r/gaytransguys

TW: mention of some bottom/dick related dysphoria. NSFW text too.

Hey guys, would love some feedback/advice. I looked through some posts on here about topping and haven't really found what I'm looking for. I'm not looking for practical advice about harnesses or toys and such.

My (cis) fuck buddy and I are going to start exploring me topping. I consider myself vers but I knew that topping as a gay man was going to open up a can of dysphoria worms I was hoping I could keep closed for a little longer. Had a good long cry about it all haha

I really enjoy rimming, I LOVE giving pleasure to my partners, and I especially want to fuck this guy in whatever way he wants. He's so sexy and I'd love to unravel him like that. I just get REALLY fucking sad that I can't fuck him the way he fucks me: I can't feel inside of him, cum inside him, etc etc. For context, I don't feel like since I don't have a cis dick I'm not having gay sex or anything like that, I'm just grieving the physical differences.

He's been an absolute saint in treating my natal dick like any other dick, without any guidance or insistence from me, especially with his dirty talk. I know as we explore me topping I would need to be more explicit and talk to him about my dysphoria and what I need from him to feel good. The issue is that I have no idea what I need + I'm also dreading the emotional aspect layered over everything.

Here's my question: when you're topping, how do your bottoms make you feel affirmed? What makes you feel euphoric? What language have you found works, or doesn't work for you? I know it's all individual trial and error, but having some examples would help both me and him navigate this new thing.

Bonus: any tips for topping with your natal dick would be amazing too since we'll def start off there! Thanks guys

I see posts all the time from very young trans guys starting T who talk about how doing their T shot makes them instantly ravenous for sex.

I have never experienced this but I have a suspicion that it is placebo. There is no way T acts that fast and I don’t think it’s an aphrodisiac.

You do your shot > you feel comforted and masculine > you feel confident > you are able to be horny

Can anyone else back up either side of this? I am curious if cis men also get horny from a T shot.

This week, a mental health professional confirmed to me that I'm on the autism spectrum. Which explains a heeelllll of a lot in my life. Including how extremely uncomfortable I find eye contact.

You can guess why this is a problem in this context...I very rarely make prolonged eye contact even with men I think are hot. If I do manage it, I can't follow up on flirting bc intimate one-on-one settings are the most difficult for me to navigate. People pretty much always assume I'm not interested, or I guess think I'm not normal enough to keep interacting with.

It makes a lot of sense now that my two exes were both neurodivergent and our relationships didn't start in conventional ways, lol. But ugh. Now I'm feeling bummed bc I struggle to do what's generally expected to flirt in the gay community. I guess it doesn't matter much bc I am also repulsed and overstimulated by a lot of sensations during sex anyway, so it's not like I'm having hookups.

But I just feel more alienated from the community now, on top of feeling that way since I'm trans.

the stars have seemed to have aligned to look like i have a hookup in the cards for me soon, but i realized.... idk what to prepare for? like obviously sex and whatever, but is there anything to really expect or be aware of?

i dont shave and i definitely wont for a hookup, i figured just a trim is needed but im really at a loss with some frustration around body hair growth. i love being hairy and the hair thats coming in, but right above my ass theres a patch of hair ONLY ONE SIDE OF MY ASS AND LOWERBACK.

i have very dark and thick body hair so it literally is visibly darker and i just wonder if i should shave that or find some way to make this guy aware of it. im already planning to make it clear i dont really take my shirt off during sex, so maybe i can add it to that conversation?

and lastly is there anything i can eat like pineapple or cranberry juice for feeling like i could be more tasty to go down on? i know guys tend to like the T taste on bottom growth but still just wondering if yall have go tos or whatever.

thanks in advance for any advice

I’m dysphoric about my fat ass and my thick thighs, I’ve started going back to the gym for three days a week (tattoo was healing). I heard about an X taper but I really want a v taper cause o don’t like how I look on the side. I feel like I would be happier with my body if I didn’t look so curvy.

Is it generally the move to let people know I’m a virgin before I meet up with them? I feel like it’s kinda a mood killer but I don’t know if it’s important. Clearly I’ll perform like somebody who’s never sd but I don’t know if it’s something I need to say or the other person would appreciate hearing from me??

I want to take pictures of my t dick for a boy, what are some sexy ways I could do that? I’m new to this and honestly don’t really wanna put in that much effort so low effort snap and go positions would be best. thx guys !!

Basically the title. I realised that after multiple bad encounters that having sex is not worth my self respect. I kept meeting up with assholes and weirdos because I was horny and let them treat me so shitty.

I will miss the casual sex but it's time to stop bad habits.

I have now started putting I only do assplay when bottoming in my bio. I have gotten two men that have said they don’t do anal which is kind of crazy considering the app we’re on has more cis men on it. So you were mainly gonna find anal anyway but I digress. The first wasted his own time chatting with me before I blocked him when he mentioned he doesn’t do anal. The other guy stated he doesn’t do anal to begin with, but then that means you read my bio so obviously nothing is going to happen here. I find it laughable, has this happened to any of y’all or something similar?

Edit: I’m aware of the different types of sex gay men can prefer. They were both tops and for some reason wanted to inform me they don’t do anal even though I state I only do it

I'm a 24 year old trans man in London, recently looking into trying out a couple of gay saunas. I'm pretty small but toned, post top surgery and a decent amount of face scruff, plus more chest/body hair than a lot of cis dudes, and pretty much pass as a raver twink type dude.

I'm a little nervous about how I'll be recieved in general, I'm not the most experienced guy as I've recently moved from a small rural town. I'm thinking of checking out Steamworks and Pleasuredrome, and am aware they are labelled as trans inclusive spaces.

I am absolutely not looking to make anyone uncomfortable and just want to have consensual fun with dudes who might be into me, what would you recommend for a first timer?

(I know how to take polite rejection and move on, as well as when someone isn't interested, so this shouldn't be an issue)

Thanks!

A side is by definition a gay guy who doesn't do anal penetration, so neither top nor bottom... Not what about us gay t guys with limited bottom dysphoria who have another option?

I have not yet tried to date cis gay guys but if I were to start I wonder if side would bring across what I mean?

Thoughts?

Personally I'm not, that's how. I just can't imagine there's anyone on the apps around here (the woods, northeast US) because there's nobody around here IRL... unless there's like a vast population of gay forest yetis that I haven't noticed yet.

Are there any apps worth trying? Are you traveling to queer events/spaces in larger cities? Were you actually able to meet people in your area organically/offline?

And no, I am not going to *move* to a city, I'd rather die. Alone! This gay forest yeti is in it to win it!

Anything guys say on the apps that make you die inside? Instant blocks? I have a couple words and phrases that just make me so say no (personally). Maybe I’m crazy but when I’m messaged ‘yummy’ or ‘bussy’ - fellas I just can’t.

Hi guys, I’m just wondering if anyone knows a good dating app that’s actually for trans people? Every app I find is just for all queer people, which is totally cool, I’m just really struggling to find trans people to connect with and possibly date 😭 and ever since I had T4T nothing compares 🥲 and i longggg for friendships/relationships with other trans people; please send help 🙏 also if you happen to live in WA in the general Seattle/Tacoma area hmu if u want :) (also I’m bi and 21 yrs old)

Im really tryna figure out where the bottoms at
Been on grinder for a little all just bs and want to talk forever . Then it’s the whole they think all transmen bottom I do not which is always the problem.

I’m guessing I’m asking where do you find the men that’s not threaten by my masculinity

Wasnt really sure what to tag this as

But when it comes to trans night's at bars/clubs what have your experience been?

I know for example that club cobra has a trans night called transfix. I've thought about going but I guess I'm worried about it being not a good environment still or something. If anyone has gone lmk :) in LA btw. I don't know of many other bars or clubs with a similar thing in the area, so if you do also open to recommendations

Also just in general at bars, what do ya'll do if you dont pass? I doubt I'd be seen as a random straight woman, but I could easily be mistaken as an androgynous lesbian. Should I like....wear a pronoun pin idk

should i get a plan b? reddit removed my post not entirely sure why? so reposting. third time CW: NSFW, mentions of past SA experiences and a current sexual encounter. overall in a brain fog & lost on where to go.

kind of a dumb question i know but i never been in this situation before. its my first experience with grindr. while i’ve had random hookups its always been something on the spot in person and i’d always be adamant about pulling out. i typically date and have sex with cis women anyway(although i’ve had a handful of sexual partners who were male in the past, like hookups. some regretful some when manic or using sex as an escape or form of sh because of how bad my dysphoria is & different things going on in my life. plus i always viewed myself as mostly straight.) i have no label really, i am just me and i like who i like. i’ve been exploring my sexuality more though and just got out of a long term relationship and idk man idk.

anyway i met up with someone last night off of grindr for the first time i was so nervous but they quickly helped me feel comfortable and we had a great time. especially because we were t4t and that took a lot of the discomfort off of my shoulders that i’ve had in the past with cis men & women honestly. long story short they came inside me twice, which i said i was okay with when they asked if i had a breeding kink beforehand. i kind of agreed to it technically i said i’d be into it i just am not on birth control and am not ready for anal lol. idk i haven’t been in the best mindset and now i’m kind of regretting allowing them to fuck me raw and cum in me. (she uses she/they pronouns btw so idk if this is the right sub for this since it was t4t & she is nonbinary. just posting here because it was originally meant to be a gay hookup).

i didn’t really feel or know she came in me but she said yes she did twice, every guy i’ve ever been with pulled out (or i at least think so..) have you guys ever been in this situation & skipped the plan b? how long do i have before i have to take it before its too late? & should i make them pull out next time?.. is plan b close to 100% affective? if we go at it again tonight should i wait to take the plan b? should i have some on hand for experiences like this lol? like what do you guys do help pls so i can stop spiraling. ik obviously you guys wouldn’t know about our fertility and shit like that so maybe this whole post is dumb but i am just looking for a little advice and reassurance i guess since i’ve never been in this situation before. maybe i’ve been too reckless

i know i took the risk, and i honestly never have used condoms in the past and i recognize that is very stupid and irresponsible. well besides once in a situation where it wasn’t consensual at all ironically.

edit: a few typos

edit 2: i took the pill. thank you for all the advice and for reading my spiraling mess of thoughts. appreciate you all.

I wasn’t sure what flair to pick. I was wondering if any discord servers were started or already exist for gay trans men? I am currently trying to get more involved with the community and would like to make some friend. I know there was a post about looking for one a while ago and I wasn’t sure if there was an update? If there isn’t one might be interested in making one myself if there is enough interest? I also just got back to work so it might be awhile before I do.

While I have managed to make friends in the local community I’ve been still wanting to branch out more and meet people outside of that. For years most of my friends were online and while that is a welcome change to have real life friends. I still find myself feeling lonely and wishing I knew more people in my specific community or even in the gay community. I just find that with everything going on community is so important right now. I would also be open to queer or gay men’s discord servers as long as they are trans friendly. I tend to do better with smaller servers vs larger ones but would be open to checking out larger servers. Thanks for taking the time to read this!

should i get a plan b? reddit removed my post not entirely sure why? so reposting. CW: NSFW, mentions of past SA experiences and a current sexual encounter. overall in a brain fog & lost on where to go.

kind of a dumb question i know but i never been in this situation before. its my first experiences with grindr. while i’ve had random hookups its always been something on the spot in person and i’d always be adamant about pulling out. i typically date and have sex with cis women anyway(although i’ve had a handful of sexual partners who were male in the past, like hookups. some regretful some when manic or using sex as an escape or form of sh because of how bad my dysphoria is & different things going on in my life. plus i always viewed myself as mostly straight.) i have no label really, i am just me and i like who i like. i’ve been exploring my sexuality more though and just got out of a long term relationship and idk man idk.

anyway i met up with someone last night off of grindr for the first time i was so nervous but they quickly helped me feel comfortable and we had a great time. especially because we were t4t and that took a lot of the discomfort off of my shoulders that i’ve had in the past with cis men & women honestly. long story short they came inside me twice, which i said i was okay with when they asked if i had a breeding kink beforehand. i kind of agreed to it technically i said i’d be into it i just am not on birth control and am not ready for anal lol. idk i haven’t been in the best mindset and now i’m kind of regretting allowing them to fuck me raw and cum in me. (she uses she/they pronouns btw so idk if this is the right sub for this since it was t4t & she is nonbinary. just posting here because it was originally meant to be a gay hookup).

i didn’t really feel or know she came in me but she said yes she did twice, every guy i’ve ever been with pulled out (or i at least think so..) have you guys ever been in this situation & skipped the plan b? how long do i have before i have to take it before its too late? & should i make them pull out next time?.. is plan b close to 100% affective? if we go at it again tonight should i wait to take the plan b? should i have some on hand for experiences like this lol? like what do you guys do help pls so i can stop spiraling. ik obviously you guys wouldn’t know about our fertility and shit like that so maybe this whole post is dumb but i am just looking for a little advice and reassurance i guess since i’ve never been in this situation before. maybe i’ve been to reckless

i know i took the risk, and i honestly never have used condoms in the past and i recognize that is very stupid and irresponsible. well besides once in a situation where it wasn’t consensual at all ironically.