Sorry if this is gonna end up being a long post but I really don’t want to go and I don’t even know where to start, I never asked for help and now I feel like I have to give my whole life story in order to get the right advice.

As I mentioned in the title, I’m currently at the point where I just wanna give up on life and leave this world, I was diagnosed with ADHD in my teenage years and unofficially diagnosed with ASD1 (by unofficially I mean by a family member who is a psychiatrist).

I am not here to flex or whatever so please just don’t take it as bragging, but I am a male in early 20s that people consider attractive and females approach frequently, I was on top of the class since day one. Well? Not anymore.
I had a psychosis period 2-3 years ago and since then my life has been going downhill, I lost all of my childhood friends, I moved countries to “study” in one of the top unis in the world, here comes the fun part: it’s been 4 semesters and I haven’t finished a single subject, I didn’t go to uni once, my room is a mess, got speeding fines piled up for years now, I procrastinate everything to the point where I literally do nothing in life, and by nothing I mean nothing I barely eat or take a shower.

I feel like there’s no future for me, I spent years trying to at least do one productive thing and I can’t, that smart kid is gone, I am stupid af now, I can’t keep friendships, I can’t keep relationships nothing. I don’t understand myself for people to understand me, I don’t know why I can’t move, it’s like I am watching myself for the past few years in one place and begging myself to DO SOMETHING, at least get a job stop spending like an idiot, get your shit together and I’m not being able to.

I got a loving family back home and they are the only reason why I’m still here, I don’t wanna hurt them but the more I’m living the more torture I’m going through every single day, I am a disappointment who everyone expected to be a scientist or some real sh in this wold by this age and here I am.

People don’t see this, I don’t tell anyone I have Audhd cuz I can expect the “oh you don’t look…” part, I never vent to anyone and I never had a shoulder to cry on, I am always there for people yet I can’t even ask for help because I feel like I’m a burden.

Is there a way out other than the one I am thinking of? How am I supposed to get help in this cruel world I don’t understand, why isn’t there a fucking Separate life for Neurodivergent people cuz what the fuck is this.

I genuinely don’t know what am I missing here in this sub.
It’s safe to say it might be due to the fact I have Autism and ADHD that’s making me confused, but like why tf do I get downvoted if I post or comment about the fact that Sai getting a new skin is not enough when supports get an invincibility button.

Not that I care I mean I got a life but it’s really interesting atp :P

It’s either that this sub is full of support mains, or Psylocke players only care about netease releasing new skins that’s show psylockes body.

Now watch this post getting downvoted to the ground instead of explaining what’s wrong with my question…

This is gonna be long but I really need help with this and would appreciate it if others Aspies share their experiences with me.

For starters, I have been diagnosed with ADHD, Anxiety, MDD, and only recently I got diagnosed with ASD1 (Mid twenties).

I am someone who is really extroverted (At least my ADHD side) of course that lasts till the lovely burnout kicks in, studying in one of the top 10 Universities isn the world, working from home, so I would like to think that I am not stupid I am sharing this since at least there’s no way to measure and share how “good” or “bad” I am socially.

As the title suggests, I feel like every time I am friends with someone/ a group of friends, it ends up the same way, always!

If I am friends with someone, I introduce them to my friends, a couple of months down the line a small mistake coming from me or even from someone else towards me, the friendship is gone, they all stay friends tho.

If it was a group of friends even better, I don’t have to introduce them to anyone, they just switch up on me one day and it always comes from the person who I am closest to in the group.

Now to give examples of situations that I had, the first was some dude who I barely knew was talking sh about me for months in front of my friends, I didn’t wanna dig into the fact why was he comfortable doing so at least until I confront him (since my friends were not the ones who told me that he was talking behind my back) and after confronting him they all came at me for not being nice and “overreacting” by confronting him in front of everyone and embarrassing him that way.

Second situation which I am currently going through rn is that one of my friends had some really tough period and she was using me as a source of energy/healing the whole time. she complained to me everyday, had someone to talk to, to be there physically for her when she had panic attacks and guess what, she heals, she starts going out again with the group, and now she is complaining about the smallest things I do. for example: asking for a hit of the vape that btw I got her when she was going through shit to everyone! (I literally asked once or twice)

These might sound like teenage problems which is exactly what I think, that these kinda things shouldn’t have happened or snowballed in the first place, but the moment you try to stop it you are the villain that ruined everyones good time and the opportunity for a drama to develop.
You shouldn’t demand respect, neither u r gonna redeem it, you should just live with it and agree with their way of dealing with things (rolling that snowball down).

I don’t know if at this point I am venting overthinking or I need help figuring this out, I feel like NTs feed on gossip, drama etc…
It would be really nice to hear what ya’ll think, and if you have been there share your experiences, and no I don’t mind being criticized so throw it at me in the comments.