I have a rule that if guys try to create an ultimatum that I have to send nudes in order to meet them that I just let them know they can just fuck themselves… I feel like it’s rude to expect me to send nudes. Especially since most of these profiles are blank, but in general. What do you think?
Let me start by saying this post is not about bragging. I’m genuinely trying to understand some guys mentality. Any insight is highly appreciated.
I’m 31 years old and a top (in case it helps). Looks wise I would say I’m a solid 7. Middle of the pack at best.
Lately I have been running into a persistent issue. Some guys don’t know how to take a no for an answer and literally don’t have self-esteem or sense of pride or respect for themselves at all. I’m an asshole and an abrasive jerk ngl but there’s two things I have very clear : I just need to be told no once and I’ll never speak to you again and I don’t go out of my way to attack people.
I never initiate or text to these guys. Hell I don’t even remember their names. I’m gonna refer to 3 in particular:
Guy # 1 : we fucked like 3 years ago once. After that he has being consistently hitting me up every couple of months to either hang out or fuck. He’s cute but he’s a parasitic leach (younger mentality, “I deserve to be given everything I want because I’m cute and I have a pink tight hole”), doesn’t drive, doesn’t have a job and at some point he became an escort plus he has a bitchy personality mean twink type. I have made it clear multiple times I’m not interested in him. Well he keeps coming back at it until he gets mad and starts to spill venom about my looks (gray hair because it’s my genetic heritage for bad or good) and the fact I live with my parents (mind you: I solely pay for the roof all my family lives in and I rake home 100K per year and I just got to this country 10 years ago without even knowing the language).
Guy # 2 : we had one night stand couple of years ago. He stroke me as weird so I never went back for seconds. At some point he moved to my neighborhood and it’s constantly hitting me up after I repeatedly told him I’m not interested. Recently he went from “ugly little duck” to “swan”. Typical glow up after start going to the gym. Well out of nowhere he opens up with “You have being 31 for 5 years now” … bitch I don’t lie about my age, I lie about calling you the next day. Why would you come out of nowhere being a sour loser to attack someone that has zero interest on you at all and has made you aware of it?
Guy # 3 : we were supposed to go on a date and he canceled last minute. After that he keeps trying to reach out and I politely say to him every time I’m not interested anymore. I’m very respectful of my own persona, you are only allowed to waste my time once. Well he’s having a hard time understanding the concept of “I don’t wanna be your friend or hang out with you and I’m not interested in second chances”.
Now all this guys are 7-8 years younger than me and objectively cute and I’m sure they can do vastly better than me.
If I’m such a bad catch because I still live with my parents at 31 and I look older like two of them pointed out while mocking my gray hair here’s my question for them:
Why do you keep crawling back and denigrating yourself when you have being clearly told NO repeatedly several times? Where’s your pride and sense of respect for yourself?
Maybe is a cultural thing. Where I come from I was taught when I was a kid that you don’t give your time to people that reject you and that you just move on when things don’t go your way.
Sorry for the long post. I needed to rant somewhere.
I met this guy on Grindr and we’ve met twice. He’s in an open relationship, and he asked if I’d be interested in being his fuck buddy. I said yes, but we’re not actually FWB or anything yet.
The problem is I’m already getting way more attached than I expected. We used to text every day, just the usual good morning texts, asking how each other’s day was, random conversations, etc. It became a bit of a routine for me.
Recently though, the conversations have gotten slower and he doesn’t really initiate anymore. I’m usually the one initiating conversations, so when I don’t text him, I find myself waiting to see if he’ll reach out on his own.
Whenever I see him online on Grindr or notice that he’s changed his status/profile, I start overthinking everything.
I start wondering who he’s talking to, whether he’s meeting someone else, why he’s online but hasn’t messaged me, etc. Then I find myself checking his profile/chat over and over even though I know there’s really nothing to check.
I KNOW he’s allowed to be on Grindr and see other people. That’s literally what I agreed to. He’s in an open relationship and he hasn’t actually done anything wrong. I think the problem is that I’m becoming emotionally attached before we’ve even established anything, and the change in our communication is making me overthink even more.
I don’t really know how to deal with this. I don’t want to keep chasing him or constantly checking Grindr for reassurance, but at the same time I don’t want to lose whatever connection we had.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? How do you deal with getting attached when the communication suddenly slows down, especially when you know the other person is free to see other people? And how do you stop yourself from constantly checking their profile/chat?
Why not just say you're a side or not into anal or not list position at all?
This app is straight comedy Istg
I dont know if the problem is with me or my approach'
Trying to meet new people and even bought the paid version of chats but still could not find best people on grinder-
Where are the quality guys who wana more than sex?
Guy from South Bend Indiana
I’ve had people say the meanest things in response to ‘Hey, how’s it going?’
For a while I changed my Grindr bio to looking for a relationship and no sex on the first date. I was trying to switch things up to see if I could find a guy that wanted me for more than just sex and would be a longterm partner.
This handsome black dude hit me up after a while and told me to add him on snapchat. He was just my type, tall, leanly muscled with a nice ass, beautiful lips and had long hair. I was so excited and he came to pick me up that evening in a shiny black Rolls Royce. I was very impressed and complimented him a lot, he seemed chill and I thought we might make a great couple.
When we got back to his place, I started wondering if he had actually read my bio or if he was expecting sex, so I reminded him that I didnt want sex on the first date and he was just like alright, so I thought everything was cool. When we got into his house, I thought it was very nice, wide open and spacious, I have a lot of friends/family that feel like they need to fill every space in their house but I guess Im more minimalistic.
He led me to a room that looked like an office with a couch and tv, and we sortve sat there awkwardly watching sports and making small talk. Then he randomly handed me a book called "getting to know someone" or something like that, it had different questions on each page and we took turns asking each other questions from the book. I thought it was going good, a quirky first date.
But after like forty minutes, he said lets watch a movie and took me into his BEDROOM. Red alert, red alert, red alert! I knew immediately that he was now trying to convince me to have sex. But I stuck to my boundaries and did not give in, he put on a drama/comedy movie and when it was halfway done and I still hadnt given in to having sex, he just said he would drive me home. He didnt say anything about sex or anything like that, but it was very obviously like why else would he take me to his room, and when he realized I was sticking to my no sex rule then he was like alright I'll take you home.
That was our first and last date, and he blocked me soon after that final meeting. I decided not long after that date to change my bio back to "can host, willing to travel" because these men do not want to wait for sex, they dont care about relationships, they just want to hookup on grindr, the best I can hope for on this app is a Friends With Benefits situation lol, so I just recognized what the app is for and I only use it if I want to hookup nowadays.
Edit One: Oh I forgot to mention he gave me a weed vape for free with some extra cartridges. I really thought he wanted to date for real.
Edit Two: Looking back, I shouldve known better when he brought me to his house on a "date".
Does being on Grindr make anyone else want to off themselves or avoid trying to have a relationship fr? The app is almost UNUSABLE because of how rude people are to me. On the highly rare chance someone replies, they tell me I’m too tall, too skinny, or say horrible things for no reason and then say I’m too sensitive for being offended. I guess writing it out on here makes me sensitive. For context I’ll send out maybe 40 “hey how’s it going” messages and no joke get only about two replies saying “pic” when I have a profile clearly showing my body and face! It’s starting to make me think this is just how all people act towards me and maybe they’re right. It sucks because I don’t live in an area with gay bars or ways to meet people, so in an attempt to get close to my ‘community’ I’m getting super discouraged. Part of me wants to post my picture for context because I always thought I was a decent looking guy. Idk can anyone else relate?
I keep getting blocked on Grindr. I got blocked 3x in a row. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I’m really nervous talking to people because it feels like if say one wrong thing I’m immediately blocked. Maybe I’m coming off like a complete weirdo. People ask what I like and soon as I say it, bam! Gone. Like wtf? I can’t even save the conversations to reread them and try to understand what I said or how I said it.