u/Feeling-Seaweed1640

It baffles me to this day how sensitive I am to the littlest things that other people would so easily shrug off. For example because this rarely occurs, but if I'm hanging around people and they are joking around and insulting each other my heart drops to my stomach in fear they will say something about me. If they end up saying something my entire day is ruined and I get all locked up and go into defense mode.

My body and mind take any comment and turn it inward against its self. My mind is constantly alert and talking shit about me. My life is lived completely uncomfortable inside of my own world. When in reality nothing is even happening. My life is fucked up because of this disorder

In astrology you have both a south Node and a North Node

In astrology, the South Node is a mathematical point in your birth chart representing your past-life karma, innate talents, and default comfort zone.

In astrology, the North Node represents your soul’s evolutionary path, karmic mission, and the specific lessons you are meant to learn in this lifetime

So basically I've been talking to chat GBT about astrology and it told me that from an astrology stand point if you do not achieve your soul mission in this life, you will be reincarnated and have to give this node another go.

I asked it from a gnosis point of view what happens? It said if you die in your south Node (never conquering fear in this life) aka demiurge and do not achieve gnosis (North Node aka Monad) you will die in ignorance and be stuck in the material world.

Now from my understanding, these bodies are completely limited and driven by a nervous system that relies on fear and survival. So our Devine spark is extremely limited. Leaving me to believe that astrology is just a gas light to make you more plugged into the matrix. What do you think about this astrology north and south Node life mission?

My north node I'm supposed to be some form of public speaker or business owner, but my biggest fear involves public speaking. If I die without conquering this fear, do you believe I'll be reincarnated?

Or is reincarnation solely based off a lack of gnosis?

We are Traumatized animals, if only we had good shepherds!

So this is just something I saw while working on my older sisters ranch. SHEEP ARE TERRIFIED of human beings because in the wild they are pretty much prey to almost any predator. It reminded me of myself, this world was such a horrifying place it made me skittish like a sheep.

One of my sisters sheep had lambs and the lamb ended up being disowned by the mother. So my sister took the lamb in and we all gave it so much love and care. Hand feeding him and making him feel safe at all times. When I tell you this lamb grew up and became one of the greatest pet animals I've ever experienced. He's so social and loving, comes running up to you whenever possible, so vocal and playful! It's absolutely precious.

I could have been like that lamb if I was abused and traumatized from such a young age and just given the proper care and love. But instead of me being like that lamb, I was raised around literal WOLFS. A lamb raised by wolves is going to be absolutely traumatized and skiddish to the point of misery.

Well here I am. Being jealous of a fucking sheep that was given the proper love and now has more confidence than me lol. All we need is the fucking Love and Freedom that damn lamb got and we'd be fun loving lil social butterflies!

IF NOT THIS LIFE THAN THE NEXT YOU GUYS! Love you all

Something I keep hearing about is how this new age of kids aren't how they used to be. Right winged individuals love to say how we are all weak and strange nowadays because of the cell phones, or how we are all socially inept because we don't have to socialize as much and because of this we all have social anxiety.bthey always say they wish they could go back in the day when people were face to face socializing. They act as though social anxiety is just now a common thing and it's specifically from technology.

But from what I'm able to see social anxiety has always been a thing. I have 2 uncles that have terrible social anxiety. I have a 63 year old neighbor who deals with it and have met countless individuals who struggle with social anxiety. I will admit nowadays there is way less stigma when it comes to social anxiety, especially because back in the day you'd get your ass whooped or yelled at if you said you have social anxiety and can't get a job. But that doesn't mean social anxiety is a new thing at all. This is a mental illness that has no roots in social media. It's trauma based not technology based. If you were bullied or ridiculed by society at a young age, you will most likely struggle with social anxiety.

I'm a 26M I'm the "black sheep" and I come from a house hold of overachieving extroverts. I'm currently unemployed, living off the government on a low income housing voucher. I Live off of EBT and get Support with paying my rent from my older sisters. I have little to no friends, and the friends I do have I only text them and may see them if they visit for an hour or so but it's been a couple of months. I struggle with horrendous fears around socializing and lots of shame for being afraid of talking to woman. The amount of shame I carry around fear of talking to woman is so embarrassing, and I've been bullied for this problem by my father and both of my brother in laws.

My one sister is 28 years old, she's a realtor and has her own team under her, she owns 4 houses including our childhood home and rents it out to some of her friends. She's making around 600,000$ a year and has thousands of followers on her social media, hundreds of friends and is basically a home town hero. She just got married and I went to her wedding that had around 180 people there. I drank the entire time just to survive. She's one of the most confident outgoing individuals I've ever seen.

My oldest sister is 32. She's a police officer in Sunnyvale Ca which is the 3rd highest paid department in the world. She trains officers to be motorcyclist and owns a 1.4 mil property with a ranch and 300+ acres in Maine. She's one of the most fearless people I've ever seen and she dominates most social interactions.

It's mind blowing how I turned out. I have so much shame and fear to where I struggle to leave my studio and can barley go to the grocery store on fears of having to talk to the pretty checkout girls. My life has been ransacked by fear and social awkwardness to the point of where I'm almost completely reclusive. My life is lived in shame.

Is porn addiction a thing here?

So this one is very personal, but I remember being exposed to porn at a very young age, of about 9 years old. I remember I would do it pretty constantly around 1-2 times a day for awhile. It's one of them things that I've been doing since recently. I've been trying to quit it completely. I do know it has a shame effect to it especially when I'm afraid to speak to attractive woman especially that are my age. But then I go and wank off to some super models and play fantasy with them In my head.

But I do believe this has had a profound impact on my social skills and anxiety. How many of you would say you were exposed to corn at a young age? Is that how you fulfill your sexual desires ?