u/dissenting_cat

I’d really love the opportunity to become a father, hopefully to two kids as I’m an only child and will never be an uncle. But after being single for ten years, it’s not seeming very likely that I’ll ever find a partner that would want to embark on this journey with me.

I’d love the opportunity to do a better job than my parents: be emotionally mature, show them that the world is a big place full of opportunities, ensure that they have boundaries, and that they have agency to build the life they want to live.

I’m 30 and I don’t want to be too old when my children grow up. Ideally I’d be a father by 35 so I’d be in my early 50s when they reach adulthood. I feel like if I don’t do this then I’ll be in the nursing home full of regrets.

So have any of you decided to pursue fatherhood alone?

I moved to the city last week after living in a small country town. Years of celibacy essentially as I’d open Grindr there and everyone would be twice my age or well over an hour away. Hinge would tell me I’d seen everyone after I set my filters.

I downloaded Grindr and Hinge a few days after moving and it’s been relentless. I’m actually so exhausted and losing track of all the conversations I’ve had with these men. I’m tired and ready for a break.

I’m very monogamous and I’m looking for my life partner to start a family with, mortgage a beautiful home, and live a slow but very genuine and intimate life with.

This has left me wondering how poly people actually manage multiple romantic and sexual relationships at once. Being on that level with more than one person is exhausting from my experience so far. How do you allow so many people to know you in that way? And how do you give them your best without neglecting the others?

I’ve been single for a very long time — a whole decade at this point. I date slow and intentionally, but usually not at all. I live in a part of my country known for alternative lifestyles: communes, cannabis and non-monogamy.

What I really want in life is to be a husband and a father. Someone that’ll be with me for the rest of my life. Mortgage, kids (two — we can father one each), and monogamy.

My friend keeps on calling this “heteronormative” and telling me that it’s not realistic to want all this. I open the apps (Grindr, Hinge) and it’s littered with open and poly relationships. If you chose a partner that can’t satisfy you sexually and emotionally, I don’t want to be involved. I don’t want to be your side piece. I’m looking for something substantial.

I’m officially out of my bipolar depression that started on the 12th and I managed myself well throughout it.

I knew it was a bipolar depression as everything in my life is fantastic: I’ve landed a new job, I’m moving to the city, my current workplace is great, and I’m lucky to have so many supportive friends.

Despite all of this, the heavy, dark feeling of depression came over me and stayed for about 12 days. I knew that it wasn’t rational and that I had to start managing myself through it.

I doubled my meds, slowed down in all areas of my life, and informed my boss that I’d be at reduced capacity until I made it through it. Thankfully I have a supportive workplace and my boss has family members that also have this disorder.

I pulled back from the gym, forced myself to stick to my whole foods diet, took longer to get through the work I was assigned, and notified my closest friends and family. Despite wanting to lay in bed all day, I still attended a friend’s birthday dinner and stopped drinking alcohol (not that I drink regularly, but I love a wine or a negroni when I’m out for a special occasion).

I also did smoke weed which isn’t something recommended at all, but it helped me slow down and relax as the awful depression symptoms were radiating throughout me. Bush though, and only in small amounts, as the hydro, from my experience, only makes things worse.

I journal heavily so I’ve documented my journey through it and I’m feeling a lot more prepared for my next depression, which hopefully won’t be anytime soon. Putting myself first, allowing myself to feel the bad feelings but not spiralling from them allowed me to get through it smoothly and relatively quickly.

And now I’m back to where I was before this depression and I’m feeling great again. I find that a healthy diet, gym routine, having supportive friends and family, and being aware of myself has really helped me actively manage this disorder.

* You have to learn to live with it. You may experience mood swings all of a sudden, and you have to ride it out.

* You have to feel the episode and manage your behaviour while allowing yourself to experience the emotions

* When a bipolar low episode occurs, you have to slow
down, reduce the noise, and focus on yourself

* Learn your early warning signs of a manic episode and put safeguards around yourself before you lose the ability to regulate the episode effectively

* It’s a mood disorder that requires daily medication. Strong pharmaceuticals that are sedative and change your metabolism. You can lose sight of who you are.

* You have to learn who you are and how to manage yourself. It’s work that’s fallen on your shoulders. Work that has to be done to be the best person you can be, despite the circumstances.

* There’s always light at the end of the tunnel. The best is yet to come. Keep it simple and enjoy all the gifts you receive from life

* Your only option is to keep moving. Keep pushing forward. To follow the path you’ve set for yourself.

* Happiness and peace are the only option. Resilience is a skill. Inner work is necessary, and patience will guide you through it. Enjoy the small rewards

Today I’ve been hit by a bipolar low out of the blue. Low mood, a deep sad heaviness, the inability to do the things that bring me joy, and oversleeping. My body feels so heavy.

I have no reason to feel this way. My life is objectively at one of the highest points it’s been in years with a major life change coming at the end of the month. I don’t want this to linger, fester and grow into something worse.

What do you do to push through a low? And how do you prevent it from spiralling into a depression?

In my first interview with a government health agency, they asked me what it was like going from a bank to working for the government. I said that the bank was “evil”, got a few laughs and one of the panel members mentioned they used to work for Coca Cola. I thought I would receive a rejection email soon afterwards.

Ended up with a phone call the next day asking me to fly an hour away to the city the following week to sit a second interview and give a presentation on a data solution I had designed and implemented. This interview went really well and the panel was impressed with my work.

Got a phone call on Friday and now I’m starting in the first week of September. Looking back, it’s actually pretty funny and it gave me some confirmation that the organisation I’m going into has a great culture where I’d be an excellent fit.

There’s so many posts on this subreddit about being unattractive. As a gay dude, I find that a lot of men are unattractive simply because they’ve put no effort into their presentation. I don’t believe that anyone is truly ugly and irredeemable.

From my own experience, going from 108kg to 88kg while gaining muscle has meant that I stand out to both men and women. The improvement in my diet, reducing my alcohol consumption, and implementing a skincare routine has paid dividends.

I’ve also upgraded my wardrobe and gone from baggy, cheap clothing to mid-tier, fitted clothing that emphasises my physique. Tk Maxx is cheap and has some great quality finds.

Simply putting in the effort will make you stand out as so many men don’t.

I was recommended to apply for a role at one of my country’s largest Autism service providers by my career coach. The role looks like a fantastic fit for me, especially since they’re emphasising the importance of lived experience. I was diagnosed when I was 12 so I’ve thankfully had the opportunity to be aware of my neurodivergent traits.

My career coach mentioned that I should highlight the intersectionality of me being a gay man with autism and the challenges that brings. I’ve never really considered how the two interact and I’ve had some time to think about it.

This has made me realise that I’m incredibly lucky that being gay has never been a challenge: I’ve never faced overt homophobia, I have plenty of straight male friends and it’s actually helped me professionally by being involved in employee action groups that give me visibility to senior leadership.

Being autistic is a never ending battle though. I think I’ve done well in a social situation only to realise I’ve monologued through a conversation, haven’t reciprocated questions and have overshared personal information. I am getting better at slowing down and collecting myself before social events or interactions but I am still learning.

I am constantly working on myself and daily journaling with introspective prompts has allowed me to reframe my thinking and approach socially. I am focussing on being more engaged with other people, slowing down and enjoying the small talk, and holding back personal information from people I’ve just met or are acquaintances with.

My mindset has changed completely and I see the challenges as a growth opportunity instead of being bogged down by it and I’m curious to see how far I can grow socially in the coming years.