u/Mysterious_Video_609

I dont have any medication im in the process of trying to get diagnosed and help. My appointment isnt till next week and for the past 4 days I have slept like 3-4 hours I cant stop fidgeting my body keeps moving. Focusing in college is hard bc I will just start looking around the class interested in everything.

Im scared I dont wanna call my mom bc she has always dealt with me having issues. I wanted to be someone who helps people not someone who is constantly taking from people.

Im currently a college student who is in the process of getting medical help (therapist and discussing medication). But in the mean time I am currently in a depressive episode and I just can't handle it anymore. I hate when I can't interact with friends and make them laugh like I usually do. I started doing weed more often during my second semester as it made it so the depressive episodes aren't as bad and when im in hypomanic mode I would abuse it to the point of doing it anytime I was awake.

Im so done with this I want my escape but I know its not good for my condition. I really wanna just light up and forget but I know it doesnt fix the issue and is gonna make it worse but im just done with being this depressed.