r/FTMOver30

I'm a year and a few months on T but still dress fem a lot of the time for multiple reasons, including needing to professional in clothes I'm used to wearing/not having the budget for a wardrobe overhaul. I've lost a lot of my old figure, but depending on what I wear, you can still see it.

I was not like a super attractive woman, but I looked good enough that sometimes strangers would tell me I'm pretty. I never disliked my old looks, but once I lost a lot of weight I couldn't stop daydreaming about looking and sounding more masc, and years later I finally went for it.

I don't think my relationship with my femme body is/was healthy. I see it as useful, not something that really belongs to me. I struggle with wanting to be attractive to be liked or for approval. Sometimes I smile when I see my hourglass figure in the mirror when I wear certain clothes because it makes me feel attractive to the world, but when I take off my clothes and see myself all hairy and more chubby than I was, or when I wear my one pair of men's cut jeans and see that my hips are basically gone, I feel happy. Maybe a bit self con because I have a bigger belly, but still happy.

But people liked girl figure and girl voice. I knew how to act like a girl so that people were nice to me, and how to be attractive so that people were nice to me. Now I feel like I don't know how to be, and I feel like I need to be femme to be pretty and soft and liked. Anyone else dealt with this?

I haven’t been able to be on T for a while, but I’m finally back in a position to get back on it. Unfortunately, I live in TN. Is using folx a good way to get around having patient data submitted to the government? Or do any guys in TN (especially middle TN, I’m just outside Nashville) know the best route to choose?

Long story short, I was diagnosed late on everything (expect MS), and learning that I have gender dysphoria and am probably trans, was the latest "surprise"... It's actually the least surprising thing when it finally "clicks".

One big problem of late autism diagnosis is never having a clue about masking or how to turn it off. Masks are temporary, and it took me decades to realise that my whole persona has completely changed without me noticing it happening. Shortly after, I learned that this was explained by autistic masking.

So my question is precisely... How did you know that you were really trans and not masking? I don't know if this is just another mask to focus my attention on and hide behind, even if it feels very real..

Hi All,

I am NB trans masc in my early forties, recently had my egg cracked, and looking for other trans friends around my age to chat with. Please drop a message below or DM and say hi 👋 (and if there are any Australians around - that would be extra special!)

Thanks very much, appreciate the support xx

On the phone, english is my second language.

I've been om T for almost 3 years and are generally happy with my results, I feel much better mentally and pass most of the time. I've never really liked my voice, but it never felt like a super big problem.

Earlier this week me and my husband where smoking some weed and talking nonsens, and suddenly I felt a viceral reaction to hearing my own voice, that I never felt before. I had to take a moment and my husband that I couldn't talk due to dysphoria. I chalked it up to the weed and we ended the night waching a movie.

But the issue is that the voice dysphoria is still there. I feel such a shame and anxiety opening my mouth, especially talking to other men.

I just stopped therapy(my alotted meetings ran out) and I really feel a would like to talk this through with my therapist. Maybe I'm extra sensitive right now because my therapy ended, a lot of the work have was about me being unable to express my needs and wants and not feeling worthy doing it. So it could be a case of cosmic humor that I now feel so uncomfortable with my own voice.

Going to private therapy or a voice coach is not doable economically, and I know I just have to deal with it until I've gotten my official diagnosis. Wich will take at least 1,5 year at this point.

Maybe I just needed to vent a bit, but if anyone want feel free to hit me with advice om hove to handle this.

I just want to say... the body hair!!!! So euphoric but really??? I feel like a gorilla. My chest, my back, my frigging ass... I just can't.

Thats all, just needed to get that out.

I started taking T in September and everything had been going seemingly well. Unfortunately, I discovered a lump in my breast and have now officially been diagnosed with breast cancer. My surgeon originally advised me to stop testosterone, but because my cancer is triple negative, the oncologist said there should be no risk with continuing.

Honestly, I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed with the idea of gender transition at the same time as chemotherapy. That is a lot of change for my body to go through and I’m not sure how the chemo and T will affect each other.

I’m just wondering if anyone else has experienced transitioning and taking HRT while receiving cancer treatment. How were you affected physically and emotionally? Do you have any advice for dealing with these two major life changes at once?

Hey guys I'm about to turn 30 and I don't know what I want to do for my 30th! My only idea is maybe camping but I don't know some of my friends are not very outdoorsy. What did you do or wish you did for your 30th? Or any really cool birthday party ideas you have really!

Today is the one year anniversary of my egg breaking and this year has probably been the best year of my life.

So something a little different this time - if you've recently "hatched" (realized) or you've been out and proud for a long time what are some of the joys that happened during your early transition or joys that transitioning has brought you.

❤️

I originally got a gender dysphoria diagnosis and started full dose T when I was 23. I did T for about 10 months then stopped because I hadn’t properly come out and it was creating too much stress. Eventually I completely crashed out and decided transition wasn’t worth it.

I’m now 34 and am married to a cishet man and we have a 5 year old daughter. When we got married I thought I was in a place where I felt comfortable as a female presenting bisexual with a non-binary gender I could identify with internally.

But over the past few years, especially with pregnancy, the dysphoria has come back hard. Last year it got so bad that I was physically unable to eat for two weeks. This is where I called it and went back to gender therapy. I’m now out to my husband as non-binary and am microdosing T.

Problem is that I’ve come to the conclusion I would be happier living as a man. I watch videos of trans men living happy lives and I desperately want the same thing, but I also know the implications of pursuing that now are far different with a husband and child. I’m pretty sure about my identity but I have no idea if I have it in me to fully pursue it.

For anyone who transitioned post marriage and kids, particularly to a cishet man, how did that conversation go? How have you navigated life during/post transition?

I’m feeling pretty overwhelmed right now and the uncertainty is terrifying. Any insight or advice would be really helpful.

I’m a trans guy in my 30s and I’m currently going through a relationship crisis after my girlfriend admitted she had an affair.

We’ve built a whole life together (routines, family connections, shared history, emotional intimacy) but the erotic/sexual side of our relationship has been gone for about two years. We’re trying to understand whether this is something we can stay with or whether we’ve slowly become more like companions than partners.

What’s hitting me hardest right now is fear.

I’m terrified that if we break up, I’ll never find this kind of connection again as a trans man. My brain keeps telling me:
“What if this was my only chance to be fully loved, accepted, and understood?”

I know that probably sounds dramatic, but right now it feels very real.

I’ve been on T for almost 2 years, and transitioning changed me a lot emotionally, physically, and relationally. Part of me is scared of starting over, having to explain myself again, being vulnerable again, and wondering whether someone could truly desire me long term.

I guess I’m looking for:
- people who went through something similar,
- stories from trans guys who rebuilt their life after a breakup,
- advice on how to survive the shock of betrayal,
- or honestly just reassurance that life doesn’t end here.

Would really appreciate hearing from anyone who relates.

How did you interpret those experiences at the time, and what made you change your interpretation? And, how did you stop second-guessing yourself?

I'm 30, I've been questioning my gender on and off for years. I recently came out semi-publicly as nonbinary and started T. It feels right, but I can't shake the feeling that if it was real, I would have *known* sooner. When I think back to when I was younger, there's a lot of things that suddenly make sense in a transmasc context, but many others that don't. For example, I used to present very fem and I've never had dysphoria focused on my body. I'm still exploring, so I'd love to get some insight from people who have been in the same position, especially since I don't know any trans men/transmascs I could talk to about this.

I don’t think I’m alone in this, but I feel pretty isolated at this point. I hit 10 years of being out and on T this Spring, and frankly, I am really tired of…not having community or feeling like I belong. Of doing this alone.

Being trans is exhausting. Don’t get me wrong, it’s been a true gift to live authentically for a decade and counting. I’m just feeling like all the little things add up and have become burdensome to me.

Things like not being able to update my name and marker, having to donate blood for T, needle phobia (tried gel, didn’t work well), no trans friends even tho I live in a progressive city…I typically feel left out of queer groups bc of my passing privilege and cis straight facing relationship.

Idk, maybe I just need to vent into the void. Or maybe there’s someone else here that gets what I mean…? Thank you all the same for being here.

Really just looking to hear other people's experience and have a bit of a vent.

I'm like a semipassing transman/non-binary. I present pretty binary but actually identify as non-binary. I get pretty uncomfortable when people assume I'm a straight cis guy, it's also really important to my partner that we are seen as a queer family (also to me)

I am feeling so much pressure to go stealth at work. I feel like I get passed over for promotions because I'm seen as more challenging or demanding when I do this like just share my pronouns. I used to work in DFV and famiky support and I really don't get any work in that space anymore, which I largely understand but also find frustrating.

I get scapegoated and silently othered a lot. I'm really not talking about being trans all the time, but they recently brought in a new payroll system that deadnamed me to all staff very publicly, which was an awful experience. The response has been that I need thicker skin. I get blammed for making them feel bad when I raise things.

I recently came across some client work where we had accidentally been supporting conversion therapy. It was a lack of knowledge issue. I just appropriatly raised the legal context in my country (it's illegal) and what could have been more appropriate. The political fall out of that was ridiculous, but I was insanely scapegoated and accused of going above my role as if it benefited me to speak up. It absolutely fucking did not and came at personal cost, it just makes me so fucking sad when the youth service I work in engaged in harmful practices. It also was quite literally my role to review counselling sessions that contained risk.

I have great relationships with the people I actually work with. I consistently get feedback that I am working at a higher skill level and knowledge level than my role and work has kind of exploited that in the past by asking me to consult on issues, support training and development of new staff. I mostly don't do that stuff anymore.

I recently took a new job that I start in a couple of weeks but it's a completely lateral move. I already had to out myself to them on the paperwork and they seem ok about it but I am so frustrated at how hard I have to work to be seen as equal.

Conversations about trans men getting male privileged drive me crazy because I feel like I've gone backwards in so many ways.

I'm just so frustrated and the idea of feeling pressured to be stealth feels in a lot of ways the same as being pretransition.

I’m a trans man dating a cis gay man, and lately I’ve been struggling a lot with feeling sexually “not enough” in our relationship.

We’ve been together about 6 months and overall the relationship actually feels very emotionally secure. We’re both physically affectionate people, he initiates cuddling/touch, calls me handsome/cute, and sometimes initiates sex too. So this isn’t a situation where he’s cold or distant.

But our sex life has definitely slowed down compared to the beginning, and I’ve realized that’s triggered a lot of insecurity in me.

Before me, he had only been with cis men. I’m the first person he’s been with who has a vagina, and even though he identifies fully as gay, my brain keeps spiraling into thoughts like:
- what if he misses cis male bodies
- what if I can’t fully satisfy him sexually
- what if eventually he realizes he wants something I can’t give him

I know he watches gay porn too, which rationally I know doesn’t mean he isn’t attracted to me, but emotionally it sometimes feeds the insecurity.

The complicated part is that I actually don’t think he’s a bad partner or secretly trying to hurt me. He’s told me before that in past relationships/dating situations he felt pressure to be overly sexual in order to keep men interested. I, on the other hand, have a much higher sex drive and tend to connect sex with feeling desired and emotionally close.

So now I’m wondering if part of what’s happening is:
- he naturally has a lower libido than me
- he relaxed once he realized I wasn’t only with him for sex
- and my brain interpreted the drop in frequency as “he’s losing attraction to me because I’m trans”

I also want to add that I’m actually very proud of being trans and outside of this relationship insecurity, I don’t usually spend much time comparing myself to cis men or wishing I was cis. That’s part of why this has been emotionally confusing for me. It feels less like “general dysphoria” and more like fear specifically connected to being with a cis gay man who historically has only been with cis men.

I guess I’m just wondering if other trans men dating cis gay men have experienced this kind of fear/insecurity? Or if any cis gay men who have dated trans men could share perspective.

How do you separate actual incompatibility from insecurity/anxiety? And how do you stop constantly comparing yourself to cis men sexually?

Any other disabled trans men over 30 here?

Am mostly homebound. But am not disabled physically.

Mostly autism (noise sensitive kind) and have alters and hear voices. And of course the usual PTSD.

I just want to connect with other trans men. Especially if you have BPD/DID/AUTISM. Or are even a recovering people pleaser. Im STILL in recovery……just because finding a therapist is hard. And we rely on our little siblings and a few friends to take care of us.

Am at an age where going back and forth to the hospital is…..our younger alters dont like it. So we have a lot of safety protocols and Respite/IOP options. AM VERY ISOLATED….just because we don’t want to hurt anyone else. And/or trigger ourselves to the point of SH.

TW: Self Harm, People Pleasing and Abuse

I should also disclose i am not holier than thou or just always the best human being. I have a history of not being fully there in evictions for other trans people when I should have. As I was over giving. OVER GIVING of my benefits. And when I was 27 I did sleep with someone younger than me one time. She was Age 22 at the time. Which is inappropriate. THOSE are things I do NOT want to repeat and that we are not proud of and have been called out/in about. I am still in contact with the person (now 25). And told her years ago i don’t want to continue this connection in that way and we agreed to stay friends. Just voicing this because I was called out about this by an older trans woman who I hurt by not being effective during an eviction. I did give her about $3K of my disability benefits in hopes it will make sure they okay during an eviction. But I had to leave the eviction situation once I started SHing again and my alters were screaming at me for not eating because I was tending to other people’s needs. I am trying not to play savior anymore or get involved in EVICTIONS. And tend to my needs.

Need to share this because people deserve to know when I do harm. And the harm I have done before being my friend.

I do have a tendency to go in an out of hospitals (been 5 times). So I do apologize if I don’t get back to you on time. But we do text A LOT. And can cut it for those who need. And/or send voice messages if needed.

I just learned that the needles I’ve been using for 2 years are 1.2 mm and they actually have .5 mm needles made for administering medications. Night and day difference.

This explains why none of the pain-reducing tricks (placement, angles, etc) worked for me lmao

I just got a package from Amazon and feel so deflated.

I got a men's L shirt, men's L shorts, and a cheap binder. The shorts are too small, and the shirt fits at the chest but not the hips.

The real problem is the binder. I saw a video on TikTok from someone saying that the first time they put on a binder, it just felt right. I know a $20 binder isn't the best, but I thought it might be enough to double check this feels right before I invest in an expensive one.

But it gapes at the upper chest and manages to barely flatten me while still being really uncomfortable. I feel more wrong.