u/Extra-Classroom-7640

Does anyone else feel like they possess both narcissistic personality disorder and avoidant personality disorder?

It feels like the two cannot coexist. But when I genuinely reflect on myself, I think that I:

- Hold a “cool” professional job (involves tv/film - at a high level)
- Engage in liberal, progressive ideologies that I believe help humanity
- Respect many types/varieties of art, music, comedy, etc.
- Deeply care about important social and environmental issues (my dad has worked for an environmental company his entire career and I’ve been extremely environmentally conscious since I was very young)
- Did exceptionally well academically
- Am above average in appearance (based on feedback/comments throughout life)

But I also:
- Was basically a mute elementary through high school out of fear of saying something stupid (I didn’t have and still don’t have any good social skills!!!)
- Had 3 OK friends in elementary school who I disconnected with when they became more social and didn’t understand my hesitance to do the same.
- l Only had 2 best friends in college and only 1 of those now that I feel like I can truly trust with anything I bring to them
- Lost the loml (dated for 4 yrs) because I felt he could do better than me (felt like he was a superhuman who deserved better - he was an INSANELY gracious, attractive, smart, social, happy human who DID deserve more than me)
- Generally feel like I am the absolute scum of the earth regardless of how good of a person outsiders perceive me to be and how well I succeed in life

So yeah.. anyone feel the same? Haha

TLDR: Has anyone felt they are the absolute scum of the Earth and do not deserve anything good in this life, but also recognize they might have some good or interesting characteristics?

I used to be able to label individual clips a different color. Now when I try to label one singular clip/shot, it changes the color of every single clip with the same source name as that one clip/shot. Is there a setting I need to fix?

Awhile back I was apart of a mistake that cost my company crazy money and trust from one of our biggest clients. I made a decision based on what one person told me to do, when I really should have listened to another person who has a bit more authority (I didn’t really know that at that time). I felt extremely bad, but my managers were understanding and said we just need to make sure to do x, y, and z going forward.

Well, I’ve put myself in the same situation again (years later). Nothing has happened yet, but based on recent emails, I know big consequences are coming. Worst thing is my higher ups do not realize. I really do not have an excuse for this one. I simply made a poor choice. In the moment I thought “Just do it, it’ll be ok probably.” But a little time has passed and I can’t believe I made the decision I did. It’s making me so sick and I can’t sleep.

I will be flagging this and seeing if anything can be done before all hell breaks loose, but I’m 99% sure it’s f’d.

Anyway, if anyone has any stories of MAJORLY messing up the same thing twice and surviving, I’d love to hear. Or just stories of messing up so I can feel a little better.