r/bipolar

I’ve been lurking here for a while, but I wanted to ask something a little different.

I have bipolar I. I had a manic episode about 8 years ago, found the right treatment, and I’ve been stable ever since.

Today I have a career as a software engineer, a wife, two daughters, a home, and a life that honestly feels pretty ordinary in the best possible way. I still take my medication and see my therapist, and I know stability isn’t something to take for granted.

Sometimes, though, I feel strangely alone. Most of the stories I see (understandably) are from people who are currently struggling or in crisis. Those voices are important. But I find myself wondering:
Where are the people who’ve been stable for years? The ones with careers, families, hobbies. the people living with bipolar without it dominating every day of their lives.

I know survivorship bias is real, and people who are doing well probably aren’t posting as often. Still, I’d love to hear from you if this sounds like your experience.

How long have you been stable? What does your life look like now and what helped you get there?
I think I’m just looking to feel a little less alone

Has anyone considered trying shock therapy? I used to think it was some quack science from the 50s but apparently how they do it now seems really effective for major depression and bipolar. Has one anyone considered and or tried it?

Hey y’all. Recently started a new job and have gotten into trouble for dozing off during meetings. I’m on a low dose of a certain mood stabilizer, which I think is a major factor causing this.

My manager has asked me to fill out a disability accommodation form, but I’m not sure what accommodations I should even ask for. So far I’m thinking allowing stretching/standing up during meetings from home and frequent sipping of beverages.

Any recommendations?

I feel like I am getting a little hypomanic. I recently started dating again, which meant I've had a couple of hookups. That is a slippery slope because it can lead to hypersexuality fast. I was almost asexual for the past couple of years. I was so consumed by heartbreak with one guy that I just gave up. Now that I am dating, I can definitely feel myself buzzing. I quit drinking to manage my bipolar, but I have been very loose with that lately. Going on a date & having a drink my lead to sharing a bottle of wine. Add in summer activities, and I really felt like I was electric last night. I'm trying to figure out how to manage it. I think I will focus on cleaning my house up this week to try to get back into a healthy routine again.

I am 46, never had any kids & a great career...so, I didn't realize I may actually be a catch. It's been fun online dating. Lots of interest, but also tricky to navigate. Also, I am studying for and taking my professional licensure exams for architecture. On top of that, I have a public role in my town & wrote an article last week. I think that is what tipped me over the edge. I am very quiet & stay to myself in my tiny town. That put me in the public eye, and that makes me uncomfortable. I agreed to lead a talk in a few weeks and I'm pretty nervous about putting myself out there. All of a sudden, people want more of my attention and time. I am struggling with mainataining a balance so I don't get out of whack and tip manic. I am just here for support.

Hey there everyone, just reaching out for some advice I guess. This follows a previous post about my 5 year m/m ending in January, me M(26) & him M(25). For context I was actively looking for rings and planned on purposing to this guy in the spring, but shitty things came to light (on his end) during a manic episode and I said some terrible things to him that I still regret.

He is the only person I have ever felt this way for and I can't seem to escape the feeling. I have tried to distract myself with dates, but every guy is just of no interest and I find myself wishing it was ex. I went on a date with an amazing guy last week and just cried when I got home because I miss my ex.

I hike at least 6 miles a week and I'm consistently at the gym. This is best I've ever looked and the healthiest I have ever been but yet I feel so empty. I'm not normally a lovey dovey guy but for him I was; he's on my mind 24/7 and I truly hate it.

My question: When should I expect these feelings to subside so I can move on? I feel so stupid for not being able to when he has moved on.

I'd like to believe I am not suicidal. There are things that I want to do and I believe there's still a chance for me. Before the suicidal thoughts were fleeting and not serious.

With years my depressive episodes have been getting worse. They are longer, harder to manage. During those I sometimes get a day where I get massively suicidal. It's like an itch. During the winter I actually went throught my meds and started to lay them out. Took one but then...and I shit you not... I got tired. I got so tired that I literally thought "I'd rather go to sleep rn". A few weeks ago I was walking home from work and my brain was like "finish it! Right now!". It was such an overwhelming, physical need. I was in despair, and in those times, I truly believe there's no chance for me.

These things are scary, because when I call down, the itch goes away. But the longer I ruminate on it, the stronger it gets. The second, I am annoyed with myself because I still don't believe I am capable of any of these and are just making a fuss out of nothing.

Does anyone relate?? What tf is going on.

Hi! First post on this subreddit. Long story short I took almost an entire year away from my community college without telling any of my family. I learned end of last year/start of this year that I have bipolar disorder (type 2). I am currently in an IOP and am trying to make plans to go back to community college as a part time student while I work full time. I just am unsure of the logistics.

never formally withdrawed I just ghosted altogether. I am not even sure what to say to admissions, do I have to provide any medical documentation of my diagnosis? I am scared that because I have been so out of whack and through so many doctos/psychiatrists that I wouldn't even be able to assemble the right documents if they are even necessary.

I feel like I have totally fallen behind as a young adult and it's very scary and I am not sure why I am so freaked out over a community college also. I am not even sure if I want to continue with my current major (Comp Sci)

For the record I am actively in this IOP until beginning of September and I have mentioned it to my personal therapist so we're going to get into detail next session. Looking for more practical advice/if anyone has gone through a similar situation.

TL;DR - Practical advice needed for going back to community college after ghosting for a year/similar experiences appreciated

Thank you so much in advance!

After 18 months of hypomania, med induced mania and psychosis, followed by a depressive episode I barely survived, I'm finally crawling out of this black hole and seeing the light. Thanks to finding the right meds, I feel almost like myself again. Not 100%, but the most stable I've felt in the past year and a half.

I lost a lot of weight during my manic episode. I physically could not eat. Appetite came back a little during my depressive episode. Started an antipsychotic that is considered weight neutral and I actually had a huge decrease in appetite the first couple weeks. Now that I've increased my dose and feel really good at this dose, I can't. Stop. Eating. Like absolutely no self control. All I think about is food. I wake up in the middle of the night and binge eat in the kitchen. I eat junk all day. When I'm sleeping, I dream about food. I haven't gained any weight yet, but I know where this is going.

The people that I've reached out to for support just tell me to stop eating. I've lost weight using a calorie deficit. I know how it works. But I genuinely feel like there is a force working against me, I can't just stop eating.

I've been looking into GLP1s. I tried ordering online and in the questionnaire, it asked me if I had a history of psychosis. When I answered yes, it said I didn't qualify. I asked my psychiatrist about GLP1s and she didn't recommend it, saying theres evidence showing they affect dopamine.

I do seem to be sensitive to meds and honestly any changes. But I can't live my life like this. GLP1s seem like the easy answer, but I'm just now feeling better. I'm terrified to do anything to mess that up.

How do people deal with the insatiable hunger???

Does anybody else stare at their bottles of medications and get sad?
The thought that I have to take these for the rest of my life pops in my head when I take my meds and it bums me out. I turned 29 yesterday and I don’t know why but taking my meds tonight made me feel extra “bleh”. I know being bipolar doesn’t define you and that’s not who you are but it’s still there you know? I still have it. It’s not going anywhere. I need my meds or it’ll get worse.
(In no way shape or form am I going to stop my meds btw.)
Just thoughts that I was wondering if anyone shared.

I don't think i can do this anymore. i've been suffering from this disease for 6 years now i've been on 11 different medications and no relief i still don't want to live im constantly destroying my own life i hate everything nothing brings me joy most people disgust me and/or are ignorant i hate this foul world and this nasty disease i just want the pain to be done im tired.

This is an old memory, but one that I've only come to terms with recently. This was around the time I became symptomatic, but before I was diagnosed. I've felt deeply self-conscious about my voice ever since.

It was my 14th birthday and I had just arrived home from school. I wasn't expecting anything but my aunts, uncles, and cousins surprised me with a cake. I was very excited. I didn't have anyone to talk to all day at school, so I was a jittery mess. I was very talkative. My voice is kind of high and even more so when I'm excited. I started talking a mile a minute. Little did I know, one of my cousins had been recording me the whole time. She played back my conversation and everyone laughed at how high my voice was and how fast I was talking. I just stood there while everyone laughed at me. They knew I was having a hard time and that I'd been in a psychiatric ward the previous school year.

I cut the prettiest piece of cake. A piece with a big pink rose. When I went to get a glass of milk someone took it. I had to go back to school and sell tickets for the school play with girls who picked on me. My mom came to pick me up after she got off work and I wish she had been there to stand up for me. She's one of the only people in my family who tries to understand me.

to preface, im f18 and only found out like, a few weeks ago. i never even considered bipolar 2 until recently, but it was due to an interaction i had with a friend where she described my mood like a “switch being flipped.”

im diagnosed with ocd, adhd and bpd, so the adhd/bpd combo made me believe i was just having mood swings due to the bpd, and the hypomania was an adhd thing LOL.

when my friend said that, it made me think. i was super down just a few days before so i questioned why I randomly had so much energy. so, i started retracing all my behaviors from when i first had a depressive episode (13) and it all started to make sense:

The long weeks of depression where everything seemed so hopeless, the horrible reaction to ssri’s, the random bursts of energy for a few days, the weirdly positive social media posts where id spam like crazy and text EVERYONE, the extreme agitation, the phases where id do things that were extremely out of character - I started to piece it together. its crazy because i thought me experiencing high energy was just how “normal” was supposed to feel so i never reported it to my psychiatrist. so i was misdiagnosed and put on an ssri, the next day my world changed. everything seemed so different, life felt worth living and my whole world was more colorful. i was so happy i wanted to explode. I thought this meant my depression was gone, however, now I realize it triggered a hypomanic episode and now im experiencing rapid cycling while on a low dose of a mood stabilizer. :,)

honestly realizing was kind of scary but it’s brought so much comfort knowing that theres an actual reason for this and im not alone. i thought i just had major depressive disorder and/or a health issue due to being fatigued

it’s so debilitating to live like this and not even know why, so now I feel at peace knowing that i might have a future where I can function properly :>

I recently began seeing a new psychiatrist who almost immediately honed in on bipolar disorder. He immediately x-ray visioned through all my regular early-session BS, and as he was prompting me to take him through the synopsis of my life, it was probably the first time a mental health professional has left me with this completely exposed sense of: "Oh. I see what this looks like."

Anyway, I'm curious about what other people's experiences are. I believe I had my first (and, to date, perhaps only) true manic episode at 19 as a sophomore in college. I remember this very distinct feeling that I was now "fixed," that the depression I had experienced in high school had lifted, I had "grown out of it," and was out of nowhere, cured. I have had several of these, I'm-fixed-now "revelations" in my life, but this was by far the most intense (and accompanied by the most concurrent insane behavior).

Looking back at the last 8 years or so, I cannot point out a single time I've ever felt, in any way, neutral. There is always some pervasive Wrongness. Just this constant discomfort, or agitation, or exasperation, that varies in intensity and direction. Sometimes it feels blunted, like depression, where everything is just so overwhelming and way too much and I withdraw, or neglect, or avoid. This has, historically, ruined several of my relationships with other people. Other times, I'm just incessantly annoyed, like there is a constant static in the backdrop where everything is unbearable and excruciating all of the time. I find myself picking fights with people just because I feel Bad, and then trying to retroactively invent reasons why.

It feels like my life has been one long series of external disappointment in the form of "you should be" and "why haven't you" and "can't you just." I've always thought that if I could just get my shit together, it would be better, but now I'm wondering if I might finally get some closure on why everything has felt so fucking hard my whole life.

My life is hell right now, I’ve never wanted to shut down my brain this badly. This overwhelming urge to take absurd amount of drugs is taking over me. I want to lose control. I don’t want to decide anything or do anything anymore. I don’t want to see people or talk to them anymore. I don’t give a damn anymore, whether they talk to me, yell at me, or hurt me, there is no fucking sense to keep going, I just want to screw everything up.

How many people here found out their condition by being prescribed lexapro? It sent me into Mania for months!! Everyone around me told me to go get screened for bipolar but It never crossed my mind that bipolar was a possibility.

I'm 21, still living with my family. I have chronic anxiety paired with ocd along with bipolar 1. I am fully medicated but it doesn't do much because my family makes my mental health worse. I can't work more than 15 hours a week and I've tried applying for disability but got denied. I know I have to get an attorney for an appeal but I'm too scared to even reach out. So I've been sitting with this denial for ages. I'm scared of rejection of some sort from the attorney because my conditions are stupid, I don't even have a physical disability. I'm scared of having to explain everything and seeming too dramatic. I'm especially scared of having to call them. I just can't do it. So I just keep living with my family because I can't even get a room for rent with what I'm making from work. My family is making my mental health even worse. It's 12am now and I just find myself crying because I dont want to live here so bad but I'm stuck. My boyfriend lives across the country and just got a really good full-time job and I just feel like I'm holding him back because I can't do anything. I cant move out to live with him. I can't work full time. I feel like he'd be so much better off without me. I'm so tired, I just hate my life. I know the simple answer is to call an attorney but that just seems like way too much to me, it's terrifying and I'm just the cause of my shitty situation.

TW: S/H, S*

Hey all,

Going through it as of writing this. I mean, it seems like i am ALWAYS going through it in some capacity.

Since being diagnosed and put on several medication cocktails over the years, I have noticed something absolutely horrific.

I am getting worse rapidly year by year.

The highs and lows are getting more intense with each cycle. What began years ago as unbearable INTERNAL anger has morphed into me physically bringing it to life with horrible words and breaking objects.

The subtle kept-to-myself sadness I used to have has evolved into regular s/h and s* attempts.

Every manic and depressive episode is significantly more dangerous than the last. My thoughts more and more incoherent and disorganized. Then the spending I don't remember. I lose hundreds every month or two on crap?? I owe more biweekly than I make.

The hallucinations are the worst. A little over a year ago it was just auditory and mild visual stuff. In the last year it became intense auditory, intense visual, tactile (being touched/grabbed), olfactory (all food and drink tastes like how roadkill/rotted meat smells, sometimes weeks without eating as a result), and paranoia.

The hallucinations only pick up with mania or stress while either manic or depressed. Any stress at any time brings it on. It fades over time when stress is resolved and i get to deal with "just" my usual up or down. 🙄

Has anyone else felt their bipolar get worse over the years/very quickly? Is this uncommon or reversible? I would love to hear your guy's perspectives and experiences with this, thank you 🖤

I was diagnosed with Bipolar a few months ago and I'm currently in a depressive episode. Is it normal to feel the physical urge (high libido) but feel absolutely zero pleasure or satisfaction? Everything just feels numb. Is this due to the depression or the meds Anyone else experience this?