Are you the only person in your family with a personality disorder? Those of you with siblings, do they also have personality disorders?
I am just wondering because my sister and my brother are also diagnosed with personality disorders but they don't have AvPD( one is BPD and the other said they have one but they didnt specify but they also hinted at BPD)
Is it normal
Is it a normal for a avpd person to live years with no any social interactions and no romantic relationships at all ??
Just few friends to communicate with
I have been stress eating more than ever. It's hard to stop thinking about it even when I'm at home. I'm so scared half the time, of interacting with a mean coworker. I try to put on a somewhat steely front but it's pretty clear I'm really soft. It's so stressful. I try to just take on the easiest thing to do but for some reason I quickly go out of breath even with that and get stressed. I hate it. Hate it so much.
Today I finally talked to a girl at my gym that I'd been overthinking for weeks. We'd exchanged looks a few times, and instead of just saying hi, I kept trying to figure out what it all meant. Today I decided to stop analyzing and just talk to her. Turns out she has a boyfriend. Honestly, that wasn't even the important part.
The important part was realizing that I did the thing I was afraid of, and nothing terrible happened. No humiliation. No disaster. No "everyone thinks I'm a creep" moment. Just a normal conversation.
I've had similar experiences before. Sometimes I got rejected, sometimes things went well, sometimes they were just awkward. But every single time, reality was much less scary than the story I had created in my head. What I also noticed is that after these situations I immediately start analyzing everything. "Maybe she wasn't interested because I was awkward." "Maybe I should've said this instead."
And before I know it, I'm focusing on the outcome instead of the fact that I actually faced my fear. For anyone struggling with avpd/sa: don't let rumination take away your win. You can't know what other people are thinking anyway. The only thing you really control is whether you do the thing you're avoiding. Today I did and that's enough!!
If you stopped responding to messages and went into isolation for a long time, like over a year, do you reach out to make amends to people? Is over a year too long?
I know SPD is super rare in the general population but i feel like I have some of the traits. At the same time when I look at avoidant I also have some of those traits as well.
Ever since I was a kid I haven’t had much desire to make friends. I never went to kids houses or had a best friend. Instead I liked to play video games for hours on end and I have always been awkward and introverted which led to me being bullied a lot in high school. I’m in my 30s no kids never married I live by myself I work an office job but I usually don’t talk to people unless it’s for professional reasons. I do a lot of fantasizing and love RPG games like playing a video game where im able to make my own character and make my own choices, that sounds very appealing to me.
People always ask what my weekend plans are but I usually just stay at home and only go out to get food. Even my own family has a hard time getting me to spend time with them, I will only go during holidays. My parents have told me this isn’t normal and they have tried hard to get me to go out and make friends but I just have no desire to do that. I feel like most people wouldn’t like me.
Where I differ from the classic symptoms of schizoid is that I do have sexual desire and I do desire emotional and physical intimacy but I would never under any circumstances catcall a woman or walk up and hit on her or ask her for her number because that’s not my style and it’s extremely embarrassing for me to do that. So I usually resort to using dating apps with mixed results. As an adult I still have almost no desire to have platonic friendships and don’t mind being alone but I do very much desire a romantic relationship just having one best friend who understands me and loves me for me would be enough.
This happens to me several times a day, and I always absolutely humiliate myself because of it. What keeps happening is that someone will be talking to me, but I’m so preoccupied with not looking weird that I will not hear what they’re saying. So what I end up doing, because I am so afraid to just ask them “what” and seem rude, is just saying “yeah” and hoping that it applies to what they just said.
The problem is, I’ve responded “yeah” to questions that don’t have yes/no responses several times now, and I look like an absolute freak. They never end up knowing how to respond to me afterwards, and they just kind of drift away with what seems like a subtle look of disdain.
I get it though, this is a weird thing of me to do. All because I’m too afraid to just ask someone to repeat what they said, like I think they’re about to scream at me or something. And as usual, I look at everyone else talking to each other and wonder how they’re able to effortlessly hear every single word and form a calm response.
There are 45 ppl in my class. I have never talked more than 2 sentences with most girls in 3 years.
For the boys, not more than some awkward small talks. The only thing to do is focusing on breathing to not be anxious in the group.
We are still strangers even being together for 3 years. That’s bizarre. The only chat with my classmates online is every year a “happy new year”
Are there any courses for my social anxiety and low self esteem?? I’m looking for side coaching for my symptoms that I’ve been dealing with for 15 ish years. Something more in depth than weekly therapy that can guide me to breaking it of this
There's nothing good about me. Like literally fucking nothing. I don't contribute anything to the human race, I just take respurces that could go to people who are actually worth a damn. Nobody will ever love me either. I'm black so I'm already at the bottom of the totem pole. Atleast if I were a black guy I would have ladies after me because of their dumb fetishes, but I'm a girl so literally nobody cares about me or wants me because everyone hates black girls. On top of that I don't have a job and too scared to drive. I get just barely passing grades in my classes and its to the point where I shouldn't even think about going to my dream university anymore. I shouldn't even have its name in my filthy mouth. I was fucking tarded for thinking that I could be the first in my family to complete university. That I could be anything more than the worthless piece of garbage that I am.
And worst part? I just found out that I'm balding as well, even though everyone, including the 87 year old man in my family, have thick and luscious hair. I'm only 20, so I can kiss what little love life I had goodbye. I'm honestly ashamed that I thought I could be like those black women with beautiful big afros, I have to remember that I am a worthless piece of trash that can't do anything right, I can't even grow hair properly. Mind you, my sister has longer hair than I've ever had in my life and she's only twelve. I feel like God is punishing me.
I feel like God wants me to kill myself, so if that's what he wants than who am I to defy the whim of a divine being. One problem, I'm too much of a pussy even though my life isn't worth living at all. My family would be better off without me, my friends wouldn't care after a couple of days, and I have no pets so theres no risk in hurting any feelings. God wants me to kill myself but made me too pussy to do it. It's cruel.
The job itself is fine, it’s the people I can’t deal with. I can’t stop making a fool out of myself in front of my coworkers. They used to be accommodating when it seemed like I was just the new guy that needed to adjust. But now I think they’ve realized I’m probably the weirdest person they’ve ever met. Plus I panic around people. I could do my job just fine by myself but with other people there I short circuit and make stupid common sense mistakes. I’m sure I seem like a moron to them at this point. They are all clearly uncomfortable around me.
I feel so lonely, but the loneliness isn’t the whole problem. I want connection and understanding, yet when opportunities for connection come up, I withdraw from them. I have online friends that I genuinely care about and they care about me, but they don’t fill the need for in-person companionship, and lately I’ve found myself pulling away from them too.
Recently when I’m not working, I’m usually asleep or hiding inside my own thoughts. I’ve tried medications. I’ve tried drugs. I’ve tried putting myself out there and meeting new people. Yet nothing seems to calm down the feeling of “what’s the point, I’m not capable of explaining myself well”. I also carry a deep sense of guilt for being alive. Those feelings makes it difficult to reach for other people, because I think a part of me expects the other person to be disappointed in me, rejection, or misunderstanding. It just sucks because I genuinely want connection. I want friendships. I want people in my life. Yet I keep finding myself pushing others away and neglecting the relationships I already have. I don’t know whether I’m an avoidant, fear of being hurt, depression, self-sabotage, or the OCD paranoia talking.
I feel like I’m trapped between two opposing needs: I desperately want closeness, but I also feel exhausted by the effort it takes to pursue it. I don’t know how to stop feeling lonely when the thing I need most to relieve the loneliness is other people which frightens me. Any advice helps.
When I see others who are clearly socially adequate, I despise and resent them so much. People just being themselves and doing most social stuff with ease.
Either in public or online, when I see them communicating/connecting with their other cool acquaintances I become filled with negative emotions and don't want to have anything to do with them.
This is marked for those people who are more socially fluid than average and get positive attention from others all the time. I often even mute them on social media.
It even extends beyond social behaviour and includes when people have their shit together and are competent in various aspects of life that I'm not. Cos having debilitating anxiety and avoidance feeds into other aspects of your life.
Why do I get to be the one that stands out as a defective nervous wreck who isn't taken seriously everywhere I find myself? A tragic social aberrant who is overwhelmed by the gravity of his reality.
It's one of the things I don't like about myself cos I don't want to hate people yet I do so deeply. Anyone else like this?
I've been doing this ever since I was a little kid.
In person, what i fantasize about doesn't happen, and it's often disappointing, but when I get home, I grab some music, never happy musics, it's either sad, slowed or intense rock ones. It can be a video about some character as well, doing something badass.
I then start to build these stories in my head, about how one day I will be like him, how I will do this or that, how I will become a top tier athlete and be a funny guy around people, how I'm better than what people in irl perceive me to be.
It brings me a sense of comfort, and I believe it's a coping mechanism, I start to ruminate about grandiosity.
It's a coping mechanism because im such a flawed and failure of a person(in my head), that to compensate, I need to be one of the best in any setting I set foot.
I notice this doesn't happen when I listen to happy musics.
Videos I tend to watch are mainly videos where I fantasize about being a character that fights and wins against another, for example cobra kai, spartacus, etc.,
Growing up I was pretty awkward and I was not the best at social interactions. A lot of people would hear what I have to say and think I was wierd or they would get offended and I wouldn’t really understand why they felt this way. As a result I never really had friends went to kids houses or interacted with my peers. As an adult I have been a loner, I am in my 30s and never been married don’t have kids and don’t have any friends and live by myself. I usually keep to myself and don’t speak to others unless spoken to first. I do get embarrassed extremely easily so Even when it comes to romantic relationships I have never had the desire to go out to bars and clubs and meet someone that way. Even though I very much desire intimacy, I would never catcall a woman or approach her and tell her she’s beautiful or ask for her number etc because of how utterly humiliating and embarrassing it would feel if I got turned down. One of my earliest memories in first grade there was this girl who I talked to during class and I think she liked me so when I was with my dad her mom called him and said I was invited to her birthday party and she really wanted me to come but for some reason to me it didn’t feel right or safe so I said I didn’t want to go.
I do use dating apps but even when it comes to that, I get extremely nervous meeting someone in person. I have had romantic relationships in the past and in my last relationship I became a part of her friend group but having friends wasn’t something I was specifically looking for. I do get attached very easily if someone is giving me their attention and seems to like me and I do alot of fantasizing in my head about what I want. Honestly if I did have a romantic partner who was like my best friend I still wouldn’t have the desire to have guy friends or platonic friends because in my mind a romantic relationship is a step above platonic friendships and Its not necessarily something I would go looking for. My parents have tried extremely hard to get me to do things and be social but it’s never worked.
I'm 21, I've been in college for several years, and I still haven't had a relationship. I'm not ugly, and I've had several guys court me, even once with a guy whose personality I liked. But I'm still very afraid of relationships due to a fear of physical intimacy and the fear that I won't be able to last long in a relationship because I'm rather cold and distant, which might bore my partner or make me tired of communicating with them. I'm so afraid of being alone for the rest of my life. Has anyone else experienced this, and how did you resolve it?
Sunday, a sunny day, ended in my bed, depressed and crying because I was so alone. I mustered the courage, got in the car, and drove to the café in my village to eat a pastel de nata. When I got there, I started to get very anxious because there were people there. I ordered my pastel de nata, and the waiter said they didn't have any more. I left the café and saw a group of young people my age socializing and having a normal social life. I put on my sunglasses to hide the tears, got back in the car, and drove home. I started crying again because I had made such a wasted effort, but at least I had 10 minutes outside the house this weekend, which is progress. I hate being so sensitive!
I know how pathetic this sounds, and I genuinely don't mean this in an incel way.
There was a street festival on. Huge crowds, and I had to pass through it to get home so I could be alone and feel unjudged and pretend to not be pathetic. I saw a woman and her friend walk by me. Two people around my age, drinking, walking, laughing. And she was gorgeous. My first, immediate reaction was immense depression. Immediately I wished I was someone who wasn't too much of a coward to say hello. I instantly began to think about the life I'd never have: doing regular human things, going on dates, having a picnic in the park and just talking all night.
I don't think I can go outside anymore. Random people going about their day triggers me into spending an entire day beating myself with how abnormal and inhuman I am. How unloved and unlovable I am. How alone I will always be. Just seeing someone "my type" results in me spiraling about the person I'm not and never can be.
I posted a bit ago about caregiving exacerbating my AvPD/depression/anxiety over the last four years and not contacting my friends over the last two. I know my friends and acquaintances owe me nothing and me disappearing is being a bad friend, but people from my closest friends to my acquaintances not messaging me back is killing me. I can't stop thinking about it.
I'm nearly 40. I've lost so many friends over my life, I don't see hope in ever being able to keep friends. I don't see myself ever making friends again. But this hurts so bad. Every time I pick up the phone I feel immense hurt at still not getting a message. My phone being near me is an albatross around my neck, it exists to remind me no one is looking to talk to me.
I saw on social media a friend opened a sandwich shop near me. I want to not be such a coward and go and say hello and apologize for disappearing. Apologize for being a bad friend. Hope he can forgive me for being so dysfunctional. At the very least, congratulate him. But I need to leave people alone when they rightfully want nothing to do with me. He doesn't deserve having to put up with me appearing and disappearing forever. There's also the pathetic truth that I'm scared of being turned away.
I can't stop thinking of everything I've lost in our relationships. The things we did together will never be done again. Even the loss of the friends-of-a-friends who I would hang out with, with them. So much lost and friends I hurt because typing "Hello I hope you're well" is too fucking hard for me.
My wonderful partner has AVPD. He is in total avoidance at the moment; we went from seeing each other regularly to a sudden text message that said no seeing each other for a month.
He is the most extraordinary person and I fully intend to stay with him forever. I understand this is part of his experience. I am struggling with it; I woke up crying in my sleep this morning, the shock to my nervous system has been so severe. This is the first time a break like this with no contact has happened for us. I called him and thankfully his phone was on do not disturb; I say thankfully because Im desperate to reach for connection but I also know that every reach reads as a demand right now, and will push him further away.
I just dont know how to navigate this. For myself I am in therapy. I don't want to push him away and I also don't want to hide every emotion from him.