Anxious about meeting every teacher’s expectations
I’ve been working in a special primary school for about 2 years (not in the US). Clinically I feel a lot more confident, but the collaborative side of the job makes me weirdly anxious.
My role is fully embedded in the classroom. I’m the SLP for 2-3 classes all year. So I’m constantly in and out of sessions, co-planning with teachers, and co-teaching pretty much daily.
What I didn’t expect is how much I seem to lose my own footing in that setup. If a teacher doesn’t like planning much, I’ll start acting the same way, even though I actually prefer having some structure. And then I end up feeling stressed and unprepared. On the flip side, if I’m working with someone very structured and detail-oriented, I’ll adapt to that too, even if it feels like overkill for how I like to work.
It’s like I’m always scanning for what the teachers are comfortable with and then molding myself into that role. Underneath it there’s this fear that if I push back or do things differently, I’ll come across as “difficult”.
Even just talking about next year has set this off again. I suggested not locking in a fixed therapy timetable because things shift so much in real classrooms. One teacher preferred more structure, which I get. But my immediate reaction was basically panic, like I’d done something wrong, and I found myself backtracking, even though I had solid reasons for my suggestion and it would make my job a little easier.
I guess I’m wondering if anyone else in highly collaborative school roles deals with this. How do you stay flexible without completely losing your own approach in the process? Summer hasn’t even started and I’m already stressing about next year’s teacher pairings.