r/gaytransguys

So I posted here a bit ago that I've been seeing my cis gay friend and wanted to share with y'all that he is officially my boyfriend 😊

To set the scene: we were watching fireworks from my backyard, he was holding me from behind and I was laying back against his chest. We had been swimming all day so we were so tired but still warm and happy. The fireworks had just started and I was yapping about how I prefer the sparkly gold ones over the big multicolored ones.

He put on this really romantic song with lyrics like "will you be my one and only" and was quiet for a bit while I yapped. I noted the lyrics bc but he's the type that listens to the beat, rather than lyrics, so I didn't think much of it. The song played a few times but he loves having songs on repeat so, again, I didn't think anything of it. It played for a third time and I think he finally realized that I didn't understand what he was doing 😆 so when a natural silence settled, he whispered "will you be my boyfriend?" in my ear. I genuinely almost screamed because I cannot and will not ever contain my feelings lol. I said yes, of course, because I like this man SO MUCH.

We cuddled for a while longer and he took some pictures of us while we did so. Eventually, we were getting kinda horny (ofc) and went to my bedroom. He was grabbing some things so I ran around looking for all my candles and lit them. Then we cuddled for a bit while I stroked his dick. I asked if I could suck him off for a while before he fucked me. He obliged hehe. He has such a nice dick. Then I was riding him for a bit while he fucked up into me but eventually we were both really tired.

I laid down next to him and we jerked off together for a bit with our legs intertwined and both came within a few minutes of each other. Ngl yall, I have been seeing a trend that the times I suck him off, I have an easier time orgasming than when I don't suck him off. I am truly and completely in love with sucking cock, apparently! But anywho, we cuddled again for a while longer and yapped about our special interests before he went home to sleep.

Truly an excellent night and possibly the most romantic evening of my life 😊

I have so much FOMO because everyone and their moms (their literal mothers, the woman that birthed them) have seen Heated Rivalry. I want to watch it so damn bad, but I’ve only been able to watch it in tiny increments, like maybe a quarter of an episode. Then, it becomes too much and I stop watching. Does it ever get easier? I’ve stopped consuming almost all mlm media ever since my dysphoria got 200x worse. I feel like when I was younger I consumed that type of media to cope with dysphoria, but now I can’t even go near it and I hate that I can’t enjoy something that I know I’d absolutely adore if I was born AMAB.

Even when I’m scrolling on TikTok, if I get a reel on my for you page that mentions Heated Rivalry or any of the actors that played in it, I scroll past it so quick.

Does it ever get better? I’m just posting this because I’m frustrated. I wanna watch this show so damn bad, and I literally have the free will to turn it on and watch it till the end. I have the free will to go to the bookstore and buy all the books. But it’s like my brain is stopping me, screaming at me and telling me it hurts too much. I have so much goddamn FOMO seeing everyone celebrate this show. I feel like Squidward watching everyone have fun outside while he’s stuck in his house, miserable. Everyone is celebrating the queerness of the show, and I wanna celebrate with them, goddamn it. :(

Hey all, just curious if anyone has had better experiences on grindr or sniffies? Open to other app recommendations too.

TW: bottom dysphoria

I used to say it myself, because I was too prudish to say the word “penis”. But over time, after my egg fully cracked, I get dysphoric as hell every time someone refers to natal penis as “the real thing”, especially when cis people say it in comparison to strap.

I hate bottoming too, so I just get so sick to my stomach sometimes that many people only see value in me because of genitals I don’t even want.

The last time I cried about my bottom dysphoria on Reddit, it was before I realized I was trans. I went onto the pegging subreddits and tried to communicate my dysphoria before I even realized it was dysphoria. So I got a bunch of straight men telling me “I don’t mind the strap because women have boobs, and men don’t, so that’s why I don’t mind the strap not being the real thing!” And it was framed as a positive, but to me, it made me so sick to my stomach I cried about it for weeks, because I don’t want to be valued for boobs.

Edit: natal penis is a better way to describe it. I realize cis penis is too limiting of a term to use, because not all people that have one are cis.

Sorry I just need to vent...

I used Grindr and I made it fucking clear that I'm a trans man on my profile.

Profil name had 🏳️‍⚧️♂️ in it.

Description had "trans man" in it and I even added "top and bottom post-op, nothing female anymore. Only sodomy".

Sex : male, trans male

Pronouns : he/him

I can't count the fucking number of guys talking to me like I'm a trans girl or asking if I have a pussy to fuck and the worst when seeing my bulge or my dick ? Telling me I'm not trans and just a liar.

I'm so tired of this shit, transmen can have dicks. Fuck it, fuck those pricks.

And thanks to all respectful guys that talked with me. Some were really curious about my transition and my surgeries and some didn't know it was possible or never saw a phallo. I don't mind explaining everything or showing my dick when it's asked with respect.

At a bar. I just spent the last 45 mins talking to a guy. He asked for my Insta when he left, but I said no because my account is incredibly personal. I'm literally just going out to make out with people and I don't want to invite anyone into my personal life like that.

I was sitting alone, and he just came and sat next to me and I struck up a conversation. He left to get a drink and asked if I'd still be there when I get back. I wanted to say, "I will if you want me to be," but instead I just said maybe. He came back and we chatted some more. I did ask if he was coming to meet someone and he said he didn't want the hassle of going to someone else's place but didn't say he was opposed to taking someone home.

He showed me some of his tattoos, including one on his chest, and I wanted to ask (emphasis on ask) if I could touch one on his leg, but I felt like that would be too much. All in all, I thought it would just be a fun opportunity to make out with someone, but I was afraid of coming off as creepy, especially since I don't really pass all too well. Still, while I don't think either of us was really "dying" to be together, and he def wasn't boyfriend material, I'm sure we both would have been down for at least something.

Thoughts? This is going to haunt me for a minute. I "knew" I was going to meet someone tonight, and I think I blew it waiting for him to make a move.

My boyfriend is cis and I am trans. We're both 23 and have been together for a year. He has expressed interest in bottoming for me since we got together. I am his first sexual relationship (he hasn't had sex with anyone else before me), so keep that in mind while reading. Nearly every time we have sex, he tops me, which we both are comfortable and satisfied with. He hasn't said anything about wanting to bottom recently, but I've only topped him a few times, and all of those times were just... not it.

I enjoy topping him, in theory. But every time I do, I just feel like I'm bad at it. Like, pathetic and awkward levels of bad. I've tried talking to my boyfriend about it, but it feels like talking to a wall. Part of the problem is that the idea of using a strap on gives me dysphoria to the point where I can't even shop for strap ons online without getting insane bottom dysphoria. I don't even have bottom dysphoria outside of sex with him, so when it hits, I don't know how to cope. I know we don't NEED a strap on to have an enjoyable time, but when we do anything else, neither of us seem satisfied. Personally, I just get frustrated--I want to penetrate him myself, but I can't. The idea of a strap just feels like reinforcing the fact that I don't have a penis. Because of this, we haven't used a strap on yet, but we're planning on getting one soon since we're going on vacation.

I'm trying to find ways to feel confident about it in case it turns out I really can't use a strap on. Riding him doesn't work well either, and when I've power bottomed, he flips the script and takes control instead after a while. I've tried asking him what he wants me to do, to which the answer is ALWAYS "whatever you want to do" or "I don't know." I know that the lack of communication on his part is a driving factor in my lack of confidence, but I'm getting to the point where I'm going to stop asking. I've asked broad and specific questions and they all get the same result.

I'm just confused. I'm fine bottoming 100% of the time. I don't mind the idea of topping, and if he wants me to do it, I will. But HE'S the one who expressed interest in it first, so I expected him to at least have an IDEA of what he wants me to do to him. He also told me (after I asked) that he would like to be more kinky than vanilla, but again, told me to try whatever kinks I wanted to try. I'm not doing because a lot of kinks I have tried while topping him, he ended up not being into. I'm into rougher kinks, so I don't think he would enjoy a lot of it. The few times I have tried rougher stuff (with prior consent), he didn't like it. Some of it even became limits for him.

I'm so frustrated. I really do WANT to top him, I want him to be able to experience that if he wants to. But between his lack of communication and my bottom dysphoria, I just feel disappointed and mad at myself that I can't figure this out for us. Being cis, he doesn't understand my dysphoria very well, and since bottom dysphoria is somewhat new to me, I'm not very good at explaining it to him.

Sorry if this is long, I'm frustrated at looking at advice articles for cis gay men that don't apply to me and my situation.

So my partner (23nb) my roommate (20nb) and I (20m) were on the way to pick up some fast food the other night and I had mentioned how I don’t have bottom dysphoria (that i notice anyway) but i have rlly bad penis envy. I would be completely fine if i never got bottom surgery it affects my daily life none and i would not be upset by the fact, but having a penis would be so gender affirming for me. I want to be able to stand when i piss or get a hardon. I get major gender envy from cis femboy for example.

After saying this my partner brought up the fact that I’m a bottom and my roommate had made a joke about if i got a penis i wouldn’t actually use it. After them saying this my partner kind of agreed and told me i shouldn’t get a dick if i’m not even gonna use it. after i argued that I would use it and I actually do get the urge to top sometimes im just insecure and overthink everything, topping ends up overwhelming me. They just kept kinda laughing and telling me that I was a bottom

My partner is a switch and they sometimes bring up how they wished they had someone to dominate them because they sometimes wanna bottom and i totally get that but now feel really insecure for being a bottom and feel like i shouldn’t be allowed to have a penis because i’m not even gonna fuck anybody with it. And some days feel like i’m not even a real man i just present masculinely. i still act feminine and follow my feminine roots but that’s just bc that’s who I am i don’t want to change my personality to fit in.

I don’t know what to do, i haven’t told them what they said upset me but it’s all i’ve been able to think about since the conversation happened.

EDIT: A lot of people have seemed to think that my partner thinks you can’t bottom w a penis. They are amab and a switch ofc they know you can bottom with one, they used to bottom a lot more when they were younger. They also do support me and respect me, i love my partner v much and we both support each others transitions and other things in life. I personally think it was a joke brought up by my roommate that my partner took a little too far. Me and them have talked and they have apologized stating that’s not the way they meant it but they’re going to not make jokes about my transition anymore.

I’ve been with a woman and a trans man (no bottom surgery) but never with a cis man before. I was wondering if it’s really different? If a penis is very different than a strap for example. If cis men are very different in bed compared to trans men? I’m curious to try but I’m a bit scared.

I'm 21FTM trying to find another trans guy for something casual, maybe more if we're both feeling it. I try to get out there irl and go queer/hobby related events, but I want to try apps as well. What apps have a decent trans male population? I use Grindr, but because of their stupid paywall I pretty much never see other trans men. Tinder? Hinge? Secret third thing? Idk let me know! Thanks 👍

im tired of being single so i set up a tinder account and put my settings as ‘man only interest in men’, but then i selected the option to have ‘trans man’ visible on my profile so that people know right off the bat im ftm. i got two matches in a week. literally only two. i ended up deleting my account because i felt terrible, and then a few weeks later i remade it, but this time i didn’t disclose that im trans. i got 89 likes in the space of a day. im very open about the fact im trans, i don’t want to be ‘stealth’, i like being trans and im proud of it. but to see so clearly that all of these guys were only interested in me when they didn’t know i was trans is making me feel like no one will ever want to date me. is this normal/common? i didn’t realise cis men were so disinterested in trans guys until i started using apps like this. is the real life dating scene like this, or did i just get unlucky with tinder?

Ok I'm gonna preface this by saying I'm talking about cis guys. Trans guys are never out of the question for me but this post will be about cis men.

I've been lurking and talking to people on various apps (mainly grindr) but not only is everything on pretty much all of these apps LOCKED BEHIND A FUCKING PAYWALL!!!!! but the dudes on there are never attracted to me.
Maybe it's the area I live in but I've tried to find people further away.

The issue is that
nobody seems to be attracted to me. For context, I am pre surgery but 3 years on testosterone. So basically i'm hairy as shit (including face,) chubby, but I have got some knockers alright!
I've tried to look for bi dudes but even then, they usually ask for nsfw pics first, and then after I send my face I get fucking blocked.

Im assuming they expect me to be feminine and shit bc I have boobs and then they see that my face is far from and get uninterested. Which I guess I understand? But it's just painful to feel so unattractive.

My question is basically where the hell do I find cis guys who are actually fucking attracted to me? While simultaneously making sure I'm not being fetishized??? I am genuinely losing my mind I need dick. I am experiencing true desperation.

Admittedly, I'm not very old. I live in a small town. But I'm thinking maybe once I move for college i'll have better luck going out in the real world and meeting people there lol. Im just, once again, worried nobody will think I'm attractive.

Any advice is welcome!

i see a lot of people online talk about the furry community (or at least the cis gay men in it) being very transphobic and misogynistic. hearing this is a big reason why i get anxious or jealous going to cons or looking at AD twitters in the fandom. i hear this kind of thing about the gay male community as a whole but i honestly can’t tell if it’s just online fearmongering and trolls or a real, prevalent thing irl.

i know there’s certain subreddits and online spaces that are definitely vitriolic towards trans guys, but again i’m not sure how big of a thing that is irl.

i have a long term partner and if we ever go to kink events or something together i plan to be entirely post-op and stealth so i likely (hopefully) wouldn’t be affected anyways, but i do worry about being in a space where i feel i have to omit stuff about myself in order to fit in, even if i don’t find me being trans to be particularly important in the long run

I just wish I had a dick, everything in my life day to day would be so much fucking easier if I had just been born with a dick and set of balls. But more than anything I would actually be able to date and I would be able to hook up if I wanted, in the last few years I find myself really craving physical intimacy. It just sucks that every time I get talking to a guy and I think he's into me, the moment I tell him I'm trans I get blocked, ghosted, fetishised or they just ask incredibly intrusive questions and have this weird curiosity about me.

Even when I've genuinely come close to being with a guy, I just can't, there's a mental block that stops me because I can't stand the thought of someone touching me in that way. It just feels wrong... there should be something down there and there just isn't. I don't know if I would ever get lower surgery, mentally and physically it just feels like too much for me to go through and wait lists are way too long here anyway, I could never afford it privately either. But packers just don't cut it, I want something I can actually feel that can actually get erect. Even in a daft way I actually wish I could get kicked in the balls, I actually get envious when I see it happen to other guys. It just hurts so much having to look down every day and there's nothing there.

I’m a nonbinary trans masc who is attracted to men and masc people. possible transphobia? I’m sorry in advance, a lot of feelings are coming up and I’m not an eloquent writer as of lately.

So my ex came out to me yesterday as a trans femme. I’m happy for her and wish her nothing but the best. We split a while ago for different reasons but remained friends.

I also found out that another ex may be trans femme. I’m not quite sure but their (sorry I’m not sure of pronouns) profile pictures are suggestive (a kinky hypnosis pic of a girl with red hair, not sure if this was a reference to an anime or game or something). We are no longer close and I don’t feel the need to reach out at the moment.

My current partner is masc nonbinary. The thought did come up what if he also outs as trans femme down the line. I’d be devastated but also be supportive if that were the case.

I think a part of me is really sad cos I saw myself as a gay man all this time even as a closeted/eggy teenager. I’m in my 30s now. I think another part of me is sad because a lot of the close masc/nonbinary people in my life realized they’re femme and are out. and while I am super happy for them, I’m one of two trans mascs in my general friendship groups. I feel so lonely lol even the trans masc support groups around where I live meet just once a month.

Also I have no attraction to women. I thought very briefly when I was still dating. but when I tried to flirt with femmes and women I automatically felt… incompatible and told them I wasn’t interested, then went our own ways. I’m having an sexuality crisis here cos wtf am I if I date men and mascs and some of them are actual eggs? Lmao

So what the hell am I? An egg opener? 😭

It really depends for me, but it happens so often on grindr that a guy has never had sex with a trans guy before. Do you guys ask before hooking up if they've slept with a trans guy? Does it make a difference to you? I often don't like to have to teach a guy when I just want to have a quick hookup, if we're going to date and get to know each other then I don't mind. But when a guy messages on grindr and is like "you'll have to teach me to please you" it kind of turns me off idk. I don't mind being a guy's first sometimes, but other times it's a turn off. How do you all feel about it?

I got my most recent routine STI panel done about two weeks ago, but I talked to someone recently who mentioned swabs, and I've never had swabs done with mine. My doctors have always just ordered blood and urine samples. Do I need to be getting swabbed as well or will the blood and urine samples cover everything?

Hey everyone, I've lurked on here for a while, and I've posted a few times... But today I want to discuss my thoughts on Steamworks in Berkeley, as someone who just went for the first time. I also want to give advice to anyone thinking of going there (though some of the stuff I'll say will probably apply to any gay sauna-esque place).

As far as my time there, it was pretty cool overall. I stayed for longer than I expected, and I spent a lot of the time just wandering the building, staying in my room, or sitting in the hot tub. I did get to interact sexually with someone, but it was a pretty small slice of my time there (though still a neat experience either way).

So, some things I liked:

-The place was pretty big! There were a lot of amenities, and everything seemed well-maintained. There was the hot tub of course, as well as multiple showers, a sauna room, steam room, a gym room, lobby, and more

-The sheer diversity of the people coming in was great. I've been to a similar place before, and there was much less variety in terms of the kinds of people at the other place than what I saw tonight. That could be due to the fact that I went on a theme night tonight, but it was still refreshing to see people of so many ages, body types, etc. There were many other trans guys that I saw, and even a few trans women, which I didn't expect

-The private rooms... I was so glad that I got my own room, since it gave me a place to be alone whenever I needed to be

I did overall enjoy my experience, but there were some things that weren't ideal in my mind:

-It's dark in there! It's hard to see inside the building, since most of the areas are either dimly lit or practically pitch-black. Which if that's your thing, then great, but I prefer having just a bit more lighting so I can actually see what I'm doing. I ended up walking straight into a mirror within a few minutes of showing up, because it was so hard to tell that I was seeing my reflection instead of another guy approaching me 😭

-The music was quite loud. Again, this is some people's thing, but I'd have preferred it to be just a bit quieter, personally

-Getting a room (yes, even the cheapest room option) isn't a guarantee. I had to do a step up from the cheapest option simply because I wanted to make sure that I'd have a room and didn't want to take my chances with the waiting list (and yes, there is a waiting list for rooms if none are available when you want one).

Now I want to get into some tips that helped me, or that will in the future:

-If you have anxiety, definitely try to get a room! It was really soothing for me to have a place where I had true privacy whenever I was feeling overstimulated, and it elevated the experience

-If you're sensitive to loud noise, definitely bring earplugs of some kind. I had mine out for just a few seconds and I could tell that having ear protection made the difference between a loud but manageable night, and a painful one

-If you're self-conscious about your body, then don't feel obligated to be fully naked or towel-only. I went in with underwear, a taped chest, and a skimpy shirt, and nobody batted an eye at me. I also came across other people in underwear, and even a few people in bikinis. You may draw some confused looks if you're spending the whole time in full-on street clothes, but people in underwear and such aren't terribly uncommon from what I saw.

-Adding to my last point, if you're gonna be wearing some clothing the whole time, and you're planning on going into a wet area, then I'd advise bringing "wet" and "dry" clothes. I didn't consider this, so when I got out of the hot tub, I was stuck in wet clothing that made me cold. Next time I'd likely bring two identical pairs of clothes, just so that I have something to wander the building in that isn't sopping wet and freezing while I'm in the "dry" areas

-Bring a water bottle. I didn't know that I was allowed an (empty) bottle, so I left mine in my car the whole time, and found out later from a staff member that I *could have* brought mine in. There are water fountains from what I saw, but I never ended up using them. I opted to buy vending machine water, and it was so expensive that I wish that I would've known that my actual bottle I own was allowed inside

So, that's all I've got for now. Feel free to ask questions, though I can't guarantee that I'll answer (or if I do, then it'll probably be a few days' wait before I reply 😂)