My friend (neurotypical male) had an interesting experience today in his university with a group of friends, apparently 3 guys and 2 girls.

Basically, they were talking about what kind of partner they would like to have (funny, tall, social, etc), and at some point conversation they started mentioning physical features, and my friend said that he only wanted to marry a white girl, no exceptions.

And everyone stared at him as if he said something atrocious, I don't remember the details after but one of the two girls discussed with him saying that preferences like that were racist.

I must say that I have no preferences in dating when it comes to race, my two ex partners show that, and I was surprised when he told me what happened because he's not even white, but I don't understand the controversy either.

I'm not the most romantically successful person because of my autism, I never had feelings of entitlement or hatred against others because of that, so why are people so offended when they are rejected over things they can't control?

Idk but I had to take this out of my chest because I consider feelings like that very unfair and similar to what an incel would think.

I'm a man and in my whole life I have never had a girlfriend or a female friend, not even close to it.

I won't complain about it because I have a group of friends and being single is not a real issue to me right now, however, something I have noticed is that women are... Way more difficult to interact with than men.

I know the common advice is "just talk to them as you do with men" but that's something I did my whole life, I don't change the way I talk no matter the gender, and even if it's obvious I have autism, men usually are more "accepting" with my social deficits than women.

I never understood why, but I can at least hold conversations with men even if that doesn't evolve into a friendship, with women is kinda rare that we talk more than 3 minutes unless they're older than me, if that's the case they're usually more tolerant and chill than any person of my age.

I swear I don't try to ask them out nor act insistent with them, I don't mind them if they aren't comfortable with my presence, it's just a phenomenon I never could get.

For some reason, everything these days has to be "validated".

Nothing can be an objective reality or... The truth.

No one can be privileged or lucky because according to these people if someone is happy then they earned it, no matter how wealthy, neurotypical, and healthy they are.

That's why NT's get extremely mad if you tell them that some good things they have are out of their control, and therefore their lives are extremely easy just because they were lucky.

You can give them sources or statistics to show this, but they will just say "oppression Olympics" and ignore it or insult you.

This is something I have never understood, why? You aren't less worthy of a person because you have it easy, just don't talk over others who have it worse than you.

This is something I've wondered about since I discovered the concept of people that suffer from depression 24/7 and are literally incapable of feeling joy, do the inverse exist? People who live in happiness all the time and get dopamine by everything they do caused by their brain wiring?

The mental health movement wants to make the suicidal thoughts of someone the problem of everyone, they advocate for suicide "de-stigmatization" in society and if someone tells us that they're suicidal, we should trust them.

OK, let's imagine how this would work at a practical level in the real world:

-People who claim to be suicidal will use this to guilt trip their social circle.

-Everyone will fake suicidal thoughts or suicide attempts in order to get attention.

-The resources for people who need help like disabled individuals will decrease, considering that everyone being suicidal will generate a lot of demand.

-Nobody will take suicide seriously because everyone will be suicidal.

Sure, in an Utopia this wouldn't be a problem, but we don't live in a Utopia, we live in the real world and in the real world we can't just help and save anyone just because they decided to take their lives, it's ridiculous.

Hell, even people who attempt suicide fail 90% of the time because many of them weren't actually trying, allowing free healthcare to anyone who says "I want to kill myself" will harm people who have a hard life (like the poor or the disabled) but have the will to keep living.

Suicide shouldn't be like an ult from an Overwatch character, resources and patience are limited, just look at the problem of people self diagnosing themselves with mental disorders.

I've seen this comment under a post from hours ago of someone asking why people laugh at them when they go outside:

"It’s almost never about your face, it’s some micro-expression or body language thing we don’t realize we’re doing. I used to get this at coffee shops and couldn’t figure it out until a friend told me I stand with my arms perfectly straight at my sides like a sim waiting for a command, which reads as deeply unsettling to people who aren’t on the spectrum

The worst part is the more you try to look “normal” the weirder it gets, like you’re a poorly disguised alien trying to blend in at a farmer’s market

I’ve just accepted that my resting posture makes me look like I’m buffering and that’s their problem now"

My question is: isn't laughing at people over things they can't change and something that doesn't even bother you a bigger social inconvenience than having a "weird resting posture"?

This is something that I wondered for years, why are the people that bully us over dumb reasons like "wEirD bOdY lAnGuAgE" seen as socially competent when they're the ones causing social problems in the first place.

We have to mask, hide our autistic traits and suffer in order to not make NT's uncomfortable, but we are the main issue, apparently,

I remember when I used to feel depressed (because I had dysthymia I guess?) for 3 years and then I was diagnosed with autism, I felt so bad about being depressed that I wished with my whole heart to cure my depression and remain autistic, if I was forced to choose one disorder.

Now I don't have depression anymore and I'm pretty happy to wake up everyday, obviously this did not happen because I wished to not be depressed but because of environmental factors, however, now I'm noticing how dumb it was to desire that.

If I were given the chance today, I would 100% choose to remain chronically depressed for the rest of my life in exchange for not having autism, so I could be NT.

I'm not angry at myself because I was quite young, but I feel a little bit ashamed of having such dumb ideas.

When an autistic person is isolated and discriminated against by society, the common answer is: "oh well I mean they have a social disability of course that they will struggle socially".

And even if this is partly true, there is just something that doesn't fit in, a piece of the puzzle that we're missing.

Because... yeah, obviously autism comes with social struggles and those struggles will cause bad social outcomes, but it's me or those outcomes are a little bit... Disproportionate?

The social deficits of an autistic person (usually level 1) can be a weird voice tone, abnormal eye contact, weird body language, trouble understanding things like sarcasm, etc.

And even if those symptoms can impact us socially, the social ostracize that autistic people face for it is absurd.

When you ask an autistic individual their social problems, most of the time they won't say "oh sometimes I don't understand sarcasm jokes hahaha" or "oh my friends think that I'm angry when I'm not", their description of social issues would be: "people literally hate me for no reason by just seeing me, I get constantly bullied and rejected by strangers or even friends and family, people who are supposed to be my support group ghost me, etc".

This is weird considering that even in the mildest cases where the social deficits can be easily accommodated, autists still heavily struggle with random acts of bullying or discrimination.

Something even more weird, is how NT individuals who break important social boundaries at a higher level than most autists don't struggle with this, for example individuals with ASPD are way more prone to commit crimes statistically but they don't suffer from the same social rejection as autistic individuals, how is literally being a criminal way less socially punishing than having abnormal eye contact?

Hell, let's use some statistics: autists are almost 10× likelier to suffer SA than an average NT, at any point of their life time, how does this happen and how can this be explained by something like not understanding sarcasm? It makes zero sense.

So, the question is: what is exactly a "social issue" and how can we point out difference between a normal social inconvenience and straight up discrimination over mild social clumsiness, is the constant rejection against autistic people proportionate with their social deficits or society has a bias against them similar to racism or homophobia?

Idk, but I feel like there's something more to the reasons behind the social exclusion against autistic folks from NT's.

This is something I've never understood but almost every self proclaimed leftist I know has or a very conservative opinion on assisted suicide or just say "it doesn't matter to me".

People from every part of the political spectrum just don't seem to care about assisted suicide at all. They see it as a "secondary" political issue. Even people who advocate for abortion rights or gender-affirming surgeries often think that suicide isn't a "big deal" when it comes to discussing human rights for example.

OK, I'll admit it: I'm kinda of biased because assisted suicide is a topic I've researched and discussed for years, so my interest in this topic is way higher compared to the average person.

Even so, it's still an issue that involves both healthcare and bodily autonomy, so I don't know why it is not at the same level as other topics of the same type.

For example, I've met people who cut off contact with their parents or friends because they voted for different parties, yet those same people told me that I was too "extremist" for distancing myself from friends who opposed assisted suicide for the mentally ill. Like... huh?

I'm genuinely curious. I've discussed this with people from all across the political spectrum, and for some reason, every one of them seems to underestimate the implications of suicide.

When an autistic person is isolated and discriminated against by society, the common answer is: "oh well I mean they have a social disability of course that they will struggle socially".

And even if this is partly true, there is just something that doesn't fit in, a piece of the puzzle that we're missing.

Because yeah, obviously autism comes with social struggles and those struggles will cause bad social outcomes, but it's me or those outcomes are a little bit... Disproportionate?

The social deficits of an autistic person (usually level 1) can be a weird voice tone, abnormal eye contact, weird body language, trouble understanding things like sarcasm, etc.

And even if those symptoms can impact us socially, the social ostracize that autistic people face for it is absurd.

When you ask an autistic individual their social problems, most of the time they won't say "oh sometimes I don't understand sarcasm jokes hahaha" or "oh my friends think that I'm angry when I'm not", their description of social issues would be: "people literally hate me for no reason by just seeing me, I get constantly bullied and rejected by strangers or even friends and family, people who are supposed to be my support group ghost me, etc".

This is weird considering that even in the mildest cases where the social deficits can be easily accommodated, autists still heavily struggle with random acts of bullying or discrimination.

Something even more weird, is how NT individuals who break important social boundaries at a higher level than most autists don't struggle with this, for example individuals with ASPD are way more prone to commit crimes statistically but they don't suffer from the same social rejection as autistic individuals, how is literally being a criminal way less socially punishing than having abnormal eye contact?

So, the question is: what is exactly a "social issue" and how can we point out difference between a normal social inconvenience and straight up discrimination over mild social clumsiness, is the constant rejection against autistic people proportionate with their social deficits or society has a bias against them similar to racism or homophobia?

Idk, but I feel like there's something more to the reasons behind the social exclusion against autistic folks from NT's.

It's kinda ironic because it seems like autism eats itself, the disorder that you have and the environment where you belong aren't collaborating.

You're born with a neuro developmental disorder that impacts your social skills, therefore you need MORE social practice, exposure and accommodations in order to manage it.

The problem is that you need participation from others to reach a decent social level since socialization involves more than 1 person and requires practices, something that most of the time you aren't given because society doesn't know how to deal with autistic people or straight up hates them, causing isolation and ostracizing that doesn't allow you to interact with others consistently as a normal person would, ergo, stunning your social skills even more.

Conclusion: you are born with a social disability>this disability makes you have less social experience and exposure> this lack of social involvement makes you more and more stunted.

Poetic, right? It's hard because autism is a particular case since it needs 100% of the time support from the environment, the treatment doesn't require self reflection or medication, and if this support is not present then the deficits and symptoms become more severe.

EXCEPTIONS:

-The individual who chooses to not stop the suicide attempt is a caretaker of the person at risk (like a parent).

-The individual helps the suicide act.

PREMISE:

If a human being is close to commit suicide or says something implying that they will do it, there shouldn't be a legal punishment towards the people around them who decided to not obstruct the suicidal person actions UNLESS the person who tried to commit suicide receives a sentence as well.

ELABORATION:

Considering that most suicide attempts are something that society sees as "emotional" and therefore we don't expect accountability from the people who try to kill themselves because we consider their state as irrational and not sound of mind, the same logic should be applied for people who didn't tried to intervene the folks in that situation when they could.

The impact that a suicide attempt has, like:

-The death of a member of society or more.

-The potential emotional damage in their loved ones or strangers who had to see the scenario.

It is made by the person who tried to kill themselves, so applying legal oppression on the people that allowed those events and not the person who caused that event is hypocrisy.

The common counter argument would be: "Suicidal people don't know what they're doing! They're thinking irrationally and need help and support! Not prison time!" And even if I can agree with it, why wouldn't this logic fit with those who didn't stop the event from happening?

Most suicides are made by humans in a matter of minutes (no kidding, literally like 5 minutes after a uncomfortable moment) and some of them were or are completely functional and average/normal in most life areas, considering that they're not in the influence of substances like drugs or are being coerced, why we should expect emotional reasoning from them but not from others?

If person A didn't help person B when they were about to jump from a building because according to them: "I didn't like person B" wouldn't that be an emotional reaction in an emotional situation as well? If their reasoning for not helping is something like envy, hatred, jealousy or fear, how would that be any different from the motives behind suicidal ideation?

What if their hatred is extreme? What if they're in a place of mental darkness worse than the suicidal person so they can't feel empathy for them? What if they feel envy because the suicidal person is successful and they aren't?

"But it's their moral duty to help!" But the human that attempt suicide is attending their moral duty? Are they thinking about the impact that their death will have?

CONCLUSION:

Even if moral doubt or recommended psychiatric support can be reasonable for not acting in a hypothetical scenario of someone trying to kill themselves, any legal punishment towards that action that is not equally applied for suicide attempts is contradictory.

Rant

I don't understand why privileged people think that everything they feel and think needs to be validated by everyone because otherwise we're "non empathic".

This happened to me a lot of times, I'm very straightforward when it comes to telling privileged people that I won't be there for them if they need support over trivial stuff because I have to deal with a lot of real problems from me and the people I love (like unemployment or impairments), and even then they get mad at me when I react indifferent to their vent and call me a "psychopath", what?

No Sandra, I don't think that your chronic ideation and self harm problems are the worst thing that anyone has ever suffered in the whole story of humanity, think twice before asking sympathy from a disabled person who have it harder than you.

Hi everyone! How is everything going?

I always asked myself this question when someone shared that type of advice, I don't mind helping others but I've met people who refuse to personally support or bet there for their loved ones in a moment of distress because according to them: "I have it worse".

Is true that having hard lives makes the process of helping others and get mental satisfaction for it harder?

I can't stop thinking about the time where I made a post asking how do autistic people made friends with neurotypicals because that's something I literally can't do and every person in my social group is ND, but I got massively downvoted and the only comment under that post said "what a generalization".

There wasn't any kind of offensive or denigrating message towards neurotypicals in that post, I just wanted to hear different experiences from different people, I can even quote my post if you want it.

Did anyone else go through this? How can I make this not happen?