I'm an autistic 18M from Argentina, and I recently discovered that the career I'm studying (gastronomy) offers work placements in France and Spain, with a remuneration of 300-450 Euros per month.

To be honest, I only got interested because of the money and experience, but even while having 1 year to decide I just can't choose.

My parents have no problem with it, and I can approve it if I want to, but I'm not sure yet because I don't know if the culture clash and language barrier will be too hard to handle, especially for someone with a disability. My autism is pretty mild according to the people who diagnosed me, and I can't remember many symptoms other than the obvious social deficits, I'm also taking medication for my (possible) ADHD, and even then, I'm ashamed to admit that I'm kinda afraid of this travel if successful.

I want to know if anyone here has personal or external experiences about this and how things went, especially from someone who lives in those countries.

Any kind of information and advice is welcome as well.

Thanks.

I'm an autistic 18M from Argentina, and I recently discovered that the career I'm studying (gastronomy) offers work placements in France and Spain, with a remuneration of 300-450 Euros per month. To be honest, I only got interested because of the money and experience, but even while having 1 year to decide I just can't choose.

My parents have no problem with it, and I can approve it if I want to, but I'm not sure yet because I don't know if the culture clash and language barrier will be too hard to handle, especially for someone with a disability. My autism is pretty mild according to the people who diagnosed me, and I can't remember many symptoms other than the obvious social deficits, I'm also taking medication for my (possible) ADHD, and even then, I'm ashamed to admit that I'm kinda afraid of this travel if successful.

I want to know if anyone here has personal or external experiences about this and how things went, especially from someone who lives in those countries.

Any kind of information and question is welcome as well.

Thanks.

I'm studying gastronomy, so learning basic French is one of the most obvious requirements.

I have an exam in one month so any french movie would be a good option to start improving my shitty pronunciation and conversation skills lol, but I would also like to see a movie with a present french influence (expressions, culture, mannerisms, etc) and with a light plot if possible.

Ah, and i would be glad if the recommendations also mention the platform where it can be seen, but it's not 100% necessary.

Thank you.

Look, I'm 100% supportive of holding autistic people accountable when they do something wrong and telling them that their bad actions can be justified but not excused, I screwed up things many times over my life and I still keep trying to make my best.

But holy, people in autism environments like forums or IRL groups expect you to not show social deficits at all, sometimes they even expect you to be better than a allistic person!

For some reason, I've also seen very hostile reactions when I say that I can't literally make relationships (romantic or platonic) with non-disabled/non-ND people, people gets irrationally mad over a person diagnosed with autism struggling making relationships, and of top of it they blame me lol.

I never understood this kind of response when an autistic person is unable to make neurotypical friendships, because autistic people are usually the ones who are rejected by them.

That's not the worst of it, there's people online that don't understand why there's autistic people who can't do small talk... Like what? A social disability can't involve problems with small talk? Are we serious.

The thing that concerns me the most is that "autistic communities" that are supposed to be welcoming to autistic people say this, autistic people in autistic communities are blaming other autistic people for having symptoms of autism.

I always see posts saying stuff like "I wish I was NT" and obviously I get that feeling, but if you ask me, why stop there?

Any mental disorder that is not schizophrenia or ADHD is welcome if that means I won't have autism anymore, I never understood the people that self diagnose themselves with autism because they don't want to accept the disorder they were given (spoiler: the disorder is shit like BPD or AvPD lol).

Obviously, being neurotypical is the best option, but if I had to conform myself with any other mental disorder I would do it in a heartbeat, MDD, social anxiety, paranoia, psychosis, any personality disorder etc.

Just search the statistics of unemployment.

I always see posts saying stuff like "I wish I was NT" and obviously I get that feeling, but if you ask me, why stop there?

Any mental disorder that is not schizophrenia or ADHD is welcome if that means I won't have autism anymore, I never understood the people that self diagnose themselves with autism because they don't want to accept the disorder they were given (spoiler: the disorder is shit like BPD or AvPD lol).

Obviously, being neurotypical is the best option, but if I had to conform myself with any other mental disorder I would do it in a heartbeat, MDD, social anxiety, paranoia, psychosis, any personality disorder etc.

Just search the statistics of unemployment.

Hi everyone!!! I'm new to this sub and I discovered the existence of avoidant personality disorder not so long ago, so sorry if I made a mistake regarding this disorder.

I was diagnosed with autism in 2023 after talking with my therapists about the possibility of having other disorders (MDD, social anxiety, ASPD, NPD, schizoid, etc).

I felt like everything clicked for me, it all made sense, all the rejection and discrimination was for something, I wouldn't say that I was "happy" but the relief was satisfying, especially after having the worst year of my life.

I went to a psychologist specialized in autism post-my diagnosis and it was the best I ever had, he understood me so well and never judged me for the habits I had back then, it was comforting and if coming back was possible I would do it in a heartbeat.

Unfortunately, due to economic and familiar issues my psychologist wasn't an available option anymore, we changed locations so the best thing he could do was give me the number of a closer psychologist (the one I'm going to currently).

He's fine, I feel he's more judgemental and we clash opinions often but in general I find him kind and nice.

However, he recently told me that he doubts my autism and maybe another disorder like social pragmatic communication or just ADHD fits better with my deficits.

I'm not interested in seeking a second opinion right now, but I'm not against the possibility of being misdiagnosed either, who knows.

The thing that made me overthink for days was his idea of me having AvPD, I was shocked when I heard that.

The first thing I did was ask him why he thought that, and he said that "my extreme isolation (I'm on welfare now so I barely leave the house), mixed with my avoidance for social relationships and hatred against myself were good signs to seek an AvPD diagnosis".

I didn't know what to say, I even felt insulted, and I had many psychologists who said that I was showing symptoms of many disorders but none of them made me feel shame like this.

There's nothing wrong with people with AvPD though, in fact, I would rather have AvPD instead of autism if I could! But that's not the problem rn.

You see, I was always "weird", always bullied, discriminated against and rejected for being autistic, I never "avoided" a potential relationship with anyone and if that relationship ended it was 90% of the time because they left.

And I feel like this contradicts the majority of posts here where people say that they are the ones who reject the potential friendships and relationships because of their insecurities and fear

Examples:

-https://www.reddit.com/r/AvPD/s/wgprGBNeVt

-https://www.reddit.com/r/AvPD/s/jPWQiAewdW

-https://www.reddit.com/r/AvPD/s/oAJmUsz0MB

-https://www.reddit.com/r/AvPD/s/oA1CNKb4r1

-https://www.reddit.com/r/AvPD/s/Ldlxjl5bLq

I had to learn to love being with myself and not depend on anyone, not by choice but because being outside was dangerous (like, for real, dangerous, I don't want to talk about it now but I was in risky situations thanks to other people).

So, when someone tells me not only that I'm "avoidant", but that I don't have autism, all I hear is:

"Yeah, all your struggles and experiences mean jackshit, it was never them! It was you.

If you didn't avoid people, you would be loved by everyone dumbass! What? You're saying that you aren't rejecting anyone and that your isolation is not a choice? PFFFFFFT don't make me laugh! Who do you think you are? People avoiding you is ONE thing but you avoiding THEM? You're the disordered here pal"

It's so unfair... they're basically saying that my reaction to the unfairness of society is a "disorder" and that I'm the "irrational" here, according to them I'm on the same level as the users from the links I posted above.

And I never understood all that gimmick of "hating yourself", I don't "hate myself", I have things about myself that I don't like and unfortunately those things are the majority.

I don't have any opinion about "myself", I dislike the things of myself that cause me pain, if I hated myself then I wouldn't be alive right now, what do people expect when you are disabled? To blindly love everything about yourself without questioning it?

That's all, sorry for the long post, but I'm genuinely curious, should I seek an appointment? I'm afraid to do it because it feels like nothing will change other than having a professional paper that says "it's all your fault".

But maybe I'm wrong, did anyone get help after being diagnosed? Is it normal to feel this way for a person with AvPD? I'm having a misconception of what AvPD is?

I'll be glad to know!

Every time I visit this sub and the main sub, I see more and more posts about "incels" or "the blackpill," saying things like, "you shouldn't use [X] terms!" or "you shouldn't think [Y] about women!" and so on.

​

It got so bad that someone made a post 18 hours ago that was LITERALLY a copy paste of a post from another user on the main autism subreddit a year ago, and it got 500 upvotes in this one.

​

I'm not interested in dating, and I don't follow communities about romance sex or whatever. But the obsession with treating autistic men as if they're children who can't think for themselves or hold their own political opinions makes my eyes roll.

We can make four posts every week repeating how evil the blackpill is and how all incels are brainwashed and blah blah blah... but the number of "reformed" incels will remain close to zero.

​

Why? Because the underlying problem hasn't been solved.

​

Autistic people don't join redpill or blackpill communities because "they're too naive and got manipulated by the evil tactics of the incel ideology!". They join because those communities treat them better than the rest of society does.

​

On one side, you have a group made up of people who share your struggles and understand your experiences. On the other hand, you have people who blame you for everything and reject you because of the way you were born. If you're a lonely man, which group do you think you'll gravitate toward?

​

We can keep repeating words like "brainwashing!" "nonsense!" and "misogyny!" over and over, but the outcome won't change. Autistic men will continue choosing the people who accept them and validate their feelings.

​

Even if an autistic incel stops consuming that content for whatever reason, if they're still being bullied, discriminated against, excluded, rejected, or even fucking abused or raped: How long do you think their patience and tolerance can last?

​

Why does this happen you might ask? Because autistic people don't like being treated unfairly.

When humans are treated with respect, empathy, and as human beings overall, they treat other humans with respect, empathy, and as human beings! Who would have expected??

​

If we don't create a better society for autistic people, a society where they feel respected, valued, and loved, then constantly posting "blackpill bad" threads will lead us to nowhere. In fact, telling autistic incels that they were simply "manipulated" or "tricked" push them even further into those communities.

​

Seriously, who thinks that telling someone, "Your ideology is stupid, and you only believe it because you're stupid too," is an effective way to change their mind?

​

So, in conclusion: if you want to keep making posts attacking the blackpill or the redpill, go ahead. Just don't be surprised when it turns out to be a waste of time.

As someone diagnosed with autism who CAN'T (and yes, I literally mean CAN'T) date anyone that isn't disabled or neurodivergent, seeing people on tiktok or other social media that "they want an autistic partner" without being autism themselves is disgusting.

​

Unless you have autism or another neurodevelopmental disorder, there's absolutely NO reason to specifically chase autistic people, no exception.

​

Obviously, there's nothing wrong with liking someone who HAPPENS to be autistic, but being attracted to someone because of their impairments, their vulnerability, the things that they can't do, is predatory behavior and it should be shamed.

​

If you only date people with your same disabilities or other disabilities, it's valid because the most common reason is that you want compatibility and shared struggles, I'm not capable of making neurotypical friends or partners for example.

​

But if you don't have any disability, seeking people with disabilities intentionally shows that you only desire to have "power" over them, you don't want a partner, but a pet.

I used to debate with people about assisted suicide a lot when I was younger, some of them were radically supportive or radically opposed, some had religious stances, others had suicidal thoughts or lost someone by suicide.

​

But the most common opinion among all of them was:

"I think that assisted suicide should only be available for those with physical or terminal illness, but not in cases of mental illness"

​

And even today, I can't fully understand the logic behind this point of view.

I understand being on the extreme or the middle, but this weird distinction of "mental" and physical" is kinda... Far fetched or something?

Let's start by saying that mental illness doesn't "exist", sort of.

​

Mental illness is not recognized as a scientific term nor is it used in professional psychiatric environments, it's just a colloquial term that doesn't have a specific meaning and people can interpret it whatever they want to.

​

Mental disorders do absolutely exist, but there's no drawn line on what mental illness does and how it affects individuals, some people even say that being gay or lesbian is a mental illness, and if that sounds disgusting (I met people like that and it repulses me a lot) I can't provide a logical argument against it because... No one knows what it means.

Words change according to how people use them, and mental illness is a word that was never provided an actual meaning other than "this bitch's crazy!", so any discussion surrounding it will be in vain because it will always depend on what's the definition that the people discussing it have.

​

Especially considering that the same people who say that "mentally people shouldn't be allowed to commit suicide", also consider that committing suicide is being "mentally ill", so you can't win lol.

​

One definition I found say that "is a mental condition that affects the behavior or well being of a person", well... Most people don't use it like that, and "condition that affects your behavior and well being" can be literally anything, since we are all affected by the choices and decisions of our brain and this definition doesn't explain how much does the behavior and pattern of thinking must impair an individual.

​

For example, having no empathy is a "mental illness"? because it can hurt the individual but many people with no emotional empathy don't really care, while others can commit crimes because of it.

​

Or is having a neurodevelopmental disorder like autism or ADHD a "mental illness"? It can affect the mood and behavior.

​

At least things like "mental disorders" have a strict meaning that people must follow, but because it's used by professionals and not 14 yrs old like "mental illness" is.

So just for the sake of the argument I will just say "mental disorder", so we can have a better understanding of my points, because we will get nowhere if we keep talking with the "mentally ill" basis.

​

Apparently the reason why people with "mental disorders" can't consent assisted suicide is because they have an "altered thinking pattern" by being influenced by their disorders, so they can make rational decisions.

​

We could talk for hours about how much "mental disorders" like depression affect the brain wiring, or how much the sense of "self" a person loses when they have a mental disorder or if they're just the same, but it's useless because we would just continue the eternal debate of "what is free will" that humanity discussed for years.

​

My question is: if individuals with mental disorders are so affected by their unstable brain wiring that they can't consent to basic human rights, then why do we allow them to do everything that an adult does?

​

Just think about it, this argument isn't saying that they're basically kids at this point? If they can choose dying, why would they be able to have kids? Build houses? Have sexual relationships? Drink? Should they be forgiven for crimes too?

​

You could say "it's different" but why? What makes it different? They can consent to something that most of the population can, shouldn't be choosing to die one of the most fundamental and basic rights? If that's the case I wouldn't trust a person who can't make a rational decision for the matter.

​

This is what I call the "suicide bias", basically, people against suicide use arguments that they wouldn't use in another topics.

​

If someone says something like: "men's opinions on the abortion of their wife should be important!" you get 1000 downvotes.

​

If you say "the opinion of the loved ones of a suicidal person should be important!" You get 1000 upvotes.

​

People already dislike the idea of suicide so they will make EVERYTHING to refute it even if it's not logical.

​

But OK, let's pretend that mental "illness" makes you unable to make any rational decision and automatically unqualified for assisted suicide.

Well you see... It's not that easy.

​

Mental distress and physical distress aren't two completely different dimensions like people pretends, in fact, both are EXTREMELY interlinked, so much that sometimes you can't tell where one starts and the other ends.

​

Depression, the most famous "mental illness" has many physical symptoms, and one that's exactly one of the main reasons people who have it seek help, that makes it harder to diagnose because the psychiatrist needs to evaluate if the depression or the physical pain came first.

​

And if you're asking if this happens the other way around, oh boy...

​

According to studies made over more than 50 countries with approximately +300000 participants, 30-50% of folks with chronic pain suffer from depression and anxiety, if we talk about conditions like fibromyalgia the number exceeds 50...

antidepressants are actually very common to treat the chronic pain, so the line between mental and physical pain is very thin.

​

The only reason why the diagnosis isn't even more than now, is because diagnosing disorders is mostly a waste of time in these cases where the origin of the pain is obvious.

Most of the time, depression and anxiety comes from unknown pain or a biological problem in the brain structure, that's why a diagnosis is useful if we want to categorize the pain.

​

If the pain is physical, there's nothing a diagnosis can provide if the source of it is visible and has to be solved via other methods.

That doesn't mean that "depression isn't there" it just means that even if they have all the symptoms a diagnosis of depression wouldn't help.

​

And that's the problem, most people don't know what depression is!

I feel like a lot of you would be surprised if you guys know how easy it is to get diagnosed with depression or anxiety, even pstd.

​

All you have to do is just say "I feel bad or suicidal" or whatever enough times until the psychiatrist decides to diagnose you.

​

Yeah, not kidding, look up all the symptoms of depression and they just describe internal feelings, you can just lie and 99% you'll get diagnosed.

​

There's not even a "can't make rational choices" symptom, that's something that people arbitrarily invented in order to justify being against suicide (even if they won't use this in something like legal protection, but alright), the definition of depression is LITERALLY being too uncomfortable.

​

People have this weird idea that depression is this mystical disorder that nullifies your judgement, when most of the time it is just showing extreme signs of distress.

I can promise you, 99% of people who suffer so much from physical pain that choose suicide met at least 8/9 symptoms.

​

So how it would work? Does the physical pain annulled the mental illness? Does every person who wants assisted suicide have to be evaluated? Having a disorder while being terminal makes you NOT able to decide?

​

This is a question I asked myself after so many tries of finding a good therapist, the problem is that they *never* address the main problem, and every time we talk about a situation that bothers me, they start addressing about something I barely mentioned and never complained about.

I'm not kidding, ALL of them do this, I went to therapy for 9 years and all the therapists I had did the exact same thing.

I never found a psychologist who was consistent when sharing advice, if I want to solve the problem X, they say that I must solve the problem Y first, and in order to solve Y I should also solve Z, and the list goes on...

For example, if I say that I have sleeping issues, they say that it's caused by my social isolation (I work at home so I almost never leave the house unless it's necessary), my diet, or my alcohol enjoyment. But they **never** address the fact that I can't sleep well, they just want me to change my lifestyle due to an unrelated problem.

Anyone else?

People often say that "humans are social creatures" but humans are also sexual creatures, and I rarely see anyone shaming celibacy itself.

One of the strangest double standards I see is that being asocial is often treated as a sign of mental illness that should be 'fixed' through therapy.

Meanwhile, society (at least in the West) has become much more accepting of aromanticism and asexuality. We even saw movements such as the 4B movement, which encouraged women to reject romantic and sexual relationships with men.

At the same time, we have seen the rise of what people commonly call "incels", people who suffer deeply because of their lack of romantic or sexual success, sometimes to the point of severe psychological distress or suicide.

Yet society often treats this as a minor inconvenience rather than a serious issue, and when people complain about it, others tend to assume that their suffering is really caused by other problems in their lives.

On the other hand, if you're asocial and isolated, people will often assume that you have a mental disorder. If you're in therapy, many will try to connect every impairment in your life to your lack of social interaction.

So, if we want to be consistent, we have two options:

-Stigmatize both.

-Accept both.

In my opinion, as someone who values both social and romantic/sexual relationships, these aspects are extremely important for most people. A lack of sex or romance can contribute to depression, just as a lack of social interaction can.

We shouldn't dismiss romantic or sexual deprivation as a real source of suffering, nor should we automatically treat isolation as an illness.

However, if there is no visible distress or impairment, we should respect the choices of the minority who are genuinely comfortable with their lifestyle.