r/AutismTranslated

Hello all! Please forgive me if I’m posting this in the wrong area of Reddit or if I need a different forum but tbh I didn’t really know where else to turn and in a way need to vent. My husband (36M) and I have been a couple for 10 years and believe me when I say I love and adore this man and I will do anything for him but I am getting frustrated.

My husband doesn’t have a official diagnosis, he has a bad history with psychologists and and drs from his past that have made it very hard to convince him to go to the dr for anything, but we’re both pretty confident he is Autistic. I personally do have a few diagnosis myself but autism isn’t one of them and while I know his brain functions differently from normal and even mine I struggle to understand him sometimes.

For the last several years it seems like things have just gotten harder and harder for him to deal with between his job, us becoming parents, our house needing work, car trouble and just life in general. He struggles to articulate to me what exactly he needs/ wants, he seems to be on edge constantly, his sleeping his shit, he doesn’t seem to interested in eating or taking care of himself and generally just seems miserable.

He recently got a new job and pay everything is so much better than what he had which is a relief however the drive is almost 3X the distance. (Think going from 10 minute drive to 1hr) we also have 2 young kids who want to spend time with him whenever he’s home and I myself would like to spend time with him so I’m sure not having any down time is not helping him.

I try to keep our kids from waking him early but our toddler does sometimes get away from me and wakes him before I can stop him. I try and do know I fail sometimes at maintaining the house as I know the clutter can overwhelm him as it does me. I try to encourage him to go out to events and places he like with his dad or friends as often as he wants, I try to be as affectionate as I can as often as I can as I know that does cheer him up. I try to manage as much as possible but I do end up overwhelming myself in the process and then getting admittedly angry that he’s not (or unable) to do more to help me too.

I apologize for the long winded post but it’s frustrating to me as his wife to see him like this and wanting to help him but just not knowing/ seeing how I can, especially when he himself doesn’t seem to know what he needs and overloading my own brain. If anyone has felt what he seems to be feeling or spouses of people who have experienced this what can I do? It breaks my heart and I want to help him but I haven’t any idea how.

I recently decided to look into this topic in detail, and a lot of the signs matched up for me. I took the RAADS-R test and scored 144 points. Of course, I’m not going to put too much stock in those results, it could easily be nonsense, like thinking you have severe depression when you're 2 years old.

What made me take it more seriously was that I realized many of these traits have been present since childhood. I have significant difficulty maintaining eye contact, I often struggle with unspoken social cues such as hints or flirting (Which, by the way, is why I blew two potential relationships), and social interaction tends to leave me mentally exhausted. I've always preferred spending time alone or with a very small group of close friends. I also have strong sensory sensitivities to loud sounds, bright flashes of light, and unexpected physical contact. I tend to develop intense, long-lasting interests that I can spend countless hours focused on, sometimes forgetting to eat or sleep. I also have repetitive habits like pacing, fidgeting with objects, and bouncing my leg, which seem to help me concentrate. Looking back, there were childhood signs as well, like lining up toy cars, repeatedly playing the same games, and adults describing me as living "in my own world." None of this proves that I'm autistic, but together these patterns made me feel that it's worth looking into further.

Hellooo so i'm a M19 and on elvanse 50mg, started in 30mg worked my way up. I've been on the medication for about a month and a week now I'd say. Elvanse has been a total life changer for me. Genuinely, mentally I feel so much better. I can actually comprehend my thoughts and do things? I can clean, I can read books now? It's genuinely shocking. I didn't know life could be this easy.

Discussion of possibility of ASD:

However, there are some caveats. Socially, I often feel much more lost? I'm so so so much quieter. I have always been told I was a relatively quiet person, but when I open up I'm super loud/chatty. But now? I just feel like I never know what to say, I never speak on "impulse" and defo over-analyse what I'm going to say before I say it. I just feel like I don't understand social queues whatsoever now. I've always struggled with eye contact heavily, but do attempt to mask that. I don't know. It's just hard. I also feel less willing to "preform" in a way to please people now. If theres a social event, and I know I will have to act in a way I wouldn't naturally, I simply won't go now. I often feel socially overwhelmed so much more now. I think I've lost my ability to mask?? Now theres only a select group of people i know feel safe with? I've become so much more monotone too.

Sorry for yapping so long. But what I'm getting at is I believe I could have autism, which was masked majority of my life from my ADHD traits. And now I'm medicated, years of masking is all kind of falling away? Also, I've always used alcohol to socialise and now i genuinely don't feel the need anymore. Drinking, just doesn't interest me anymore. I will once and a while, if i hang out with friends but I don't feel like I need to drink (plus, these are the days I don't take meds-obviously my adhd traits are prevalent and I can socialise). My mother suspects she herself has autism, she opened up to me about it after my ADHD diagnosis. I suspect my father has ADHD.

I just feel like i need to pick between being social and being medicated. I don't really know what to do. Feeling at a loss.

I used to be a happy undiagnosed autistic man focusing on my special interests like art and woodworking, stuff like that. I never dated or worried about it because I was not very attractive honestly.

I got into a 5 year relationship with another autistic person and we were both not very experienced in dating.

During those 5 years I trained in the gym, learned how to eat well, actually went to a barber instead of just letting my mom f my sh*t up. And well, my physical attractive went up and people started to show interest.

I thought more options were a good thing after becoming single but I just had no antibodies to deal with manipulative, superficial people.

I'm now with 4 abusive relationships in my pocket and a whole array of scars to heal before even being able to meet someone else.

I'm disgusted with this world, and with people's evil nature. I heard Richard Granon talk about how neurodivergent people might be more vulnerable to narcissistic abuse and 100 % agree.

I honestly didn't know how naturalized it is to lie, cheat, judge. I feel so demoralized and used.

Basically people want to use others for sex and convenience...

I closed on a home in March. It’s now July and my mental health has gone to crap and I believe I have entered a state of what I suspect is autistic burnout. My job offers long term disability to cover 60% of my income and I’m considering using it but worried about the reduced income and staying on top of my payments or becoming house poor. But at the same time my current circumstances have led to dark thoughts that would mean I wouldn’t get to enjoy my new house at all. Has anyone ever done this? I’d love any advice

I’m at a breaking point.

tl;dr

I’m in marriage counseling with my husband. We we have been together for 3 years. Got married in 2025. 9 months into our marriage
I am noticing a very negative change in his mood personality and mindset.
He is also thinking and finding the negative in what seems like everything.. when I ask him to try to think of positive things to say he responds with “that’s hard” i don’t think like that.

He has a time line in his mind and that’s how things have to be if that’s what was said to him.
There is no wiggle room for change or “ flexibility”
He becomes the biggest jack ass.

I married him knowing he was not a outgoing person. I married him knowing he was more of a home body.
I myself am beginning to be more of a home body. But still enjoy the small moments of family hang outs.

I married him knowing that he was high functioning and that his social cue were non existent.

I married him knowing that I would love him and be the person he needed. Be the person who would open up that small light he had shinning.

But recently.. he has been the last person I want to be around.
I want my husband to be present and silly goofy and kind. Not a man with such negative energy..

I want my husband present, but him being present results in him acting/ behaving like a jerk.
Doesn’t talk to anyone — his excuse they didn’t talk to me. Why do I have to be the person to say hi first..

I feel like I’m either lonely and avoided or my husband is present but makes everything miserable
makes me feel I just need to go home and miss out. Becuase it’s embarrassing to have a husband next to you who thinks and feels like it’s not worth his time

I need advice on what to do.. he refuses to do individual counseling. He refuses to consult a doctors on anxiety meds or ocd therapy he refused to be diagnosed with ASD because of the stigma. And has no desire to change because changing would be losing the parts that’s he likes about him self. The only reason why he is doing marriage therapy is because I am there with him.

Do I give an ultimatium… do I just suck it up because I said for better or for worse do I leave and stay with my mom until he gets his metal health cared for..
his mental heath and illness and very hard to love.
But I chose to love him.. I love him and know he has let this negative mind set take over for far too long

I'm a man who is relatively neurotypical and I just re-entered the dating world a few months ago. I happened to meet this young woman who disclosed to me on the first date that she has autism. I think she said it was level 1.

The date went really well, good chemistry, good conversation. We both opened up like you do on a good date when you get past the "So how much do you hate your job?" questions. There's some good compatibility there as far as long term goals and aspirations. She said at one point, and it really stuck with me, that she "really enjoys the way I share my feelings". It was a very sweet thing to me but also the way she said it was very interesting, like her whole demeanor temporarily changed and got more "serious", like it was something very important to say.

She told me about how she works 70-80 hours a week. Her job is very intense, and she's the lead supervisor there. She tells me she is BURNED. OUT. And wants to work less and be a mother.

Anyway the date ended with a hug from her and a kiss on the cheek from me.

I'm old enough and experienced enough to be able usually to predict the outcome of a date, and so I just texted her when I got home that I had fun and I'd love to do it again sometime. To my surprise she told me she wanted to think about another date. In my experience, again, this means No, thanks. It's very polite and maybe a little immature but hey, whatever, no hard feelings.

But a couple days later I shot her a text just wishing her well. She told me she's struggled to eat lately from depression and just feeling burned out at work so I told her I hoped she managed to eat lunch today. I went and got busy with my own projects after that. When I checked my phone an hour or so later, to my surprise she had hit me immediately back and... gave me a nickname?

Let's pretend my name is Steve. She said Hi, Sweet Steve, and proceeded to tell me all about what she was eating and how she hadn't had lunch and then asked me how my day was. I responded and also asked her how she had been lately and ... no response.

I'm just wondering if anyone has any tips for dating an autistic woman like this. I've got my own "plan", I'm just going to keep it going and see if she wants to catch a movie or help me with planning a painting project for my house (she loves painting).

I can't tell you how happy it made me for her to call me Sweet Steve. I don't like to talk to/date more than one woman at a time because I know from past experience that it doesn't serve me well, I just end up diluting myself it feels like and I can't concentrate on the one person. I'd like to pursue this until its end, and any advice would be appreciated. I'm totally in uncharted territory, here.

Thank you!

I was diagnosed with autism when I was three, but didn't properly get all the accommodations I needed until high school. My middle/elementary school had the classic fire drill alarm that I'm pretty sure we're all familiar with. If not, it's loud enough to shake the entire school. Sounds never really bothered me that much growing up. I heard more than most people I would later find out, but sounds never hurt my ears or overstimulated me. The one thing I couldn't stand was the fire drill. The fear of it jumpscaring me at the volume got worse every year. We had to have one every month, and since we only ever had two days at the end of august to start the year off I would beg my mother to not take me in those first two days to avoid it. It got to a point where I would have panic attacks and I press on my ears so hard it was causing damage. The teachers did nothing. They never offered headphones. They started taking me out before the alarm in eighth grade after I sobbed in the guidance office begging, but even then they tried warming me up to it so I wouldn't act that way in highschool.

The alarm at my highschool is completely different and doesn't bother me, but this last year I've started attending a technical school, where they have the same alarm. I talked to my teacher about it and she was very supportive. We aren't supposed to have noise canceling devices in class, but my 504 got me an acception. Everything went fine until my teacher forgot to tell me one day and I heard the alarm. To my surprise, it didn't bother me at all. You could kind of hear an echo in this one before the full on blast, so it gave me a preview. Since then I haven't been wearing the headphones.

Now I joke about being on the spectrum alot. I call my headphones the tism ticklers and my friends are all well aware. Ive even let some people borrow them when the class is too loud. I was wearing them in preparation for a drill when the girl next to me thought it would be funny to take them right off my head and put them on herself. When I asked for them back, she replided, "you don't even need them anyway. You were fine last time." Now I'm really good with jokes but that rubbed me the wrong way. Joking has been my way of blending for so long, so many of my jokes have gone way to far, but I do it because that's just how I feel included. I'd rather have my friends joke about my autism then say nothing, because atleast then they're acknowledging it's there. ​​​​Now looking back I'm really loud with them and not everyone laughed, someone said I was being offensive. I never intend to hurt anyone, but I can see how it could come across that way. It seems like I'm making fun of people on the spectrum and I'm an ablist piece of shit. In reality joking is how I bring light into my situation. I've barely been using my headphones anymore. Originally to stop panic attacks, now I feel like everyone in that class sees it as an accessory for attention. I feel like I'm coming off as awful. The average bystander wouldn't be able to tell. People have said straight to my face that they didnt notice any signs of autism in me until like a year or two after meeting me because I'm so used to masking. From a bystanders perspective I'm a piece of shit.

Apologies for any grammer/spelling errors. I wrote this on my phone at midnight so it might be rough around the edges.

So just to give you a background: I was diagnosed as autistic at 27 (I am now almost 40). I had a speech delay of roughly two years, I used to repeat movie lines a lot, I was kind of obnoxious as a kid/teenager and had trouble interacting with people if I wasn't trying to make them laugh. I was obsessed with heavy metal music and played bass guitar (still do!). I picked up the bass quickly and started playing in a band within 6 months of playing. I also developed perfect pitch.

What's interesting is that I dont have meltdowns. I only get sensory overload on occasion and it didn't used to happen at all when I was younger.

Do I sound like a typical "aspie"?

Hi. Im not very certain as to how to write this. I'm 20F. I would argue I'm very high functioning and I wouldn't even consider autism if it wasn't for how I am when I get upset. I also dont think I'm attention deficit. I just dont tend to give it attention if I don't think its worth my time/ it brings me too much anxiety to think of it so I procrastinate. I dont know.

When I get upset specifically by myself I kind of start shaking back and forth, and depending on how upset I am my arms start moving in like slapping motions towards the others. Sometimes i scratch the back of my head really hard or I stroke my hair.

The thing that kind of got to me is the fact that as soon as anyone else is in the room I stop. Like I dont even think about it but I stop.

I study Occupational Therapy and autism is something we learn about. So it kind of spiraled from there.

I also have the hand waving thing when im quite happy? I just go up and down and I don't think its strange cause its like the happy energy has to go somewhere? I dont know. I dont even know what Im asking for here. Maybe just to see what some stranger thinks.

I am also hyperaware of people's reactions and moods. Its kind of tiring. My friend group is currently being very awkward right now but no one is talking about it and I feel stuck between two sides and catering to both feels maddening. It kind of results in me quietening because what do I do.

Im also a bit of a mirror person? Like i mimic what people do but I think everyone does that. It'd easier to make sense of how people act and think when i observe. Consequently i don't feel like a real human being half the time becaue of that.

Sensory wise its mainly just hearing. It drives me insane sometimes.

I dont know. I know I have some issues (im sorry I dont know if saying issues is rude i don't mean it like that) but I'm just wondering if this is just me being neurotypical with a sprinkle of trauma from childhood there. I don't know.

Thanks if you managed to get to the end. This was kind of a vent post I guess?

So here's the deal. Ever since I got my autism diagnosis (and a bit before that) I felt estranged of my friends. The differences keep getting bigger and I feel more lonely when I am with them.

I don't know how to connect anymore... because I am tired of the mask. And also noticing how hard I'm working (and they're not). I feel lonely and sad :(

How do you navigate this???

(please don't give me advice like ''did you tell them this'' because yes, and no they still don't understand me, which is the reason of this post.)

Hello! So, I've struggled with interoception and have been working to match bodily sensations to a whole variety of things. I've started taking singing lessons this year but something that is still alluding me is this 'pushing down' advice my teacher (and many others) are trying to tell me. It's 'push down on your diaphragm' only I have absolutely NOTHING I can equate with a 'down' sensation.

I can clench my gut. I can push inward, like you're taking a hit to your stomach. I've done planks and wall-sits to help understand what it means to 'engage your core' (that sensation in a plank or wall-sit = do that thing). But none of those things = pushing down, and I can't find 'down' in my gut or whole torso, it's like a blank void.

So, to anybody in this thread who sings, what do you do/how do you describe it? I've had some tiny success with the idea to "keep your stomach big" (breathe into your stomach, it expands, now try to keep it big as you breathe/sing out), but I'm still not sure that I'm hitting the goal there. What is "pushing down on you diaphragm" to you?

Much appreciated many thanks.

I'm always forced to go to see relatives I barely know, or would guess I've never seen before was I not told I'm supposed to know them. My parents always promise that we won't stay any longer than 2 hours, but it usually ends up being more like 3 or 4. They say "go, have fun" as if I can just choose to enjoy being stuck in a room full of random people for several hours.

Since I got my license, I've been saying that I intend to drive separately so that I can leave when I need to, but they tell me that thats "too much wear and tear on the car" as if being driven wasnt the cars entire purpose. Have I mentioned the ride if I go with them? They seem to HATE when I put my window down, always "its too hot" or "its too cold" The air conditioning barely even works in the back seat I always feel like im going to suffocate. Also I just cant stand to listen to their conversations.

One time I went to one of these my parents got annoyed that I got to the door first and opened it while they were still a few meters behind me. They apparently wanted to open the door together "like a family" It all just seems so performative.

I'm considering refusing to go at all if they wont let me go alone. Though, I expect that will make them mad (or, according to them "just frustrated") for a week. I've never refused to go before so I am kinda scared of how that will go.

For additional context, I'm not formally diagnosed and i dont think my parents would believe me or really care if i tried to tell them im autistic. I expect they would think they were helping by teaching me how to be normal

I really dont know what to do if anyone has suggestions i appreciate it

Ok, I’m not asking for myself here. I’m a very late diagnosed autistic adult, and I’ve been asked to recommend a helpful book—preferably one that embraces the neurodiversity paradigm—for the overwhelmed father of an early Primary School age autistic boy. The father is a widower and his son is also physically disabled. I have a whole library of books about autism, but they’re almost all about and/or by late-diagnosed autistic adults who didn’t have significant learning difficulties or behavioural ‘issues’ as children. Can anyone recommend something good? The child’s diagnosis is recent and I get the impression that the father knows very little about autism. (I should say the father’s an academic so don’t worry about level of difficulty.)

When you look at me; you should see a disabled person.

But you don't.

Maybe I don't look disabled enough for you.

Why not? Is it because I can walk?

Is it because I can talk?

Because I don't have a wheelchair?

Is it because you lack empathy?

Do you know how hard it is to have the disability that no one else wants?

The intangible kind that is invisible and unsettles.

That makes others afraid.

The kind that causes worried nights in expectant mothers.

I hope my baby boy isn't like that one.

Why's he so awkward?

What's wrong with him?

It must be the parents.

I’ve been meeting more autistic people recently and I’ve noticed something. It seems like all of us have energy issues. We struggle to work full time and then we also have financial issues. I know masking takes energy, but this just seems crazy to me. It is making me feel helpless. I guess before I thought maybe if I found the right job or did the right things for my health I could improve my energy and therefore improve my life circumstances. But seeing as how so many autistic people deal with this it makes me feel like maybe there isn’t some solution I’m missing, like it’s how I will always be. I’m so scared about becoming homeless because right now my mom is letting me live with her but she is getting older and doesn’t have money saved up and it just doesn’t seem like a long term option. She constantly talks about how she wants me to move out. This situation has made me have thoughts of ending myself because it stresses me out so much. I feel like I have nowhere to turn and my life feels like a failure. I have spent my entire life in poverty and don’t see a way out. Also I’m not even officially diagnosed because I haven’t had health insurance or a way to pay for it and I also have a big phobia of doctors on top of that.

hello guys.

I have a small brother who is five and who I believe is Autistic. My brother was Adopted by us and his father is also believed to have Autism. I am currently doing a school Internship at the Kindergarten of my brother which gave me futher inside.

1 I can already see the early signs of masking in him. In Kindergarten he’s often the quietest one never complains or cries

2. Fixations he often gets really fixated on things and get angry or sad when something or someone obstructs his fixation. “on time in the outside sand pit he collected stones for almost 1 and 1/2 hours and literally said nothing„

3.socialisation He does play with childern but he usually copies what they are doing or he takes the lead in a playgroup and tries to explain stuff. In big groups like lunch groups he stays very silent. But in one to one conversations with a caretaker he could talk hours nonsto. Which the caretakers find overwhelming but I find I very sweet as it reminds me of my self.

4. my own Gut feeling. I am Autistic my self and he reminds me so of my self sometimes when I was younger.

My real Questions are 1. Is he Autistic? This question cannot be really answered but I would still like to hear your take on this senario. 2. What should we do about it? My par already know the Autism suspicion of my brother but they don’t seem worried about it at all. They alread raised one Autistic Child (me got early Diagnosed) so they allready know a lot of Autism parenting. But I still it is good to get a Diagnosis now for later when he is 10-14. When my brother will really start to noitice that he is different from everyone else. And having a Diagnosis there could really help knowing that u are not wrong but just special.

Hello families. I have a 4-year-old boy who (evaluated but not diagnosed with autism) makes a typical "stimming." He runs back and forth between walls non-stop, holding his arms stiffly, moving his fingers, and making faces. If I distract him, he stops, but he loves doing it and can easily spend half an hour at a time engaged in it. He seems lost in thought, imagining something while deeply focused and absorbed.
Otherwise, his development is typical, although he finds it a bit difficult to play with other children.
Does anyone have a similar experience they could share? Did it stop over time?
Should I be worried?
Thanks.

What are the online spaces you’ve found supportive as a late identified autistic person?

Please be specific. So instead of “discord” share the server name. Instead of “peer support” drop a link to the support group. Instead of “reddit” list the subreddit. Offerings change and spaces change so it’s helpful for me to know what exists right now.

And drop a line or two about why it’s been supportive if you‘re up for it!

I’m open to dms as well, especially for online affinity spaces (eg groups for people who are queer, trans, and/or BIPOC).