I haven’t spoken to my dad in year and I feel guilty
*I haven’t spoken to my dad in 6 years I feel guilty.
My dad and I have a complicated relationship. I’ve never questioned that my dad loves me but he was physically abusive when I was really little and emotionally abusive throughout the rest of my childhood. For context I’m Vietnamese.
Now I’m 26 and my dad is 63, he hasn’t been abusive in a very long long time but we haven’t spoke in over 6 years despite the fact that he lives with my mom and my brother (he also doesn’t talk to my dad). I’m not down playing the abuse we endured from him but I find it hard to keep being mad at him. He’s a chronic smoker, he’s aging, and he often shows how much he cares even if I don’t speak to him. A part of my wants to just forgive and let it go but this has been a pattern in the past where my brother or I let it go and we regret it down the line.
I’m not sure what to do but I’ve been home with my family for months now and I don’t know something just feels different. I want to let it go but I also want to protect myself. I don’t know how to feel but as time goes on I’m also conscious of his feelings and how he must also feel being near his adult children but not really having a relationship with them.