r/AdultChildren

I'm sorry if this is the wrong sub but I've never talked about it but in my opinion my mom drinks too much wine and uses is as escapism she drinks it every day. She doesn't get crazy drunk but any time we supposed to have a nice day, she always drinks alcohol and gets drunk. Not violent drunk just silly drunk, but it still upsets me. It feels like it's not her im talking to but some version of her. She never gets aggressive towards me but it makes me sad she has to drink a lot of wine and always be drunk on our cozy days I like her most when she's sober. But I don't really feel valid cus she's never violent or anything. But I would like some advice on how to tell her thank you. ❤️

Hi, I'm now in my 30's and it's been six month of being sober. For the past 20 years I have been an alcoholic substance abuser (never approached mental health professionals). It happened on a regular basis, every night. To escape reality I reinforced my vice with pornography and listening to music and browsing social media (Facebook) looking to feed my fantasies.

My fantasies are woven with stories of how great I am with skills, abilities and knowledge and that people are in awe of what I can do. This kind of escape had developed since I was in my early elementary days.

I did fought my insecurities and fantasies but I knew I needed to retreat with it at the end of the day because I am still lacking mature ways on how to manage and cope. This would go on for hours.

Now, thank God I was able to stop atleast one vice that kept be chained-alcohol. Peeking on social media and Youtube does still trigger these self-centeredness but I am still on the process of lessening my time on Facebook and Youtube. Even my cravings into pornography, it IS a challenge to cut-off from it!

Whenever I see people happy, successful, got acknowledged because of their talents and skills, these insecurities kept visiting me in my head. I would often introject and ''claim'' their reality with that of mine (sa aking sariling mundo). However, having realized that I am ''just me'' and the fantasies subside, this is were those angry thoughts about myself and the ''world'' start speaking.

It's a tough battle for now but what kept me going is prayer, virtual and handwritten journaling. This is my attempt to process my thoughts and feelings one-step-at-a-time. There are times na I REALLY have to avoid celebrations not to be overwhelemed with the pleasure people feel whilst I envy them because I am lacking what they are feeling. I am thankful din kase nakikita ko na meron nang ''gap'' sa aking thoughts and feelings apart from my actions. For example, during rush hour at work whenever I made a mistake or made a customer upset, bigla nalang ma-percieve ko na ''they are going to punish me'', ''they are going to do something bad to me'', or ''they are the ones who are clumsy-NOT I!''. This kind of experience is a general nightmare for me but atleast I am able to remain calm kahit na naguguluhan na ang aking nararamdaman at pang-kaisipan.

With a little bit of concern (although I know that bawal tayo mag-diagnose) I think I might be prone to narcissism and having this thought scares the hell out of me!

I am still on the process of trying to understand myself and hopefully I would be able to have a genuine sense of wellbeing and joy not only to myself but also with the people who are grateful with their life.

Hello fellow people , I’m 23M

My dad has been there when needed him . But lately he s been drinking a lot . To the point where we went to movies , he said he’s going to the washroom and came back drunk .
Infact rn he’s drunk as well , since he knew mum wouldn’t allow him to take another drink . He called up her dad , asking him to give him another drink .
A month ago , from one of his office parties , he came back so drunk , he urinated all over the room on the luggage , we had packed for the trip me and mum were to go next day to meet family .

Mum Cried rn and their marriage isn’t going well , but she doesn’t take divorce coz she has never worked her life and is diabetic .

Wherever we go , coming to finances he check every spending mum does or asking her to take a cheaper meal at food court , but when some random security guard of our gated society asked him money , he gave him 100 dollars . That guard still hasn’t returned the money . It’s been 2 weeks now .

He has uric acid problem as well , causing joint pains and swollen foot for quite some time , but never leaves alcohol .

Idk what to do .

Couple of months ago , my dad visited a spa massage , I brushed it off saying maybe ‘‘twas a genuine spa but now it raises concerns . Coz mom wasn’t happy about him going to spa .

One day while coming back from work trip , he told mom he’s still on the way but his phone location showed on mums find my iPhone app at same complex the spa parlour are located .

I just want to vent because I’m sad and embarrassed. I’m 20 YO so I know I’m young and dumb, but I’ve also been surviving on my own for many years.

I have always been shy/ social anxious my whole life. Looking back it’s because I was bullied in school and at home, so my survival mechanism just became BE QUIET and UNSEEN then maybe you’ll be SAFE.

My boyfriend’s family had a barbecue today. I always hate going to his family holiday, because I didn’t grow up with that AT ALL. It was weird an unfamiliar to sit with a large group of people, and just talk?? My boyfriends aware of my anxiety, and I think he has made his family aware too (which honestly I disliked because now they make jokes about me hating them)

Anyway today we go, and my boyfriend’s birthday is soon so he is getting gifts. He gets a laptop, a bunch of shoes, he gets a ton of money, his expensive art supplies for his hobbies.

As he was opening his laptop. It just hits me! I KNOW why I hate being here so much! ITS because I am JEALOUS. I just started getting flashbacks, of my mom being horrible, of ALL OF the trauma and inadequacy I felt growing up. Unpleasant memories and emotions. I felt anger, jealousy, sadness and grief. I JUST STARTED CRYING in front of EVERYONE. I immediately just ran out of the space. But I couldn’t calm down, even while being alone. The longer I was away, the harder it was to bring myself back . classic anxiety)

I went back EVENTUALLY & no one asked about it thankfully. My boyfriend in the car said they were just asking if I was pregnant (I’m not) I explained to him the emotions I was having and he heard me out fully. He understands me and accepts me even if he doesn’t fully experience what I do.

Now I’m sitting in my designated meditation room pondering it all. I MEAN they are just THINGS just THINGS. I try my best to not be attached to THINGS. We live together and we are very invested in eachother so in a way what’s his is mine, we will likely spend that money together and that laptop will be for me to use too.

Growing up poor, but on my moms behalf decidedly so, my mom had a good amount of money she was making she just spent it on anything that was for her fun. Watching my mom choose a bottle over dinner, choose gambling over our cats surgery, and cigarettes over my birthday. I don’t know man seeing my partner get these gifts, it was like this little girl in me was so angry all of the sudden all she could do is cry. Maybe it wasn’t about the THINGS but the act of someone caring about you so much they’re selfless. Idk it’s just not something I’ve experienced. But at face value it just feels like about the things.

It feels really dumb to be jealous at this age especially of your partner.

To see so many family members of his give him these gifts every single year. It kills me every time. And it kills me that is kills me yk? Because there are THINGS I wish I had right now, like a new sewing machine, or shoes that weren’t falling apart, or help with my schooling.
We are poor young adults so spending money on fun or hobbies is not something I feel I can do, everything goes to necessities. And seeing him get that outlet every year for his passions is just hard. Deep inside I am still that outsider with no money watching my friends enjoy these things that my mom always said was unnecessary.

I know enough about my healing to know that this isn’t just about the gifts or the material stuff.

I know I need to back myself up, find friends, feel more secure in myself I know I know I know. I’m just healing at the same time so it’s just so hard feeling alone, specially without true adult support. I just feel like I have ZERO clue what I’m doing EVER.

This was long and will get lost but if you made it this far thanks for reading, hopefully the grammar wasn’t too bad but I didn’t graduate highschool so bare with me ♥️

My mother’s drinking problem started from when I could remember to even begin to form a thought.
As long as I’ve been alive my mother has always drunk alcohol. It’s the thing she lived by. (Don’t want to give out too much information as I don’t want this to be under her suspicion) but I found out that she had been living a double life. Cheated on my dad and proceeded to still live here like nothing was ever happening.
The drinking only got worse after I had became a teenager. What had established the line between good parenting and alcoholism, my mom later then started beating me for every little single thing I did. And then she would act like nothing happened. Often, she would cook my “favorite meals” after literally beating me over not being able to get her her car keys, or every time I got a bad grade (I wasn’t that smart growing up because according to my dad I struggled to learn at the pace that other children would normally be)
Come to find out that somewhere around 2016-17ish? Her dad (my grandpa that I never met because he lived in Mexico) passed away. That’s when everything just went downhill from there.
There was so many problems between me and my mother due to me withdrawing from my own mother at a constant fear of getting beat and having to walk on eggshells all the time. And then THERE WAS THAT SAME. PROBLEM. AGAIN.
She would act like nothing has ever happened.
Due to her heavy alcohol consumption, she has Type 1 Diabetes & Bipolar Disorder.
I wanted nothing more than to just be at peace for once in my life since she would CONSTANTLY. have episodes. But of course….my mother didn’t listen.
She drank.
And drank.
Went to the hospital a couple times because she had a diabetic attack? I’m not sure how to describe it but the doctors told me that. I remember it as clear as day. She was shaking. tremendously. And only instructed me to drive her to the hospital. And did just that.
Fast forward a few years: I was 18 turning 19 years old. And at this point in my life, my mother didn’t listen to anyone anymore. She didn’t listen to my dad, my sisters, or me as a matter of fact, and just continued on drinking.
My question was: “Why?” “What do you benefit from drinking alcohol?” She had diabetes and was mentally unstable (sometimes) and she KNEW that and still proceeded to drink.
Then I began to hate alcohol because it literally destroyed not only her life, but everyone’s here.
On the beginning of May of this year, just a few days before Mother’s Day.
I get woken up by my dad telling me that I had to call out of work (me and him work together) because my mother had been pulled over by the police.
And was taken to jail.
And was in the process of getting into ICE custody.
All because she was Driving Under The Influence of Alcohol
Took a breathalyzer and blew a BAC of 0.10.
My mom, the woman who gave birth to me, the woman who always laid her hands on me even when I was in the right at tough times, was getting deported.
Was out there driving with a 12 empty bottle pack that she finished btw in her passenger seat with bloodshot eyes.
I didn’t know what to do anymore or how to feel.
It made me feel different when my family members slowly but surely began opening up to me about my mother. And I get told the truth. That maybe some parents just don’t deserve to be parents🤷🏻‍♂️and as afraid as I am to admit it, her own mother told me that she just wasn’t meant to be a mom.
And now, it’s just me, my father, and my brother.
After a long few months of waiting, she makes it back home in Mexico. And I’m getting peer pressured by all of my family to just forget and forgive her because she’s your mother and she gave birth to you.
I’m so lost. I don’t know what’s right or wrong anymore. And now because she’s thousands of miles away, she keeps trying to check in on me every few times but I decide to ignore it.
I’m not going to open up about my life here but I’ve made the decision (probably temporarily) to not want her in my life.
Not after everything she’s done to me. There are literal scars that she left on my body. I’ve tried to tell her to get help, we all did. As a family.
So as of right now in a couple weeks, I will be turning 21. My life has just begun but also might have been turned around all because of alcohol addiction.

Here’s a short but brief TL;DR:
Mom gets deported after drunk driving. Mom wasn’t the best of mothers out there and had an alcoholic addiction. Offered help but refused. Do I have the right as a human being/her own son to not want my own birth mother around in my life anymore?? Am I making a mistake?

I really appreciate it to the people who took the time out of their day to either read all of it or skimming through it and for those people, I wanna say thank you!! Really could use sum advice here.

Could really use any motivation if anyone has.

Moved out 3 years ago to grow and be free from this dysfunctional household. In my journey i moved in with my partner at the time. We built a safe home a loving home a calm home. Or, so I thought. Whatever. She broke up with me for valid reasons but also reasons I dont think were entirely true

Thats not the point

It got hostile because her emotions of grief took over and I had to get my ass out there ASAP. I couldnt afford rent. I couldnt find a friend who was able to help me out

My mental was getting….. bad. It was either spend my savings on rentals to sleep in, or go to a shelter. I was not okay. My parents… my fucking PARENTS didnt understand how serious the situation was, and were not welcoming me back

Until my best friend called them, and cussed them out.

So I’m back home. Where I was unwelcomed. I’m appreciative of the room, the food, but fuck…… I feel like a child again. I have no community here. My parents still have the same fuckass attitude and emotional disruption. And to know they didnt even want to provide safety for me, because of their own selfish reasons.

I pray to god every fucking day to get me on the path I’m working on in the time frame I’m hoping for.

I’m tired. I’m sad. I’m grieving. I’m angry. I’m alone. I’m holding onto any hope I can.

Edit: not to depressingly mention but the holidays are going to be approaching and I have no sense of home or family. I miss my home.

I’ve been trying to put words to something.
I want to be social, make friends, enjoy time with my family, and just be present. But a lot of the time it feels like my body holds me back. I end up watching instead of joining in, even when I genuinely want to.
I’m not looking for advice. I’m curious if anyone else experiences this.

If so:
What does it feel like in your body?
What do you find yourself doing instead?
How would you describe it to someone who’s never felt it?

TW : mention of drug use, addiction, and verbal abuse will be used in this post.

I 19F have a rocky relationship with my mother, Ever since I was a kid she constantly chose drugs over me. She would often take me on the runs to go get them, take me inside the trap houses, and even go as far as doing the drugs in front of me. ever since she had me she abused drugs, but my earliest memory of this all is age 6. My mother would often be so high on meth she’d sleep almost 24 hours a day, leading me to fend and care for myself such as cooking my own meals (even often for the both of us), caring for our animals, and doing basic home chores.

Around age 8 is when things really started to get worse. She homeschooled me mainly due to not being able to afford it, But part of me wonders now that i’m older if she did this so I wouldn’t have peers or anyone to talk to about my home situation. Keep in mind I didn’t really have a relationship or anything with other family besides my grandmother and grandfather due to my mothers habits and situation, so I was always very isolated. Around this age she started to abuse more and more, leading her to become more incapable of being a mother. By this point in my life I felt as if I were the mother constantly taking care of myself, The home, Animals, And cooking for myself and putting myself in bed at night, She would always either be asleep or locked in her bedroom doing the drugs or talking to men.

My mother has always been unemployed living off of SSI and her parents giving her loans, But as her drug use became worse funds got lower. eventually leading us to move in with my grandmother, my grandmother isn’t the best in health or mental state so she never really understood what was going on or the condition my mother was in. Still to this day she doesn’t understand it all and I feel shamed to tell her who her daughter really is and the trauma i’ve been through, Mainly because I fear it will be too much for her to process and handle. During this move in I began realizing and processing more of what my mother was doing, which grew a heavy shift in my opinion, respect, and even obedience for her, which led me to not listen to her and continue to do things for her around the home. during this time is when she really started to view me differently and grew a hatred for me almost.

Flash forward to my high school years (still homeschooled) I began to express my feelings to her about how her actions and choices made me feel, all I ever got back as a response was her cussing me out, calling me names, and telling me I was a bad kid and caused nothing but trouble for her. After I graduated I enrolled in college (culinary school) and got a job, None of which I had any support from my mother in.

On june 1st my mother left the home to go to her father’s house to do yard work which she does frequently to make money as she’s unemployed and no longer receives SSI, she had told me she would only be gone for a few days and still today, she has been gone. This has led to me becoming my grandmothers primary caretaker as she was the one doing so before she left, and between college and my job it’s been tough handling all of this, I texted my mother on friday asking when she would be home to which she replied ‘’I don’t know’’ I began to tell her it’s crazy she’s been gone for a month and expressed to her how stressful this all was and I don’t have the necessary time in my schedule to take care of my grandma and she just left me with that responsibility along with the fact she’s my mom and I wish she would come back, She then replied by telling me I am 19 and i’m not a child and she no longer needs to be my parent. This has me a little confused considering her parents still support her, pay for her existence, and provide her a place to stay. granted I do also live here but I do pay rent and pay for my own needs and everything else, I also wouldn’t be living here if it wasn’t for my concern over my grandma. My mother has basically alluded to the fact she isn’t coming back until she wants to because I ‘’treat her like shit’’ and need a wake up call. I at this point am a little stuck and not sure the best way to go about this. I do want to cut her off, But part of me still holds on to what our relationship could be, despite all of the trauma it’s given me.

She still constantly shames me, Tells me I’m not good enough, And always twists the knife. This does leave a mark because growing up, I took along the role of caring for her when she couldn’t be the mother I needed. I never told anyone about my situation to put her in jeopardy, And i’ve always tried my damndest to give her grace despite the fact my heart feels like it’s on fire.

Any advice, Wake up calls, Harsh truth, Or sharing of your similar stories would be GREATLY appreciated. I am struggling and very much in my head about all of this and I really would appreciate anyone who can offer anything as far as advice, Or even just someone to let me know it gets better. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

Whats the science of your Mom getting mad for me moving out?

For reference I’m turning 27 this year
Still having a hard time with life
Just started a small business
Mom is single mom almost all our life (she has partner now)
Mom is also currently living in a small town province bc of her business there so she comes back and forth in the city every now and then (prolly once or twice a month)
We’re from the Philippines

I have a boyfriend— she’s mad ab it but accepts it now since we have our business together altho still lowkey doesn’t accept it. I had to hide that back when I was abroad since she’s super strict and now back home she knows about it but still doesnt accept it

Just got back after working abroad for 5 years. Back there, I’ve been giving her financial help but not a lot only when I can and when she asks but not consistently as life is also hard there

Now, when I got back i haven’t been much of help in terms of financially

Decided to move out after 1 year of being back home because its so toxic here and I feel like I’m not growing here as a person because its just so toxic hearing her words. Always making me feel bad about not having a regular 9-5 job and my small business is useless and won’t get me anywhere

So now I’m just wondering because I just told her I had good news and I got approved for my rental unit that I will be renting and shes the 1st to know but she reacted so bad. (Altho my sister and bf was the first to know) Saying I can never go back here, I will never ask for her help. I can decide for my own and dont care, shes saying I only care for myself. I could’ve given her the monthly rent instead of others, how inconsiderate of me. I was living here for 1 year and 4 months and not paying her rent (as I was also struggling building a life back home). I should pay her for all the time I was living here bc I was living here for free 🥹🥹

She keeps on saying too that, this just means I won’t be monitored now (by her) and anyone can just go in my new rental place. Saying, next thing is I will get married and live with my boyfriend (which is not the case as that's not the priority now) I've also been living with strangers and my boyfriend back then abroad so really this is not my first rodeo. We're not deprived of each other so we're not getting married anytime soon and def not living together. I told her if that's how young people are back then, its not now. That's not our prioirty and with this economy, younger people are trying to be more smart with every move and not just do what comes to their mind. (Unlike in the old times before, bc in my opinion people were more deprived before and so once they have their freedom they dont think) I've been living by myself for almost 5 years so I have self control, and discipline

For reference we’ve been living in a condo for almost 15 years now or maybe a lil over that so there’s security guards on every building so on our building she keeps tabs on us with the guard so we can never leave without a reasonable reason (this was happening specially when we were in school : grade school to college) It's actually a bit embarrassing bc she has to ask the guards to keep tabs on us when that's not their job-- like ask if we left or not or we had someone sleepover, or if we had visitors) This has been happening until now (Now that we're both 25 and 26 yo)

This is all just sad. I told her this is why my sister and I can’t tell her any news about us because she always react badly no matter what the news is. She will always find the bad about anything

Its too toxic making me feel like I’m a bad daughter for leaving and giving ny money to others instead of her.

Basically questions

I just saw a post (will link) about a mom who ate a breakfast pastry a dad bought for his son. It instantly killed my mood. Mostly because it reminded me of my own childhood, and how my own parents, and really family broadly, were always engaging in selfish acts at my expense, with no regard or care for how those acts would hurt me.

Now, I find myself yearning for a partner to love me and make me feel safe, because I have never felt that before. This, of course, would be bad for such a partnership. They still manage to take from me.

If I could cry, I’d be crying right now. Instead, I’m just an emotional mess. Parents actions really do affect their kids.

I started achieving big things when I was a kid. Won multiple national championships before I was 18, full athletic scholarship to one of the best universities in the world, got a grant to live abroad to do my dissertation research, and got a PhD. I know I've always been a bit of a dreamer but, realistically, I've dreamed big and achieved those dreams. But slowly, along the way, I realized that some of these dreams were nightmares I just wasn't willing to see. I got sick due to all of the stress and for the past 7 years I've been trying so hard to figure out both how to support myself and get better. I was making some headway with both until I ended up processing some trauma from my childhood. It was very unexpected and the grief hit me like a freight train. I'm doing better, but one of the things I've realized I'm having trouble doing is dreaming about my future. I'm not sure if it was my coping mechanism of choice before I sufficiently dealt with trauma, but I know it was giving me a lot of hope. Now, I just feel like it's time to face reality and the fact that the things I've been dreaming of for years are either completely unrealistic due to my health issues or are probably just not a good fit for who I am now as a person.

I feel like I'm starting over at almost 40. I spent my whole adult life thinking once I achieved what I needed to that my social life would work itself out. I know I also used to chase excitement in lieu of creating connections, but I also think some of my best connections WERE the excitement I was craving, I just have trouble finding those types of people. I now know I should have been putting effort into maintaining old relationships that were important to me and into creating new relationships. On top of all of this, I don't feel like I'm living in a place that's a good fit for my personality, but I have no idea where else I'd want to live. I feel like in the process of trying to achieve my dreams I've been running away from dealing with not living a meaningful life. Due to my health issues, I still can't support myself so moving isn't an option, but I feel so stuck. Any advice? I know part of this is me freaking out about turning 40 and just having a kind of shit social life/network.

I (21F) think my mom (40sF) has a drinking problem and I have no idea how to address it or what to do.

She’s been drinking at night for a decade now, but I hadn’t really been clued in until recently as I’m living at home post grad and have had some conversations with my grandma about it. In middle school I just thought she was really tired at night, but it turns out she was regularly drinking entire bottles of wine. In high school she remarried and I didn’t spend much time with her at night, so I didn’t really see it.

Now that I’m also an adult, I notice some concerning things:

1. Every time we go to a restaurant she gets alcohol. Frequently, when it’s time to pay and we’ve been sitting for a while, she’ll order another drink right before we leave and we have to sit there and wait. It just seems… odd?

2. I’ve started noticing how quickly alcohol disappears from the house. A 750 mL bottle of bourbon disappeared within a few days, and the second she runs out of beer there are new six packs or another bottle of wine.

3. At night she slurs her speech, her eyes get glossy, and she just doesn’t seem fully there.

4. During house repairs we stayed in a hotel and she was sneaking bottles of alcohol under blankets into the hotel because she thought I wouldn’t notice. She also drank wine out of coffee mugs.

5. On multiple occasions she’s fallen asleep in strange places. One night she fell asleep on the couch and, when I woke her, she said she didn’t know why she’d fallen asleep there before stumbling upstairs. Tonight I came upstairs after working and found her asleep in my bed. I woke her up and asked why she was there, and she just said “I don’t know,” then walked back to her room.

A few months ago I brought up her drinking after she had gotten extremely drunk the night before (I even had a video of her stumbling around the house and speaking incoherently). Shortly after that she got medication that was supposed to reduce her urge to drink. It seemed to work for a while, but now she’s back to drinking daily (usually at least 2 drinks, often more).

I guess I’m looking for confirmation that this is as bad as it feels. She’s extremely high functioning during the day, and it seems like if she had to she could snap out of the haze, but I’m worried about her health and about my 5 year old sister. My grandma has also told me she’s worried and hoped my mom might listen to me.

I don’t know if I’m overreacting, if this sounds like a drinking problem, or what I’m even supposed to do. My mom is very sensitive to criticism, so I don’t know whether I should bring it up again or just leave it alone (part of me is worried she’ll just get better at hiding it)

any virtual support groups for children who lost their parent to addiction?

If not, would anyone be interested in one?

Why can't I find a single reference for a narcissist daughter in laws?? As if they don't exist 🙄 it always leads back to narcissist/ toxic mother in law. It's weird 🙄

So I was hoping and confused as to why the men I raised just remain silent until it's over. Brainwashed??? Inherited this weakness to assert boundaries idk but I'm not a fan of this situation.

Anyway it's on me to have a difficult conversation about boundaries with zero support. Yeah 👍

I know I'm a bit old fashioned with certain situations but did I not get the memo??

The 1st time my son's wife physically put herself in a conversation with my kid when he was little. This woman got in my face screaming accusations I was lying idk but it was when she felt like she was entitled to have any opinions of who I was as a mom.

Caught me off guard. There are unspoken rules about disrespecting in an abusive aggression to your husband or anyone's mother who has never once had conflict with.

I couldn't understand where or when she'd given herself permission to address me on a private matter she literally knows nothing about.

I asked her and she said I'll address you in any matter I see fit. Don't act like you don't understand why.

WTF is she talking about??

Now all 3 wives have disrespected me as a person much less my titles and roles of my family.

I will not allow anyone Idgaf how u feel about me or your cat get tf out of my face and learn your place and get your manners in order .

That's how I feel about things

This is my first time posting on Reddit ever and I just need to get this out and I have nowhere else to say or tell anyone

So my mom, she’s like an alcoholic and she started drinking recently again back on Monday and I can’t help but blame myself a little because when she came back from work, she came into my room and she was mad and I should’ve went over there and asked her if she was OK but I didn’t do anything. I just watched her and later on that evening she proceeded to go to the store by alcohol. She hasn’t drink for about 3 to 2 years and she started again that evening. She asked me if it was OK and I knew I should’ve said no and all but I didn’t say no. I just said it’s “OK. Don’t go overboard” and after that she drink and she promised she wouldn’t go overboard again but later on that night, she woke me and my brother up telling us to clean our rooms and it was like around 3 AM and we didn’t go to sleep until 4:30 AM and when she drinks, she just starts to ramble and ramble and she gets mad about stuff and then she’s been drinking these past couple of days she’s been drunk. She’s been getting mad hitting me and my brother and me my brother keep on trying to tell her to stop and sober up for at least a day so we could talk to her cause when we talk to her when she’s like that she doesn’t listen she doesn’t care and earlier today we had to walk to the store because our car was in the shop and we left a little late around 8:28 PM and we didn’t come back until 11 and the whole time she was drinking and she promised to not get any whiskey or like the hard stuff like fireball but she ended up getting it and we had to walk back and we just walked around for like 2 to 3hours and within those 2 to 3 hours I couldn’t help but think of calling the cops on my mom because I thought if she wouldn’t listen to us, maybe if she was incarcerated, she would stop drinking and sober for a couple of days but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it and right now it’s 12 so it’s barely been an hour since I’ve gotten back and I’ve posted this, but I just needed to let this out sorry if my grammar is not the best atm. And I would go into more details, but it just can’t think about it because I’m trying to tell myself that she’ll sober up and i’m trying to believe in her, but I just don’t know.

My mom has been a “secret” drinker for years. However, her drinking has become a bigger problem, she drinks at least 4 out of 7 days a week (sometimes, she will try to get it to 6/7 or 7/7 if I'm out of the house)

She gets alcohol through the cleaning lady or home delivery services. She’s usually sober on the days when they aren’t around. But if for any reason I leave the house for a couple of hours, she takes the opportunity to ask delivery for alcohol or goes out to buy it herself. By the time I get home, she’s already completely drunk; she always finishes a whole bottle in a single day, even 1-liter bottles of ethanol.

Now, I’ve been saving up for a three-week vacation for a couple of years. But I’m really afraid of what might happen, it has happened at least four times that my mom has vomited while sleeping, and I’ve had to rush over to prevent her from choking on her own vomit.

I wouldn’t want something like that to happen to her while she’s alone. I’m also afraid that, while drunk, she might leave the stove on or fall. Accidents don’t happen often, but the thought that something might happen terrifies me—I’m even starting to think it might be better not to take my vacation at all.

We don’t have any family nearby; the closest relative is my dad, and he has never cared about her.

Would it be a good idea to take away her credit card and house keys to keep her from going out or buying anything? Should I install cameras?

The last time I was away for just one week; she stayed with my aunt who lives in another state, but they got into a fight and my aunt kicked her out of the house, so asking her for help is no longer an option.

Thank you all in advance for your advices or ideas.

I’m only 22 and I have a good relationship with my mother who has been sober for over 8 years now, so I really didn’t think much of the fact that I’m an adult child of an alcoholic. She’s mentioned it briefly to me (her dad was also an alcoholic), but I always brushed it off because I never felt it affected me much.

She never abused me or my sisters, and my parents were divorced and my dad is well off so we weren’t neglected. I had some brief counselling in my teen years during and immediately after my mum was in rehab, but I never felt it helped much (I’m autistic and apparently that can affect how effective certain types of talk therapy can be).

Today I was browsing mental health services because I feel like my life is becoming more and more unmanageable. After my autism diagnosis last year, and I suspect I have ADHD too, I’ve just found it really difficult to cope. Anyway I found the ACA website and a lot of it really resonated with me. But it seemed like a lot of the people who talked about their experiences had either suffered quite a lot of abuse or neglect from their parent(s) and/or they lost a parent due to their alcoholism. But I’m not really like that.

So… where do I go from here? How do I know if my problems and mentality come from being an adult child or just from my autism/adhd or any other mental health problems? Can both things be true?

Parental outbursts before any big major accomplishment. I need insights please.

As many people on this group, I (eldest daughter) had parents who provided well, hell sometimes there were even short blurbs of happy times.

My dad had/has a drinking problem due to PTSD from the war and his drinking was bad especially from age 8 - 18.

My mom doesn't drink but gave my dad the silent treatment along with me. There were times she would sent me into the bar with "go get your father".

My younger sister was born sickly and it ended up being epilepsy - no one ever explained that to me, or sat me down. It was usually "your sister is in hospital" with either my parents fighting or consoling each other. But I had no one, times when my sister was in bad shape I was really scared and no one held/explained to me what was going on.

My sister and I do not have a good relationship, although I wish I was "nicer" to her as the older sister. I was not only confused about her, but she also had these massive emotional outbursts most likely due to the epilepsy.

My dad would also get drunk before most important things for me - like school prize giving or many things that matter to me. He once drove severely drunk with us (including a friend) to a concert and I was really scared (even the friend asked me if my dad was okay to drive, which he wasn't, and I was so embarrassed I said to the friend "of course", pretending to be annoyed with such a silly question). At the show my dad scolded me for not being "fun" like the other kids. My mom was away that weekend that's how he got away with this. This is just one example of many.

I feel like my mom was my first bully. If I had feelings she made it about her and I've never been able to open up. I feel physically sick when I have to.

Pre my early 20s I feel I was a avoidant, until I fell in love for the first time at 19 when I was working overseas. I went to get away from them. Looking back, I most definitely have an anxious attachment style but mostly in romantic relationships. They have also all been toxic .. mostly with unavailable men. Shocker - i know.

I developed a drinking problem, part as it was fun and I wanted to rebel and "fuck the patriarchy", part ADHD and part to connect with my dad.

I booked myself into rehab at 32 (my parents don't even know) and have been sober for 15 months. I'm also the recipient of an international scholarship. I've had minimal contact with my parents since last year after my sister had a near death accident. For some reason that accident made me feel like I was 9 years old again. I'm 33.

Can anyone tell me what to do before I leave on this scholarship? How do I fix things even though I honestly don't want to.

Please let me with some insights. I leave in two months and I'll have to see them before I go as I won't be able to forgive myself should something happen and I'm overseas.