r/AdultChildren

I made a post about my dad a few days ago. He's almost 60, and always has been a drunk. Because of him I got introduced to prn at 8 years old, because of him I've been mentally abused and sexualized myself. He outdid himself this year,in may he left for 3 weeks(stayed at his mom) and before he did,he cussed me and my mom like hell(his daily routine). He came back home after those weeks apologizing to my mom saying he will listen to my mom from now on(because,of course,his mom always talked trash to him about me and my dad), it was going fine for us for two weeks,but after those weeks we found out he had a bad debt to a supermarket,he "bought" food for his mom of over 67 USD which is a lot for us here where I live. since then it's been going bad. two days ago he came home drunk and said that he won't make a bank account so we can pay the bills(which is a necessity here) and then my mom somehow argued with him really bad and after that nothing happened. Yesterday he came home late and out of anger he almost hit my mom with a damn rock while I was on the street with my friend and it's embarrassing that they saw me crying because of my dad.(and yeah he was drunk) well my mom kicked him out. Aside from this, I've decided to reach for a little support and comfort to my ex boyfriend because I feel really upset about my dad . anyway,he started defending him saying he can't control his addiction,that he still loves me inside his heart . I don't believe any of this and when I confronted him he said that he isn't defending my dad and that he's trying to make me feel better. I know addiction can be hard,but when you're almost 60 years old and had the same attitude with my sister who is almost 40 years old,then you're dumb as hell.

has anyone else's parents stalked them

i lost my virginity the other day (im 18), me and my girlfriend (21f) went to a hotel to do it. this is the first time ive done anything like this, and i know you might be saying "well no shit you just said you lost your virginity", but what i mean is its the first time ive done something major to disobey my parents. im not a rebel, in fact i listened too much for my own good, i was homeschooled since i was 13. my whole life ive had to be obedient to them, even to the point of sacrificing my secondary education and helping to raise my baby brother. I have started working and getting my own money, also I got back into a higher education.

i found out that my dad followed me to where we went after the day was done. i did lie to them ab where we went bc obviously i cant tell them that i went to a hotel cause it would upset them. i felt bad that they followed me, it felt violating. they shamed me for having sex saying they raised me better, and i was "holy", they raised me better, i sinned and now my girlfriend is "my new god" all sorts of stuff.

you dont have to ask if they had sex before marriage, you already know the answer. but ofc "they know better now", obviously, but they were acting like if i was doing it unprotected, i was so safe cause of how paranoid i was.

i just wanted to know if i was wrong for doing what i did and if i deserved to be shamed, i understand lying is wrong and i can get why theyd be upset, but i did it safely and comfortably with someone ive been with for a long time.

My mother is mentally ill and an alcoholic, and I have had to make the hard decision that I cannot be in her life as long as alcohol is.

When she drinks, she becomes emotionally and sometimes physically abusive. The day after is even worse. Alcohol interferes with her medications, and she becomes depressed, insecure, and angry, and the emotional abuse escalates. She drinks every day so the cycle is never ending.

I finally drew the line while I was in the hospital. She was calling me three times a day, drunk or hungover, to scream at me, and I couldn't take it anymore. After she asked my husband to be a mediator, my spouse walked her and my father through her behavior over those few days, hoping they would see the effect it was having on me. Since then, she has been pressuring me to say that my spouse and I lied and that none of it happened.

My father who has his own mental health struggles depends on her drinking to cope with her mental illness so has just vanished from our lives, he doesn't want her to stop drinking.

I feel awful not being able to be in their lives, but I can't do what they want me to, I cannot pretend the abuse didn't exist, I also cannot be abused for the rest of my life either. I don't see any other option... does anyone have any advice?

My father passed away two months ago. He was 68. The last two years were difficult, and I was afraid that eventually his body might give up. He had been in the hospital a couple of times. His heart stopped, and they resuscitated him, but his brain had been without oxygen for too long. I was able to say goodbye to him in the hospital before they switched off the machines. He looked peaceful, as if he were asleep.

His own father was also an alcoholic, and my father cut ties with him. Unfortunately, I think my father suffered inside, and the love from my mother, my brother, and me was not enough to heal him. He escaped into alcohol. He was never violent or angry. He just gradually faded away. I feel a sense of relief, especially for my mother. We all suffered with him.

He was a wonderful dad. I was always his precious only daughter. No one loved me the way he did. He worked really hard to build us a home and give my brother and me everything we wanted. He showed me the world and took me to many beautiful countries.

I visited him every Sunday. I talked to him a couple of times a week. I miss him so much. I look at his photos. I play short recordings of his voice. I never thought I could hurt this much.

I'm grateful that I had him for 38 years and that he was there at my wedding. But I'm angry that he lost his fight with addiction and that I can't have him healthy and with me for a few more years. I cry almost every day and ask myself whether I've done enough to help him...

I’ve been on a healing journey for a few years now by essentially facing my past, not trying to escape the pain and also leaving the area I was born / raised in / dragged up in.

One thing I have noticed is my brain is brining up memories I thought I completely forgot / buried.

Some are mildly traumatic memories and others are just random.

My theory is I was in survival mode for so long I didn’t have much time to truly reflect or hold onto memories as I was always waiting for the next penny to drop.

I am wondering if there are others in a similar situation. My mother is 75, declining quick. Mentally she’s not well she failed a screening, does not know people’s ages or what day it is. Can’t keep track of her medication. She lives alone, has been a shut in for many many years. I have very firm boundaries and am extremely low contact. What I know is from my smiling reporting to me. It seems like now that she is becoming unable to care for herself we are expected to now be her caregivers. My sister seems fine with me, but wants me to help out. I don’t want to, but I am struggling with guilt. I don’t want to be involved or only have limited involvement. However it also feels wrong and people are telling me I will regret not seeing her once she passes. I’m really confused and feel like nobody understands me.

A relatinship I had ended and I'm ruminating too much on this person. What pages in the big red book, or other literature, can I find information on this.

Thanks