u/InleRising

My friend (28f) and I (38m) dated briefly, had a situationship for a little over a year, and have moved slowly into a platonic zone. We're both on the spectrum (me: unofficially, her: AuDHD, Borderline, tons of family trauma) and have been there for each other, although with lots of tension and bickering. I believe she's too needy, and is using me as a crutch to avoid further social outreach. She's a genuinely good person, but very damaged.

She was relaying to me new revelations of domestic violence that she hadn't known her Dad perpetrated against her Mom, with the silent (or voiced) approval/blessing of his siblings. I started on the phone to be there for her, though I had other things to do. As so often happens, she segued into talking about how poorly she believes I've treated her, and how she "knows" that she isn't the only one I've treated in the manner she described. She revealed that some time ago (not during any romantic period), she tracked down my ex-fiance and contacted her to ask questions about me and my relationship with her back then. I feel like this is an overreach, a betrayal, and a hard line to cross. She says she shouldn't have done it, but "needed to know" if she was the only one having problems with me. She's done this with another ex, tracking down all his former love interests and comparing notes.

I was ready to let her leave my life for a while (I've mostly been sticking around because I'm afraid of being one more person to hurt her), but this feels different. My best friend says I would be foolish to not cut her off, and my therapist thinks that I'm not wrong for wanting to cut her off. Am I overreacting?

I visited Saint Charles in 2008, and was pretty taken aback by the condition of the town - I'd read that it was a bustling place in the 1940s, before mechanization. It feels like the end of the world, abruptly stopping at a mine (which I can't tell the operational status of). I drove through again on Sunday, and it seems to have declined further. I recall so many houses having chickens in the front yard on my first visit - this time there was only one. More houses had collapsed or burned. I'm fascinated by the evolution of places like coal camps - what the various points of no return were, what daily life is like now, and what the insiders say about the town, or what is left of it. Saint Charles has lived in my mind for the past 18 years, and likely will forever.

Are there any current residents who would want to talk with me, or former residents, or those kin to either? I'd appreciate any information or insights.