableism. But now that I've been told that I'm VERY likely autistic myself (by a mental health professional who's experienced with autism, can't get a diagnosis yet and am unsure if I want to get one as well), it just hits deeper. Now I know I can't unmask around this person, or tell them what I've learned about myself.

I'm going to really make sure I advocate for others in the future tho. I didn't defend that woman and I know I should have, but I was a coward. Not going to stay quiet again.

So most of the people in a friend group I'm a part of like to party hard. I like being around these people, but I've had to make boundaries about what I will or won't do with them. I already don't go with them to bars bc it ends up being a sensory nightmare for me.

One of these friends had a pool party recently. I decided to go. I ended up being extremely overstimulated from having to sit in the sun without anything covering me but a hat. They did have one beach umbrella but it's very heavy and nobody would help me move it as the sun moved. The heat was also extremely painful for me. And the bugs when the sun went down were horrendous bc I'm sensitive to touch anyway, and feel intense repulsion anytime a bug is on me, even small harmless ones.

It wouldn't be as much of an issue if they didn't want to be outside 95% of the time the party was happening.

It was a sleepover and I only ended up getting 3 hours of sleep bc I was too overstimulated to relax. Honestly the best part was the next morning when I just said fuck it and went inside alone to nap on a futon for a couple of hours.

I don't think I want to go to the next pool party he's planning. I don't really feel safe asking for people to help accommodate me, bc most of them do get very drunk at parties like this. And good intentions disappear when you get drunk. I also don't really want to feel like the odd one out when everyone else is relaxing and having fun.

I feel bad tho bc I hadn't hung out with most of them in a while and they said they missed me. I think they might keep asking to know why I won't go. But I can't really help it that their summer activities are too much for my nervous system.

This week, a mental health professional confirmed to me that I'm on the autism spectrum. Which explains a heeelllll of a lot in my life. Including how extremely uncomfortable I find eye contact.

You can guess why this is a problem in this context...I very rarely make prolonged eye contact even with men I think are hot. If I do manage it, I can't follow up on flirting bc intimate one-on-one settings are the most difficult for me to navigate. People pretty much always assume I'm not interested, or I guess think I'm not normal enough to keep interacting with.

It makes a lot of sense now that my two exes were both neurodivergent and our relationships didn't start in conventional ways, lol. But ugh. Now I'm feeling bummed bc I struggle to do what's generally expected to flirt in the gay community. I guess it doesn't matter much bc I am also repulsed and overstimulated by a lot of sensations during sex anyway, so it's not like I'm having hookups.

But I just feel more alienated from the community now, on top of feeling that way since I'm trans.

Hey everyone. I've made a couple of recent posts about how my therapist told me last week that he thinks I'm on the spectrum.

We talked about it in more detail today and it was a good session. I asked him what tipped him off, since he's very familiar with neurodivergence and autism in particular (he has 3 diagnosed autistic children and the majority of his clients are neurodivergent).

Some examples are as follows. He said first of all that I have a flat affect and my facial responses are very limited. I had honestly not thought I was coming across that way bc I feel like I emote a lot - I guess this was me forcing myself to move my face and the effort just feels like a lot. Apparently my hand gestures also come off as more robotic and learned that I had thought, as opposed to spontaneous and natural. He also said I tend to repeat "that's funny" or "that's sad" to things, and I tend to try to anticipate what he's saying by finishing the thought. I also can't look at him when I'm processing questions, although I had been aware of that one.

He also said that I do sometimes take things more literally than I should, which I hadn't been aware of. He's known me for 3.5 years so I trust him to have accurately gauged that.

There were many more things I discussed from my end too, mostly childhood things, and we went in detail talking about them. In the end we decided it's an accurate assumption to move forward assuming that I'm on the spectrum. He said he'll write a note for me if I need some sort of accommodation at work that he can help with, like maybe loop earplugs. But if I end up feeling like I'll need other accommodations (like if I go back to school to get a master's degree), then I'll likely consider a diagnosis.

I think today's session calmed my tendency to invalidate my own struggles. And I had really struggled with feeling the need to "follow the rules" and immediately get an assessment. But I think this was enough to calm that too.

It was just nice to finally have someone tell me to my face what they've noticed, in a non-judgmental way. Instead of me having to continue wondering and feeling lost about what I'm "doing wrong" socially.

I've made a recent post about how my therapist and several friends all told me this week that they think I'm very likely autistic. But I'm back bc it seems like having that all happen this week has overloaded me to the point of constant overstimulation. I also had major surgery for the first time about a month ago which was a horrifically overstimulating experience, which I guess probably isn't helping.

For one thing, the stress of deciding whether or not too seek a diagnosis is a lot. My situation makes it very difficult to decide if it's worth going through an assessment (I'm a 29 year old female to male trans person living in a misogynistic, transphobic, and ableist US state. My family would also not support me in getting a diagnosis). But I'm also thinking that using earplugs at work might be a major QOL change if I do decide to get a diagnosis.

The second thing is I'm feeling very upset that I've gone through life like this and nobody said it was so obvious until now. I mean, a couple of friends have suspected over the years - and I ultimately we just assumed it was anxiety. But everyone else just treated me like an awkward weirdo. I have always felt embarrassed over needing support plushies, or having "cringe" special interests, being unable to feel comfortable in social situations even after YEARS of therapy, being super averse to the sensations and one-on-one contact that comes with romantic and sexual intimacy despite no trauma about that. Et cetera.

And honestly, it's also overwhelming realizing that a lot of the constant "anxiety" I feel seems to be overstimulation. Ie if I'm in a loud restaurant, I will feel a baseline overstimulation that's like a rock in my shoe. But it'll go away if I isolate myself afterwards. I learned to force myself to ignore it and say I was just constantly anxious. But it feels like recognizing what it actually is, has made it worse.

I've started constantly using the adaptive noise cancelling earbuds that I already had. I just ordered some loop earplugs to see if they help me. I've started letting myself hug my plushies when I need to calm down or if I feel overstimulated. I'm going to buy a small plushie to carry in my bag. I'm trying to see if there are audios that can calm me down (I found an ocean noise audio that's been helping a lot). I've been talking to my best friend (diagnosed with autism and ADHD) about it. I'm experimenting with not forcing direct eye contact with strangers. Etc.

I'll be working with my therapist on this (he's familiar with neurodivergence and autism, bc he has 3 autistic kids and many of his clients are neurodivergent). But my brain is short circuiting right now. Has anyone else experienced this?

Hi everyone!

I'm a 29 year old trans man (female to male). I'm including that fact bc it is very relevant to my experiences and history.

I have a therapist I've been seeing for 3.5 years. We've been working on crisis stuff and heavy topics for most of that time. We've been able to resolve some things, but some issues have persisted.

This week, my therapist asked me if I've ever been tested for autism. He said he suspects it bc of how I have conversations, and also bc some of my issues just don't seem to be getting better. He has 3 diagnosed autistic children, and most of his clients are neurodivergent. So I do trust him to know what he's talking about.

I have actually suspected that I'm neurodivergent for years now. But I just never got around to exploring that, and never brought it up to my therapist. My brother was tested and diagnosed as neurodivergent (ADHD) as a boy, but I was never tested bc I was such a quiet and perfectly well behaved girl who just constantly read books (lol). Plus, I guess I'm what people would describe as high masking. I've been able to manage...

...until recently. My gender transition has been an extremely stressful and overwhelming experience, despite objectively improving my life. And I think that's caused my masking to slip. As a result my potential autism - or whatever it is - has become more apparent. I asked friends about what my therapist said and they all agreed that I'm probably neurodivergent of some kind. One said it was obvious. Even those who are diagnosed as autistic agreed.

But things get more complicated now: I live in a US state that's unfriendly to trans people, and not very supportive of autistic people. An autism diagnosis would be forced onto my medical record and reported to the state government. I worry that a diagnosis could be used to take away my autonomy as a trans person in healthcare settings (I am on testosterone, which is reported to the state government). Or that it could compound the issues that I already have with providers as a trans person.

And I fear getting a misdiagnosis and/or the gaslighting that women and AFAB people still face too often when seeking a diagnosis. Or being told it's just trauma from being trans, despite having signs as a kid.

I'm hoping that my therapist will be able to help me. My biggest struggle right now (other than overstimulation) is independence, bc I get overwhelmed by life easily. I still live with my parents bc of this. And I'm honestly not sure if I could successfully transition to living on my own - or even just moving in with friends or roommates - without a diagnosis and formal treatment.

I'm going to try to take things one step at a time. I'll be talking in depth with my therapist about it, to see if he can help me. I may be forced to get an assessment in the long run. But it is not an easy decision to make right now.

I've posted this elsewhere so if you recognize this, hello again. I'm just posting this in a few places to get a range of input, possible resource recommendations, etc. I do already manage myself with certain things. Like noise cancelling earbuds, gaming, using dimming lamps in my room, listening to soothing audio or music, and using plushies for sensory comfort.

Hi everyone. I've been struggling this week and this is mostly just a vent. I am not asking anyone to tell me if they think I'm on the spectrum or not.

I'm a 29 year old trans man. I have a therapist who I've been seeing for 3.5 years, through my transition journey. We've been dealing with a lot of different important things, most of which have been resolved recently. A couple of days ago, my therapist asked me point blank if I'd ever been tested for autism. He said he's bringing it up now bc I'm doing better and we have the space to work on new topics.

He said he's suspected it bc of how I talk in conversations. And also bc I have persistent issues that could stem from autism. He has 3 austistic children, and most of his clients are neurodivergent, so I do trust him to know what he's talking about. He gave me a screener to take and it was a high score.

I talked to most of my friends about it and all of them agreed. One said it was obvious. Another two who have autism diagnoses said they just assumed that I was on the spectrum but didn't talk to me about it.

Honestly, it's been kind of devastating. While I have suspected that I'm neurodivergent, most likely autistic...I had always just told myself it's probably just persistent anxiety.

But at this point I can't kid myself anymore. I've been thinking about it a lot, and it makes so much sense. Especially my issues with overstimulation, needing isolation, needing support objects, and the stims I had as a kid that I ultimately forced myself to stop. And the fact that most things in normal life massively overwhelm me, the fact that almost all of my friends have been neurodivergent...among other things.

I just thought I was doing a better job at appearing "normal". But now I'm realizing that soooo many people could tell, and it's embarrassing bc I've always had to try so hard when socializing. Only for all of that effort to be for nothing.

I would like to seek a diagnosis. But as a trans person, I'm concerned that a diagnosis could be weaponized against me to take away my autonomy to make decisions with my healthcare. I live in a US state that isn't friendly to trans people or people who are autistic. And an autism diagnosis is required to be reported to the state government and put on the person's medical records. I am already reported to the state as trans bc of medication laws. I hate that getting accommodations would add to my already high risk of being mistreated in medical and legal settings. I'm afraid that at some point I may hit a wall and need accommodations, but it feels like I can't win in either scenario.

However. I am very lucky to have my therapist. I'm hoping he can help me understand how to move forward, and help me get resources to educate myself on how to cope. I'm also very thankful to have supportive friends. And I'm glad that I can now learn to view myself through a different lense than "I'm a failure" and "why can't I do what everyone else can".

Thanks for reading my vent. Comments and advice are fine.

Hey everyone! I had top surgery about a month ago. When I went on T about 2.5 years ago, I very quickly developed atrophy and had to go on a topical for it.

It was pretty intense, and before top surgery I had to use it 3-4 times a week. And that was the bare minimum.

But one thing I noticed quickly in the first week of surgery was that I didn't need my topical as much. I thought well it's probably just my body systems booting back up again.

But nope, I'm a month out now and I don't have random atrophy cramps anymore (I used to get them even with taking the topical). And I've dropped down to using the topical 2 times per week.

I tried looking it up but I haven't seen anything similar to this. The main thing I keep thinking of is that maybe my breasts were draining too much estrogen away from the other parts of my body that also needed it. Bc the pathology report basically said that my breasts had been very affected/shrunk by the T (which I already knew bc I saw it happen). And now that estrogen is free to go elsewhere in my body.

But I'm not a doctor! Just wanted to put this out there as a little anecdotal experience. And to see if anyone else has experienced anything like it.

TW: body image, fatphobia

A bunch of queer friends are having a pool party. It'll be a mix of gay men and lesbians, and just generally queer people.

I agreed to go, but then last week something happened and now I'm not sure if I want to. One of the friends is a recently single, conventionally attractive cis gay man and some of us were chatting about a new date he's seeing. Someone asked if the guy was buff and he said no, he's not but he's not out of shape so it's fine. And everyone was like oh true at least he's not out of shape! And it just went on.

I think him saying that got to me bc I literally just had top surgery 4 weeks ago so I've been very focused on my body lately. I am fat, and typically I don't care what people think of that fact. I have had severe mental health issues that have contributed to my weight, so I'm proud of myself for really just managing to stay alive. However, I think I'm emotionally fragile about my body right now bc I've been focusing on it so much. And that conversation was not what I needed to hear right now.

I do have the excuse of going and wearing a shirt bc I just had top surgery and have to protect everything from the sun. But now I'm like...maybe I should just not go. I wouldn't even be able to swim bc my nipple grafts are still healing so I feel like they wouldn't question it too much. Some people in this group also do get naked at these parties so I would also just feel weird staying clothed. Especially since one of the lesbians seemed to just straight up assume I wouldn't get naked bc I'm trans so I must hate my body or something? Although I do have bottom dysphoria that currently prevents me from wanting to be naked in front of people, it doesn't feel nice for people to just assume that. Thankfully she probably won't be at this party tho.

I just thought this group was more body positive than they were I guess. And idk if I want to open myself up to hearing anything else if I'm struggling with my body image rn.

Hey everyone! I'm 4 weeks post op.

I have pretty uncomfortable tightness in my scars. Honestly I actually do have much better range of motion than I expected at this point probably due to my surgeon doing a good job of leaving enough tissue for flexibility. And I had good flexibility before due to my active job. But the tightness is still bothering me a lot.

I looked up light exercises to do if you've had a mastectomy/top surgery to help with it. The one I tried was a wall-walk, where you just walk your fingers up a wall until you feel some pulling and hold it for 20 seconds. Then you do a couple of different angles for 20 seconds too.

(I looked these resources up myself bc no specific exercises were recommended by my surgeon in my post op paperwork. I realize now that I could have just contacted his office and asked if they had exercises to recommend at this point, and I probably will do that. I just want a quick opinion from you guys first.)

But after doing it, I saw a video of a surgeon saying no exercise where your arm is going away from your chest for the first several months. I'm confused by that bc he put up pics of like pull-ups and weights, which of course I wasn't planning to do. But does that also include simple flexibility stretches for tightness like wall walking?

I was asked if I wanted to donate my breast tissue to a biobank for medical research.

I'm kind of like, maybe it would help my unwanted tissue do a bit of good in the medical world. But also I'm a bit leary of the idea as a trans person, mostly bc of how bad medical situations can still be for us. And for medical privacy reasons.

Was anyone else asked this? What was your reasoning for or against it?

Hey everyone! I'm almost 24 hours out from my top surgery.

I'm discovering that I actually HATE taking off the binder, which I did yesterday to strip my drain tubes (and thankfully I'm not draining a lot now even tho my right side bled a lot the first 12 hours). I ended up panicking bc I felt like my chest was going to "pop open", if that makes sense.

My surgeon opted for making a full single incision all the way across my chest bc of my big chest size and anatomy, so I think maybe that's freaking me out bc technically my body was cut in half horizontally lol. The feeling of tightness also contributed I think.

I really didn't expect to feel reliant on the binder being on for comfort, even tho it is a little uncomfortable. Anyone else experience this?

I honestly just can't believe it's time. I've struggled with a LOT of surgery anxiety but I'm managing well tonight!

Plus my parents have finally completely come around to support my transition (after 3 years of struggling back and forth on that). My dad had only words of encouragement tonight, and my mom will be driving me to and from the hospital.

I honestly don't even think I'm going to sleep, bc I'm a night owl/closing shift worker, and we have to leave at 5am to get there. And I have way too much energy anyways so I'll deep clean the bathroom before my pre-op shower, lol.

Excited to finally get back to living life instead of surviving/constantly coping.

Hey everyone!

I've recently run into a snag regarding prescriptions. I'm on estradiol topical for atrophy caused by T, and the pharmacy listed my gender as male when my doctor updated everything at his office and sent a new prescription through.

But since that happened, my pharmacy has been flagging holds on my estradiol. I was told today by the tech that it's a system error from the mismatched genders. I told them to do what the they had to in their system to make it not keep flagging me, and unfortunately they switched EVERYTHING back, including to my old name.

This was a really stressful experience bc a guy was standing right behind me and was glaring me down after hearing me discuss all of this with the tech.

I do know about an LGBTQ+ pharmacy that's a bit of a drive for me, and I was already planning to switch to it but just hadn't done it yet (as I have top surgery in under 2 weeks and just didn't want to deal with that on top of everything else).

But at this point I'm sick of dealing with this kind of thing, so I'll be switching ASAP. But at least now I know that my insurance was the cause. Is it worth it to call them and change it or do they make a big deal out of it? Has anyone done this? I feel like I should, even tho the new pharmacy I'll be going to is made by and for queer people. The tech (who was actually a really nice guy through the process) mentioned that mismatched genders could hold up coverage from insurance too.

EDIT: I just checked my prescription tube and it does still say my updated legal name, so I think I might have misunderstood what the tech did. I think he did just update my gender, and I think he bound my phone number to the new prescription (bc I had a previous account) which made my deadname come up during checkout. So maybe I won't have any more issues moving forward...idk.

I've been transitioning for about 3.5 years now (in T for about 2.5), and one of the biggest things that got me misgendered were my eyebrows. I used to be super into makeup and tweezed my brows a lot, causing them to become permanently feminine shaped.

So my solution was using a microbrow pencil to masculinize them...pretty much every day for 2 years. Since I was good at makeup for so long, I realized that I could make them look natural. It actually was a huge help once I started it, bc back then people seemed to rely on my eyebrows as a major focal point to decide what they thought my gender was.

Well, I haven't been misgendered in a while and I now have a goatee. Among many other changes. I'm also only a couple of weeks from top surgery, so I decided to rip this bandage off at the same time as my tits and go to work with my natural eyebrows.

And guess what? Only one person seemed to notice. She glanced at my eyebrows a second time and that was it. NOBODY else stared or even cared. Not even my work friends. It feels so nice to not have to worry about this every morning now. And I haven't been misgendered since I stopped filling them in, either.

T has also grown back some of the "permanently" lost eyebrow hairs. And although it isn't many, I think it does help them look a bit less feminine.

Testosterone takes time, but once it hits, it really hits! And this felt huge for me, but it's made me realize how unobservant most people actually are. 99% of the time people are not criticizing your appearance like you are.

I have top surgery in 2 weeks, finally.

I've been on a waitlist for 1.5 years and the whole time, I've been having bad surgery anxiety. It got REALLY bad when my date was confirmed in May.

But I've been going through this sub, educating myself about potential complications and how they're treated (like wound dehiscence, hematomas, seromas, etc). I'm still really freaked out by dehiscence bc I also have a big fear of infection (I have had an infection before that the doctor didn't listen to me about and I have scarring on my abdomen from it). So having an open wound of any kind is terrifying to me.

But my surgeon has very good reviews so I'm reminding myself that he isn't the same doctor as the one who ignored me. And that I will eventually be ok even if I do have complications. I appreciate everyone who posts their experiences or answers questions!

I'm trying to focus on celebrating my first Halloween titless by maybe showing off my chest in an outfit, and that's helping too lol.

Anyways, I'll be on here sharing my healing journey and asking for help if I need it!

This happened last weekend but I forgot to post it here!

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Spent the day with friends going to the state pride festival and an afterparty that ended with everyone getting kicked out, but it was still fun lol.

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Ended up bar crawling in the downtown "gayborhood" and have never been in a more packed place than this one bar's dance room. Ended up tapping out after the first bar so I guess I technically didn't crawl. I ended up resting in a trans friend's car while everyone else but us kept partying.

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We actually got in for free because the front security knows the place where a bunch of us work! So that was awesome.

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Overall I had a great day. I don't think gay bars are really for me because I highly suspect that I'm neurodivergent and easily get overwhelmed in that kind of setting. And I'm personally not ready for attempting hookup culture here anyway, bc I do still live in a red state and I was warned by a trans woman friend that the gay bar regulars are more transphobic here than others states she's been to. But I'm very glad that I decided to go and experience it tho, it was lovely to be surrounded by other queer people all day. And I felt a little more connected to all of our history after experiencing it.

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It was also a nice distraction from my anxiety over top surgery that's coming up in just under 3 weeks. Saw a lot of people baring their top scars at the pride festival and afterparty so that was fucking awesome and made me feel less anxious.

Mine is that I've inexplicably grown to love hot sauce since I started T about 2 years ago. I don't actually think it's related, but I joke that it is bc my brother was cis and he put hot sauce on almost everything lol.

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I used to be a total weenie when it came to spicy food but now I love it! I'd say my tolerance is still pretty low tho.

EDIT: I'd like to add that I'm getting a lot of dark shoulder hair growing in recently, so I may be slowly transitioning into a werewolf...

Mine is that I've inexplicably grown to love hot sauce since I started T about 2 years ago. I don't actually think it's related, but I joke that it is bc my brother was cis and he put hot sauce on almost everything lol.

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I used to be a total weenie when it came to spicy food but now I love it! I'd say my tolerance is still pretty low tho.

Spent the day with friends going to the state pride festival and an afterparty that ended with everyone getting kicked out, but it was still fun lol.

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Ended up bar crawling and have never been in a more packed place than this one bar's dance room. Ended up tapping out after the first bar so I guess I technically didn't crawl. Now I'm resting in a trans friend's car while everyone else keeps partying.

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BUT I actually got in for free because the front security knows the place where a bunch of us work! So that was awesome.

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Overall had a great day. I don't think gay bars are really for me because I highly suspect that I'm neurodivergent and easily get overwhelmed in that kind of setting. Very glad that I decided to go and experience it tho, it was lovely to be surrounded by other queer people all day. And I felt more connected to all of our history after experiencing it.

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It was also a nice distraction from my anxiety over top surgery that's coming up in just under a month. Saw a LOT of people baring their top scars at the pride festival and afterparty so that was fucking awesome and made me feel less anxious!